Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.
TempestDash created Bella Negra, but I've modified her for my stories. NoDrogs created the twins in A Small Possibility. I changed their origin greatly in my stories.
Oh my, this is a very long chapter, isn't it? I couldn't find any good spot to divide it - so here it is, the chapter that never ends. Given how brief and obscure some of the little scenes are I might have been better off just cutting a number of them out.
I don't normally thank those who leave reviews (even though I often boast of having some of the most articulate reviewers around), but those who are familiar with my particular OCD will probably be able to guess correctly why I am saying thank you now. I do appreciate the reviews for the first chapter from CaptainKodak1, Xellos, List of Romantics, Mr. Wizard, Noncynic, Hobnobrev, RonHeartbreaker, Thomas Linquist, Shinneodeus, Kaede Shinomori, Etherelemental, and Muzzlehatch.
The Game Is Played
Chuck Avery, winner of the second season competition for 'The Next Golf Network Star', felt at a loss. His show had not done especially well, but he had stayed on at the Network - mostly covering celebrity tournaments that no legitimate golf commentator would handle. This was a charity event sponsored by some billionaire. Not only had he been assigned a minimal camera crew but he also had been assigned a color man he had never heard of, and a phone call to the young man, some guy named Ron Stoppable, had made it obvious he knew nothing about golf.
Strange was the order of the day when he arrived with his cameramen at the golf course on a small Caribbean island two hours before the scheduled tee time. There were already three times more cameramen there than the Golf Network supplied - Hollywood professionals by the skill they exhibited. There were twelve gorgeous women, with very little clothing, present and the larger crews seemed to be interviewing them.
Chuck nudged a gaffer from one of the other film crews, "Who are they?"
"Those are caddies?"
"Yeah, when Timothy North was the Fearless Ferret on TV the shows always had some pretty actresses in tight costumes. He figured it added to the ratings. So he wanted some girls for this tournament."
"Timothy North… He's playing?"
"I'm Golf Network. Can I get some any interviews with-"
"Sorry, buddy. North-Senior Productions is keeping parts of this exclusive for their special. You can tape the game the way your contract states. We tape the girls."
The Golf Network crew was talking with grounds keepers and club directors when a taxi pulled up and a blond man got out. When he spotted the cameramen with the Golf Network logo he headed for them. "Hey, I'm Ron Stoppable. I'm looking for-"
The commentator turned, "You're Ron?"
He stuck out his hand, "Chuck Avery. I'm not sure how to ask this - but you didn't sound very knowledgeable about golf the other day."
"Almost totally ignorant."
Chuck closed his eyes and cursed the network executives, what in the hell were they thinking? He tried to keep the anger from his voice; he was a professional. "So, why are you here?"
"Oh, I know everyone playing."
"Can you tell me who the heroes are? I got handed the villain line-up but was told the heroes weren't set. Did I hear The Fearless Ferret is playing?"
"Yeah. You know Kim Possible is the captain for the hero team?" Chuck nodded. "There's Will Du, he works at Global Justice. Two members of Team Go, Hego and a Wego, then-"
"Two members of Team Go?"
"And Tim North?"
"Let me call my bosses, I need a bigger crew."
Golf Network told him there was no way to get a larger crew there in time - and authorized him to open negotiations with North-Senior productions to use some of their footage.
North-Senior Productions might have wanted to keep footage of the girls to themselves, but the collection of amateur models, actress wannabes, and exotic dancers were there for any publicity they could snag in addition to the money they were being paid - and even the Golf Network offered a little more exposure to the considerable exposure disclosed by their outfits. When they finished with their first interviews the dozen migrated to the Golf cameramen who said prayers of thanksgiving and started filming their own interviews.
As the interviews wound down Global Justice vehicles arrived, including an armored car. Ron watched a tall black woman emerge from a jeep and pump her fist in the air. "Yo, LaTisha!" Ron called.
"Yeah," she shouted back.
"You in charge of security for this shindig?"
"Yep. Feels good."
"Try not to shoot anyone."
"Only if they deserve it."
Chuck took a break before interviewing the last of the 'caddies'. "Who's she?"
"LaTisha, Shoot-first-and-ask-questions-later, Jackson. She's good, but if she tells you to do something - better do it."
Players and spectators had started to arrive. Timothy North saw Ron and waved as he got out of a car. It looked like the actor might have gone over to talk to Ron, but his own film crews demanded his attention first. A shuttle limo pulled in and Hego, two Wegos, and Chemo got out. Hego and a Wego retrieved their golf bags from the back and the other Wego and Chemo headed for Ron. Chuck had resented Ron on first meeting him, but now considered tying the young man to his wrist to keep him from getting away.
"Where's Kim?" Wego asked.
"Hotel. Got the girls here… You know how that goes."
"Time to go," Wego announced. "Daddy, I can't find my shoes," he said in a higher voice.
