Title: Past Transactions

Author: Essence of Soup

Rated: T for Hidan's mouth.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Naruto. Aren't you glad?

~ 21 Nov. 1982, 4 Privet Drive in Little Whinging, Surrey~



Shikamaru wondered if it was legal to keep a hippo, a horse and a wild pig on the premises because kami knows if he was one of the Dursley's neighbor's then he would have called animal control by now because he was definitely sure the Dursley's didn't count as human.

"Oy! Fweaks! Get up! Mum wants you in the kitchen!" Came the squeaky voice of his charge's pig-- ahem-- alleged cousin.

Shikamaru sighed before he felt a thin finger nudged him gently. Turning slightly he found himself staring at emerald green eyes of his ward and cupboard-roomie; Nara Shikaeru or better known in this realm of reality as Harry Potter.

The relatives had no intention of calling the green eyed boy by his given name (the fact they had called them both 'freaks' and 'boys' constantly could attest to this) and the daft wizard's hadn't bothered to send someone to personally check up on them so Shikamaru had felt no need to call Harry by his given name and had given him another since he was 'technically' his brother in this world.

Plus if what he heard was true, Shikaeru was going to hate the name Harry Potter in time.

He figured if he was stuck here for the time being he might as well make the boy into a ninja, after all there was a maniacal megalomaniac on the loose wanting the two year old dead, and even worse an entire society that wanted to use the boy as some trophy and propaganda tool to make themselves look better because of their incompetence during the war.

Given the choice between the two evils, Shikamaru was more incline to let the dark wizard destroy the boy then to let the wizarding society pick the kid clean of his sanity. It was more merciful.

Right now though Shikamaru was content with keeping the boy at learning small stuff, like physical and mental exercise.

"Peese git up. Dudders is squealin' agin."

The former leaf ninja gave a disgruntled snort.

"When isn't he squealing?" He said agitatedly; he was cutting teeth and had a hell of a time talking correctly, not to mention he had to teach Shikaeru how to talk correctly as his evil relatives tried to make the boy seem stupid by giving him wrong words to say.

Shikaeru gave out a babyish giggle at his brother's words before opening the cupboard door letting light into the small space. Shikamaru reluctantly followed as his was stomach rumbling.

Marching to the kitchen the two looked up at a thin horse face like blonde woman who scowled at then nastily look.

"Get out a pan! It's time you two learned to work around here!"

Shikamaru gave her a bored look but did as he was told when Shikaeru shot him a pleading stare.

You know, no matter where you go or what language you're speaking this is still considered child abuse and slavery. Shikamaru thought with anger.

The lady had 'taught' them how to do laundry a few days ago, or more accurately she had given them minimal instruction and expected them to know the rest.

Shikaeru was really lucky Shikamaru hadn't gotten his memories swiped, otherwise the laundry would've been a disaster, giving the horse lady a chance to nag.

He was sure even his own mother (from his real realm) hadn't been this bad in the naggy department.

After retrieving a pan the two cooked breakfast under the evil hag's semi-watchful eyes as to make sure they didn't ruin her 'precious' Dudder's food.

Shikamaru watched her too, waiting for her to look away and when she did he would drop pieces of breakfast, the shadows around him taking and preserving them else where.

He started this when the Dursley's began to 'forget' to feed him and Shikaeru.

That was when he forced his shadows to do things he had never done before. Within the year he had been here, he had used his shadows to hide them, listen in on conversations, and most recently to teleport. It was amazing once you thought about it how he had complete control of the house due to his abilities and intelligence.

Shikamaru finished making his part of the breakfast as he quietly instructed Shikaeru how to finish his part.

A moment later the ninja heard heavy set footsteps coming his way. Mouthing 'look sharp' to Shikaeru he silently watched from his peripheral vision as 'Uncle' Vernon walked in.

The man was big, beefy man with a large purple face. He has thick, dark hair, a bushy black moustache, with hardly any neck and small, mean eyes.

"Petunia darling, I'll be working late today. Save some dinner for me."

"But Vernon! Duddykins is going to the Daycare today! Aren't you going to see him off?"

"I'd love to but I'm already running late."

A basketball with legs waddled in then, looking for the entire world to Shikamaru as a bloated pig with a blonde wig.

"Dad! I don' wanna go! Mama don' make me!" Dudley wailed, faking tears as Petunia went to comfort the fat brat.

