Disclaimer : I don't own it.
Note : I've seen this idea done before, under a different category. Some of the puns might even be a lot like the ones done on that category (I don't own them, I also don't remember the puns used, so...) This just seemed like a funny idea. It's also not one of my best, but I thought it was a little cute.
Summary : While combating Decepticons, including Ravage, Sunstreaker takes a claw to the aft. Poor guy just can't seem to avoid the horrible puns that follow.
"Watch your back! Watch your back!"
Turning, Sunstreaker shot a glare at Sideswipe, who kept watching the wrong enemies. Suddenly, the glare turned into a horrified look, as he saw the familiar form of Blackout closing in on the silver and black form of his unsuspecting brother. Raising his blades, he threw one with deadly accuracy, just managing to miss Sideswipe as he impaled Blackout through the chest, just left of his spark.
Sideswipe blinked a moment. "You actually aimed for me?!" His look turned smug. "Haha, but you missed!"
Glaring at him, Sunstreaker folded his arms over his chest, his own battle momentarily forgotten as he snipped back. "No, I didn't." Pointing to Blackout's writhing body, he smirked at his twin's surprised look. "And Sides? Watch your back, not mine!" Turning, he just barely managed to duck a swipe taken by Starscream, before lashing out with his remaining blade and catching the seeker across the chest.
"Enough, you two!" Optimus called, ducking a swing from Destructor, before dealing a rather crippling blow to the large Decepticon. "Focus!"
Starscream stumbled back and glared at the Autobots before hissing a little. Turning, he took another swipe at the closest twin, almost desperate in his aim to do some damage. He just barely clipped Sunstreaker's armor, just enough to leave a tiny scratch.
Yet Sunstreaker reacted as though his main energon line had been cut. Screeching loudly, he clutched at the 'injured' area and glared at the 'Con. "You slagging son-of-a-glitch!" He ran forward, propelling himself into the seeker, and slashing wildly. "You damaged my paint job!" Slash! "Do you have any-" Scratch! "-fragging idea how hard it was-" Punch! "-to get it to that perfect shade?!" Slash! Bam! Crash!!
Staggering backwards, Starscream had to shake his head to clear his processors. He blinked at the twin, who still seemed to be in full offlining mode, and took a hasty step back. Whoa, he's scarier than Megatron like this! His wide optics blinked a moment, then he took in that his other comrades were not doing so well. Blackout was almost completely offline, and the silver and black twin seemed to be enjoying literally twisting the blade in his chest.
Destructor's legs had been forcefully removed, but he was still crawling forward, not yet ready to quit, and the others were all registering in with serious injuries. Shaking his head again, Screamer ducked under a wild punch thrown by the golden yellow twin, and sped backwards. Slag it all! "Decepticons, retreat!"
Ravage, who had been taking pot shots at the Autobots from the relative safety of large earth buildings suddenly launched out. He ran up behind Sunstreaker, and decided to deliver one last blow before taking off with the others, lashing out with his claws. All the Decepticons got a snicker out of the Autobot who suddenly learned to fly, before transforming and taking off as fast as they could.
Now Sunstreaker, having not expected the sneak attack, was practically punted across the field. He flew into another building with a wailing scream that vaguely reminded people of a siren. Then he laid there, aware of a burning sensation running up from a particular area on his lower back. He felt his optics widen in horror and groaned a hiss when he realized where the injury was.
Ratchet was at his side in seconds, and after examining the damage, busted up laughing. "H-Hold still, Sunstreaker." It took the medibot a moment to control his laughter, but for the occasional snicker. "You've...sustained a little...damage..."
Ironhide snickered as he walked over, sporting a small wound on his side. "A little damage to the rear compartment, I see."
"We should return to the base." Optimus' voice was amused, but he at least seemed to be trying to hide it. "Ironhide, you'll have to carry Sunstreaker so he's not left behind."
A loud chorus of laughter reached his audio receptors, and turning his head to glare at his leader, Sunstreaker found himself surprised to see the genuinely confused look on Optimus' face plates.
