Author's Note: This is Edwards POV in New Moon (chapter Volterra).
This is my first fan fiction, so I would really appreciate your reviews whether they are positive or negative.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Saga, that belongs to the wonderful Stephenie Meyer.
The voices that usually babbled like the gush of a river inside my head were silenced. I had no space for the thoughts of others today, I was consumed by my own thoughts.
Consumed. Overwhelmed. Tortured. By my own thoughts.
The same face repeated in those thoughts from every angle possible. The heart-shaped face of my Bella.
Bella. The purpose of my existence. My fragile human girl with her wide chocolate-brown eyes—deep as the ocean—set in a heart-shaped face, her translucent skin so defenceless.
My breathe caught in my throat and once again I felt as though I were choking painfully. Yet I welcomed this, welcomed any form of suffering, I deserved to suffer.
Bella did not. Bella should not have suffered. Bella should not have died.
A world without Bella was like a sky without stars—dark, empty and very meaningless. My existence the last few months had felt meaningless without Bella by my side. Now my existence was meaningless.
Now more than ever I wished Carlisle's beliefs correct. That soon I would be with my Bella. That I could spend eternity honouring her forgiveness. I was an immensely selfish creature for wishing this so… yet I could not help myself.
My selfishness had a lot to answer to. The fate of Bella Swan was down to my selfishness. If only I had stayed away from her right from the start…
No. If only I had stayed with her…
My mind argued right and wrong again. So many books—so many decades of acquiring knowledge—yet I was still unknowing of the concept of right and wrong—when it came to Bella and I.
Not wanting this debate to consume my final thoughts of existence I allowed myself to remember my time with Bella. Up until this moment I had tried to avoid such thoughts.
But my end was coming and I wanted to cherish these memories before I cessed to exist. My body became even more ridged with the overwhelming shock—as my dead frozen heart felt as though it was about to beat again—at the memory of hearing Bella first speak my name in her sleep. This was the moment when my world changed. when I finally felt my existence had a meaning. Had a purpose.
My eyes shut tightly as the memories of Bella and I, after that life changing moment flood through my mind.
In our meadow… Our first kiss… Our second kiss…
I was drowning in my memories. I was never going to surface from them and this pleased me immensely.
Impossible as it was I felt as though I were truly dreaming. I felt all the muscles in my body relax as the clock tolled its final bell and I took my final stride towards the light.
Author's Note: Obviously this isn't the end of the chapter. So let me know if you think I should continue writing it.