"There, there Duddykins. You'll enjoy it! You'll make lots of friends because you're just the most charming person ever!"

"Compared to an eel maybe. Doubtful. I'm pretty sure I'd take the eel any day. Troublesome." Shikamaru muttered under his breath.

"What about 'em? Are da fweaks comin'?"

"Heavens no! I wouldn't let those boys any where near other children if I can help it! They'll be at Figg, our neighbor."

Shikamaru sighed. He didn't like the cantankerous old lady; she was moody, criticizing, bitchy, smelled like old cabbage and had demons for cats.

But then again, it got Shikaeru away from the Dursley's. He really was going to have to do something about this.

After breakfast, he and Shikaeru were marched over to old lady Figg, once more without a breakfast.

Shikamaru waited till the Dursley's left before taking Shikaeru to the side away from the grouchy lady. Then once he was sure the two were alone, a shadow bulged and reformed till the food he dropped earlier was in front of them. Shikaeru gratefully ate the meal, smiling happily at Shikamaru.

"Thanks Shikamaru!" The boy said happily.

Shikamaru nodded once as he nibbled on a piece of toast, keeping an eye on Figg. He had recalled seeing the wizard known as Kingsley Shacklebolt show up a few times at Figg's residence, meaning Figg was a spy implanted to keep something of an eye on them.

A lot of good she's been. Shikamaru mentally snorted. He really was amazed the Wizarding Society had remained undetected for so long. Really, these people didn't know how to be subtle at all. Had ninja's been stationed around here to look for suspicious activity these people would of stuck out like a kunai in a wound.

But part of him was glad he wasn't surrounded by ninja's right now. He didn't act even close to a normal baby. Normal toddler's did not start walking at four months, talking near full sentences by six months and begin reading English by the time they were nine months. The Dursley's presumed he was just a freak and didn't give it much thought.

Shikamaru hated the Dursley's but at least they're firm belief of the Potter's being freaks made them ignore his extremely abnormal development. He was just happy the Goddess Destiny had given him the ability to understand and speak six of this world's languages (though she didn't give him the ability to read them, he was on his own with that).

Destiny. One of the beings that just had to go and complicate his existence.

Turning his eyes to the young scrawny boy happily eating next to him before looking out the window to the cloud's Shikamaru recalled how he got landed in a year old's body in the worst realm ever.


~Order of the Higher Power, Cell Block 09.07 1/8, over one Wizard Realm year ago~


Shikamaru wondered if he were to try and kill Hidan again if the guy would disappear, because if murdering his sensei wasn't enough, then his annoying mouth was a good incentive.

"Were the fuck are we! Why the hell haven't I've gone straight to Jashin-sama?! Answer me you fucktards or I'll sacrifice you shitheads!" The silver haired man screamed at the door where presumably the guards were behind of.

After the two had died, the two had came face-to-skull with Death, who after looking through a very large book said "Oh dear, we have a snag. How troublesome." (Not something you want to hear from Death of all creatures).

Death then summoned several men in white and black garbs and masks who then grabbed them and put them in this small cell with the reassurement that they would be placed in the accordant after life that was proper for them. Now here he was, lounging in a chair as the extremist banged on the door in front of him, ready to fall asleep.

"GET ME OUT OF HERE YOU (beep)ING SONAVA(beep) BEFORE I (beep) (beep) (beep)ING YOUR SORRY (beep)!!"

Shikamaru could now understand why Hidan's partner, Kakuzu seemed to hate this guy. He just wouldn't shut up.

Ino was never this bad. Shikamaru thought before something dawned on him. Choji, Ino, the village, his parents! Everyone! He was never going to see them again!

Shikamaru suddenly felt cold and alone.

Before he could dwell on this much further the door swung open, revealing four of the black and white guards and three other people.

One Shikamaru had trouble telling if it was female or male, as it had elbow length pale blonde hair gender neutral face and wore an off white robe that hid it's figure.

The next person was a pissed looking man with long blood red hair and eyes with ram horns on his head and wore cargo pants and army boots with a trench coat that was open, revealing his shirtless torso that bore a Jashin symbol tattoo.

Hidan saw this man and for once was gobsmacked into silence as he looked as though he had seen something holy.

The last one was a lovely lady with short gray hair, blue and yellow eyes with a thick pair of glasses resting on her nose as she carried a several file folders.