"You're right." Sideswipe sniggered. "We don't want to leave him behind. We'll never hear the end of it." He laughed loudly when Optimus' optics widened and his battle mask abruptly slid over his face, before the giant mech turned shaking shoulders away.
There were even more snickers and laughter as the other Autobots walked over, and Sunstreaker groaned again, struggling to bury his face in the debris below him. "Oh come on, not now!" He groaned. "Leave an injured Autobot alone!"
"Does that even count as an injury?" The question was quiet, and no doubt meant for him not to hear, but he heard it.
"I'd sure as hell say so!" He snapped. "Come over here and let me rip your aft to scraps and we'll see if you're laughing then."
Another laugh. "Come on, Sunstreaker. We need to get you back to the base, where I can fix this properly."
"Ohhhhh, no! You're not going anywhere near my aft with those hands!" Sunstreaker was on his feet, hissing in pain, before anyone could blink. "You don't think I know how badly you'd love a chance to weld me to something?!"
"Don't be such a pain in the aft." Ratchet's optics had narrowed in annoyance, but as those words slipped out, they widened and he slapped a hand over his mouth. It did little to muffer the laughter, however.
"Har. Har. Har. Very funny."
"Gee, Sunny, you should really learn just to turn the other cheek." Mikaela piped up from Bumblebee's shoulder, having come out of hiding since the battle was over. Sam leaned against her and snickered quietly, shaking his head and wiping his tears of laughter from his face. "You know, considering you're injured, maybe you should... I dunno... Take the rear?"
Humans and Autobots alike began snickering at the puns, and Sunstreaker cycled his vents loudly.
"Sure, have fun at my expense. Just get it all over with." Looking over at his arm, his optics widened. "My paint!!"
"He's worried about tha paint on 'is arm, of course." Jazz's optics narrowed dryly. 'At least he didn't see the paint job on his aft.' Of course, that message was sent to everyone but Sunstreaker, and more laughter followed. "Don' worry, Sunny. I'm behind ya all tha way!" He held up his claw in the equivalent of a thumbs up gesture. "Tha rest'a them can all jus' butt out."
A low growl echoed through the area. "Why are you all making fun of me?! I'm injured here!"
Because it's funny and not a life-threatening injury. Optimus thought, rolling his optics. "We're not, Sunstreaker. You really should know better than to jump to assumptions." He smirked at the loud groan Sunstreaker gave, and then winced when the yellow twin collapsed onto his injured aft, only to jump back up with a screech that would do femmes proud. "Ouch." That had to hurt.
In fact, everyone winced, as Sunstreaker switched to Cybertronian and began cursing up a storm. He cursed Starscream and Ravage, before cursing Megatron for being stupid enough to keep them around, and then cursing The Fallen for being stupid enough to keep Megatron around.
"I've heard of tearing someone a new hole, but I never thought I'd live to see the day it'd actually happen." Will mock whispered to Ironhide, sending the weapons specialist into hysterical laughter. "Remind me to never piss Ravage off."
Sunstreaker's cooling jets switched on in both anger and embarrassment, and he studiously remained quiet, arms folded over his chest.
Finally taking some sort of pity on him, Ratchet cycled his vents, before clearing his throat and catching everyone's attention. "Alright everyone. That's enough. The injury doesn't look that bad, but there are vital components that need to be checked, and I can only do that at the base." Stalking off ahead, he suddenly stopped and turned back. "But remember, he takes the rear." Turning, he transformed and drove off, swerving from his laughter.
Several other Autobots were also seen transforming and taking off like bats out of hell, and there was more cursing before Ironhide, grumbling, managed to get Sunstreaker situated in his bed in a way that, whenever he hit a pot hole, wouldn't cause the yellow 'bot to shoot out of him and scream in agony.
(Two Years Later)
Needless to say, Sunstreaker never did live that down. To this day he's known as the 'bot who literally got torn a new hole.
Hope you like it.