Bella was fuming and red for the next fifteen minutes. They seemed to last much longer than that, as she was squished in an excruciatingly uncomfortable position between Edward and Seth. Normally, she would be completely at ease, and would most likely be going off on an internal rant on how perfect it felt to be seated next to her one and only love, her eternal companion, the taker of her virginity, blah blah blah. But instead, the room was filled with an intense awkwardness, so thick she could breathe in its smell of sweat and Old Spice deodorant.

The TV screen was still filled with images of wolves attacking a poor deer, because Rosalie hadn't bothered to change it since IT happened (instead, she opted for sitting motionless on the ground with her mouth hanging perpetually open). Bella knew she should be focusing on the Discovery Channel-which was really quite informative-but it may as well have been on Mute. All she could hear were the noises coming from inside the kitchen: shuffling hands, low dirty mumblings on Jacob's part and tiny whimpers from Leah's side. Now, any pervert off the street could've been getting off simply by listening to this stuff, but Bella was not a pervert (or so she likes to believe). Instead, she was a disgustingly pregnant, personality-less, sick wife of a mythical creature. And she was not in the mood to have some tramp making out with her Jacob.

It's not like she could do anything, with the love of her life, the beauty of her soul, the object of her stalkings, seated right next to her (and practically freezing her arm in its place, for that matter). But boy, did she want to. How DARE they be sucking face in the next room!

After another five minutes of a porn audio reel coming from the kitchen, their noises ceased and Bella thanked the Lord. That is, until the two of them emerged.

All heads immediately turned towards the two copper-skinned beings. They looked, well...horny. Leah's hair was in a bold contraption on the top of her head, mussed, most likely by Jacob's hands (unless some other big-handed Indian was sexually harassing her in the kitchen). Jake's face was flushed red with adrenaline, and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. Both parties looked a little dazed.

Edward was the first to speak.

"Would you please try to refrain yourself from forcing me to view porn in my head?" he asked Jacob, who flushed even more red, if that was possible.

"We're gonna, um..." Jacob started.

"Go, uh...out..." Leah attempted.

"Out-outside." Jacob finished skillfully.

"You're gonna do it, aren't you?" Seth commented with a silly grin.

"Damn straight we are, Kelso," Leah replied, regaining her composure with-surprise, surprise-sarcasm. Though Bella currently hated Leah for many reasons, she had to admire a "That '70s Show" reference at a time like this.

"You can't do that!" Rosalie chipped in. "We haven't had you fixed yet!" And with that, everyone broke into uproarious laughter.

"Don't worry about that," Leah retorted. "I'm as barren as your chest."

The laughter increased, and even Rosalie had to admit Leah had gotten a good burn. The only person who wasn't laughing was Bella, who didn't find the situation funny at all.

"I don't find this situation funny at all!" she announced.

The room grew silent, as all eyes turned to her.

"Well...well why not?" Alice questioned innocently, blinking her large eyes.

"Leah and Jacob are gonna have sex!" Emmett said, as if this notion needed to be clarified.

"Yeah!" Jasper continued, "what's not funny about that?"

What isn't funny, Bella thought, is that I hate her! She hated Leah, all at once, for a few reasons. One, because she was jealous of her. While Bella was stuck with purple bags under her eyes and a belly bigger than Kate Gosselin's once was, Leah looked like fucking Pocahontas, with her thick, flowing black hair, golden tan skin and-oh, yeah-breasts like full water balloons. Also, and more importantly, SHE WAS MAKING OUT WITH JACOB! NOBODY WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ALLOWED TO DO THAT BUT BELLA!

"She can't do it with Jacob!" Bella yelled desperately. "I'm pregnant!"


"What does that have to do with anything?" Jacob asked quietly, scared that Edward would rip his head off at the mention of anything that came close to insulting his best girl. The best girl who had once been Jacob's best girl, though we don't want to come too close to sounding like pimps, now do we?

"You're right, sweetheart," Edward said, rubbing Bella's back. Though he loved this girl to a point verging on psychopathic, he had to admit he had been happy to allow a bit of humor into his life. He hadn't laughed in a long time, and for a second there it had felt almost happy in here.

Bella ruins everything, my friends.

"Maybe we should just think through our options," said Edward.

"Yeah, well, I want to go with the option where I get to have sex," Jacob said, and Alice fought to hide her giggles from Bella's eyes.

"Listen, bitch," Leah burst out all of the sudden, whirling on Bella. "You made your fucking choice to marry Mr. Mind-Molesting Mosquito here, and all you've done since that and before that is hurt Jacob with your narcissism and your whining. You chose Edward and yet you refuse to give Jake up. The point of making a choice is that YOU DON'T GET BOTH! Did Jackie get both Hyde and Kelso? No! Well, she ended up with Fez, but that's not the point!" Leah felt herself wandering away from the original path. "You need to let Jacob go. You didn't want to have sex with him? Well, guess what? I do! So let me!"

Leah grabbed Jacob (who, by now, looked like he was about to be run over by the Bitchmobile) by the wrist and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

A few moments of awkward silence, followed by Alice:

"I like her."

A/N: Everyone liked this story, so I finally decided to write a second chapter. Here you go! Pleeeeeease review!