You Should Know That: I have already written the whole thing. All 50 segments. It's complete and edited and ready. So I swear I will not leave anyone hanging in the middle of the story. But I am begging you to leave a comment before I post the next parts and really tell me what you liked and why. The reason why most of us authors are such review whores is because we worship you readers and we really need to find out what exactly our writing does to you. Pretty please, drop me a line and I'll post Part 2 immediately.

Disclaimer: Good Omens and all of its characters belong to Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. I am just borrowing them and I'm not making any profit. The song 'Two Thousand Years' belongs to Billy Joel.

Warnings: I'm being completely unoriginal here so this is once again Crowley/Aziraphale slash like almost everything in the fandom. This means a romantic relationship between two men, although technically angels and demons are not supposed to have gender. I'm taking the liberty to say that they are both particularly 'making an effort' so there's your warning. Hints of sexual situations. There is also bad language and violence, sometimes a bit explicit. And occasionally huge amounts of fluff.

Author's Notes: This was inspired by a lovely piece of GO fan fiction called '50 Accounts of Hisses and Halos' written by saxgirl42. I recommend it. I am using the same 50 prompts here but there are several significant differences between this fic and saxgirl42's (besides content, obviously). Most of these segments are way too long to be called drabbles. They are also in chronological order and there is a storyline going throughout the whole thing.

Apart from that, since I'm just your regular fangirl so you can find pretty much every cliché ever written about Crowley and Aziraphale in here. Seriously, if anyone wants to sue me for stealing an idea, go ahead but I just think there's a limited number of situations we want to see these guys in.

All of that said, enjoy and please leave a review. Pleeeeease!

Inner Angels and Guardian Demons

Part 1


#1 Motion

Aziraphale sets foot out of Eden for the first time and is overwhelmed by how fast everything is moving and changing. He is not sure he likes it. It feels like there is no peace here, no tranquility.

Only a few generations have passed on Earth before God's decision to send him to watch over Humanity. But even with so few people around, something is always going on.

Angels are pretty much used to sitting around all day and contemplating God and the Light and Goodness. In Heaven, everything is stationary. There is no hunger or sorrow or anything else to spur anyone into action. So the souls that have been sent there just walk around and smile at each other and praise the Lord.

But in this mortal world, in this human body, Aziraphale is constantly distracted by something. The sun is heating his skin, men are hunting, women are cooking, children are fighting or playing, babies are crying, dogs are barking and he thinks he hears the sound of the world rolling.

He escapes to a mountain top to feel closer to home. He feels guilty for doing it. He is here to help the humans! Isn't he supposed to feel nothing but love for all of God's creations? He thinks he may not be able to love them if he can't understand them and he feels like a failure. But everything here is so foreign and so unreliably dynamic!

He is not exactly surprised when Crawly appears beside him. The demon has come here before Aziraphale. Satan has sent him after Adam and Eve to spread evil and tempt the poor souls. In fact, Crawly is part of the reason Aziraphale is here. The angel knows it would be wrong to blame him for that though.

The former snake does seem to enjoy this place quite a bit more than his counterpart.

"You've made me climb all the way up here. That's not very angelic of you, you know. So what's new in Heaven?" the demon asks with a grin. He sounds happily excited for some reason.

Aziraphale mumbles a greeting, shrugs at the question and continuous to stare into the distance. Crawly makes himself comfortable on the ground and puts the rough clay bowl he's been carrying in his lap.

"You know, it will be much more interesting with you here," He says and takes an enthusiastic swig from the bowl.

He sounds as if he's been organizing a party and after being hung up by everyone, he's just found out that someone is coming after all.

The angel turns to look at his companion.

Of course, he's not a snake anymore. Aziraphale has the vague feeling that he resembles his former angel self a bit but that's hard to confirm. Angels don't exactly look in a particular way when they are in Heaven. It's their personality that shapes the general impression they leave in the eyes of the beholder. But, come to think of it, angels are not supposed to have too much of a personality either. Or rather, they are all supposed to have the same one. Aziraphale has always felt a bit guilty for being different.

