A/N: Hello! Are you still with me? Please stop and read or skip to the next chapter…up to you.
So I know I suck at keeping promises, which is why I rarely make them. I am, however, really great at keeping commitments. While I know it seems doubtful, I commit to finishing this story. I will update when I can, but life has a way of jumping up and biting me in the ass when I least expect it. Let me give you an example. My first day back to work after the holidays was the day after New Year's Day. I worked 12 – 16 hour days straight until the 10th of the month. I rested over the weekend because I felt beyond exhausted. The following week I still felt tired, and spent most of the time working from bed. I'd start my day out fine, and was rundown by noon. A friend finally convinced me to go to the doctor and I was diagnosed with an infection. I went to the dentist for a check-up a week later and ended up having a root canal a few days after. Fast forward to the beginning of February, I'm working my crazy schedule again, with follow-ups from my root canal and oral surgery scheduled roughly a week from now. See what I mean?
Anyway, thank you all for reading. To those that have been reviewing an extra thank special thanks, you're the reason I keep at this when all I really want to do is go to sleep right now.
There were a couple reviewers that wondered if this if an E/B story and when would Edward appear. Yes, this is an E/B story, but as I said in the first author's notes, it'll be a while. Bella needs to be ready for him. Her mind is in the wrong place right now, and we still have about a year and few months worth of history to comprehend how she ended in the predicament that is now her life.
This chapter includes a few more answers to your questions. Some of you will finally get what you have been waiting for. While others...
Much love to my betas Scorp112 & Kismit1469
So you all know all things Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer...
Shall we proceed?
~Do you want me to take you home and show you what my love can do?~
Hideaway - Tessanne Chin (I loved her long before she won - The Voice)
Chapter 5 – Tell Him...
"Let me go! Damn it, James. What's your problem?"
"I want to talk to you! NOW!" He growled as his grip increased around my arm and he dragged me around the corner.
"Well, too damn bad. I'm not in the mood to talk to you. Frankly, I can't think of anything that needs to be discussed with you. I said, all I had to say months ago."
"Bella, you didn't talk to me after you threw the ring at me. You didn't say anything that night. The last thing I remember you saying to me, months ago was 'we're through.'"
"Precisely, I said EVE-RY-THING that needed to be said."
I pried his sweaty fingers from my arm. He was so close I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
"Well, I didn't. How…how long have you been fucking Jasper? You two look awfully comfortable, for two people that just started sleeping together."
What the fuck? Is he serious? He cheated on me, and now I'm the one that had an outside relationship?
"So this is what you want to talk about, your ridiculous never-ending jealously of Jazz? Seriously, don't worry, you have nothing to be jealous about, James. You two are not in competition for anything or anyone."
If I was being honest with myself, there never was a competition between James and Jasper. It had always been Jazz, but I chose to ignore my feelings for fear of acting on them. Hell, not even Jasper knew.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You didn't answer my other question either."
"It means, Jasper has no interest in Victoria, and I have no interest in you. So you see, you're good, no competition at all." I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. He grabbed my arm again, except this time it really hurt. If he didn't let go soon, there were going to be bruises.
"James, you are starting to hurt my arm. Let. Me. Go," I said, as I tried pulled from his grasp once again. "If you bruise me, there are a lot of people that would love to return the favor. Ten fold." His hold loosened, but he didn't let go. I tried to pull my arm free, but he only responded in tightening it again.
"You're mine, Bella. Have you forgotten that we're engaged? We're still getting married."
He looked and sounded insane. "I can't believe you would embarrass me like that, carrying on with Jasper in front of all our friends."
"Have you lost your mind? What part of we're through don't you get? Okay, I remember. I used to have to spell things out for you when we were a couple, so let me do it again. James and Bella are done. James and Bella are NO LONGER, engaged. James cheated on Bella and now she has no desire to marry, to speak with, or even look at James. I would have to be piss ass drunk, and or high on a variety of drugs, before I ever let you near me again. So, since I am very capable of handling my liquor, knowing my limit, and saying no to drugs, you have no chance in hell with me. Is that clear enough for you, James?"
"Crystal clear, Bella! Enjoy your night and your life. I'll see you around."
He looked like someone had kicked his dog and it was lying on the ground dying. Since he was the only person I knew that would kick someone's dog, I found it pretty ironic.
Don't forget Royce. They really are a perfect pair.
