August 8 – A Secure location near London

Auror Nymphadora Tonks apparated onto the front porch of the Dursley's "safe house". She was one of only 3 or 4 Order members to know this location. After ringing the doorbell, she soon heard the ponderous footsteps of Vernon Dursley as he stomped to the door.

"What do you want, freak!"

"Mr. Dursley," she responded, "Your nephew was concerned about your safety and asked me to hand-deliver this letter."

Vernon rudely snatched the letter from her hand and then slammed the door in her face.

With a knowing smirk, she disapparated away.


While grumbling loudly about the "bloody freaks", Vernon ripped the envelope open and began to read:

Dear Uncle Vernon,

I just wanted to let you know that I'm perfectly fine and hope you, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley are safe as well. I know that the Order has placed all of you in a safe location, but since I don't know where that is, I am sending this via an Order member.

I discovered something very interesting since I turned seventeen and became a legal adult the other day. It turns out that my "tart" mother and my "drunken layabout" father were actually quite wealthy and I have now inherited a title. I am now "Lord Harry James Potter". In addition, I also have inherited something in the neighborhood of 300 million pounds sterling in cash, plus an even larger amount in stocks, bonds, and property. If I had been treated with love and respect, I would have gladly shared my largess with you.

Amazingly enough, I also discovered that my parents owned 4 Privet Drive and had been allowing you and Aunt Petunia to live there, rent free, since before I was even born. I will, of course, be selling that property at my first opportunity.

I also discovered that my trust fund had been paying you 20,000 pounds a year for my room, board and maintenance. A fact, which I am reasonably, sure Aunt Petunia does not know about, (and probably explains how you can afford the flat in towne for your girlfriend). I also know that you have not been reporting this amount to HM Revenue and Customs, so you owe a great deal in back taxes and penalties. I have happily notified the authorities of this fact.

With that, I must close. I have a stockholders meeting today at Grunnings, where I am a major stockholder. I sincerely the rest of your life is as wonderful and enjoyable as the almost 16 years I spent living in your, (I mean MY), home.


Harry "Freak" Potter


When Aunt Petunia entered the room a few minutes later, she discovered Vernon lying deathly still on the floor, clutching his chest with his right hand and the letter in his left.

Dudley simply sat there on the couch ogling page 3.