"You look like you need a drink," Crawly comments and offers him the bowl.

Aziraphale blinks at it.


"A drink, angel, you need a drink. It's some kind of herbal mix the humans have learned to prepare. You'll like it."

Aziraphale is still perplexed.

"Is this an attempt to tempt me? Because neither me nor you really need to eat or drink."

Crawly rolls his yellow snake-y eyes.

"We don't need to. It doesn't mean we can't. And it doesn't mean you won't enjoy it. Come on, we're supposed to blend in with the humans. Do as they do. Did God specifically tell you not to drink anything?"

"I guess not."

"Then how am I tempting you with something you haven't been forbidden to do?"

Aziraphale finally takes the bowl and allows himself a small cautious sip.

"It's… strange. But it's kind of nice."

Crawly who has been watching him carefully breaks into a grin and winks.

"Told ya!"

After an hour or two and some more of the drink, the world seems a much nicer place. And what's more, the angel starts to feel its movement flowing trough him. It will later become an inseparable part of him but he doesn't know that yet.

He looks down at the valley below.

Just like before, men are hunting, women are cooking, children are fighting or playing, babies are crying, dogs are barking and he thinks he hears the sound of the world rolling. But it doesn't bother him anymore.

#2 Wrong

It doesn't take too much time on Earth for each of them to confirm their suspicions - they have both done the wrong thing back in the Garden of Eden. Well, in the demon's case (he's Crowley now and not Crawly) it's actually the right thing and that's why it's wrong.

The humans have developed so much after eating from the Tree of Knowledge! They are creating things that make Aziraphale stare in wonder and admiration. It doesn't seem like they were meant to stay in the Garden anyway. Crowley's apple just might have been the best thing that's happened to them.

But Aziraphale remembers how angry God was and is suddenly ashamed of such thoughts.

The fiery sword on the other hand… He should have known giving someone a sword wasn't educational. The angel has no idea why he hasn't been severely admonished for that, at the very least. He attributes it to God's great mercy and goodness.

Crowley sees things another way. He suspects that both God and Lucifer are having a good laugh at their expense.

Both angel and demon are sometimes worried when they remember that occasion. But at the same time…

There is something comforting in the thought that not everything is absolute, that there is more to them than what they represent.

Aziraphale sees the fact that Crowley might have done something good as an excuse not to think he's completely evil.

Crowley sees the fact that Aziraphale might have messed up as an excuse not to find him annoyingly righteous.

Some more years pass and they don't mind being wrong so much anymore.

#3 Young

"Do you reckon God was ever young?" Crowley asks suddenly.

Aziraphale lifts his eyes from the book he is reading and surveys him critically.

"When did you manage to get drunk without me?"

"Come on, Aziraphale, I'm serious! There must have been a time when he was inexperienced and he was making mistakes."

"He can't make mistakes, my dear. He is GOD!"

"You know he was experimenting while he was creating the world! He made Light and he looked at it and said 'Oh, I like this, look at all the pretty colors!' It's in the Bible!"

Aziraphale is looking slightly horrified now and his eyes are darting around the room as if waiting for an Archangel to appear and smite them both.

"That's not precisely what he said!"

"It was something like that. So maybe that's why some of us Fell. Maybe he was still learning and he made some of us wrong. Can't you imagine him making angels and murmuring from time to time 'Oh, shit, I screwed this one up.'"

Aziraphale does actually imagine it and he finds it incredibly amusing. That's exactly what terrifies him.

"No, Crowley, for Heaven's sake, I can't imagine God, and we are talking about GOD here, saying… well, what you just said."

Crowley rolls his eyes at the angel's inability to pronounce a word like 'shit' but raises his hands in a peaceful gesture.

"All right, all right…"

A minute passes in silence.