"What is going on here?" said a rather whiney voice that really hurt my ears. I looked behind James to see Victoria, glaring at me. He jumped and released my arm, finally.
"Ask your boy here. If you will excuse me… I believe someone is waiting for me."
I stepped around her and walked to Jasper who was a few feet away. I could tell he was upset, but he smiled as I walked to him and enveloped me in a tight embrace. It was no different than any other hug I had received from Jasper in the past. However, this time I could feel it. All of his love was pouring out of him; it was so obvious.
How had I not seen that this man loved me before? Dumb ass, so much time was wasted.
"Dance with me, Bella? And I mean dance with me. I don't mean seduce me on the dance floor," he said chuckling at the memory of our night. "You have all night to try that again, but we do have to talk first."
I was confused. I thought we were past the need for me to try and seduce him.
"I thought I accomplished that already. The seduction part I mean." I raised an eyebrow to him, as I took his hand and followed him to the dance floor.
"Don't worry. I have no intention of stopping anything from occurring naturally, but if it doesn't happen tonight, it will soon." He laughed, looking down at me. I knew I was scowling and I didn't much care. "Anyway, after Florida, I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. There is only so much that a man can resist. I had to give into the temptation sooner or later."
"That's fine with me, as long as that temptation is called Bella," I replied.
He chuckled and pulled me close. By now, it was obvious to me Rosalie had hand picked the music for the night. I didn't know why it took me so long to figure it out.
I heard from a friend today, and she said you were in town
Suddenly the memories came back to me in my mind
We began dancing; it really seemed as if the party was a Janet Jackson tribute. I listened to the words of the song as I danced close to Jasper laying my head on his chest. Oh, another message…we've created a monster.
My arms were wrapped around his waist, and although we had deemed this dancing, it was more like we were standing in the middle of the room hugging and swaying. The air would have had a hard time blowing between us. We were clasped together in an unending embrace.
How can I be strong I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again
I knew everyone that was still hanging around had their eyes on us. I heard Jasper mumble something under his breath and I looked to see if he would repeat it. He just smiled at me shyly; I raised an eyebrow so he would know I heard him.
"It's nothing, Bella. Fuck, it's just… they're all watching us and this fucking song. I know it's my sister's doing and I...It… " He paused searching for the words to express himself.
A wounded heart you gave,
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did
"This song reminds me that I don't want to lose you again. I just wish they would leave, we really need to talk."
I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I've cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again
Making love to you oh it felt so good and
Oh, so right
"Jazz, you're really starting to scare me with this talk business. I know what we discussed earlier is just the tip of the iceberg, but you make the rest sound so bad." I felt him tense and take a deep breath before he responded.
How can I be strong I've asked myself
Time and time I've said
That I'll never fall in love with you again
"It won't be bad, Bella. I promise," he said, flashing me the Jasper smile I loved so much. There was nervousness behind it, which was far from reassuring.
So here we are alone again,
Didn't think it'd come to this
And to know it all began
With just a little kiss
"A promise is a comfort to a fool, Jasper," I said, knowing I didn't want any promises from him. I wanted action, and if he loved me, the way he said he did, it was time to prove it. James made many promises to me, which in the end all meant nothing.
I've come too close to happiness,
To have it swept away
Don't think I can take the pain
Never fall again
"God, he's turned you into an even worse cynic than you were before," he said looking sad. I could tell he missed the old Bella who was a ray of sunshine to all. Honestly, those days were done, and James was not the only one responsible for me being this way.
Kinda late in the game
And my heart is in your hands
Don't you stand there and then tell me
You love me
Then leave again
"It wasn't just him, Jasper."
He stiffened, and then pulled me even closer. I really didn't want to make him feel bad, but we had started this full disclosure thing, so why stop now? I looked into his eyes. There was something he needed to know, we would talk later, but this needed to be said now. It seemed like we were going to try to act on the feelings we had for each other. "I can't be hurt again, Jasper. I won't come out in one piece."
'Cause I'm falling in love with you again
Hold me, hold me, don't ever let me go
"I know, Bella…I know," he whispered.
Say it just one time
Say you love me
God knows I do love you, again.
Jasper lowered his head to mine. He kissed me softly and it reminded me of our first kiss; my first kiss. He whispered, "I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will."
How the hell did I miss this tenderness five years ago?
"I love you, too, Jasper." I really did. I was now able to see what I had missed five years ago.
