In a perfect world, she would be encircled in his embrace, his hair tickling her fingertips and his lips closed on hers.
In this world, she writes about fairytales and broken dreams and someone says, "That's just the way things are."
Dan says, "Everything happens for a reason."
He's lying. Jenny knows he's just trying to figure out why he lost Serena and why Allison is gone and why he lost Yale. Nothing happens for a reason.
Everything just happens. There's no reasoning behind it.
She wonders why so many people can find love out there, but not her. Dan and Serena were in love, she knows; even the devil spawns themselves, Chuck and Blair, found love in each other.
She misses him so much.
In an almost intangible sense, she misses him, and it brings her to tears nearly every night. She wants to cry herself to sleep but she's still in that world where it's not exactly real, and she's still writing in her journal about a fateful night.
But she's not a good liar.
Nothing is simple anymore - his arms were warm and his lips were soft and his hair was smooth, but Jenny dissects each and every detail until it etches into her mind forever.
His arms were firm and comforting and heated, and his lips were smoothly perfect and fit just right, and his hair was feathery and it tickled her palm when she pressed her hand there, tousling the blonde locks. He scented like aftershave and some sort of cologne and his voice was teasing as he whispered, "I want to be with you."
But she knows it's a fairytale and it's time she forgot everything.
"You kissed me again," she murmurs and he breaks into a smile. She wants to etch the smile into her mind forever because it's perfect for her, and they are perfect for each other, and his arms are clasped on her pale skin.
Her dream fades then.
She sings songs and only when the words leave her mouth does she taste it, bittersweet on her tongue.
Maybe one day you'll look out; and barely conscious, you'll say to no one...
Isn't someone missing?
She wishes the song is her life, and that maybe one day Nate will wake up and whisper her name, and realize that he actually misses her and wants her.
She wishes he would open her door and get on hand and knee and beg her forgiveness for hurting her, and breaking her fragile heart, but things are never that simple, and life is never that perfect.