Author's note- Oh, my god; I cannot believe I have made it this far. It's a strange feeling when you end a story-and you really want it to be as good as the rest of the chapter-but you want it to be different at the same time. You want to leave an everlasting impression on the viewers, and you also want to feel like you did well with the story. I like to think, from all the reviews and favorites story alerts and just plain story alerts, that I did a good job with this story. I hope that even once this story is a year old or something, that it will still have you guys looking through it and helping you all become inspired in some way. Nothing means more to me than that, it really is a wonderful thing to hear that I've inspired someone to write a new story or update theirs. And so, I want to thanks all of you-everyone who read this story- whether you reviewed it or not-for just clicking on it and giving it a try. I know Xemnas really isn't one for…baby holding-but I think we can all agree now, after everything I wrote…that it's kinds funny and he deserves it. And so, as I can assume you are all pissing through this paragraph, I want to tell you once more, thank you, and get the hell out of here…no wait…go on and read the story…yeah…that's it.
Screw the disclaimer, let's get this show on the road.
Re-read chapter 14...it got changed. I added pages to it.
Family Part Two-And it Will Begin Anew
"You still love him," Zexion asked carefully, his eyes down to the floor as he tried to make himself as comfortable as possible. It was difficult to say the least, the density in the room made it impossible for one to get too comfortable. Why did he ask Luxord to leave, oh what was he thinking when he asked the Gambler to be on his way?
Saix stared off to the Illusionist, his yellow eyes full of worry and hesitation. He too did not feel very comfortable about this situation.
"I still care about him very much," Saix said, his eyes glowing faintly in the dark room that belonged to Zexion.
"Would it kill you to try to open up to Vixell," Zexion then asked. It was a bit of an immature statement, but he couldn't help but want to have something nice end for the two. "He's a real good kid, and I know-"
"I understand that," Saix said. He shook his head." But good or not, does it really matter if I would willing to let him in? I was never given a chance to like him, and all I know is that he took Xemnas away from me…"
"Xemnas did that himself," Zexion said, "and you let him…you can't blame a toddler for your own actions."
"And I doubt Xemnas would even let me near the child," Saix said disdainfully. "After all the harm I've led to, all the pain, he would be stupid to let me close to Vixell!"
"Would you want to be close to Vixell," Zexion asked.
Saix was silent.
"Would you be willing to give him a try," Zexion asked again.
Saix sighed and shook his head, "even if none of this ever happened, I doubt I would be open to the idea of Xemnas holding and bearing me a child."
"But would you be willing to give it a shot," Zexion asked.
Saix frowned. Was he being forced into this? He wasn't even quite sure anymore. He wanted to be with Xemnas, but Xemnas loved the child. In order to be with Xemnas, he would have to accept the child into his life. The child…Vixell.
"He looks a lot like you," Zexion said, "almost a smaller version…"
Saix looked up and stared at Zexion quietly.
"He's really quiet and likes to be left alone…," Zexion smiled," but he has quite the temper when he's annoyed."
"Is that supposed to be a remark about my attitude," Saix asked.
"It's a compliment," Zexion said.
"Don't see how since he is not my child…he's Xemnas'," Saix said. "Just…Xemnas'"
"He still has your blood," Zexion stated, "your blood…the blood that saved his life…the blood that will keep him forever connected to you in some way."
"But that's all," Saix said, "and that's all it will ever be…"
"Unless you try to make it more," Zexion said. "You have the option of becoming a valuable member in his life…"
"I don't see how," Saix said.
"So you would be willing?"
"Willing to do what?"
"Let him into your life…"
"I never said that," Saix said.
"Ah, but you did." Zexion smirked. "You did without even knowing it…why lament over it if you did not care?"
"I want only to be respected in Xemnas' eyes," Saix said.
"To say the least," Zexion corrected, "but in actual-reality, you want much more."
"What do I want," Saix asked the illusionist, "if you think you know me so well, tell me; what is it that I so desperately need?"
Zexion rolled his eyes, not taking the sarcasm too lightly. But he answered anyway, deciding to be the more mature and let it go, "you want him to love you…simple as that."
Saix was silent.
"He loved Vixell before loving you, and you can't stand it," Zexion said, "that's why you attacked him and that's why you hated Vixell for the longest time."
"He gave the thing you wanted to teach him, the most important thing that we crave for; he gave it to an unborn infant…and it killed you because he learned to love from this infant…"
"But you should know, that if it were not for you," Zexion then added ," he would never have learned to love…it was the child that the two of you made, together, that's what helped him learn." Zexion's fingers intertwined with the other, "you helped him…"
Saix couldn't help but feel warmth within that comment. He knew it couldn't possibly be true, Zexion must be trying to make him feel better, but it worked out. That's all he ever wanted; to hear those wonderful words leave his Superior's lips. He had heard them…right before he was bout to commit a heinous act against him…he didn't want it that way…
"I'm being honest," Zexion said.