He took my hand and walked me over to Jake and Sam, who looked like they were about to leave. I gave them both a hug and returned to Jasper. We began to exit the room; Jasper turned one final time to survey the area. I didn't look. I was too busy watching Jasper's face; he was gorgeous. His pleasant face turned to a grimace and I followed his stare, which landed on James. He was watching us again.
Jasper took a few steps back into the room, over to Emmett and growled, "Get them the fuck out of here, especially him. Bella and I are going upstairs. We'll see you tomorrow. When. We. Get. Up. "
The tone of his voice was final.
I knew he was telling Emmett, that under no circumstances were we to be disturbed, not today and not tomorrow. I also knew that if he was forced to approach James it would get physical. He caught Jasper staring at my wrist. I looked down and noticed a bruise had already started to form while we were dancing. I kissed him softly, hoping to calm him enough to leave it alone.
He sighed before bringing my wrist to his mouth, and pressing his lips against it.
We walked hand-in-hand up the stairs and into Jasper's room. It hadn't changed; it was exactly as I remembered. I had spent so much time in that room. However, being in there was nothing like it had been in the good old days. Emmett and I used to spend a lot of time at the Hale's house. We didn't really have any privacy at our house before the renovations. I had woken up many times in Jasper's arms and never thought anything of it. I'd always had very vivid dreams, and Jasper always felt the need to console me after waking from a nightmare.
I sat silently on the bed while Jasper checked his emails on the computer. It suddenly dawned on me that I talked in my sleep, and had been asleep around Jasper during the period of my infatuation with him.
I wonder if I ever said anything while I was asleep.
"Hey, Jazz?" He glanced at me to signify he was listening, before returning to the computer. "Remember when I used to fall asleep here all the time? Um, did I…ah…was there…crap."
"Just spit it out, Bella."
"I didn't catch any of that, except did I. There's no need to be nervous. We're still us, baby."
"I know. Okay, soooo…I know I talk in my sleep, and I wanted to know if I did or said anything…strange while I was here?"
Jasper threw his head back and began to laugh uncontrollably. I was mortified. Oh God, what did I say?
Finally, he calmed and came over to me. "Are you worried that you tried to jump me in your sleep, Bella?"
"Well actually, yes I am. I have very vivid dreams and I just realized some of those dreams may have occurred while I was here with you."
"Well actually..." he began only to break out in a laugh again. "I was kind of afraid you didn't feel the same way about me after our kiss, but one night not too long after that, you fell asleep on the couch. I brought you up here, and after a while you started moaning in your sleep. You were mumbling something and I was able to make out my name and um… 'More, I want more from you'."
"It's okay, Bella. I knew then that I wasn't alone. I knew you wanted me, too. I just wish I had have acted on it then." With a glint in his eye, he leaned in closer and whispered, "Want me to tell you about what happened next?"
"No, that's okay I would rather not know. This is embarrassing enough, Jasper. Let's get this talk over with. You've procrastinated long enough."
"Fine, but you should sit on the chair by the desk or on the couch. I'll get distracted with you on my bed."
I shrugged and complied by moving to the couch. I was damn well aware of the power I now had over him. I also planned to use it to my advantage; I could just as easily distract him from the couch.
He began to pace the room and I started to worry again.
What on earth could he have to say that would make him this nervous?
"Okay, so we messed us up, big time. We wasted time, ignored the obvious, and didn't talk to each other."
"Jazz, we've already been through this. I—"
"Let me finish, Bella." I relented, allowing him to continue. "I don't want to waste anymore time, Bells. I want us; I want to know what you're thinking. I want to know what you're feeling." He looked off in the distance, but when his eyes found mine again, they were so intense. He crossed the room and knelt before me, taking my hands. "I know James hurt you and you've been closed off ever since. I also know that I disappointed you, so you closed yourself off from me as well. Don't do that with me anymore, Bella. I love you and I would never intentionally hurt you. I would never cheat on you. Let's just be to each other what we have always been. Let's be best friends first with the added bonus of now knowing we can be lovers when the time comes."
At those words I leaped into his arms, knocking him to the floor. Everything he'd said was perfect, as if he had been reading my mind. I could still hear JJ playing downstairs. It was loud enough to feel the vibration on the floor.
"Is your sister going to kill the Janet Jackson at any point tonight?"