Aziraphale notices the demon is pouting and sighs. Demons shouldn't be allowed to look hilariously adorable. Curiosity finally overpowers his indignation.

"Why do you even ask, dear?" he asks.

Crowley shrugs.

"It's just not fair. When humans have to make up excuses in front of their superiors, they get to say 'Haven't you ever been young?' Why don't we?"

"Do you actually believe that if you had been able to say that to God he wouldn't have let you Fall?"

"No, but it would have sounded like a good argument." Crowley says seriously before breaking into a grin. "Anyway, if I hadn't Fallen, at least one of us would have been stuck up there dying of boredom. What are the chances that they would send us both here if we were on the same side?"

Aziraphale doesn't say anything but he silently (and grudgingly) agrees that he'd rather be here than Up There.

#4 Last

Neither had expected the Arrangement to last so long. It had started at a time when both were just too tired and exasperated with humans to want to deal with the other's schemes. But then some time after that first occasion Crowley had called to warn the angel that he was planning something in a certain city and Aziraphale had agreed to leave him alone in exchange for free reign in another city and…

They had stuck to it for some reason and it had grown into a bit more than a business partnership. Neither would admit it in front of the other but Aziraphale who was a creature of faith devoted a frighteningly big amount of it to the Arrangement.

And Crowley sometimes swore on it. Those were the only times he actually felt compelled to keep his word.

In a world so rapidly changing (especially from an immortal's point of view) that was the great thing about the Arrangement – it lasted.

#5 Cool

Crowley didn't like hot water.

It was a misconception that all demons liked hotness and fire. They could withstand it to an extent but not all liked it. Crowley's problem was that he wasn't as dumb as most demons and he had better imagination.

Those without brains, physical or metaphorical, just didn't think about it and assumed that since they came from Hell, they should be happy with flames.

He liked the Sun of course. And nice warm days and things like that.

But one of the things hot water reminded him of was boiling cauldrons. He didn't like imagining himself in one of them. He had come way too close to that possibility during that non-Apocalypse business.

Crowley was afraid of Hell.

It wasn't because he was not a real demon. It was exactly because he was. He knew about torture better than most because, unlike other demons, he wasn't oblivious to others' suffering. Maybe it was the angel's influence but maybe it was just his own fear of the fate of the damned that kept him from being too fond of Hell.

But he was a real demon. He was as real as they came. He had spread more evil on Earth than all the Dukes of Hell put together. The thing was, he had really taken care to spread it good and wide like butter on a toast and it was a very thin layer. It was never very specific, never too personal. As a result, he had never in his whole career personally sent a soul to Hell. To his credit, he might have contributed to the condemnation of many with the gazillion small irritancies he caused. But not in the same way Hastur and Ligur worked to ruin a single soul for years.

He was also afraid of Heaven.

The second thing a hot bath reminded him of was holy water and the way it burned you. He had felt it once, that agonizing pain as the liquid spread and ate trough your skin.

It had been just one drop and it had been a long time ago, before the Arrangement. Prompted by Hastur and Ligur, Crowley had tried his hand at some genuinely evil stuff. His heart hadn't been in it and Aziraphale had easily managed to thwart him. But the angel had been so furious that he had actually threatened him with holy water. It was an obvious bluff, really. Even Aziraphale could not possibly have such bad aim unless it was on purpose. But one drop had landed on Crowley's skin anyway. That single drop had caused a severe burn that covered all of the back of his right hand and it hadn't healed for a month. Aziraphale had been utterly terrified. But at least it had set the record straight and neither had kept any grudges from the whole incident. Except towards Hastur and Ligur. Still…

He shuddered. Yes, he knew exactly what he had done to Ligur and the thought made him sick. Not because he had much sympathy for the Duke but because he knew it might happen to him some day.

He sank into the bathtub. The water was cool and he sighed in relief. His skin had started to grow hot just from thinking those thoughts. He wouldn't stay long because although he wasn't cold-blooded anymore, there was some leftover snakiness in him and he would start to shiver pretty soon. But for now, cool was good.