"Sure you are," Saix said sarcastically, though his voice held just a bit of hurt within it.
"The child taught him love," Zexion said, "but without you there would be no Vixell…"
"You want to speak with Xemnas," Zexion asked.
Saix couldn't help but crumble just a little. He felt confidence dying within him as he tried to nod his head. He wanted to believe that he taught Xemnas that he loved and could love, but it was hard to believe after everything he had done to him.
"Yes," Saix answered.
"How much would you be willing to prove your love to him," Zexion asked. But before he gave Saix time to answer, he then added, "him and Vixell?"
Saix was silent for a long time. Zexion was patient, understanding that this was a serious question and that it would take time to answer, though he didn't have all day. He watched Saix mull it over, thinking hard on the answer. He knew Saix was still very unsure about Vixell, and he knew Xemnas would be the same when the time came. But he knew nothing was possible, if the pregnancy taught him anything it was that right there.
Saix looked to Zexion.
"Well," Zexion asked.
"I'll…," Saix said cautiously, but then added confidence soon filled his voice, "I'll do whatever he deems necessary…"
"I'm glad you said that," Zexion said.
It was relatively quiet when the sounds of arguing filled the hallways, causing Xemnas to nearly jump out of his seat in surprise. He had been working in absolute silence, without sound or anything-and to have such ruckus outside of his office was not only insulting, but a huge shocker for the nobody. But he soon recognized the swears and vulgarity to belong to Xigbar, and at that moment he found reason to remove himself from his current position and find out the cause to this annoyance. It was still rather early in the morning, and there was no reason for Xigbar to be raising hell at this time.
Xemnas didn't go far in his stride to open one of the double doors, as Xigbar took the liberty of barging in at that moment.
"Number II-" But Xemnas was cut short.
"Dude, do you have any idea what Zexion just asked me," Xigbar said in a very upset tone. Xemnas could only stare at the upset sniper as he tried to figure out what could possibly go wrong today. Xigbar continued, "I mean, what the hell is the little emo thinking?"
Xemnas' mind went blank.
"Would you be willing to explain," he then asked Xigbar. Surely, whatever it was, it couldn't be that-
"He has Saix right behind him, and he's asking for you to talk to him," Xigbar then said, breaking the ice and fragility of the conversation.
Xemnas' eyes went wide with curiosity and shock, but mostly disturbance. He then remembered, suddenly out of parental instinct; that his son was down with another nobody, safe from harm and all that nonsense. He calmed a bit after this, but the subject at matter did not change the fact that Saix was asking to see him. And Zexion was supporting his cause, something that he did not see coming at all.
Xigbar saw Xemnas' very unsure reaction and then asked, "You want me to tell them to screw off or something?"
Xemnas was unsure as to what to say. He really didn't want to talk to Saix, not after all the pain he had been through, and yet he wanted to see him so badly. Saix came back to him, after months of waiting; his berserker had finally come back. But for what purpose? Was this to be a peaceful conversation-or was it to end violently. Xemnas could very well protect himself, but he would rather not have to fight Saix again.
"Bring him in," Xemnas said, his voice just a little shaky.
Xigbar's eye widened.
"What," he said, "dude, you can not be serious?"
"Bring him in," Xemnas said in a more demanding tone.
Xigbar frowned, not all too sure what to do at this point. This was the last thing he expected Xemnas to do. He looked at his superior's serious face and shrugged, assuming that must be some sort of reason to this. And so, with a lot of hesitation in his movement, he walked over to the door and let the two nobodies in.
Xemnas stared solemnly at the two nobodies as he watched them enter his office, he could see both Zexion and Saix were already nervous about the matter. He felt the same. Why had Saix come to see him, after three months of avoiding contact? Not, not avoidance…he couldn't possibly get near him.
Xemnas stared at Saix, noticing that the berserker was doing all that he could to keep his eyes away from Xemnas'. He looked a bit to the ground; his form a bit slouched in fear, unsure of what Xemnas may possibly do to him once this was over…or if it were to begin in the first place.
But Xemnas spoke, "Number VI?"
Zexion looked to his Superior, not all too nervous, but still a bit uneased. "Yes?"
"Please explain yourself," Xemnas asked carefully, his eyes darting to Saix while he did.
Zexion bit his lower lip, the nerve finally getting to him. He closed his eyes as he explained to his Superior, trying to sound as professional as he possibly could. "I'm here to ask for permission for Saix to speak…"
Xemnas was silent.