"Who said she is the one responsible for it?" I looked and him curiously. "I thought it would set the mood. I told the DJ to leave all of Janet's 'in the mood' songs on replay until he leaves."
"Why, Mr. Hale, are you trying to seduce me?" I liked this new turn of events.
"Is it working?"
"Yes, it's working very well."
"Then, yes, I am. Kiss me, Bella."
Who was I to deny this tall Adonis his heart's desire? I straddled his legs and leaned forward to kiss him. He pulled me closer and deepened our kiss. He tasted so sweet. My body filled with a sensation unlike any other. He moved his hand to my hair, while the other braced on the small of my back. I moaned into his mouth as he pressed up off the floor, without breaking our lips.
Before long, we were standing and he began walking backwards, until we tumbled into the bed with me falling on top of him. I wanted so badly to be there, with Jasper in his bed, on this night. What better present to give a man on his birthday than to make love for the very first time. Everything he told me earlier indicated Jasper was still a virgin, and while I found that very difficult to believe, I also felt honored that he wanted to be with me.
He rolled us over and laid on top of me, trying his best not to put his entire body weight on me. That was not what I wanted, so I shifted my legs and opened them slightly causing him to drop his lower body between my legs. I could feel him, ready to make me his if he so desired. We continued to kiss and I could sense he wanted to do more, but he seemed hesitant. He was waiting for a signal or instructions from me.
"Jasper, I want more. Kissing is not enough."
That was all the encouragement he needed to begin unbuttoning my shirt. He sat up to remove his own and slowly raked over my body with his eyes. I felt a pool of fluids release between my legs as I stared into his lust filled face. He returned to me with an urgent kiss. His movements were animalistic now; sweet soft Jasper had left the building. While I wanted him to make love to me, we had been craving each other for so long that just did not fit. I wanted our first time to be as super charged as I had been feeling tonight.
He began to caress my left breast while he attempted to remove my bra with his other hand. I licked his neck, I wanted to mark him as my own and I pretty much expected him to stop me, but he didn't. He moved his head to the side allowing me more access to the sweet skin.
I began sucking on it as I groaned and he crushed his lower half into me. I bucked beneath him yearning for more friction. Jasper licked and sucked at my breast. I began to rotate my hips in a circular motion as I had done on the dance floor earlier in the night. I felt his warmth pulsating against me, feeling so much harder than earlier. Was that even possible?
"Bella! Stop you're going to make me come in my pants if you keep that up."
"Then take them off. Foreplay is over rated."
I continued to move my hips, fully intent on getting what I wanted. He grabbed my hips and stopped my movements.
"No, it's not. It is intended to be used as a stimulant to ensure proper lubrication for sexual intercourse."
"Oh my God! Can you please put your nerd on pause? We've had five hours of foreplay. That is all the stimuli I need, and I believe there is enough lubricant already. You can always check for yourself if you don't believe me."
"Oh, I believe I will. I believe I…oh fuck!" I t didn't take long for Jasper to know I was not exaggerating. "Bella, you are soaking into your panties, again. Shit that's so…hmmm, Bella you taste good," he said as he placed the fingers that contained my essence into his mouth.
Jasper likes to taste. Oh, the possibilities.
"Jasper, are you going to fuck me or eat me? Either way I'm game, but I need you now." His jovial mood changed and he looked at me seriously.
"Are you sure, Bella? We can't turn back after this."
I knew what he was trying to say. Our friendship could not go back to normal. We were not Rose and Emmett. They had messed around for years and were always able to maintain a friendship afterwards. Jasper and I would be different. We would always be friends first; however, once we crossed this threshold it would change things for good.
"I'm sure, Jasper. I want this, I want you." He got up once again and removed his pants; everything was gone in a matter of seconds. He returned and pulled the zipper on the side of my skirt then began to tug. I raised my hips to aid him and was completely naked in one drag.
"What about…" He looked nervous, his eye pleaded for me to know what he was asking.
"I always used a condom with him and I'm on the pill. I also got tested for everything, last month before I left. But you can use a condom if you like, Jasper."
"I'm not going to. I want to feel all of you." I pulled him to me and crashed my lips into his. I had enjoyed sex with James, but he always pressured me not to use a condom. I had made excuses on more than one occasion so I would not have to engage in the activity. Being placed into a similar position with Jasper, I realized I never truly trusted James.
Jasper returned to his previous activity of sucking on my breasts, only this time his right hand was occupied with my lower half. He moaned as he plunged a finger into me. "God, Bella, so tight," he murmured around my breasts.