The gender confusing person spoke (much to Shikamaru's ire even the voice was neutral, being neither male or female sounding). "Nara Shikamaru and Jashinist Hidan, the Orde-"

"Jashin-sama!!" Hidan interrupted loudly before dropping to his knees and bowing as low as physically possible to the horned man.

Shikamaru was rather surprised to see the crazed zealot so respectful. Looking at the red head, Shikamaru almost cringed.

So this is the guy he sacrificed me to. Judging by the blood stained cleaver and spiked mace strapped to him, Hidan wasn't kidding about him making me suffer. Lovely.

Shikamaru wasn't sure which scared him more; Jashin who looked ready to cleave his head off and torture him for eternity or Hidan who was doing a scary impersonation of an obsessed stalker/fangirl mixed with Gai's 'Power of Youth'.

"As I was saying," The strange genderless one continued. "the Order of the Higher Power has decided to reincarnate you two into another realm."

"What?" Shikamaru said, not quite sure he heard correctly.

"What?! Fuck no! I just got here! I will not be going the hell away from Jashin-sama now that I'm here!"

"Hidan." Jashin spoke that one simple name and Hidan shut up still bowing. "Your going. The realm you're going to has never even fuckin' heard of me! The damn atheists! I'm charging you with bringing in more members, thus bringing me more goddamn glory! Don't fail or I'll renounce my claim on you! Got that bitch?!"

"Hai Jashin-sama!"

"Good! Get going!" Jashin said before disappearing in a haze of blood.

Hidan flickered out the room, and was probably half way down the hall before the guards got a hold of him to take him the reincarnation room.

Wiping blood off her jacket the woman murmured. "I hate it when he does that bloody mist thing."

Looking up at Shikamaru she gave a tired smile. "Hello, I'm the Goddess Destiny and this is the God Life. As he had said you are going to be reincarnate."

Looking at the two Shikamaru sat lazily on the chair. "What's the catch?"

"What makes you think there's a catch?" The deity known as Life said pleasantly.

"I just died and came within arm reach of the deity I got sacrifice to. I was either going to get tormented forever or sent to purgatory unless Jashin had decided to show compassion and let me go to heaven, which judging on his persona and followers is very unlikely. And you plan to reincarnate his follower as well when it would make more sense to just leave him in his deity's wake. Now either Jashin is a much kinder soul then he is portrait or something happened that wasn't expected."

Life chuckled. "No wonder you chose him as an important piece. He's intelligent! Plus he has taken the news about being dead better then most do."

"Important piece?" Shikamaru said, eyeing the lady.

"Let me explain. Every world has at least one Avatar; the chosen one who will bring balance and prosperity to the world. In short a savior to all things free and good. The Avatar of your old realm is Uzumaki Naruto."

Shikamaru's eyes widen at this. Naruto? An Avatar?

In a strange sort of way, it made sense. Naruto could do things that no other person could do.

Seeing him understand, Destiny continued. "It is my duty to create several paths for the Avatar to take, giving him a choice as well as how something occurs and effects his life and the outcome for the world. During this, I have to decide who is and isn't expendable. Originally, you were indispensable, and were to live a long life were you got married, had a daughter then a son, retired after your daughter married and son became a successful ninja, played go and shogi in your spare time then die of old age before your wife. But thanks to a certain zealot," Destiny glared momentarily at the door, as though Hidan and Jashin were still there, "you were died prematurely. You were suppose to go to Jashin's section of hell and be tortured forever but because you were my piece, we had to compromise. That's were Lord Life comes into play. He had decided to have you two reincarnated."

Shikamaru blinked. That was unexpected. But that didn't explain the other question. "Why are you reincarnating us into another realm? If I'm needed in the ninja realm, why not just send me back?"

"Because Hidan's time had ran out on that plane of reality. Jashin wouldn't allow you to come back while his servant died for no reason. So in the interest of preventing a Divinity War, Lord Life suggested that both you and Hidan be reborn in another realm."

"And there is another thing." Life spoke, his strange smile still on his face. "Destiny has use for you in this realm."

Looking at the goddess expectingly, Shikamaru wondered what she had in store.

Sighing sadly Destiny resumed speaking. "You see, many of the Avatar's are orphans, become orphans and/or suffer tragedy through out their life. This realm's Avatar suffers greatly. In my original diagram he suffers, looses many love ones, is hunted down most of his life by a crazed raging psychopath, is orphaned early in life, has a horrible family that abuses him, is idolized for something he has no memory of, manipulated by people he thought were friends, marries a girl who doesn't really loves him till much later in life, and dies a year after his second son goes to the same school that tried to kill him yearly in his childhood."

