Lil is my sister. We're twins. We used to eat mud and bugs. We loved everything gross and slimy. We stored things in our diapers to eat later. Things were easy back then. They aren't now. We're different now. We got older. Things have changed. We've changed. I've changed. We aren't 'We' anymore. We doesn't exist to her. She hates being put together with me. I miss being 'us'. I miss being a twin. Being my own person sucks, blows, and swallows. I miss never being alone. I miss her insulting me with big words that I don't, and will never understand. I miss talking in twin language, finishing each other's sentences. I miss being a twin.
I miss her.
It's probably for the best that she stays away. The fact of the matter is, I'm a sick fuck, no two ways about it. Why do I think this? Not because I still eat bugs or because I still like slimy stuff. Not because I like to keep a collection of gross stuff. Not because I like to catalog the gum I find on the sidewalk. I'm a sick fuck because I love my sister. Not in a sibling way. I'm in love with her. No one knows. I can't really tell anyone. It'll get to my parents, they'll decide something is wrong with me, and sooner or later, I'll find myself sitting on some guy's couch, telling him about my feelings and my childhood. Lil will ask why I needed therapy in the first place, and mom and dad will have no choice but to tell her. She'll never speak to me again and I'll lose all my friends and become and outcast. Well fuck that. I'll do whatever it takes to keep that from happening.
I think Tommy is onto me. Yesterday he came up to me to ask me who it was I had feelings for. When I wouldn't tell him and he was about to give up, Lil and her friends came around the corner. I couldn't stop myself from looking at them and Tommy caught the look in my eye. He thinks I've got a thing for one of Lil's friends. He said I have the eyes of a man in love. Tommy's not too smart. Lil's friends hate me. They think I'm weird. All of them do. All of them. I think I'm weird so I don't care what they think about me.
Even so, I think I can tell Tommy and Chuckie how I feel about Lil. Even if they don't agree, they really can't say anything about. I know things about them they don't want anyone at school to know. Like the fact that Chuckie has a boyfriend, or that Tommy's still a virgin. To women anyway. He's slept with guys before. I'll tell, but only if they tell my secrets too.
Right now, I'm walking down the stairs at my house. All the boys are gonna meet at Tommy's house. Lil and Kimi are going to be here, so I definatly have to go. I don't feel comfortable around Lil anymore, even if she is my twin. I don't even look at other girls anymore. Just her. Even if she doesn't know it, she owns me, and she always will.
I walk out of the door and down the street towards the Pickle's house. Kimi walks out of the house. I try not to look too deep in thought. If I do she'll ask. If she asks, she won't stop 'till she either figures it out, or I tell her. She waves and runs up to me. From he look in her eye, I can tell I won't like what she's about to say.
"Tommy said you have feelings for one of Lil's friends. Do you? It's me right? Please tell me it's me." She says. Uh-oh. She's desperate. I sigh. I know Chuckie will be mad at me for breaking his sister's heart, but it's my sister I love. Her eyes are begging – no pleading for me to say yes. The guilt almost makes me say yes. I don't though. Sorry Kimi, but I don't want to be trapped in a loveless relationship.
"No." I say honestly.
She looks away, her shoulders slump down, and I can hear in her voice that she's trying not to cry when she says "Oh. B-bye Phil." She runs away, and know I've said the wrong thing. I watch as she runs away. I really am sorry, but it's not her I love. I hear a door open. Someone runs towards me. I know it's Chuckie. He's mad at me for making Kimi cry. He won't punch me here though. He'll wait till we're alone, when there's no one to help me or drag me into Tommy's house.
He chooses the second one and I'm hoping I survive.
He drags me through the door and throws me into a chair. Another pair of arms wrap a rope around me. So Tommy's in on this too. So much for him being the voice of reason. Chuckie grabs a flashlight and the light goes off. They've probably planned an interrogation, where they ask me questions until I admit feelings I don't have for Chuckie's sister. Tommy tightens the rope.
"Why did you do it!? Why did you say you didn't have feelings for her, when you obviously do!?" Chuckie says shining the flash light in my eyes. I calmly close them.
"I thought you knew e better than that Finster." I say
"You're toying with her aren't you!?" He says louder.
"I thought you knew me well enough to tell whether or not I'm telling the truth." I clarify opening my eyes. "I don't love her. You may have convinced yourself that I do, but I don't. I am in love with someone, but that someone is not your sister."
He glares at me. "Who is it? Who's the little slut that stole you from Kimi!?" That one didn't come from Chuckie. It's Tommy. He's become as overprotective of Kimi as Chuckie is. He treats her like a sister. Probably because he treats Chuckie like a brother.
"I'm gonna let that one go." I mutter. "I can't tell you who she is. If I want to keep my friends, I can't tell you."
I hear a voice. A voice from someone smarter than I am. Someone smarter than Tommy and Chuckie combined. "It's Lil."
Everything goes silent. No one speaks. No one moves.
"Well hasn't Dil gotten smart?"