"I think…he deserves to explain himself after everything that had happened," Zexion then concluded.
Saix kept his face to the floor. Xemnas still remained silent, though there seemed to be a bit of disturbance in his expression.
"You told him how you felt about the pregnancy," Zexion said, "but he never really got to tell you how he felt. I think-"
"-No," Xemnas said, his hand up to Zexion, "I understand completely." He glanced to Saix. "You wish to talk to me?"
Saix looked to his superior and nodded his head.
"I do," he said.
Xemnas nodded back, and he turned to Zexion. He didn't have to say a word, and the illusionist was already on his way. Zexion walked over to the opened door, Xigbar leaning not too far. Zexion turned and stared at the two silent nobodies; Saix still looking rather uncomfortable, and Xemnas looking as if he were unsure about what to do or say. He looked to Xigbar, who glared intensively at Saix, and somehow managed to drag him out of the room along with him.
The two were alone, or as alone as they could get. The doors were left open, and both were sure someone was carefully listening on. There was no way Saix was going to be granted complete privacy, but it was better than nothing. Xemnas had been more than willing to listen to him, and he was promised some time a lot with him…he could at least explain himself, if nothing more.
Xemnas stared at Saix.
"Number VII," Xemnas asked, his eyes then immediately looking away from the other. He really didn't want to be the one to initiate the conversation, though he wanted nothing more than to talk with Saix, and he felt strange being left alone with him. He was nervous, afraid, excited, and so much more.
"Lord Xemnas," Saix said in his stoic tone, or as stoic as he could get it. He looked to his Superior and took a deep breath. "I…"
Xemnas looked back at Saix, his amber eyes catching yellow for the first time in such a long time.
"I wanted to say that I'm very sorry for the acts I've committed against you," Saix said, looking rather ashamed of himself as he did. "There was no excuse for the terrible things I've done to you that night-and there was anyway-"
-wasn't he supposed to be explaining himself?
Xemnas frowned as he watched Saix try to redeem himself. He could feel guilt build in his chest as he watched Saix belittle himself as he tried to, as he always did, make him appear as the martyr in the situation.
"I hope you could see it in yourself to someday forgive me," Saix concluded.
Xemnas was speechless.
Was Saix incapable of defending himself properly when the time came to call upon it?
Xemnas frowned. Saix was trying to make himself the bad guy. Yes, in a way he was redeeming himself-but he was still making his own situation worse. He wanted to be forgive…but how could he when he had yet to explain himself? Xemnas felt the guilt grow even more. He never really had the opportunity to even try…and maybe it was because of him that Saix didn't try.
Maybe he should be forgiving Saix, before having Saix forgive him. To assume Saix wanted the child, hated the child; it was all a selfish presumption. He at least deserved the benefit of the doubt, even after what had happened.
"Saix," Xemnas said finally. Saix looked to Xemnas in surprise, not too sure how to react to having his name being called out.
"Yes," he asked, a bit unsure about what to add one. He didn't seem all too comfortable with calling Xemnas by his name.
"What…," Xemnas trialed off. He sighed as he tried to desperately find the right words to say to his subordinate. "Number VI said you had something you wished to explain to me…."
"…" Saix seemed to be even more uncomfortable.
"…you can tell me your opinion," Xemnas said in the most reassuring tone he could muster up. "I'll listen…and I'll try my best not to interrupt."
Saix stared at Xemnas with a distrusting look, wondering if he should in fact say something, or just keep his mouth shut. He did ask to talk to Xemnas, to explain his side of the story, but so far he only managed to make himself look more like a villain than before.
"I think…,"Saix said, his voice quickly trailing off. He stared nervously at Xemnas, and with a deep breath, he then continued, "I think…you were being very presumptuous about my…feelings to this whole situation…"
Xemnas' eyes widened for a moment, but he only nodded his head, refusing to break what he had promised Saix.
Saix continued, still feeling very unsure about what to say. "You also…never told me…when you first found out…you should have at least told me…"
Saix stared at his Superior, the feeling of unsure slowly diminishing within him. He had said it, just barely. But he had still said what he had wanted to say. He saw his leader patiently listening to him, still silent as ever. Saix really didn't want to upset him, but he pressed forward.
"You kept it a secret," Saix said, "you didn't tell me and when you finally did, you made the assumption that I would instantly take side with you. You never asked me how I felt about this whole situation, you never gave me a chance to catch up, and yet…you expected me to fall and care for the child once you changed your mind?"