While I liked the feel of his hands on and in me, there was one thing I wanted more. I pulled his hand away and brought it to my other breast. He repositioned himself and I began to circulate my hips once more. I knew sooner or later he would give into the torture, and I would get what I wanted most.
It didn't take long.
Moments later, I could feel him at my entrance and with each circular motion his tip brushed against my folds. He moaned and buried his head into my breasts.
"Bella, you're driving me crazy. Baby, please. I want to be able to last for you."
I didn't care, I was so turned on I knew it wouldn't take long for me to climax.
I shifted further down so that his tip was at my entrance. He gasped from the contact. He grabbed my hips to stop me and looked into my eyes. "Don't take your eyes from mine."
He entered me slowly.
While I had touched him earlier, I had not looked at his size. As he began to fill me, I wondered when it would end. I watched as his face contorted, his eyes rolled into his head and he stilled. He felt so good inside me, but I needed to move. I needed friction. I felt slight pain when he was completely sheathed and I knew Jasper was indeed well endowed. I began to move my hips again but Jasper stopped me.
"Don't move, Bella…too tight. I need a minute." I felt proud. I thought for sure my previous sexual experiences would ruin this for him. I wanted our first time, his first time, to be perfect. I wanted this to be an unforgettable night for both of us.
He began to move inside me.
Each withdrawal was accompanied by a whimper. Each thrust was followed by a moan. I began to match him thrust for thrust. We moved in perfect synchronization. Just when I thought it couldn't be any better, Jasper started to move faster.
"Mmm, so good, baby. I don't know if…I...can. Oh fuck, Jasper, I'm gonna come."
"I'm close, Bella. Come with me." He increased his pace again.
"Yes, just…like that…mmm. Harder, oh please…ugh…don't stop." He began to pound into me and I felt an immediate pop.
"Oh my fuck, Jasper!" My orgasm hit me causing every muscle in my body tense before a complete wave of pleasure washed over me. Never had it been like that before. He continued to pound into me even harder.
I can't believe it…is this another one?
"Oh, oh, oh…OH MY GOOOOODDDD!" I screamed as he gave one last thrust, and I felt his body quiver as he began to release inside of me.
"BELLAAAAAAA!" I was sure that if there as anyone left in the house besides Rosalie and Emmett, all of Forks would know of our activities.
He fell against me and began to kiss my neck. "I love you, Bella. I didn't think it was possible to love you more. But after… just… damn… wow, I love you."
He drifted off to sleep in less than a minute.
And he thought he wouldn't last. Two fucking orgasms back to back, wow!
I woke up later that night with Jasper inside me. I knew that was not how I had gone to bed, but I welcomed the sensation of our bodies joining. I had a feeling I was partially responsible for it, based on the dream I had woken up from.
We made love for the rest of the night until the sun rose. We spent the entire day in bed after that. For once, we were not interrupted and even had food left outside the door, by our best friends.
I was brought from my reverie, with questions I had been longing to answer. Only this time I didn't want to answer them.
"What really happened, Bella? Why did you cheat on me?" Jasper pleaded with a pained grimace.
"Didn't you listen to my voicemails? I called you every day for two weeks. When you didn't answer I left messages telling you what happen. I sent you texts and emails," I explained.
He raised his head not quite meeting my eyes and whispered, "I deleted all of them."
I wasn't surprised; I knew all along that was what he had done; yet I was still mad that he didn't even acknowledge one of my attempts to rectify the issue. I felt as if he didn't deserve the truth now, having thrown away our chance at happiness.
"I'm ready to talk about how it feels to be pregnant now," was the best tactical response I could conjure without outright telling him no.
"Bella, we can't avoid this any longer. Please answer my questions." He was definitely not letting this one go.
"I'm not the one who avoided the response to those questions, Jasper. If you had listened to me back then we would not be here right now."
I got up from the sofa and walked to my window. I knew it was a low blow, but it hurt to think that after all this time Jasper really still thought that I had cheated on him.
"You can't mean that. How can I—" I didn't allow him to finish.
"I'm sorry, Jasper. That was a false and hurtful statement. I am just lashing out because you said I cheated on you. I really didn't, you know. I could never; I would never do that to you. If you'd listened to me then you would know that, but you refused to talk to me for a long time."