#6 Gentle

Aziraphale had asked Crowley more than once what happened to the houseplants that didn't quite meet the demon's high standards. He suspected he didn't want to know but some kind of morbid curiosity kept him asking.

"They go to a better place." Crowley always said and gave him an evil little smirk.

And Aziraphale imagined all kinds of horrible ends for the poor things. Until one day he found out by accident.

It was one of the rare occasions when they had decided to actually make use of Crowley's apartment instead of going out or drinking in the bookshop's back room. The angel was early for their appointment and was currently standing on the opposite sidewalk from the building considering whether it would be rude to go up anyway. And then the demon himself showed up carrying a large potted plant. Without seeing the angel, he got into the Bentley and carefully arranged the plant into the passenger's seat.

It was too good an opportunity to miss and Aziraphale couldn't resist the temptation. (Crowley would be proud if he knew.) Feeling more than ever like one of the agents around the duck pond, he caught a cab and ordered it to follow the Bentley. To his relief, the task actually proved possible with only one or two miracles on the way. To his even bigger relief, the cab driver didn't seem moved by the fact that his car seemed to pass right trough a few others. Thank God cab drivers in general were quite hard to disturb.

The Bentley pulled into a back alley. The cab stopped a little way away and Aziraphale got out, tipping the driver generously for his troubles. He was pretty terrible at lurking but what saved him was the fact that Crowley would never have guessed the angel was following him. Aziraphale peeked cautiously behind the corner. What he saw would have made jaws drop in both Heaven and Hell. The potted plant was still on the front seat and Crowley was now leaning over it, stroking its leaves affectionately and murmuring something Aziraphale couldn't quite make out. As he watched in amazement, the demon blew softly to clear a spec of dust from a leaf. Another inch forward and his lips touched the smooth green surface. Aziraphale pinched himself but the image did not dissolve. He was spying on a demon kissing a plant.

A moment later said demon picked the pot up from the seat. His follower quickly disappeared behind the corner and Crowley never suspected he was being watched as he left the plant with others of its kind put on display in front of a small shop. He also snatched an empty pot on the way to show to the other plants when he returned.

Left among its smaller and plainer cousins the plant looked so remarkably beautiful that someone was already buying it when the Bentley reappeared.

Aziraphale smiled softly. Who would have thought? They did indeed go to a better place.

He should have known. As demons went, Crowley was not particularly cruel by nature. Merely very troublesome and quite cunning. Enough to know that if his plants weren't so terrified of him, he would never get the results he was getting. Besides, he liked power and he liked being mean. Still, he apparently allowed himself to be gentle with the ones that were leaving. Maybe it could be presented as part of the whole evil plan. If only the rest of them knew that they were going trough so much horror for nothing…

The angel shook his head. Six millennia and Crowley still managed to confuse him. He couldn't decide if this whole plant business was good or evil. Should he tell Crowley's plants? No doubt, the demon was even now scaring the chlorophyll out of them but… Oh, well, those who were left could take it. And if they couldn't… Aziraphale imagined the expression a terrified houseplant would have (if plants had expressions to begin with) right after being lovingly kissed by a suspected serial plant killer. He laughed out loud as he was waving for another cab. He wasn't going to tell them. After all, he had to be just enough of a bastard to be likable, right?

And Crowley would probably never know why the angel kept grinning at him that night and chuckling more than the conversation demanded.

#7 One

One is a special number. It looks small but it's not. It bridges the gap between Nothing and Something.

Still, Aziraphale is now trying to convince himself that it doesn't make a difference. After all, he doesn't like all demons, just one.

That one demon has fallen asleep in his chair, a glass of wine left unfinished on the table beside him. Aziraphale can't think of anything that feels more natural or right than the two of them together in the back room of the shop.