He was beginning to sound rather selfish. Still, Xemnas simply stood there, his face seeming to look a bit disturbed, but it didn't stop Saix from going on. He was finally getting what he wanted, and he would not let Xemnas stop him now. Not now.
"How do you expect me to simply change sides when you barely gave me time to pick one in the first place," he asked, his voice dark in anger His finger pointed right to Xemnas, causing the Superior to flinch just a bit. "How do you expect me to love something that caused you nothing but misery? How am I supposed to explain myself now…when all I can think of is all the horrible things I've committed against you?"
Saix sighed and let his hand down, already exhausted with himself.
"…is this where I retort," Xemnas muttered quietly.
Saix looked to his Superior in surprise.
"What," he asked.
"Is this where I place question to everything I've just heard from you," Xemnas asked. "You act like I never gave you a chance to speak up; you could have said something whenever you pleased…"
"That's not true," Saix said. "You think I could have, but you forget my place in this castle."
"How so, "Xemnas asked.
"I'm second in command," Saix said, "I agree with you, support you, do anything that needs to be done, I assign missions….I've basically done nothing but worked for you."
Xemnas remained silent.
"How do you expect me to disagree with you when I'm expected to only agree with you?" Saix frowned, "you think I had the chance…but I never did…I never did have a chance."
"You could have-"
"No," Saix said, interrupting his leader, "I never could have…otherwise, what would you say? I've never wronged you-and you always would expect me to side with you." Saix took a step closer to Xemnas. "Tell me, Xemnas; what would you have done if I had told you to get rid of it once you decided otherwise?"
"Can you answer that," Saix asked, "if you learned to love it, you would expect me to do the same….but what if I had told you to get rid of it?"
Xemnas shook his head.
"You see, you can't answer it," Saix said, shaking his head in dismay. "You can't possibly imagine me saying otherwise...so I kept silent."
Xemnas sighed, leaning against the wall as he tried to come up with something to say. Saix didn't want Vixell in his life, and if the past actions were not clear enough, everything else that was being spoken only added on to it all. He glanced to Saix who was silently staring back at him. He knew he didn't need Saix to take care of Vixell, and to only have him be forced to would result in more collateral damage.
But was what Saix said to be the only truth? What would he have done if Saix said to get rid of the child? Would he have obliged to do so, or would he have fought back and kept his child anyways? He learned to love his child…he would have kept it in the end…and what of Saix? Well, if Saix didn't want it…then Saix would not have him. Simple as that, and yet he still couldn't find it in him to accept it. Yes, he would want Saix to take the child and love it. He wanted Saix to see Vixell and smile when he saw him and everything he did. He wanted nothing more than to have Saix not only love him, but their child as well. But…it was true to the extent of assumption. He did expect Saix to side with him….and it was only natural Saix did what was expected of him. So even if he did say something from the beginning, was it only natural that it end up in misery? Or would the outcome be different, and for better or for worse?
"What if I did tell you in the beginning," Xemnas suddenly asked.
Saix frowned at Xemnas, already not taking the question seriously.
"If I told you right from the beginning, "Xemnas said, "Would you tell me to keep it or get rid of it?"
"What does that have to do with anything," Saix asked.
"It has to do with everything," Xemnas answered. He felt his empty soul sting in anticipation. He would do anything to hear Saix say he would give his son a chance. He could live without Saix, but he wanted nothing more than to have him again.
Xemnas began to worry.
"I…I would…," Saix looked down, "I would advise you to remove the child as soon as possible."
"Why," Xemnas asked. He couldn't help but want to know what was wrong.
"It's not that I would be upset," Saix said, "merely, something like this is not supposed to happen…so I would want to make sure you were safe from any problems in the near future."
Not a good enough answer. Surely there was a brighter side to this?
"What if you were the one who had gotten pregnant," Xemnas then asked. "What would you have done?"
Saix looked up and stared at his Superior with a mixture of confusion and spite.
"I'm serious," Xemnas asked.
"….I think that question answers itself," Saix said. "Considering what you intended to do with the child from the beginning…I think it would be obvious that, since I never had a say in the pregnancy to begin with, that it would be the same…only with a much different ending."
"I doubt you would change your mind at the last second," Saix answered flatly.
Xemnas was taken aback.
"Don't be so surprised," Saix answered, "You barely changed your mind at the last minute, and I can assume it was changed to do hormones or something biological."
"And you think I wouldn't change my mind since you would be the one holding the child, and not me," Xemnas questioned.
"Exactly," Saix said.
"And what would you feel about this," Xemnas asked. He knew he was only burying himself deeper into disappointment, but he still tried to hope fro a somewhat decent answer…
"I doubt I would want top have the child to begin with…but even if I did, I doubt I would have much of a say since you make assumptions," Saix answered. "I'm sorry Xemnas…but not everything is meant to work out the way we want it to."
