Disclaimer: I don't own KKM, honest

A/N: I have a naughty mind that gets naughtier with every story; Yuuri and Wolfram as they are, don't like, don't read. If you complain about the pairing, I will frown at you from here in the hope that you realise you're being silly. Just a little simple one-shot slice-of-life thing to brighten your day. Yuuri and Wolfram don't always get along, but in a perfect relationship, they wouldn't be them anyways :)


"This, you wimp. This is why I didn't want to get involved with those harpies!" growled Wolfram, leaning across the bonnet to reach the dirty spot in the middle. Yuuri grumbled something, doing his best to shield Wolfram's body from lascivious view. Using his naivete to the best of his ability, Yuuri grinned amiably and drenched the more enflamed car owners with buckets of soapy water, feigning charming incompetence.

"Sorry!" as he soaked a man leaning much too close to the car, suspiciously so since it wasn't even his car.

Wolfram, who was always so keen and observant, failed to notice Yuuri's contribution. "Put your back to it wimp! The faster we get done, the sooner we can go home"

A bottle of detergent almost hit Yuuri in the head, and would have had Wolfram not caught it just barely, hissing angrily at the person who threw it.

"I knew you were going to catch it, Wolf boy, retract your claws, nothing's happened to Yuuri"

Which was pretty apt, considering the way Wolfram was bristling in anger, detergent bottle shaking in the hand that held it.

"Anissina, if you try that again, so help me God I will hit you, even if you ARE a girl. Or she-devil, that's more appropriate"

Yuuri tried to calm Wolfram down while simultaneously giving out an aura of "Do Not Approach" to the customers. "Calm down Wolf, she didn't throw it very hard, even if it had hit me I wouldn't have been hurt." Maybe. "Now ignore her and let's just get this done"

Wolfram nodded sourly, and completely ignored Yuuri by flinging his filthy sponge in the face of the school's head cheerleader. Yuuri staunchly avoided thinking about the play of muscles under Wolfram's soaked shirt and instead uttered a cry of dismay.

Wolfram, being a good shot, hit the redhead square in the face. Anissina quietened, and the parking lot quietened with her. The Queen Bee must be respected at all times, and what Wolfram had done was punishable by death in old monarchies.

And yet Wolfram was seething more than Anissina.

"Don't try anything that can hurt Yuuri again. God, I don't know what my brother sees in you"

Anissina calmly wiped the muck off her face using a towel one of her many followers offered her. She smiled grimly and flipped her long ponytail.

"Definitely not a debt, Wolfram." Flinging the sponge back with more than necessary force, Anissina laughed. Evilly. "You missed a spot"



"I'll pedal"

"Damn right you will! And is it normal not to be able to feel your spine?"

Yuuri laughed nervously. "I heard that when your body feels more pain than it can handle it shuts down, that's why you go numb"

Wolfram snorted. "Very reassuring, wimp. But at least we settled the debt today, you know. Who would have thought so many people needed their cars washed?"

They didn't. Half the cars that had driven up to them that day had been gleaming brighter than when they were still in the show-room. It was the lure of Wolfram, resident hot boy with a snarky attitude (which attracted more than it repelled) that had kept a steady flow of customers coming to the parking lot behind the science labs.

"I'm really sorry Wolf, this was all my fault"

"Nonsense. I'm at least reponsible for not controlling my strength. I didn't think I would hit the ball so hard it'd fly out of the park and straight into the cheerleaders' van. On a day they were already pissed off at us for interrupting their practice too, though I'll die not understanding how a bunch of girls in short skirts could cheer anyone to victory"

Wobbling on take off, Yuuri managed to stabilize the bike before they went careening into a wall. With a little more effort he had them through the gates, on their way to their off-campus dorm. "Well," he huffed. "If I hadn't forced you to learn baseball, this never would have happened anyways. So thanks for helping me raise cash to replace the windshield."

Wolfram pressed a kiss to the back of Yuuri's neck and almost sent them both down a drain.

"What, did you think I'd let anyone else work next to you when you were looking so wimpy and absolutely ravish-able in your wet shirt? Dream on, wimp. Or don't, if you know what's good for you"

People thought Wolfram and Yuuri were just incredibly good friends who had grown up together. Almost no one knew both had discovered the pleasure of monosexuality when Yuuri turned Wolf-sexual and Wolfram became the world's first Wimp!Yuuri-sexual.