Crowley is really asleep, not passed out from the alcohol. They haven't gotten very drunk this time and there doesn't seem to be a particular reason for them to. The world isn't ending anymore, neither of them is in too much trouble with their respective bosses and everything seems to be fine. But it has only been about a month after the whole Armageddon fiasco and Crowley has been quite restless. He drinks less and pays more attention to their conversations, as if he's constantly making sure he's not hallucinating. And this is the first time he has fallen asleep since then. Of course, the demon doesn't need sleep but he loves it. It's his way of dealing with the difficult stuff. Fall asleep and you might wake up in a different world where your current worries don't exist anymore. Aziraphale has the vague feeling that this time waking up in a different world is exactly what Crowley has been afraid of. The angel has done his best to reassure him, pulling him along into the rhythm of their favorite pastimes until everything feels normal again. It has finally worked. He isn't sure if this counts as a good deed but he is pleased with himself. The fact that Crowley is sleeping is an indication that things are back on track. And he has to admit that he himself has been a little paranoid. The possibility of losing all of the wonderful things the world offers – including one tiresome but quite friendly for his kind demon – has proven more troubling than anticipated.

He walks over to the sleeping form on the chair. There is something he has felt the urge to do for ages. On several occasions he has come quite close. But he has always managed to convince himself it isn't appropriate. Only because they are an angel and a demon and not for any other reason. It's nothing dirty after all. There are ages and countries where this sort of thing would not have even been considered gay. But the gesture is somehow too gentle, too meaningful. He hasn't dared.

Still, what is the worst that could happen? If the world hasn't ended when the Antichrist came, it certainly wouldn't end because of this.

He realizes this sounds like an excuse Crowley would make to tempt someone. But since when has he ever been able to resist Crowley's temptations? Ever since that first drink on the mountain top, whatever the damned snake offers, Aziraphale pretty much always agrees to. Said snake never offers anything too dangerous, though. Nothing that would cause the angel to Fall. Maybe he knows it would be too hard for Aziraphgale to say no. It's even harder now that Crowley is asleep and not knowingly doing anything.

Well, to Hell with it. Hopefully not literally.

Aziraphale leans down and places a soft kiss on the demon's temple. Just one. A single kiss, quite innocent at that. How would it change anything?

#8 Thousand

Aziraphale was not a man to give in easily to depression but there were certain occasions when he couldn't help but feel the weight of the world on his shoulders. One such occasion presented itself at the beginning of every new millennium.

While the whole world was celebrating New Year, he was standing alone by the window of the shop, a glass of wine in his hand, wondering about the point of his existence. Every one thousand years he would look at the world and realize that it was in no way better than before. That all of the good deeds he had done, or at least attempted to do, hadn't really changed anything. People were still poor and unhappy and angry. Murders and wars still happened and it wasn't because of Crowley or Hell in general. If he had had no opposition at all, he would still not have managed to make a difference. In fact, Crowley's presence on Earth only served to mask that fact. At first he had been hopeful about the coming of God's Son. But Jesus hadn't changed anything either. He had come, granted a few miracles, earned his place in the Bible and gone. And after the next thousand years had passed without much changing, Aziraphale had felt worse than ever before. Now the year was 2000 after Christ, the Apocalypse had been stopped and there was still no difference. Of course, the whole point of him and Crowley trying to stop the Apocalypse had been for things to remain the same. But Aziraphale couldn't think reasonably on this one night. He loved the world, he really did. And he understood that things were complicated. But once in a thousand years he allowed himself to be a whiny clichéd angel and feel sad that the world wasn't a better place, even if he knew he probably wouldn't like it if it was. Somehow dreaming about it still mattered.

He felt guilty in front of Crowley for spending a night wishing Evil did not exist. Even if he wasn't really wishing it, just sort of fantasizing that he was wishing it. That was why he always found an excuse not to spend that night with the demon. He stayed at home and wallowed in self pity while Crowley was at a party somewhere.

He gulped the last of his wine and headed into the back room for more when he heard a car pull in front of the shop.