He wasn't getting anywhere with this.
There was no point in trying to redeem the one thing he wanted most. Xemnas was simply going to have to accept the fact that Saix would not raise the child with him. Saix didn't love Vixell. He would be forced to love him either. He didn't care for this situation, and he never did to begin with…
And yet he still loved Saix.
He still loved the Berserker despite him being cruel and cold to him. He loved him despite realizing that everything he thought was not true. He loved him, even after every little horrible thing that had happened since this whole situation began with. Yes, Saix would not love Vixell, but to continue to have the other members treat him the way he was being treated was wrong. There was nothing wrong with not liking another member…even if it was his child. He would let Saix go…even if he didn't want it that way, he would let him go. It would be the right thing for him to do.
"I understand," Xemnas said, upset at his huge loss.
Saix nodded his head.
"I'll set up a meeting between superior to make sure you're no longer mistreated," Xemnas said, his voice full of obvious disappointment. Saix did himself the favor of pretending not to notice. "I'll make sure your schedule goes back to what it once was as well…"
"…will I gain my power as second in command again," Saix asked.
Xemnas nodded his head.
"Very well," Saix said.
"Is there anything else you need to be done," Xemnas asked.
Saix looked quietly to his Superior. He shook his head. "That is everything."
"I see," Xemnas said, "Well then….you may now leave… Number VII."
Xemnas watched Saix turn around and walk off, ever so slowly heading out the doors where Xigbar and Zexion were most likely waiting behind. He felt a deep pain within him, utterly disappointed at the fact that Saix had felt nothing all this time. I t was one thing to realize it, another to hear it from Saix himself. It killed him to know Saix had nothing in him, nothing that made him feel close to his child…and yet here he was, still in love with Saix despite all of this. Was love really that complicated and cruel? It bothered him. How could Saix lie to him, hurt him, save his life…only to do this to him?
"Number VII," Xemnas said, taking a step forward. Saix turned around and stared at his Superior, waiting to hear what had to be said.
"Why…why did you save both of us," Xemnas asked.
"What," Saix asked.
"You didn't have to do that," Xemnas said, "I knew the circumstances, you didn't have to try to save both of us, and yet you did. Why?"
"It was the right thing to do," Saix answered, "Simple as that. I wanted to relinquish myself from what was done to you-and so I decided to save both of you."
"Is that all," Xemnas asked," is that the only reason you decide to do that? You could easily just let me live…and you wouldn't have had to deal with him ever again…"
"You saved both of us, Saix," Xemnas said, his throat tightening just a bit, "you didn't have to, but you did. Maybe not for all the right reasons…but you did it."
"You didn't have to even show up," Xemnas said, "you could have minded your own business…"
"…it was my business," Saix said, "…don't you dare call it yours…"
"Why," Xemnas asked.
"Why Saix," Xemnas asked desperately, "why would you do something like that? You've only tried to distant yourself from him…and you even tried to kill him, so why save him?"
"…I," Saix muttered. "…I…"
"Why," Xemnas asked again.
"I…I didn't…want to lose you," Saix answered. He frowned and walked closer to the door, he grabbed for the knob.
"Lose me," Xemnas muttered.
Saix nodded his head. He began to turn the knob, but Xemnas hurried over and grabbed him, pulling him away from the door. Xemnas stared nervously at Saix, the berserker doing the same.
"Stay, "Xemnas said.
"What," Saix asked.
"I need you to stay…just for a little longer," Xemnas asked.
"But why," Saix asked, "there is nothing keeping us together, there is no way anything could work out after everything that has happened…"
"…I don't want to believe that," Xemnas said, shaking his head slowly. "Even though we don't deserve it…I want something decent to end from all of this…."
"What do you want," Saix asked suddenly.
"…you," Xemnas answered, "I want you, Saix."
Saix nodded his head.
"I love you," Xemnas said, his throat tightening even more. He could feel his chest grow heavy and weak. "And all I want is to have you back…"
"…Xemnas," Saix said, looking away from his Superior.
"I know you love me too," Xemnas said, "that's why you saved me and him…both of us. Because you love me…"
Saix sank, his head lowering ever so slightly.
"…and somewhere deep inside of you…you want to accept him as well," Xemnas added.
"I doubt that," he muttered. "After everything that has happened, I seriously have a hard time believing there is a want for love for the child."
"He has a name," Xemnas said, a hint of annoyance brimming in his voice.
"…Vixell," Saix said finally.
"He'll open up to you," Xemnas said.