"Wolfram!"

"You're the one with issues with public displays of affection, Yuuri. Me, I can do what I like."

"Fine, but if we die because I cycle us into a drain because of your distracting, make sure you don't blame me!"

Wolfram settled back onto his seat with a "hmph!"

"I wouldn't be so tempted to mark my territory if you would just tell everyone you're mine, wimp! People insist on staring at you!"

Internally, Yuuri cried a little. Wolfram, being possessive and paranoid, believed everyone harboured deep feelings for Yuuri. His beliefs were mostly sorely mistaken, but Yuuri didn't bear the same misconception.

Everyone was after Wolfram. Being a wallflower by nature, Yuuri was privy to secret conversations because those conversing did not detect his presence. And everywhere, from gaggles of giggling girls to sweaty boys grunting in locker rooms, the consensus was the same.

Wolfram? I'd tap that.

Which was hardly reassuring, when Yuuri was the Beast's underpaid talking clock to Wolfram's Beauty. Any number of Prince Charmings and Disney Princesses and even other talking domestic objects insisted on flying away with Wolfram on a magic carpet (unless in the fantasy-themed theatre of Yuuri's inner mind, it was the flying carpet itself that was whisking Wolfram away), and Yuuri could barely fight them off.

Wolfram hugged Yuuri a little tighter than was strictly necessary for someone sharing a bicycle, and grinned at the wind whipping by his face.

"It's already sunset. Can't believe I was forced by the she-monster to spend so long with my hands in soap. They're so tough now"

Yuuri snorted. Wolfram could be depended upon to get annoyed over the smallest things and be almost Buddha-like over the big things that actually warranted a response. And Yuuri's hands were already callused from enthusiastic baseball practive over the years, so he didn't have anything to complain about.

"You have a million bottles of lotion, brat prince, you'll be back to soft girly palms in no time"

Said girly palms pinched him so hard he thought his appendix had been burst.

"Alas," wailed Wolfram dramatically. He wasn't the star of the Drama Club for no reason. "I am in the very first blush of youth, and already I must content myself with gnarled hands! Oh, what I would give for a dashing prince on a white steed to take me away from this cruel, cruel world!"

Wolfram had stood up with his feet braced against the bolt that held the spokes in place, hands grasping Yuuri's shoulder.

"Wolfram, you've got two candidates right now. Death, if you don't sit down and I cycle us into a car, and me, plain old Shibuya Yuuri on my mother's old bike". It even had a dainty basket in front, which was embarrassing but allowed because it was a place to put their bags in.

Wolfram sat back down and ruffled Yuuri's hair. "Stupid wimp, obviously I choose you, pika-Yuu!"

Yuuri sighed, though the effect was lost by his silly grin.

"What did I say about pet names involving Pokemon?"

"That they aren't cute, and I should never use them. But there's no way you can tie my name to Bulbasaur, so I believe I shall live on the edge, wimpy pika-Yuu"



"I'm bored"

"Wolfram, it's... 3 A.M. Sleep, you can sleep. Because it's 3. So sleep. Please?"

Wolfram laughed low in his throat, more vibration than audible sound. Yuuri groaned and made himself wake up all the way. Wolfram was in one of his odd, hyper-active moods, and pleading rarely got Yuuri anywhere.

It was Saturday tomorrow anyway, and they didn't have class. Denying Wolfram was pointless.

"What do you feel like doing?"

Wolfram crawled to the edge of the bed and let his legs hang off the side as he laid down, arms spread.

"Don't know" he grumbled, tossing his head from side to side. Wolfram had actually been awake for the past hour, and really had not intended to wake Yuuri up. But he was bored bored bored and couldn't get back to sleep, and what good was having Yuuri as a housemate if he didn't keep Wolfram company through times like this?

Yuuri yawned, then flipped on his stomach so that he could rest his head next to Wolfram's. He nuzzled his face into the linens and blond hair, and sighed happily.

"How about lines? You guys are having a performance in a few weeks, ne Wolfram?"

Wolfram hummed non-commitally, then moved his hand to ruffle Yuuri's hair. "You're wimpily adorable when you sound Japanese, Yuuri"

They relapsed into silence.

"Well..."

Yuuri knew that tone. He knew it, and was greatly afraid of it, but he knew just as well that it would not stop him from doing what the tone wanted, whatever that happened to be.

"You know we're having two performances, right?"