The three laughed at the joke which Chuck, a bachelor, didn't quite understand, and he asked for an introduction.
Cameramen filmed the brief interview. The golf commentator seemed a little uncomfortable with the new member of Team Go.
"Look, I'm not a model, I'm me," Connie told him. "I'm not the skinny teenager they have on the cartoons. I got hips and thighs that I can live with. What I don't have is the plastic surgery and silicone of those Barbie dolls over there." She pointed at the models.
Chuck was grateful that Hego came over to fill the lens of a camera and assure viewers that good would win over evil because it was nicer.
Ron thought he might have seen Professor Dementor among the spectators, but the figure in the housecoat spun away when he became aware Ron was looking at him and stalked off. He noticed a woman dressed like a Team Go villain, Bella Negra, and wondered how many spectators might come dressed as heroes or villains. Police arrived with Duff in handcuffs. There was some conversation with the Global Justice agents and the police left Duff with a broad smile splitting his face.
"Duff Killigan," Ron told Chuck. "Self-proclaimed most dangerous golfer in the world."
Jake Jacobi, the oldest GJ agent still doing field work, headed over to Ron and the Golf Network crew. "Scotland gave Duff a parole for charity work. My guess is they don't want him back. But he's free after the game."
A van pulled up and Drakken and Wade got out in matching shirts. Drakken's read "Lipsky" in large letters on the back while Wade's read "& Load." Jim and Tim got out and helped unload crates from the back of the van. Tim worked with Drakken and Jim worked with Wade as they began to assemble what looked like high tech hardware.
Ron suggested taking the camera crew over for an interview, but before they could move an angry Monty Fiske charged Ron and the Golf Network crew. He grabbed Ron by his shirt and lifted him in the air. "Why aren't you playing," he growled, "I agreed to this charade on the understanding you would play for the heroes."
The blond man kept his calm. "No way. I never agreed to play."
"Afraid of me?" the Englishman sneered.
"Not afraid. But you'd beat me so bad you'd look like a school yard bully beating on a first grade girl."
"So, you admit I would destroy you."
"In golf? Absolutely. I have complete faith in your game. Hey, you'd beat me so bad you wouldn't enjoy it. It would be like shooting skeet in a barrel."
Monkey Fist hesitated, then lowered Ron and let go of his shirt. "At least you admit I'm the better man."
"I admit you're a better golfer. Don't know about the better man part - but you've had more practice. I'm still trying to get the hang of it."
Monty actually chuckled slightly, "I had so wanted to see you eating the losers' dinner."
"Tell you what, if the villains win I'll have what the heroes are eating."
"That's, uh, decent of you."
"Yeah, thanks. Anyway, I figure you'll have a better game against Wego."
"I've not met the chap, is he any good?"
"I haven't seen him play golf. But I know for a fact he has to be better than me. I just hope you get a good game out of it."
"Very sporting of you… By the way, what are you doing here?"
"The Golf Network is broadcasting it. Oh, this is Chuck Avery. Chuck, this is Montgomery Fiske. I forget his title - but he has one." Chuck cautiously extended a hand, which Monty shook with a hairy paw.
"Uh, Mr. Fiske," the golf commentator asked, "how should we refer to you during the broadcast.
"Monkey Fist will be fine, it is my evil professional name. Some day the world shall tremble at the sound."
"Anyway," Ron finished, "I'm helping with the broadcast."
"Quite the media crowd."
"Señor Senior is taping too. I don't know what it's all about."
"Probably hopes to save the image of villains winning for posterity."
"Probably. Hey, I'd wish you good luck if I could. But I can't. Cheering for the other side and all."
"Quite understandable. I'll see you after the match. Bring your appetite."
After Monkey Fist left Ron noticed a crowd and some sort of discussion going on around Wade and Drakken. The Golf Network crew hurried over. Tim didn't appear deeply involved and Ron pulled him to one side. "What's happening?" the blond man asked.
"Doc and I were working on a power enhanced club with solar recharging and a laser-aiming system while Wade and Jim had an atomic club with build-in GPS satellite technology. We were going to show off what Lipsky and Load could do - only the guys in charge say there is some sort of a problem."
The head of the board of directors for the course actually began the official pronouncement before Tim finished speaking.
"This is a golf tournament, not a technology showcase. You must use regulation clubs. You may not have more than fourteen clubs in your bag. And if you do not have regulation clubs I suggest you step into the pro shop and buy two sets."
A frightened looking Drakken glanced over to an equally worried Wade. "We are totally screwed," the young black man whispered. "Let's see if we can get out."
"You can't get out," a stranger told them.
"Why not?" Drakken demanded. "And who are you?"
"Señor Senior's personal assistant. You agreed to play. The event was set up for three foursomes. It will mean the loss of forty-five million Euros for charity. Do you want that publicity for your firm? And, by the way, the advertising on your shirts is completely tacky."