No, it couldn't be him. Aziraphale had specifically told him he wanted to spend the evening with a very interesting manuscript and he didn't want any distractions. The last five times the demon had always left him alone on the night of a new millennium…

But the bell rang and, sure enough, there stood Crowley, his dark suit sprinkled with confetti and a ridiculous sparkly paper tiara in the form of the number 2000 on his head.

"What are you doing here? I told you I was-"

"Oh, come on," the demon cut him off, "you spend too much time around dusty books. It's New Year! Get your coat we're going for a ride."

"Crowley, seriously, not now…"

"I've put up with your excuses five times already. For a while I thought I should give you some privacy to do whatever it is you do when you want to get rid of me but you are not doing anything! If it's nothing more interesting than cursing the world, you and me included, for not matching your standards, you can do that in my company just as well. At least you'll be cursing at an animate object instead of your glass."

Aziraphale's jaw dropped.

"You knew?"

Yellow eyes rolled behind the shades.

"Please. How long have I known you? And you get gloomier and gloomier the year before every new millennium. You look at kids being rude to their parents and you shake your head as if it's something the scale of the holocaust. And on a night like this you probably feel double guilty for being associated with me. It's fine. I know you should be trying to please The Boss. But I never wanted you to try and please me. I won't mind you being a bit of a bastard. Wanna Damn me to Hell? Go right ahead. What would it matter? But just get in the car already, drinking alone isn't healthy."

With that Crowley marched off towards the Bentley. Aziraphale followed him without protest this time, picking his coat on the way. The actual meaning of what Crowley was saying was left to hang in the still air of the bookshop.

I don't want just the side of you that you feel you should show. I want it all.

As he was walking towards the car, the angel's mind was chewing on an interesting thought. Maybe he would in the end give more of himself to Crowley than he did to God. The notion was scary but… It was just different. He belonged to God because of what he was but he belonged to Crowley because of who he was. And also because…


Aziraphale shrugged. He fully expected to hear 'Queen' yet again.

Crowley pushed 'play' and surprisingly, it was not Freddie Mercury this time.

Aziraphale stared at him incredulously as Billy Joel's voice filled the silence of the country road they were driving on. It wasn't the type of song the demon would normally choose to listen to, what with all the angel stuff in it. It had to have been picked particularly for the occasion. Aziraphale was suddenly stunned at the realization of how well Crowley really knew him.

"Listen." The demon said with a wink. "It's almost like Agnes Nutter's prophesies."

In the beginning
There was the cold and the night
Prophets and angels gave us the fire and the light
Man was triumphant
Armed with the faith and the will
Even the darkest ages couldn't kill

"You hear?" Crowley asked with a smirk. "'Gave us the fire and the light.' This must be a reference to a certain flaming sword."

"Oh, shut up!" Aziraphale snapped irritably and, true to his word, Crowley only grinned at the display of bad mood.

"Yeah but you see, it must have been a good thing because humanity did survive the 14th century."

They both shuddered at the thought of that age.

Too many kingdoms
Too many flags on the field
So many battles, so many wounds to be healed
Time is relentless
Only true love perseveres
It's been a long time and now I'm with you
After two thousand years

"After siiiix thousand years!" Crowley sang enthusiastically. "But we already know that people care more if something rhymes than how accurate it is."

Aziraphale laughed at this.

This is our moment
Here at the crossroads of time
We hope our children carry our dreams down the line
They are the vintage
What kind of life will they live?
Is this a curse or a blessing that we give?

Sometimes I wonder
Why are we so blind to fate?
Without compassion, there can be no end to hate
No end to sorrow
Caused by the same endless fears
Why can't we learn from all we've been through
After two thousand years?

Crowley didn't comment on this part but Aziraphale already knew why he had chosen this song. Billy Joel was throwing his own thoughts right back at him. The next verse made him bite his tongue.