"You never cheated? But you and James…he said…"
"Jazz, James is a miserable bastard that isn't happy until he can make people as miserable as himself. He saw how happy we were. He saw that I was happier with you, than I ever was with him and he decided to put an end to it. He decided to break us up and you my dear walked right into his little trap. He's not as stupid as he pretends to be, you know."
"Bella, we kept our relationship a secret. No one knew we were really a couple, except for Rosalie, Emmett and our friends at the reservation. By the time we were official, we weren't spending anytime in Forks," he said dismissing my elucidation.
"I may have said some things the night of the party, which would have signified we were more than friends. Yes, there were very few people who knew we were a couple, but everyone knew something was going on between us. We didn't exactly hide our feelings that night. Drunk or not people took notice. About a month after we were together, Paul told me about a Lifetime Movie Channel declaration James made. And I quote, 'If I can't have her, no one can' end quote. All that was missing was the massacre of my entire family, but Charlie already warned him about violence with me. "
I started laughing at the memory; Jasper looked at me like I was losing it.
"Charlie heard him raise his voice to me once and told him if he ever became physical with me, he wouldn't hesitate to lock his ass in a jail cell. He made it even more terrifying telling James; he would mostly likely become someone's bitch if he ever went to prison. So, I think I'm safe."
"Are you going to continue with the explanation?" he asked although he was chuckling along with my revelation. "I need to know what happened."
"Oh, sorry, the thought of James being someone's bitch is quite appealing." I giggled a bit before continuing. "Remember our real second date?"
A wide smile graced his face indicating he remembered our night at First Beach. I hated to interrupt the memory, but I didn't want to drift too far from the purpose of this discussion. The point was to provide closure for both of us, as well as remind Jasper why Alice was right for him and I was not. "And, what happened when you brought me home?" His face turned in to a menacing scowl.
"That ass, I mean jerk pulled up to the house when I brought you home. Claiming he found some things in his room that belonged to you and wanted to return them; four damn months later. Crap. Sorry, Bella."
We had all decided to make an effort to quit cursing since we found out I was pregnant. It had become like second nature to us, especially me, since the changes that had taken place in my life after ending my engagement with James.
Alice suggested we start during my pregnancy. She had everyone convinced the baby could hear in the womb, so we would be damaging him or her if we did not stop soon. Jasper seemed have forgotten my multiple slips earlier in the evening.
"It's cool. We have all slipped here and there. Besides, I really don't see why we have to stop cursing. Renee was a potty mouth the entire time I was growing up."
"Because if I remember correctly, I think your Dad said Emmett's first word was Fu…Fudge and yours was Sugar Honey Iced Tea." I started laughing so hard; tears were rolling down my cheeks.
Leave it to Jasper to make me laugh during one of the hardest discussion I had ever had.
"Okay, okay stop distracting me. Anyway, that was all a lie. There was nothing at the Wentworth's for me. I never kept my belongings in James' room when I was there. I would leave my things in the guest room, which I emptied two weeks after we broke-up. The same night that Paul told me about the declaration, he told me Kate had been teasing James for weeks about the way we were at the party. James took it upon himself to start following me and in turn, began following us." I could see Jasper clenching and unclenching his fists. Normally, I would have tried to calm him down, however, James seemed to have that affect on people.
"Showing up at the house just as we arrived, was no coincidence. He followed us to First Beach and came back here to the house to wait for me to return, when the scene at the beach was too much for him. He admitted it all of this to Paul. He convinced himself I would always be his."
Jasper was furious. I had to continue before he went out looking for James. "Anyway, after that night he followed us a few more times, until we started hanging out around here, again."
"It makes more sense now. James always showing up whenever we were somewhere together, I thought it was odd he was even in Port Angeles and Seattle when we were. What I want to know is what happened that night, Bella? I want to know about the night that I was in San Diego, and you were with James."
I could see the pain in his eyes.
He really thinks I cheated.
I tried to lighten the mood, "I'm getting to it! Impatient much?" I teased him.
I wanted Jasper to know the truth. It hurt me to think that he thought I had cheated on him. I knew he had forgiven me, but I still hated that he didn't know the truth.
"The weekend you went away for that seminar, I went to La Push to hang out with Jake and Sam. I know I told you I was going to be with Angela, but she wanted to hang out in town and I didn't want to run into James. I had known about his declaration for a few weeks and I was honestly afraid of him. I may have considered him a punk, but I wasn't stupid. People can do stupid things in the name of love."