"…That's not the point," Saix said finally. "I can't be with him for more than just the one reason…there are others." Saix sighed. "I can't just open up to him and things go back to the way they were."
"It's not that easy," Saix concluded.
"Why not," Xemnas asked.
"I…don't feel anything for him," Saix answered. "As far as I'm concerned; he took you away from me."
"And I'm willing to let you back in," Xemnas said, causing Saix's eyes to widen. "You can have me…you just have to open up to both of us."
Saix leaned against the white wall. He thought about what Zexion had told him. He had said there was a part of him that cared for the child…but where was this part now? True, without him the child would never be, and he had been told the child had taught Xemnas love. Would Xemnas have learned to love without the child? Would he still be trying to tech him? Saix bit his lip and closed his eyes. He wanted Xemnas back with him, but was he willing to open arms for someone he barely understood…barely felt anything for?
"…I want you," Saix said. "I want you back here with me…back to the way it once was…"
Xemnas nodded his head, trying to get closer to the Luna Diviner.
"…Zexion said there was a part of me that would take him in…," Saix continued, "…but I don't know where it is…"
"Saix…," Xemnas said.
"Xemnas," Saix said, looking sadly to his Superior, "…I love you….but I don't think I'll be able to give you everything you want."
Xemnas stopped in his tracks.
"I know there must have been a chance to open up for…Vixell, but that chance…," Saix said, his voice easily fading as he tried to choke out the words, "it…it's not like it's impossible…but it's…just so small."
"It's not zero," Xemnas said.
"…but I can't just give you your happily ever after," Saix said, looking rather upset at himself. "I'm sorry…but I can't give you what you desire most…me."
Xemnas felt a tear run down his face. So…this was it? He knew Saix loved him, and Saix knew he loved him back…but they weren't going to be together? Was this how it was supposed to end out for the both of them?
No…there had to be a way to pass through this. There needed to be more. Saix had said there was a small chance…small, but if he had learned anything the past year, it was that there was a chance for everything.
"…Isn't there anything that could help us," Xemnas asked. He let a gloved hand to Saix and lifted his face up to him, his eyes locked with yellow. "Is there anything I could give you to help you and I? To help us….our family?"
"…Family," Saix whispered.
Saix looked to his Superior. He wanted nothing more than for things to go back the way the once were, but he knew to wish for something like that would be a waste of breathe. Could he love Xemnas; yes. But could he love Vixell? Could he love the child? That's what it all got down to. And even if he could…how long would it be before everything terrible was finally cast aside. Would he ever be accepted as a father figure to everyone else…or would he be seen as simply trying to redeem himself by letting the child into his life? What was he to ask for…what could he ask for?
"Time," Saix asked. "I really need time to…think about it all."
Xemnas was silent.
"I'm not trying to run away," Saix said,"…but in the end, how could you ask me to simply hold and love the child?" Saix pulled away from Xemnas. "I know…it's possible, but it will not happen in one night…nor will it happen in a week…it may even take months."
Xemnas walked closer to Saix, determined to have him.
"But it can happen," he said.
"…It can happen," Saix said, "I'm not sure when…but I know it can..."
"It…will happen," Xemnas said, "you…me…"
Saix nodded his head.
"And Vixell," he added.
"…and Vixell," Saix answered, taking a step closer to his Superior.
It wasn't exactly how Xemnas pictured it. He would have to wait for Saix to come to him. Just like he did before, only it would be Saix who made the final decision. How long would it be before Saix found it right? How old would their son be when Saix decided it was time to enter his life? Was this really the right choice?
"…When will you come back," Xemnas asked.
"…I don't know," Saix answered quietly.
"Please," Xemnas asked," give me a date…a month…anything…"
Saix thought to himself, thinking hard as he tried to figure out a rational date. He took a deep breath and answered.
"Before he turns one…I'll have made my final decision," he said to his Superior.
Xemnas eyes widened. Vixell was already a little over three months. Did Saix know this? Still…it was a long time to wait.
But Xemnas nodded his head, accepting the closest thing to an answer he would get from this. He looked to his Luna Diviner and felt pain stinging him from within. It would be a long time for him to wait…but it was for the best. It would give him time to think as well, and time for everyone else in the castle that still looked upon these past several moths as either a good or bad thing.
"Alright, "he said, accepting Saix's final answer.
Saix looked to Xemnas, staring at saddened amber eyes. He could see tears threatening to fall, and he was sure if he stayed any longer he would end up doing the same.
Saix walked past his Superior, determined to free himself from this room. He could feel his empty chest ache with sadness and remorse, and yet he felt so free and happy. Xemnas was going to give him a second chance, something he longed for dearly. Xemnas also listened to his side, and he was going to right everything that had occurred in the past. He knew it wouldn't solve everything that had happened, but it was more than enough for him.