Yuuri tried to remember. No discredit to Wolfram's friends, but the arts circle was not one Yuuri was comfortable orbitting in. Half the things they said flew right over his head, much the same way that anything sports-related had Wolfram flipping his hair back in haughty disdain. But he did remember being told that the Drama Club's teacher, one flighty Mister Von Kleist, had planned two shows, one with an all-female cast and another with an all-male one.

"I think so, Wolf. A boys' play and a girls' play right?"

Wolfram nodded. "So any female role in my play will be played by boys. I've been cast as almost everyone from the Queen to maidservant, damn Gunter's democratic dictatorship. Obviously everyone would vote for me to be girls, even if I didn't nominate myself! The only reason I'm not every single female is because I can't split myself into four"

Yuuri nodded with false sympathy. No one would look half as good in a dress nor pull it off with as much fluorish as Wolfram, so Yuuri understood where the other actors were coming from.

"Well... Have you ever heard of a noble queen having hairy legs, Yuuri?"

"Is this rhetorical? I suppose some ancient queens did, before people came up with Gillette and stuff, though they might have had barber blades, so-"

Wolfram laughed a little, and thwacked Yuuri's head softly.

"Means I have to make my legs silky smooth, you wimp!"

Yuuri spluttered and turned on his back.

"But they aren't really rough!"

"Sweet wimp" Wolfram moved enough to peck Yuuri on the cheek. "Very very sweet wimp. Still, sacrifices must be made for the sake of art!"

Yuuri made a face. "So what are we going to do?"

Wolfram pulled himself up in a rush, resting his hands on his knees. "Asked my friend Gisela what I should do, she gave me some... stuff"

"Stuff?"

Wolfram nodded. "Stuff"

Yuuri winced. "Will it hurt?"

Wolfram winced in return. "It's wax. It'll hurt like the flames of hell. Or at least that's what she said"

Yuuri sat up as well. "Let's head for the bathroom. Maybe it'll hurt less if you're not alone"

Wolfram rummaged in the drawer of the bedside cabinet, and drew out a long flat cardboard box. A woman showcasing smooth tanned legs smiled at him from the top of it.

"This isn't that kind of pain"



"Okay, we've let it sit for a while, I think we can pull it off now"

Trembling hands clamped Yuuri's shoulder, and in a rare show of fear, Wolfram kept his eyes squeezed shut.

"I'm sure it doesn't hurt so-"

"Do it"

Yuuri gulped, and did it.

There was a sickening sound of the strip being torn from flesh, a disturbing noise that sounded, perversely, like the little strip that now held the only thing that had made Wolfram's legs manly was licking its evil, woebegone lips.

"Ach! Mein Gott-" Wolfram retreated screaming into his native German. Yuuri leaned forward in a fluster and kissed Wolfram, because they really didn't need their neighbours hammering down the door to stop Yuuri from molesting Wolfram (what imaginative neighbours!). The plan was a smart one until Wolfram began snarling and bit down on Yuuri's lip.

There was blood, and Wolfram was about to start howling again. Yuuri's brain short-circuited.

"Wolfram, Wolf, get a hold of yourself! I know! We should put aloe on it, make it cold! Or vaseline, or oil, something, God, I think the stuff I use to treat my baseball glove is here, hang on, please hang on-"

The grip on his shoulders was bruising. "Don't" Wolfram hissed. "If you do it'll clump up and we don't need that! Get some rubbing alcohol, please"

Yuuri surged upwards out of Wolfram's hold and rushed to the medicine cabinet, tearing through it to get to the glass bottle that contained his salvation.

He dived back to the floor and grabbed a face towel from the sink, soaking it with alcohol before rubbing the red, irritated skin on Wolfram's leg. The blond hissed again at the cool sensation, before groaning.

Yuuri could cry from the joy of Wolfram feeling better, and began blowing gently on the skin, delighting in the way it made Wolfram shudder.

"Wolf... There's the rest of this leg and your other one left"

Wolfram had his eyes scrunched closed, head resting against the cool tile wall. His chest rose and fell swiftly, and his face was flushed.

One teary green eye slid open and regarded him, and the crooked grin told Yuuri that Wolfram was simultaneously embarrassed by his show of weakness and amused by the funniness of their positioning.

"Yuuri. Less talking, more blowing"

Yuuri blushed.



"We're disgusting"

Yuuri was forced to agree. They had woken up to find that they had fallen asleep with their legs in the bathroom and their faces cushioned by the shaggy bathroom mat.