"Screwed," Drakken agreed with Wade as the pair headed for the pro shop. The two emerged twenty minutes later with new golf bags and clubs. "Zita will never let us write this off," Drakken grumbled.
"She might, it's for charity."
The two had changed shirts. Neither man wanted the company name, Lipsky and Load, associated with the debacle they anticipated.
While Wade and Drakken were buying clubs and a change of wardrobe Shego arrived with Kasy. The little red head spotted Ron and tried to tackle him, "Daddy!"
He picked her up and gave her a hug. "You know Bonnie wants you to stop calling me that."
"I don't care," she said and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Kasy Possible," he explained to Chuck. "One of Kim's daughters."
He raised and eyebrow, "And she calls you daddy?"
"I live with Kim..." It was obvious from the man's expression what he thought Ron meant. "Hey, during college, a bunch of us lived in a big old house. We all had our own rooms."
"I didn't," Kasy protested. "I have to share with Sheki."
"Sister," Ron explained. "The big people all got their own rooms."
Shego arrived to regain custody of Kasy and Ron introduced her to the golf announcer. "Shego lives there too," Ron said in his own defense. He turned to Shego, "He thinks Kim and I... I mean, Kasy called me daddy and... You know."
The green woman turned to Chuck, "A common mistake. It's like the people who think Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War."
"Yeah. See, I told you that... Hey!"
Shego took Kasy with her when she left to speak to LaTisha. After their conversation Shego noticed the woman in the cat costume approaching. "Bella?" Shego asked cautiously.
"You never know who's going show up for the publicity, do you?" the black woman answered.
"Is that really you?"
Bella laughed, "It's about thirty pounds less of me than last time you saw me, but it's me."
"What happened? I mean, uh, you look great."
"I blame the Team Go cartoon. I'm going to conventions now - I sign autographs, sit on panel discussions. Had to get back in shape to fit the costume. I've got a book coming out. This is better than crime."
"A book? Really?"
"The working title is Stop Team Go. Hego may even write an introduction."
"Why do I keep asking, really?"
Bella laughed again, "Because it's kind of unbelievable. He says since my book warns readers to stay out of crime he'll be happy to endorse it. Oh, I want to get my picture taken with you and Hego while I'm here."
"Uh, better not."
"I'm not the Shego who was on Team Go."
"Yes you are."
"No, I'm not. Please. If anyone asks, I'm a fake."
It took the ex-villain a minute to grasp the concept. "But you aren't really a fake, right?"
"You could say I'm a fake fake."
"Don't do that do me. The whole secret identity thing?"
"Got it. Did you ever fight the Wegos, or were you in jail before they joined?"
"I was in jail. Met one of them a couple months ago at a Con. Swear to God, I think he was hitting on me."
Shego laughed, "Okay, I know which one it was-"
"How many Wegos are there?"
"Minimum of two. And if you're breathing and female he'll hit on you."
"Well I'm old enough to be his… aunt."
"And that should stop him because?"
Bella changed the subject, "There's a rumor Wego got married to Chemo."
"The other one. Yeah, they're hitched. Anyway, you can get a picture with Hego and the Wegos. And you can have a picture with me if you want - but not with me and them together."
Shego asked about Bella's sons, and introduced Kasy to her. Kasy seemed a little hesitant about meeting a villain who had fought Team Go, but appeared to get over it.
Kim arrived with Sheki. She considered finding Shego and demanding to know why the older woman had left without her, but decided that Shego would say it was simply part of theme of heroes vs. villains. Kim recognized she was tense and took a deep breath. She was here for the money that would go to good causes. This was not supposed to be about her own ego. She should just relax and have fun. What did it matter if she had to eat… Kim took another deep breath and started over on the reasons she needed to relax.
Ron nudged Chuck, "Hey, looks like a Team Go announcement. We should head over." Shego watched Hego speaking into the microphones. She wondered what her brother was saying - convinced he'd never remember his lines - but decided she should not go over and listen.
"What's happened," Chuck asked a spectator as the Golf Network got their cameras taping.
"He explained why Mego's not here, and then said something about how much Chemo adds to the team."
"Why is your sister playing for the villains?" someone in the crowd shouted.
"My sister retired from Team Go to raise her family."
"Did she come out of retirement to be a thief?"
"I will not talk about the woman over there," Hego gestured dramatically in Shego's direction. "While I regret my sister no longer fights crime with Team Go I know that in her heart she will always remain a hero."
"So the Shego playing for the villains is-"
"I told you. I will not talk about her and what she did to my sister's name and my family's reputation."
The other members of Team Go spoke briefly, and even Bella was asked a few questions.
Timothy North and Señor Senior finally came over to greet Ron. He introduced them to Golf Network crew.
"Hey, what's this North-Senior Productions I hear about," the blond man asked.
"I must thank you for suggesting Mr. North," Señor Senior answered. "He has offered many good ideas. The success of the Team Go cartoon has led him to propose a show I may produce-"
"Can I tell him?" North interrupted?'