Saix felt a gloved hand hold on to his. He glanced over to Xemnas and stared stoically at him.
"Now is not the time," he said to Xemnas.
"I know," Xemnas said, pulling Saix over, "…but I want share it once more…before it ends."
Saix sighed, "It isn't really ending…"
"To an extent it is," he replied, pulling his Second in command closer to him. He wrapped his arms around the younger nobody. "And…I really would like to end it on a happy note."
Xemnas pressed his lips against Saix's, lightly grazing against the soft skin before committing to the much deeper kiss. Saix let his Superior in, taking in the bittersweet kiss before letting tears run down his face. His arms wrapped tightly around the older nobody, a part of him begging for this to never end and for everything to stay as it was at this very moment. Bit before too long, it was over, and the two pulled apart for what would be a very long time. Saix looked to Xemnas, who was surprisingly not crying, and caressing his face as he wiped away his tears. Saix blinked and let the final tear fall before walking away from his lover. Nothing was said as Xemnas let Saix go, and it wasn't until the door was opened and Saix was about to disappear was something finally said.
"Wait for me."
And he was gone.
Xemnas found it rather difficult to explain the situation to his fellow colleagues, especially since he wasn't expecting Saix to literally disappear from the world existence. But nevertheless, they were told what happened, and they in turn had to explain to everyone else what was going on.
And so Saix was gone.
It bothered him that Saix just straight out left, not bothering to leave that very important detail to him, but it was right in the end. He couldn't imagine Saix getting any real peace with everything that was going on in the castle.
Perhaps it was better that he be alone in another world, able to truly think for himself.
And it left a lot to wonder about what was going on during said time. Was he safe, what if something happened? Xemnas couldn't help but wander around these somewhat depressing thoughts, and it did make him nervous to think about the health of his dear Luna Diviner. But he had not choice but to assume the best, no matter what. And even still, there was having to wonder what decision he would come to…
And when he would come to it. He wanted Saix to arrive back as soon as possible, but then again…to hear an answer that was anything than from what he wanted…
But that was how life worked.
And he knew, no matter what, he would accept whatever Saix came to. Even if it mean they would no be together. He would learn to live that way…he had already done so before.
And before long…a month went by.
I can't help but wonder what would have happened if none of this had ever occurred. It seems like an obscure thought, but it really does make a difference in everything. We adapt and change as certain events pass us by, and something as significant as this thoroughly affected me in some way.
I look down and smile at him, his small figure curled up on my bed. He's getting bigger; you wouldn't think he was premature by looking at him.
His hair is a lot like yours. Messy…
That isn't to say that I dislike the texture or anything…though he doesn't seem to like getting it combed at all. And scissors will only make him cry and scream. He's hopeless in some cases.
His eyes are a wonder mixture of both you and me. I love the color so much, despite its obvious meaning.
He's beginning to show more and more of your many features.
I'm trying to teach him language. He doesn't seem to care much for it, but I know he's learning something as I talk to him.
He's opening up to many of the members now. He doesn't try to squirm away from everyone, and he's even opened up to a few more favorites. He still favors me over everyone lese though, but I guess that's to be expected.
You need to hurry, before he gets too old.
Before he stops letting everyone in his heart.
Vixell woke up, making a soft sound as he did. I look down and stare at him, wondering what had caused him to suddenly wake up form his sleep. He struggles a bit, trying to get off from his back without any help, which he doesn't like, and crawl over to me. He seems friskier than usual.
"What is it," I ask him. It's late, and he hardly ever wakes up during the middle of the night.
He looks at me and simply smiles, just happy to see me. Of course he gives me no answer in particular. Unless you count babbling a language.
I watch him successfully roll himself into position and crawl over to me. He lifts up his arms, trying to grab at me. I sigh and pick him up, letting him grab at my hair as I make an attempt to lull him back to sleep.
"It's rather late," I whisper as I walk over to his crib. "Don't you think you ought to be asleep?"
He continues to pull and giggles, making his noises as he takes pleasure in my annoyance. He really has a strong grip…
"If I give you a toy will you play with it alone," I ask him. I need to sleep too. It's getting late…maybe I should let him sleep with me? Maybe he just wants the attention? Besides, another toy destroyed will mean more munny down the drain. And considering how uppity he seems right now, I can bet he'll end up tearing the thing apart. I pass by the window and notice the huge amount of light beaming from it.
I look out and stare at the Dark City, surprised that I am capable of viewing it this late at night. I could see everything.