I took a sip of water and continued.
"I was hanging out with the gang when Paul walked in with James trotting behind him. Jake had a fit. He started arguing with Paul about bringing…well he used some very colorful words to describe James. I was there to see Jake and I refused to allow James to ruin my night. I should have left, but I stayed."
"Yes, you should have," Jasper mumbled under his breath. I didn't know if he meant for me to hear it, so I just ignored it.
"Everything was fine until he started drinking. A lot." I looked over at Jasper who was listening intently and I rejoiced at finally being able to tell him my side.
"By the time you called me, he was wasted. When I answered my phone, he started shouting that I was his and no one was going to take me away. We were on the phone for a while, and you argued with me for being in his presence. I tried to explain, but you wouldn't listen and hung up the phone upset. After I got off the phone his outburst got worse," I sighed, and raised my eyes to look at his again.
He opened his month to say something and I put up my hand to stop him, "Don't ask, I care not to relive it. As a result of the crap he said and did, Jake punched him in the mouth and took me home. You called me several times after that and you didn't answer the phone. I was pissed off. I couldn't believe you would think I intentionally chose to hang out in the same place as James. I mean, you weren't there, but I felt you knew me well enough to know the truth or at least listen to me," I said lowering my head.
I was still disappointed him. It was hard not to focus on what could have been, had Jasper not misinterpreted everything that happened that night.
"The next day, I went to Emmett's gym early in the morning to work out my frustrations."
"The gym? But when I called you were—" Jasper started and I didn't let him continue. I already knew what he thought.
"When I got there, I went onto the treadmills immediately. There was an eight o'clock kickboxing class I wanted to attend, and that only left me a little amount of time to get my muscles ready. While I was on the treadmill, James showed up and started hounding me again, apparently he didn't get enough of a beating the night before. He knew Emmett didn't work on Sundays so he wouldn't be interrupted in his pleas for me to take him back." Jasper's face was a rainbow of emotions. There was guilt, anger and frustration.
"When you called me, it was a well needed reprieve from his incessant rambling. I forgot all about the anger. I missed you so much and I really wanted to get away from James. I was all out breath because the more he talked the harder I ran. He followed me when I got off the treadmill, telling me he still loved me." I could feel the prickling of unshed tears as I continued.
"I didn't even get a chance to say hello. I had no idea what it would have sounded like to you until you were screaming that you never wanted to talk to me again. You were very loud, I turned to look at James and he was smiling like the Cheshire cat, because he realized it before I did. You heard me out of breath and him in the background declaring his love also breathing heavily. I really didn't think you would assume James and I were having sex. I had no idea you didn't trust me."
I finally lost the battle with my tears. I couldn't fight them any longer.
"James was all smiles after that. He said 'You'll have to come back to me now that your lover boy doesn't want you.' He really thought I would come back to him; even worse, he was convinced you were done with me. He was right about one of those things, but I hated him for taking pleasure in our pain. When you came back, I thought for sure you would talk to me. I just needed to make sure you heard what actually happened. I even had Emmett get me a copy of the security tape from the gym." That was the last whole sentence I was able to get out. I felt the hole in my heart again, as if Jasper had just returned from California.
"You…wo…wouldn't…lis…listen to me," I finished.
Jasper rushed to hold me. It felt so good to be in his arms.
"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, baby. I didn't know. I thought…oh God. We talked about how you felt for James a few weeks before I left. You told me you would always care about him. I was in California missing you and when I heard him the background, I thought the worst. I'm so sorry. I thought because you said—" My face started to feel hot and I knew the color was creeping up slowly. I pushed him away while I wiped my tears.
"You thought what? I was harboring secret feelings for James and waited until you were out of town to act on them? Jasper, we saw each other once during the week and a few weekends because of our class schedules. If I wanted to cheat on you, I wouldn't have waited until you were out of town to do it. Caring for someone and caring about them are two different things. We were engaged, Jasper. I planned on spending the rest of my life with him. Of course I would care about him. I would care if he became deathly ill. I would care if a bus hit him. But I wouldn't be the one caring for him in that situation, because we were over and still are. This…" pointing to my not so flat belly "…occurred as a result of a series of events when I was out of control. I don't blame anyone, but myself. I know you have even held getting pregnant against me, even though we were not a couple at the time and you were already in love with Alice."