"By all means."
The television star described the plot for a new series, "The Fearless Ferret has gotten older and retired from crime-fighting. He lives alone in his stately mansion. Then one day a young man rings the doorbell. Over time he breaks through the old hero's defenses and learns the truth. The young man eventually dons the mantle of the unquenchable seeker of justice… I'm thinking of calling it, 'The Fearless Ferret Returns'."
"Cool. Sounds kinda familiar."
"I'm thinking of listing you as a co-creator."
"Oh, I've got an idea about voices."
North held up his hand for silence. "Sorry, old chum, nothing personal, but you don't have the voice for a hero. I'll be doing the original Ferret, of course."
"No, I was thinking of someone else. There's got to be some female parts. You've met Bonnie Rockwaller, haven't you?"
"The woman who voices Shego on the Team Go cartoon? I haven't. We record separately. The sound guys say she's a real professional."
"Well, I'm just asking you to consider her when you've casting for The Fearless Ferret Returns."
"Sounds like you've got a bit of a crush."
"Well, she's going to be the mother of my children."
"Does she know that, or do you fall under the heading of crazed stalker?" Señor Senior asked.
"Seriously, it's legit. We lived in the same house while she was in college."
"The same house with Shego and Kim Possible?" Chuck broke in.
The Golf Network man shook his head in disbelief. "A movie star."
"Nah. She's been in one movie, but it was a bit part. TV star though, she's a main character on Tomorrow Is Another Day."
The two older men excused themselves. Señor Senior needed to make sure certain everything was in order for the tournament and Timothy North to talk with the camera crews.
Twenty minutes before the scheduled start of the competition Shego had her own press interview.
"Hego doesn't seem happy with you," someone remarked.
"I don't blame him. The guy's such a jerk he sometimes mistakes me for his own sister. How dumb do you have to be to make a mistake like that?"
"You admit stealing his sister's identity?"
"I don't know how I can deny it. Look, she seemed to drop out of sight. Everyone said I looked just like her. So I figured, why not?"
"I'm more curious about why?"
"I hoped to confuse people. Figured they might think I was a hero - give me a chance to beat them up or get away."
"How did you get powers like hers?"
"I didn't. That was all fake."
"Fake. I asked Global Justice if I could wear my old gloves today." Shego looked over at LaTisha, who pulled a key from her leg pouch and opened a heavy metal case. Shego pulled on the gloves, and green plasma surrounded her hands. Another Global Justice was setting up a wooden target on a metal frame. "You about ready over there?"
"Gimme a sec to pound in the last stake," agent Markov called.
The Global Justice agent moved away and Shego threw a ball of plasma that splintered the wooden target and left it a smoking ruin. Shego pulled off the gloves and the plasma surrounding her hands died. "Court said they were like burglar tools. Illegal to own." She handed the gloves back to LaTisha. The black woman handed the right glove to Kasy, who had been watching the performance, and put the left glove on her own hand while Kasy put on the right glove.
Green fire appeared to glow around the two gloves. The light was entirely harmless but, having just watched a demonstration of what the gloves were supposed to be capable of, no one asked for proof. Kasy took off her glove, and LaTisha hers. Then the Global Justice agent locked the gloves back into their case and returned it to the armored vehicle she had taken it from. Global Justice agents had a small betting pool going over whether any of the villains there to watch the golf tournament would rise to the bait and try and steal the fake gloves.
At eleven o'clock the head of the directors of the club made his opening remarks for the cameramen, then called Kim and Señor Senior to the microphone. The two shook hands and Kim thanked him for his donation to UN work. Señor Senior introduced the villains. Kim announced the heroes they would paired against. As she spoke their names the members of the foursomes joined in groups and shook hands.
Chuck Avery had been given the cards with the information on caddies.
"For the first foursome, Yasmine will serve as caddy for Señor Senior, Senior and Sakura for Timothy North." The two young women squealed and jiggled slightly - the two older players would be the only two assigned a golf cart and they looked forward to not walking.
"A very fine idea, indeed," Señor Senior whispered to North.
"Sunni will caddy for Señor Senior, Junior, and Amber for Hego."
Amber immediately endeared herself to Hego by asking for his autograph.
"In the second foursome, Scarlet will caddy for Duff Killigan and Melody for Will Du."
The two women left the group of young women to walk towards the golfers, but Kim stepped over and took the mike. "Actually, I arranged a couple surprise caddies… That is, if Will and Duff will accept them. The first is Monique."
A black woman who had stayed in the background stepped forward. Duff smiled, he wouldn't mind her as a caddy, but she went to Will and kissed him. A still photographer stepped forward and began to take photos of Monique and Will.
"Monique is wearing white, sail-cloth canvas shorts - available at Club Banana for thirty-nine dollars." Kim told those assembled, "Her Club Banana blouse is raw silk, the color is summer melon…"
As Kim provided details on the wardrobe Chuck leaned over to Ron, "I wish she was wearing a little less."