Wolfram looked exceptionally terrible. His legs were covered in a gooey white substance, giving the impression that an albino algae had grown on it. The truth was of course a lot less monstrous; after the waxing, alcohol had washed off all residue and bottles of cold cream were used to soothe Wolfram's legs. Over the past few hours the layer of cream had solidified to form a strange white pudding.

"Damn that cross-dressing fetish of our teacher's"

"Sacrifices for your art, ne?"

Wolfram growled and rolled over on his side, facing away from Yuuri. "Bite me" he said irritatedly.

Yuuri was feeling quite brave. Possibly because they would spend the day together instead of apart in different classes, and Wolfram's presence inspired courage in Yuuri.

And Yuuri trusted Wolfram to make things better when things needed to be made better, and it was beyond Yuuri's ability to do it.

In this case, it was just because being near Wolfram made him feel utterly calm inside, and the addiction to that feeling was enough to make him face the boldest foes.

"Bite you? Kinky. Right after I blew you for an hour too!"

Wolfram nearly died from shock, and was as still as a corpse. Who knew the boy had it in him?

"Someone's feeling raunchy"

Yuuri laughed and pillowed his head with his hands. "Not really. I just feel that we've gotten closer... A bond forged by the fires of the pain we went through, something like that"

The blond snorted. "From what I saw, I was the only one screaming in agony. How is that shared pain, huh?"

And Yuuri really was feeling brave. In his most sincere voice, Yuuri announced that "Your pain hurts me just as much, Wolfram"

Wolfram could not help but blush in embarrassment. Trust the wimp to wake up one morning and suddenly become the most romantic person in the world.

He was at a loss of what to say, but Wolfram smiled crookedly and said those four words that could never be wrong. "I love you. Wimp"

He waited for Yuuri to say it back, as was the custom between people in love. When Yuuri kept his silence, Wolfram rolled over to face him, brow raised in question.

Yuuri was looking down at their legs. "I wonder how smooth they feel now"

Wolfram frowned, then smirked. "Feel free to find out, wimp"

And Yuuri did.



"Will you be in dresses for most of the play?"

Wolfram tapped his chin in thought. "Why?"

"I need to know if I should bring three rolls of film or four"

The blond laughed and peeked over the top of the newspaper he was reading. "It somehow isn't even freaky that you make having an out-dated camera charming"

Yuuri didn't bother adding 'only to you', because Wolfram never believed him.

"It's a nice morning, isn't it Wolf?"

It was, really. They had been content to pry themselves off the floor and slink their way to make a cup of coffee; the daily morning spats about stupid things that was simultaneously ritualistic and strongly loathed was absent that day, so things were off like a song.

Wolfram nodded, and Yuuri continued. "We should start every morning like this"

The blond simply grinned winningly. "I don't think either of us have enough stamina for it wimp"

Yuuri yawned around his mug of coffee, hand going to close his mouth, tiny tears escaping from under his closed eyelids. "I like not fighting"

Wolfram had gone back to his paper. "I heard that couples who fight more actually get along better than paired Buddha-types. It's a burning kind of care, something, wimp"

Great. Now Yuuri wanted to pick a fight just to make certain of that burning kind of care.

"When we talk like this I feel like we're old, wrinkled and married, Wolf"

The newspaper didn't move from its position hiding Wolfram's face. "Who'd be the wife?"

There was a mischievous grin on Yuuri's lips. "The one with the smooth legs, I think"

A snort sounded from behind the newspaper. "Great. Plus I look good in dresses. Any fictional kids, wimp? I feel like I should start coming up with a sob story as to how you drove me into being a cross-dressing pseudo-mum who's still manlier than the Wimp Father"

"Wolf, you bought us curtains!"

"And you buy tissue boxes with the prettier flower designs"

"You waxed your legs!"

Wolfram slammed his hands on the table, the cereal bowl jumping slightly into the air. Yuuri worried that he had crossed the line (no man liked having his masculinity mocked) when the frowning blond stalked over to him.

One hand was braced on the table, the other on the back of Yuuri's chair. Wolfram leaned down so close that Yuuri could smell the capsicum of the omelette he had eaten.

Yuuri feared for his life.

Wolfram leaned down and pecked Yuuri on the cheek.

"And you helped"



"Suck it in! Suck! It! In!"