I look up and stare out at the moon. It's full and out, shining down on my lonely little world.
It's so close.
I look down to Vixell, the small child squirming in my arms as he tries to go for my face. I don't let him get that far.
"Look," I said, pointing to the moon. I manage to grab his attention and he looks to where I'm pointing. "You see that?"
"…?" Vixell looks out and his eyes widened and squint soon after. He's never seen it this close before.
"That's the moon," I whisper to him, smiling at his curiosity. It's really close tonight; I don't think I'll be getting much sleep.
His tiny little hand reaches out and makes an attempt to grab at it. He fails, but it doesn't seem to stop him. He goes for it again, trying to capture it in his small hands. He make s small sounds, upset that he can't get the giant heart shaped moon in his hands, but he doesn't give up.
I can't help but smile sadly…proudly.
He had no idea how it affects him.
He's a lot like you Saix.
Take your time.
I lean down and kiss Vixell on the head. He doesn't seem to take notice, his arms both out in frustration as he tries to grab for something that is miles out in the sky.
I think the two of you will get along just fine.
For what comes next.
Namine was more than thankful to have some colored pencils in her grasp. She could always count on Xion to help her out in a time of need. With these new tools, she could create much more detailed art. Something that she always looked forward too, mind you.
Namine stared at the wall of new pictures. She couldn't help but smiled at the wonderful fortunes that would soon befall the castle. She stared at the picture of a somewhat decent looking Xigbar, standing happily with a younger dirty blonde nobody-a small round little belly added to the figure. Demyx would make a wonderful parent-and she was sure the castles space bending superior would be well off too, considering all the things he had done for Xemnas. He would make for a good father. She looked over to the picture in the corner that had three blondes in it. Two older blondes, one with antennae and one without, and a small little one in the arms of the platinum blonde. She knew Luxord would be a good parent, but she was a bit worried about Larxene. She rubbed her cheek carefully as she recalled the Savage Nymphs attack on her. Only time would tell what would happen to those two. Hopefully the two could manage parenthood without bickering and what not…perhaps the relationship would end in a humorous note?
Namine walked over to her cupboard and pulled out a sketchbook. He walked back to her small table and began to flip through the many pages, looking for a blank page to work with. She stopped once she found the one she was looking for and smiled. She quickly began to work, her black colored pencil drawing a body. Then another, and then she grabbed for the brown and peach. There were the heads. Now for some silver and blue. She kept on adding and coloring, only stopping when everything looked fine and complete. There was her Saix and Xemnas, one standing next to the other, with just a little space between them. They were so far away from each other now, but with time they would be together again. Time could only tell when the two would meet eye to eye again, but she knew for a fact that this was not over yet. Not by a long shot. She pulled out her black again and began to work on the middle. Silver hair, and light skin-she added the second to the last member of the family to be. Vixell would have to get used to Saix. He would be a bit older by the time Saix came back, it wouldn't be easy for him to open up to this stranger, but she was sure the child would soon smile at his appearance the same way he did for Xemnas.
Saix and Xemnas and their son.
Namine smiled at the wonderful picture, it was almost perfect.
She grabbed for her black once more and eyes the picture carefully, only needing to add one more detail to the picture. She stared at Saix and smiled. He would have a lot of work to do, a lot of promises to make up for. It would be quite a journey for him to accomplish, but soon he would have everything he ever wanted, and even more.
But first things first.
She added some black to the abdomen.
So long, so long, so long; and thanks for all the reviews…
Ok, so obviously this ending isn't as happy as one would hope for. Yes, I know, I did that for a reason. It would be impossible for them to just fall right back in love with each other after all the horrible things that have happened. It takes time for things to heal, this is no different. For those who guessed right with the ending, congratulations. But this isn't to say that this is all how it ends. If you don't want to leave Xemnas waiting for Saix, fell free to beg and plead for more, I just might make something happen, though any sequel would not be out for a while. I have a long list of stories to finish, and although I do love this story, I find that it does need a bit of a break after everything that's gone on. I have the poll posted up, so fill free to give me your opinion on the matter.
But I can promise you, sequel or not, that things really do look up for them. Saix took the first step into proving his love for Xemnas, and he'll be willing to more. And you can bet Xemnas would be willing to do the same once they do meet each other again. So, you can beg for a sequel, or you can use your imagination and find yourself the ending you want for the two. I hope you enjoyed this series as much as I have, and I hope none of you are crying right now. This is a happy ending, considering everything that happened. Things will look for the two, I promise you that. I hope you all continue to read on and review me, give me your opinion and all that. And for those who already reviewed, just log out and all that. It's not hard…
P.S- As for Larxene and Luxord; it's a girl.