"Dude, that's his wife."
"Yeah, I lived with her too."
The golf commentator stared at Ron for a minute, "Anyone tell you that you must be the luckiest bastard on the planet?"
"Yeah, pretty much everybody."
As the fashion photographer finished his shots, and Kim the description, Kim announced, "And Duff's caddy, Tegen."
Duff instantly lost the smile on his face and turned pale as a brawny woman shouldered her way through the crowd. Kim crossed her fingers and hoped that no one knew that the warden at the Scottish prison had told her that Duff had taken up golf to get away from his wife. It was a dirty trick to play, and Kim knew it. But she feared Duff's golfing skills and the dinner afterward.
"Duff has been away from home for some time," Kim said euphemistically into the microphone. "And his wife has missed him. In asking her if she wanted to caddy for her husband it seemed only fair that I ask Will's wife if she would caddy for her husband. Of course, either of these men can turn down their wives as caddy."
Kim paused. Will smiled and kissed Monique. Duff looked over at the leggy Scarlet and her low-cut top. He glanced over at his wife. Was one game with a woman who looked like an exotic dancer worth the lifetime of pain if he told his wife he wouldn't accept her as a caddy? He sighed and said nothing.
Kim handed the microphone back to Chuck.
"Carol will serve as caddy for Monkey Fist." The Englishman looked around in apparent terror, afraid that Kim would announce DNAmy was his caddy. "And Inga for Wego."
Scarlet and Melody looked at each other, uncertain what to do and fearing they were going to lose any chance for publicity. They exchanged whispers, and then began to move towards the Golf Network crew. They'd stick with Chuck and Ron and hope for air time.
"In our final foursome Brandi and Bambi will caddy for Doctor Drakken and Wade…" Chuck stared hard at the card. Wade's last name had been scratched out. Whether the two women were twins or simply made up to look like twins wasn't clear. Most of the men in the audience wouldn't be looking at their faces anyway. "Shego's caddy today will be Carmen," Chuck announced. A Hispanic beauty headed towards Shego.
"Hey," the green woman called. "I was counting on short-stuff here being my caddy." She pointed to Kasy. "Sheki was going to caddy for Kim."
The directors went into a hurried conference. North-Senior representatives, who wanted as much airtime as possible for the models, joined the conversation. "The children are too young to serve as caddies," was the final verdict. "They may accompany you as honorary caddies if they wish, however."
Kasy stamped her feet in frustration. "No fair! You said I could be caddy," she complained to Shego.
"Calm down, squid. If I call you a watermelon, does it make you a watermelon?"
"Well, they can call Carmen my caddy if they want, but I'm counting on you."
"Absolutely." Kasy gave Shego a hug. "And remember, champ, if we beat Mom and Sheki you get a half-gallon of ice-cream, any flavor you want."
While the two whispered back and forth the last model, a black woman named Shantai, had been assigned as Kim's caddy.
Señor Senior and Timothy North chatted for a few minutes as they walked to the first tee. The billionaire eyed their caddies. "I should golf with you more often, Mr. North."
"Thanks. Please, call me Tim."
"Gracias, Tim. And you may call me Ricardo."
Ron and the golf crew were close enough to hear the exchange, "Hey, what can I call you?"
"You may continue to call me Señor Senior, young Stoppable."
Senior teed off first. A couple cameramen zoomed in as Yasmine leaned over to place the golf ball on the tee. The Golf Network crew wasn't certain if they could air the tape, but wanted the moment to be preserved.
The billionaire's drive went straight down the fairway, but only for a hundred and forty yards. "I fear it is as they say," he murmured. "Old golfers never die, they just lose their drive."
Timothy North's drive went perhaps thirty yards further, but almost rolled off the fairway into the rough.
Unfortunately for the heroes the pretty model in the skimpy outfit who served as Hego's caddy seemed to distract and embarrass him. Fortunately for the villains the pretty girl serving as caddy for Señor Senior, Junior, did not seem to distract him. Unfortunately for the villains the beefy Hego seemed to distract Junior. And, very fortunately for the heroes, Hego remained oblivious to the way Junior kept looking him over.
Junior managed to out drive the two older men. And then Hego teed off. The hero drove the green from the tee. It might have been a wonderful shot. Except that he stood at the first tee and his ball landed on the seventh green.
A silence descended on the crowd, no one had ever seen a drive like that.
"Oh, dear God," one of the directors of the country club whispered quietly to his fellows, "I don't think we were warned about this."
"What are you doing!" Kim shouted at him.
"The goal is to finish the course, right?"
"I figure I'll just skip a few, I bet I can complete the round in four holes."
Kim covered her face with her hands and slowly counted to ten while Shego rolled on the ground laughing.
