Donner steps back outside of the hospital for a moment, blinking in the sunlight and trying to calm himself with a breath of clean air. With a breath of air that doesn't smell like antiseptic; of air the isn't coloured to mask the scent of death. He draws a hand across his lips and freezes.
It's wet. Smells like copper.
He pulls it back and stares, horrified, for a moment.
It's her blood, all over his hand. He's nine again, Thomas' blood pouring onto the floor while he cries and dirties his knees and palms with it, squirming out of his uncle's grasp to get to his friend. Screaming and crying.
He suddenly folds forward, vomit spraying from his mouth. Barely notices the older gentleman passing by. Ignores the look he's given. He staggers back from the mess... he can't deal with that now, he needs to get clean.
There's a bloody streak left on the door behind him after he pushes his way back into the building with both hands. Donner automatically heads for the staff washroom close to where he'd been working earlier; it's habitual more than anything. He'd kept it in his sights all morning in case he'd needed it. Because of this he passes by where they've taken Zoe and he realizes hecan hear Jen's frantic voice. It abruptly drops low but it hasn't lost it's intensity.
"Dr Winkler, uh, it's - its zoe she's... she's having a miscarriage; she took an abortion pill this morning."
Donner's body feels as though it's been dipped in ice. He shoves his way into the restroom to puke again but there's nothing to come up and he dry heaves over the basin, another bloody mark left on the porcelain.
"You're not responsible for what happened to Zoe."
Ajay's words echo in Donner's head while he sits by her beside. He'd wanted to cry when he heard them; had wanted to confess and blubber and breakdown. He'd wanted Ajay to repeat himself once he'd admitted to his deeds. See if Sharma would feel the same way about him then. Donner didn't think he would; Donner sure as hell didn't.
He looked down at his hands, raw and pink from the scrubbing he'd put them through. Once he'd finished choking up bile he'd turned on the tap and thrust his hands under the cold water until his fingers were numb. He'd watched with morbid fascination as the red liquid had slid from his palms to pool in the sink, dying the water that swirled into the drain a bright crimson. He rubbed them long past the time needed, chafing away skin until it cracked and his blood chased hers into the pipes.
Donner looked up at Zoe, catching her wrist to stop her from knocking her hand into the night-stand. She was sleeping restlessly and it made him feel worse if that was possible. But the doctor's said she was going to be fine and that gave him comfort, albeit the tiniest amount.
Her hand was pale and tiny against his own. The blood, her blood, may have been gone but he'd never be clean. His hands would be stained a dusty red forever.
Removing Zoe's blood was hard but not impossible. Donner would manage in time.
He'd never get the Mars dust off.
There, number two for you all. Thanks for the wonderful feedback on the last chapter; much more than I was expecting since there's only one other fic in the category! So get started writing my fellow authors; I'd love to read some of your work because I'm sure that it'd all be great. Who next? Maybe Jen... maaaaaybe Eve. I had a thought about something I could do for her last episode. Apparently I was very inspired by Bacon, haha.
Take care loves, Moksmgol