"…You love making people suffer, don't you?"

"Of course not! You think I enjoy making my Avatar's suffer?!"

"Naruto had a bad life. He was abused by the villagers who tried constantly to kill before he became a Genin, and they still hated him after that."

"Yet he still found a way to be positive. Naruto has more suffering in store, and many more choices to make, like the one were he may or may not go seeking revenge on Nagato, the one who killed Jiraiya or deciding if Sasuke should just die to perserve peace or getting back at the village for all those years he suffered by unleashing the Kyuubi."


"Oh, sorry, I just gave you a spoiler. My bad. But back on the subject. The Avatar of the realm is called Harry Potter, and he will suffer immensely, unless of course he had some there for him early on in his life, someone who took care for him, taught him morals, to discern good from wrong, to think for himself and maybe even how to defend himself and his loved ones. A guardian, if you will."

A light dawned on Shikamaru. "Your sending me to be this guy's nanny, aren't you?"

"No, not nanny. Little brother. You see the date for his parent's death is very soon, and I have a narrow window of opportunity. You will be reborn into this family where you will teach and protect him. just being reborn into this world will changed the coarse of the realm's future, and if all goes well, less deaths and the boy won't suffer as much."

"In short you will be the Avatar's herald of wisdom and babysitter." Life said a little too optimistically.

"I don't get a choice in this do I?"

"Yes you do. You will still be the boy's brother, but you could just do nothing and let the world fall apart. But if you did that I'll send you to Jashin once you die for failing this." Destiny said with a smirk.

"Troublesome. When do I start?"

"Here, swallow these." Destiny said as she handed him three pills. Looking at the strange colored pills Shikamaru quirked an eyebrow.

"The blue pill allows you to understand up to six languages (very helpful as your not going to be speaking the same language there), the red one gives you information of the realm your going to, and the green one lets you retain your memories from this life so you can be more help in the next life."

Looking at the pills once more, Shikamaru made a gamble and swallowed them. Immediately his brain was assaulted with knowledge of things he never knew but now understood very well.


"Sorry, forgot to tell you about those killer headaches. Now if you will follow this person," Destiny said happily as she pointed to a guard, "we'll get you reincarned. You better hurry to, the windows almost closed. And Shikarmaru?"

Looking at the woman Shikamaru was graced with a kiss on his cheek and a grateful smile by Destiny.

"Good fortune to you."

Back in the Wizard Realm

Shikamaru frowned. So far Shikaeru had been happy, but that could be because he was obvious to the kind of life he lived. The boy was a good kid, quiet and never one to complain.

Shikamaru hated how the kid was being treated, by his own family no less. He resolved to give Shikaeru a better life, even if he had to thoroughly change this world. He was pretty sure he could do it; how many other people had the blessing of destiny on their side?

"...I'm sounding like a bad mix between Naruto and Neji. How disturbingly troublesome." He muttered, continuing to watch the cloud's. Why couldn't they reincarnate me into a cloud? Freely wondering, no worries or cares…

"Shikamaru? Whatcha lookin' at?" Shikaeru asked, tilting his head to see.



"Because even if everything is going wrong, it's nice to know there are some peaceful things to enjoy still. Clouds can't be taking away from you. There very peaceful too." The genius said lazily.

"Wows…you didn' say 'toublesome'."

"Replying to that would be too troublesome. Want to watch them with me Shikaeru?"

The green eyed boy didn't reply but did position himself to get a better view of the clouds. It would become the boy's favorite pass time after that day.

And there's Shikamaru's side! Yay for finally finishing this!

Shikaeru = to do over;to start anew.

The reason I had Shikamaru change Harry's name was because to Shikamaru, who has been charged with pretty much raising Harry, it's his right as the boy's de facto guardian to do so as he sees Harry as more his protégé then a brother, plus Harry didn't even know his real name since the Dursley's kept calling them freaks so Shikamaru thought it better to give him one.

That and he hates his new name 'Shawn' and can't imagine Harry liking his real name later in life (with all the drama and anguish he heard from Destiny, any person would hate that name if they had to suffer that kind of life).

Well, hope you liked it! The next chapter probably won't be out for a while.