"You can't skip holes," Kim told him slowly and distinctly. "You play every hole. In order. You start with one. Then two. Then three. Do you know what comes after three?"
Hego hesitated, "Four?"
He managed to only drive fifty yards past the first green.
Golf Network stuck a microphone in Kim's face, "Any comments?"
"It's going to be a long day," Kim predicted.
"I tried to give him some lessons," Wego whispered to Kim. "He doesn't listen to me."
Shego heard the comment. In her opinion Hego didn't listen to anyone.
When Hego finally made the green his first putt went almost two hundred yards, rolling past the cup and well back onto the fairway.
"We're going to look even worse than that, aren't we?" a nervous looking Wade asked Drakken.
The blue man nodded, too frightened even to speak.
The second foursome started when the first reached the fourth tee.
Hego continued to struggle to keep his strength in check. On the sixth hole he hooked a shot into the parking lot. The golf ball went completely through two cars and half-way through a third before disintegrating into powder from its exertions.
The third foursome started when the second reached the fourth tee.
The camera crews and spectators kept Kim informed of the first foursome's progress as they played out the eighteen holes. The match between Senior and North was the best in the first group. The actor drove the ball longer, but the billionaire exhibited slightly better accuracy. Hego began to settle down slightly in the back nine, his strength and physical skills enabled him to halve two holes, and a disaster in the rough for Junior on one hole enabled the blue hero to actually take one hole. Nevertheless, the score turned in by the first foursome put the villains ahead eleven holes in match play and thirty-one strokes in stroke play.
The second foursome was probably the best in terms of competitive play. None of them approached the play of professionals, but they all had decent skills.
The terrible game Hego was having kept Kim from feeling too guilty about what she had done to Duff. At one point they heard his wife's voice, from two fairways distant, "O' course ye o'er shot the green, ye clabber-headed oaf. Ye shoul' ha' used a niblick!"
"Bloody hell, woman, ye don' even play golf!"
"I took it up while you went to prison!"
As the second foursome reached the sixth tee Shego shook her head, "Jesus, Kim. What you're doing to Duff? Next time you play for the villains."
"What do you mean?"
Shego rolled her eyes, "You had to know it was going to throw off his game."
"He hasn't seen his wife in months! I didn't know he was going to be paroled. You really don't believe I did it just so the they could see each other?"
"I hope he believes it. Please, don't tell him."
"Kim, if it makes you feel any better, I'm proud of you. Always knew there was a little bit of evil in you somewhere."
Will Du played with a slight handicap as well. In order to enlist Monique's aid Kim had promised that the black woman that she could outfit Will for the competition. Kim had agreed to the condition cheerfully - assuming Will was accustomed to letting his wife dress him. Monique, however, had the two of them changing their clothes every three holes, with the photographer from Club Banana taking pictures with every change.
On a normal day Duff might have played a better game than Monkey Fist, but he was not allowed a normal day. When the second foursome finished their eighteen holes Will Du had the best score in the group, Monkey Fist had a slightly better round than Duff. Will O'Ceallaigh proved to be the weakest in the group, but was still not far behind. When their scores were added to those of the first foursome when they came in the villains went down to nine holes ahead in match play and picked up a single point in stroke play to leave them thirty-two ahead.
During a lull Chuck asked Ron a question that had been on his mind, "Were there any other guys in that house you lived in during college?"
"Just you and four beautiful women."
"Uh, well I had an ex-girlfriend there… And Justine."
"Lucky bastard," Chuck muttered.
Ron put a hand softly on the man's arm, "Oh, I was just one of the girls."
Chuck resolved to ask no more questions.
It became obvious very quickly that the final foursome would be the slowest on the course. The first foursomes were both still playing when Drakken, Wade, Shego, and Kim began. They had both finished before the final group reached the ninth hole.
Drakken proved as bad as Ron had predicted. As scores from the earlier groups filtered back Kim hoped the heroes would be able to take advantage of his difficulties. Unfortunately Wade proved little better.
On the third hole the directors instructed Drakken to pick up his golf ball, twenty-five was the greatest number of strokes they allowed on a single hole. Kim thought of protesting, hoping the heroes could cut the villains' lead but decided not to lodge a complaint - heroes were supposed to play by the rules. Two holes later Wade picked up his ball after twenty-five strokes.
Kim and Shego were essentially equal in skill. Equal could not possibly win it for the heroes that day. The redhead knew she had to beat Shego badly if the heroes had any chance. The pressure did not do Kim any good, and Shego was ahead two holes in match play and five strokes on the first nine.
Drakken's tee shot on the eighth hole hooked badly. He not only managed to miss the fairway, he even missed the rough - the golf ball disappearing into the jungle on the edge of the course.
"Play a new ball," Shego suggested.
"I've got it chipped," he told her and headed towards the jungle with Brandi.
"He probably just wants to get her alone in the jungle," Wade whispered to Kim and Shego.