"You cannot force a waist to exist where a waist-... existeth-... not!"

But the back of the dress was zipped up finally, though that probably owed more to the strength of both their wills than it did to Wolfram's natural shape.

Yuuri leaned back to appraise his handiwork. He whistled. Appreciatively.

"Blue's really your colour Wolfram"

The skirt swirled prettily when the blond lifted the hem and let go, perusing that odd creature he almost never saw: his knees.

"It's... drafty. And I'm willing to bet a lot of money my shoulders look like a lumberjack's"

Well, obviously Wolfram looked like Wolfram in a dress, but it didn't mean he didn't look good.

Like a strapping young lass, healthy and lithe and strong.

And his slight build was what had gotten them into trouble. The girls in charge of wardrobe had measured Wolfram, and determined that he could fit into some of the existing dresses so they wouldn't need to special order tailored dresses for him.

Obviously a man, no matter how slim, was not meant to fit into normal women's clothing; thus the struggle. And the blind search for a significant waist.

Wolfram scowled at the lack of cleavage; Yuuri smiled at it. The blond looked pretty in a simple sleeveless dress, the colour a rich navy blue. The modest square neckline gave the impression that Wolfram was a pathetically-endowed female instead of a cross-dressing man, and the toned physique of a fencer lent him an athletic look.

"You look really good Wolf!"

Wolfram was busy looking at himself in the mirror, tugging lace and moving ribbons to make it look believable (it did). "Thanks" he muttered distractedly, unable to decide if the hem should be above or past his knees.

"Will you have to wear a wig too?"

"Not if the rest of the club want to live"

Face scrunched up in thought, Yuuri reached out and ruffled bright blond locks.

"Yeah" he said. "It'd be criminal to make you hide this"

Wolfram hit Yuuri for being so utterly gay. He then said thank you for the sweet, wimpy compliment. Yuuri accepted both with aplomb.



"Don't make me kill you!" thundered Wolfram, brandishing a rolling pin with surprising malice.

Yuuri cowered, stepping back, hands shaking so badly the pages of the manuscript he held rustled audibly.

"N-n-no, you w-won't get anything f-from m-me!"

The ferocious scowl softened to a smile.

"Sorry wimp. I should be practising with Dacascos really, but the cheerleaders have a competition and their Alford twisted his ankle and they needed a replacement and Dacascos, he's got excellent co-ordination. And a longer attention span. And Anissina hates me, so they didn't bother to ask me"

Yuuri imagined any number of hands belonging to nubile young men and women grabbing Wolfram by the shoulder and around the waist for formations and tumbles. He shuddered.

"I'm fine Wolf. You just have an overpowering aura of scariness when you act the baddie, whereas I'm... I'm not cut out to be an actor. Or even an acting partner"

Wolfram seemed unhappy with Yuuri's admission. Yuuri hung his head in dejection.

Wolfram shook himself out of his funk.

He moved to Yuuri's side and swung a companiable arm around Yuuri's shoulder. Roughly he leaned down to bump cheeks with Yuuri.

Like an overgrown cat.

It was almost painfully charming.

"One actor in the house is more than good enough" he announced gruffly. Which was Wolfram's way of making up when he was too shy to.

Yuuri laughed, and bumped cheeks back. They should do this more often.



Flash photography wasn't allowed in the auditorium. Conrad, Wolfram's other brother, was in charge of the light systems (He was in the Electrical Engineering club, so the brunette should actually be more dorky than hunky, yet Conrad was still regarded as prime beef) and had told him that the teachers were afraid the flash would blind the performers and end in an accident.

Having such a non-automated camera, Yuuri solved the problem by sticking a piece of duct tape over the flash. He was glad he had brought five rolls of film; he always underestimated the way Wolfram looked on stage.

And when the five rolls were gone and Wolfram was about to start a really wonderful rant, Yuuri changed to the video function on his cell phone, even if the quality was grainy at best and impossible at worst.

He reveled in the sounds of shock and awe the rapt audience made in response to every move of Wolfram's. He wanted to stand up and shout "That piece of haloed blond is mine, all mine!"

He didn't, of course.

It was Wolfram in the spotlight, and Yuuri thought he looked oh-so-noble in it.



Wolfram was one of the neutrally cruel female characters now, the cold Deity of Intellect. A white toga was wrapped around him, and Wolfram swung his hips as though he had been born to be swathed in clouds, surrounded by adoring idiots.

