A/N: In honor of my fiftieth story, I wrote a drabble for a book I read last year for school. I didn't enjoy the book, but one thing made me want to write, so here it is. A story told from Jethro's point of view.

Kaeru: Across Five Aprils!

I don't know where to begin on all of this.

Maybe I should start with how wrong all of this is. I don't know anyone else whose ever had these feelings for someone of the same sex, but for me, Shad's always been the one I love.

I also don't know anyone who really hates their own sister. Why did Jenny have to be Shad's love? I was his friend, but he never saw me the way I saw him. Of course he wanted a wife, just like I should, but don't.

I wanted to read that letter because I didn't want Jenny to be special, to share something with Shad that I didn't. I wanted to have that connection to Shad. When he was near death, I couldn't sleep. If he had died, I would have killed myself rather than live in a world without him. Jenny would never have done that no matter how much she loved him.

When she married him, I knew it was all over for me. I would never know a life with Shad.

I had learned that it was wrong to be jealous, but I had lost him to hear and now jealousy was all that I ever felt.

A/N: I figured that, back in the Civil War days, homosexuality would be more frowned upon than it is now and Jethro would know nothing of the few homosexuals that weren't in the closet at that time. So, yeah, I made that his first thought, that he was alone.

Kaeru: Review, folks, or Sunako'll get you!