Whether he had hoped to get the model to accompany him in the jungle or not wasn't clear. When she saw the swampy conditions beyond the course Brandi balked at going further. Drakken seized a seven-iron from the bag, more or less at random, and headed in.
A loud scream sounded from the jungle two minutes later.
"Are you all right?" Brandi called.
"Are the snakes here poisonous?"
Wade heard the question, "None of the native species are poisonous. Play a new ball."
"Nonsense! I've found mine."
A sort of whacking sound came from the jungle, the noise one might associate with a seven-iron encountering heavy brush.
"Was that two?" Kim shouted. "You need to call how many strokes you're taking."
There was another whacking sound and Drakken called, "Three." A few seconds later, "Four." Then, over the course of a few minutes, "Five… Six… Seven…" At Drakken's ninth stroke the sound changed. A minute late the blue man called, "Eleven" and the ball trickled out of the jungle, rolled across the rough and stopped on the fairway.
A few seconds later a dazed Drew Lipsky stumbled out of the jungle. He was bruised and filthy, his shirt torn, and in his right hand he carried an angry kinkajou by its tail. "The ball," he mumbled, "where did it go?"
"You're on the fairway," Shego called. "Where's your club?"
"My club…" Drakken looked down at his right hand and saw the kinkajou for the first time. Startled he dropped the mammal, which paused only long enough to bite Drakken in the leg before running back to the jungle.
Sheki pulled on Kim's shirt, "Could we get one, Mommy? Please? Please? Please? I'll feed it and clean it."
"We have Smaug, dear, you don't need another pet."
Drakken remained consistently a little poorer than Wade in his playing, and in the back nine Kim managed several good holes. The villains' lead began to erode quickly. In match points the villains remained ahead by a single hole as the final foursome teed up at the eighteenth hole. Unfortunately the villains remained eleven strokes ahead. Kim resigned herself to the losers' menu. She doubted her team could make up enough points to win stroke play, but she desperately wanted a moral victory in match play. Wade would probably beat Drakken leaving them the teams tied in match play. If Kim could at least halve the hole there would be a tie in the category. If Kim could beat Shego the heroes would win in match play.
The other players were all watching as Shego drove first on the final hole. While she didn't slice too badly the green woman cursed inwardly, certain it would cost her at least a stroke.
Kim said a little prayer of thanksgiving as she hit what might have been her sweetest drive of the day. The ball soared through the air and landed a mere thirty yards short of the green. The two women rested as Drakken and Wade struggled to reach the green. As expected, Wade took the hole from Drakken, but only improved the heroes' stroke total by two.
Shego managed a great second shot from the edge of the fairway, and Kim overshot the green with her second. At three they were both on the green, but Kim was only four feet from the pin and Shego almost thirty.
"You're away," Kim said cheerfully. She had once seen Shego three putt when the ball had only been four feet from the hole and felt confident the heroes could at least claim a victory in match play.
"What do you say, champ?" Shego whispered to Kasy.
The little girl flopped down on her stomach and eyed the surface between the ball and cup - sizing up the break of the green. She ran her hand over the grass. It was drier than the last two greens - the ball would roll more quickly.
"Aim about three feet left of the cup, don't hit is as hard as the last two greens," Kasy advised as she handed Shego her putter.
The ball traveled the exact trajectory Kasy predicted and the ball curved and dropped softly into the cup for four. Kim only needed to drop her putt for a tie on match points, but didn't take the fast green into account. The ball hit the rim of the cup, bounced, and remained five inches from the hole.
The assembled villains let out a cheer.
The cameramen recorded the ceremony with the formal presentation of the checks prior to banquet. Señor Senior didn't care how the money was distributed, but Kim hoped that focusing attention on the importance of his gift in helping others might encourage him to give more in the future. She insisted that he join her for the ceremony. She thanked him for the donation and expressed how difficult it was to make her decisions before giving checks to the five agencies she had chosen. The representatives there to accept the gifts thanked them both.
Kim sighed. The game was over and the money distributed. Only the closing dinner remained
Señor Senior had been generous in his invitations and the hall in the club house was filled with tables set for a meal. At the front of the hall however, was a somewhat higher table with a cleared space in front of it for the media. There were six place settings on the table. Monkey Fist whispered something to Senior, who ordered one of his hirelings to add a seventh place setting on the end. Then the old man addressed the cameramen. "In a contest such as this, it is inevitable that the winners will take advantage of the opportunity to gloat. The losers of today's contest knew that the losing team would be required to eat crow. This is said not symbolically, but quite literally in this case." Kim and her team, along with Ron, went to the front of the room. Señor Senior finished, "The bird in question died of natural causes at a ripe old age. And now, the crow."
He clapped his hands and servers came out. One of them carried a tray with ceramic ramekins topped with a flaky, puff-pastry crust. A crow pot-pie was set down for each of the seven. On another tray were several glasses and three bottles of Old Crow bourbon whiskey. "Should you need something to wash it down," Senior explained.