There will be miracles
After the last war is won
Science and poetry rule in the new world to come
Prophets and angels
Gave us the power to see
What an amazing future there will be

"All right, all right, Crowley, I get the hint. Armageddon, the last war, Heaven's propaganda of how nice things would have been... It's all rubbish. I know. I just…"

He was cut off by Billy Joel's again.

And in the evening
After the fire and the light
One thing is certain: Nothing can hold back the night

"Oh, I see…"

Time is relentless
And as the past disappears
We're on the verge of all things new
We are two thousand years

"You see," Crowley began with the song still finishing in the background "I agree that things might really be better some undetermined time in the future. As long as the bright future stays in the future, I don't have a problem with it. The way I see it, we help things to change. Not for better or worse per se but they change. And that's important. I think that's all humans need - to hope that there is such a thing as a change for the better. So you've taken good care of them after all."

Aziraphale smiled.

"We both have. Thank you, my dear, I feel a lot better."

He did. And he was also realizing that it was completely pointless to try and hide any side of himself from Crowley. He belonged to God because of what he was but he belonged to Crowley because of who he was. And if there was ever a time… although such a thing was impossible… but if there was ever a time when God didn't understand… Crowley would.

And then for the first time they actually celebrated the new millennium.

# 9 Torn

"Crowley, what do you think I should do?"

"I can't make the decision for you, angel."

"But I'm quite torn, I can't decide!"

"For… For my Bentley's sake, just make up your mind already, will you? I can't stand this! It's been going on forever! You have to decide so we can get a move on."

"But one of these choices will make you hate me, won't it?"

"Grrrr, Aziraphale, pleasssssse, just pick one!!"

"No, you tell me, which would you choose?"

"And get blamed for making you choose what I want? No, thanks."

"I'm choosing to trust a friend's opinion. I'm allowed to do that!"

Crowley let out a long-suffering sigh.

"Fine then! The blue one. Happy?"

"Not the pink one then?"

"No, not the pink one! Darn it, put on the blessed shirt already or I swear, I'll drag you to dinner shirtless!"

"All right, all right, dear, no need to get so worked up…"

#10 Learn

There are a lot of things that can be learned from books. But some things just have to be tested in practice.

Aziraphale reasons with himself that he is only doing this in order to be able to properly thwart Crowley. Because this is one part of human nature Crowley understands quite well and exploits all the time. And how is Aziraphale supposed to stop him while being ignorant on the subject? He has learned the theory long ago but no more than that. Because up until now he has felt it would be inappropriate to do it without love. And Aziraphale has never fallen in love with a human. But recently the angel has been feeling the urge to learn more. He still isn't sure if this is all right. Wanting to learn more is exactly what got Adam and Eve thrown out of Eden after all. On the other hand, he is quite certain that Heaven is supposed to support learning.

It is all so confusing!

Maybe it depends on whether you are learning the right stuff? He imagines the expression Crowley would acquire upon hearing this and suddenly the thought sounds idiotic even in his own head. How can there be 'right stuff' to learn? There's just knowledge. You get it or you don't.

The fact is, Aziraphale has always loved learning things, be it the gavotte or magic tricks. He just really hopes he is doing better at this particular thing than his past hobbies. The girls - and occasionally boys because angels are supposed to be sexless so he can't be accused of anything - never tell him the whole truth about his skills, of course. But some are willing to give advice.

To somehow justify himself he turns the whole thing into a miracle. It's never the same person twice because after an encounter with him all of them suddenly decide to fix their lives and end up either at University with a scholarship or married to a nice rich man. More often the first because Aziraphale is quickly running out of nice rich men.

He doesn't really know why he is doing it. But he is learning. He is actually becoming good at it. He feels a bit like he is preparing for some kind of test.

He has been terrified the first time but there hasn't been so much as an admonishing call from Heaven. So he takes that as a green light. After all, sex is supposed to be an expression of love and he is supposed to love all of God's creatures.

Still, Crowley would swallow his sunglasses if he knew.

End of Part 1