Despite earlier threats, Wolfram was subject to many wigs so that 6 different women wouldn't all share cute blond hair, and for this character his hair was long, wavy and black.

"Intent" Wolfram declared to the humble hero who had sought her grace, "means nothing if it is misguided"

The other actor bravely tried to plead his case, but quietened when Wolfram glared at him.

"After all, if your lover was threatened by another, and your intent to save her has you barelling for the attacker, should you in your misplaced passion stab her in his stead, an innocent has died by your hands. Intent is dangerous"

Wolfram bowed his head as if in prayer, then looked up again. "Humans put their faith in their pure, feeble intentions. What idiots your kind are, to hope for anything other than being burned by flames when you light a path with fire"

Yuuri felt a little sick at the thick hopelessness of Wolfram's words, and breathed with difficulty.



It was probably dangerous to be sitting on a park bench at 3 A.M. Especially if one was slightly crazed. And one's companion is really rather terrifyingly attractive.

"You were scary Wolf"

The blond swayed a little, still grinning from when he had made the curtain call to thunderous applause. "Scarily good?"

Yuuri shook his head.

"Half the things you said made me want to be sick or cry or kill someone. And the way you said it... It was like you really meant it"

The blond shrugged. "I really did mean it, while I was that character with that set of beliefs. And you can blame Rana and your Murata for the script; they came up with the whole thing. Everyone had to take five the first time we did a read-through"

Yuuri vaguely recognised Rana as a distant relative of Wolfram's, a serious blond who was quiet and withdrawn unless provoked. Then he exploded, apparently into painful prose. And Murata... Despite having known him the longest, Yuuri still could not tell went on behind the steady black gaze of the boy. The pair somewhat explained the nature of the story.

"Do you still mean that thing you said about intent?" Because it was 3 A.M., neither of them could sleep, and this was important.

"Hmm?" Wolfram's gaze went hazy with rememberance. "When I was Seraphine or the goddess?"

"Goddess"

Wolfram recited the lines to himself, and shrughed. "A little, I guess. The example made sense, in a twisted way"

Yuuri got off the bench, and pulled Wolfram along with him to the bicycle. They really should be getting home; Wolfram had to be exhausted.

"I'll cycle this time, wimp"

"But-"

"Shut up and get on"

Yuuri hastily obeyed, and with a solid kick Wolfram took off, pedalling unhurriedly.

"Why'd you ask, Yuuri?"

Yuuri phrased his words carefully.

"Because I wish you don't. Because I'll always intend to get you everything you want, but I can't always get it right, and when I do get it wrong, I want you to remember my reasoning, not the result"

Yuuri paused.

"And I think the woman would appreciate that her boyfriend wanted to save her. Dying while being rescued is better than being killed while he's thinking if his intentions could be dangerous"

The blond kept his silence, humming gently. Yuuri figured that he had spewed utter nonsense again, and made haste to shut up.

"Wimp, when's your first baseball game of the season?"

"A week from tomorrow. Why?"

"I want to go see you play, of course"

Yuuri was shocked. "But it's just qualifiers! And you hate baseball! You insult it every chance you get!"

The blond grunted in irritation. "I intend to be the Wolfram you think so highly of. Wimp, this is me running at you with a sword, praying I hit right"

And Yuuri remembered that though rare, when Wolfram said sweet things, the warmth that resulted in his chest was strong enough to melt him.

So this time Yuuri took the initiative to shift forwards carefully, placing a reverent kiss just under Wolfram's ear.

This time it was Wolfram who was so distracted he nearly ran into a wall.

Yuuri laughed, arms around his Wolf on their old, rickety bike, and at 3 something A. M., all was right with the world.

oOoOoOo

Written entirely on my cell phone. Originally the story ended at pika-Yuu, but the story grew and grew and grew, and God I love Yuuri and Wolfram in an AU setting. Yuuri's not a homophobe, Wolfram can't be jailed for offing people with his fire when he's pissed, and I can be as sappy as I like without nauseating myself. Written for the wonderful rynankh and her terrifying prompts, though a tiny little part suspects that end bit there was tacky, it's not enough to turn me off, so ending stays. Just a little heads up, everyone. New long fic shall be posted soon, and I might be moving, which would make things difficult but not impossible. That said, I'm in the middle of attempting to claw out of my bashful shell; if anyone's interested, help me learn to speak to most of mankind properly. Let's talk, yes?