"The hell you don't. I see it in your eyes every time you look at me. I will always love you, Jazz, but you were wrong. You left me for no reason and you wouldn't talk to me long enough to hear the truth. You played right into James' hands, so deal with it."
"I'm sorry, but now that I know, I can't do this. You still love me even after what I did to you. I'm just as bad as James. Please let me make it up to you, Bella."
"Oh for Christ's sake, I didn't tell you any of this to get you back. Ugh! You are the most infuriating man I know next to my brother, and that's saying a lot." I took another drink of water. "Alice loves you. She loves you more than you ever loved me. She has accepted our friendship. How many women do you know that would not only be civil to her boyfriend's ex, but become a close friend? She didn't have to do that Jazz," I yelled.
"She had no choice. I told her you were an important part of my life that I was not willing to part with," he replied with a face void of emotion. I couldn't tell if it was from me yelling at him or the realization that he had thrown away our relationship on a misunderstanding.
"Yeah, so important you refused to talk to me for months. Whatever! Alice had a choice. She had the choice to walk away from you, from me, from all of us. It's because of her that we even have a friendship. She fixed us, Jazz! Now she has to sit by and know the depths of our history together. She knows that no matter what you tell her, I was still your first love and you mine. She knows that you still have feelings for me, no matter how hard you try to hide them. She accepted that, and in doing so, she proved that she loves you more than you ever loved me."
He looked at me confused.
"You only thought I had romantic feelings for James and you believed the worse of me. You left me because of your assumptions and refused to hear the truth. She knows how you feel. She knows the love is still there, but she is willing to accept you regardless. That is love, Jasper. Unconditional love, which is not something you can walk away from."
I took a deep breath in an effort to calm myself, "I thought the love you had for me was unconditional. I thought nothing could come between us. I was wrong. If you could leave me… not just break-up with me, but leave me over something that could have been easily explained, then we never belonged together. Even after we promised to always be there for each other no matter what happened in our relationship. After we promised to always communicate and listen to each other. You deserted me, again!" The tears started to fall again.
I knew the pregnancy hormones were making this feel worse than it really was, but I couldn't help it. So many nights I had cried over the possibilities lost with Jasper, especially after I found out about him and Alice. Up until then, I had hoped we could find our way back to each other. Alice was the nail in the coffin and it was also the start of this chaos.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm here now though. I will always be here for you."
"I've accepted that, but not by sacrificing yours or Alice's happiness. If that is the case I don't want you here, Jasper." I knew that must have hurt his feelings, but there was a lot of hurt going around tonight.
"If she ever asks you to walk away from this group, from me, Jazz…" I inhaled deeply summoning the courage to finish my statement. I didn't know if I could say it, but it had to be said. "Do it. She is the one for you. It was hard for me to see you with her at first. However, the closer I got to her the more I realized, she really loves you. People rarely find their soul mates, Jazz. Don't throw it away."
He hugged me fiercely. "I know it's rare, Bella, but I found my soul mate twice. I'll always love you. You know that, right? I'm here for you for as long as you need me to be." I punched him in the arm. "I mean, as long as it doesn't interfere with me and Alice."
"Thanks, Jazz. I love you, too. Just be happy. That's all I want." He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips.
"Bella, I have one more question though." I gave him a quizzical look before nodding for him to continue. "If you hated James so much, how did you get pregnant?"
A/N: Okay, don't hurt me please...the answer to that question is coming, soon enough. As is your favorite leading man.
All you B x Jp fans have known from the start their union would come to an end. I'm so sorry for bringing them together and ripping them apart in the same Chapter. I know it was cruel. However, with that history out of the way we can start moving a little faster.
I haven't said it outright, but the first five chapters (present day) all occur in one day. Next chapter is a new day.
Oh, there is also only one more flashback left - it's a long one though.
So...what do you think? Will happen tomorrow? Here's a little hint.
Chapter 6 Preview:
I sat with my cell phone to my ear, as I waited for him to pick up.
"Hi, it's Bella. We need to talk."
"Okay, Bella. I'll be there in about a half hour. "
"Do you think you can make it faster?"
"Sure, I'll try. See you soon!" He sounded excited, I wasn't sure if that
Believe it or not, a review spurred me into action of posting this weekend. Normally, I'd spend the weekend trying to recuperate from work and avoid the computer as much as possible. Thank you, TaylorLyn.
That being said, please review, it's my motivation for writing.