Hego looked stunned. He refused to believe that heroes could be beaten - even for charity. Kim looked nauseous. She wasn't sure if it was the symbolism of the woman who prided herself on being able to do anything having lost, or a fear that it would taste dreadful - but Kim felt vaguely ill. The other heroes didn't seem to mind. Timothy North poured a generous double shot of whiskey into a glass and raised it. He looked at Señor Senior, "I wish to thank our host for this day." He turned to the direction where most of the caddies were seated, "And, of course, the lovely ladies. While I might have preferred a different outcome, the day has been a pleasure."
Señor Senior smiled and nodded at the compliment. Except for Kim and Hego the other heroes poured smaller amounts into their glasses and joined the toast. Kim might have joined the toast if only out of regard for the money given to good causes, but her mind was on nothing but the food in front of her.
"And now," Senior announced as the photographers positioned themselves, "it is time for heroes to eat crow."
"Not bad," was Will Du's opinion.
"Nice," Timothy North agreed.
Wade simply smiled and nodded, then took a bigger forkful for his second bite.
"Oh yeah, definitely good stuff," Will O'Ceallaigh added. He considered saying 'So much better than the junk you get at fast food joints - like Bueno Nacho,' but held his tongue. Wego had asked out all of the caddies, and three of them had accepted his invitation for a date that night. He desperately needed to borrow money and hoped he could get some out of Hego.
The most interesting faces to photograph as they chewed were those of Kim and Hego. The face of one or the other would grace any news coverage of the event. They both appeared to find it revolting.
Ron made a face of mild disgust as he chewed his pot pie.
"Don't enjoy the taste of crow?" Monkey Fist sneered.
"Not that, man. Parsnips. Way, way too much parsnip in here."
"Parsnips? Really? I rather enjoy the flavor."
"I can't think of why. Awful taste... I think a little rosemary would help this."
The Englishman seized a fork, "Let me have a taste." He chewed slowly and looked thoughtful. "You might be right about the rosemary. But there is not too much parsnip."
"I can't take parsnips. My Bubbe always put them in her matzo ball soup."
"Grandmother. I'm not sure how dad survived her cooking."
Monkey Fist sighed, "The things I've had to eat to survive when I'm hiding in the jungle."
"Grubs?" Ron asked
"Frequently," Fist replied.
"I hear they're really high in nutrition. How were they prepared? I've heard of fried in peanut oil with some Thai chilies thrown in - then some sea salt sprinkled on after they're drained and crispy."
"Sounds good, but when you're in the jungle sometimes you eat them fresh from under the rock."
"Could you two knock it off," Kim hissed. The redhead had started to turn a pale shade of Shego.
"Sorry, KP," Ron apologized - and shifted back to a hopefully safer topic. "I think it could use some rosemary, what do you think?"
Kim looked puzzled, "Rosemary?"
"Is there some sort of problem?" Señor Senior asked, catching part of the discussion.
"Young Stoppable was offering his opinion on the crow," the Englishman explained. "While he errs in accusing the cook of putting in too many parsnips his suggestion that a hint of rosemary might improve the flavor has merit."
Señor Senior frowned, and called for the head chef. "I've never had to cook crow before," the chef sniffed and took a fork and sampled from Ron's dish. He tilted his head slightly to the side and chewed slowly. "Rosemary, yes... The parsnips add a nice, subtle flavor-"
"Dude! The parsnips overwhelm everything else!" Ron protested.
"Some people simply don't appreciate parsnips," Monty told him haughtily.
"Maybe. I even hear some people don't like lima beans."
"Not like lima beans?" Monkey Fist asked in disbelief. "How could anyone dislike lima beans?"
"They are so wonderful in so many things," the chef agreed.
The talk of lima beans appeared to push Kim over the edge. She put her hands over her mouth and ran for the bathroom.
"Hope she makes it," Ron commented as she disappeared from the clubhouse dining room.
Señor Senior smiled, "It has been a fine day for villainy."
Following the symbolic, and literal, eating of crow the heroes joined the other diners. Duff snagged one of the bottles of Old Crow. He had always found reunions with his wife went better if one or both was a wee bit tipsy. A few brave souls sampled the haggis, but the general opinion seemed to be in favor of the taste of crow.
Monique approached Señor Senior to ask if they were plans for another competition in a year.
"I am not planning to do so, but why do you ask?"
"I work for Club Banana. We got some nice shots this year. I was thinking if might be possible to arrange some sort of corporate sponsorship if you did it again. We could provide clothing for all the golfers."
The old man smiled. "I will give your suggestion consideration."
Kasy and Sheki spent the evening with the caddies, who seemed amused with the young girls and gave the two several make-overs. The twins squealed with joy at the attention and being allowed to sit with the 'big girls'.
"Great," Shego muttered to Kim, "we try and bring them up right and they want bimbo lessons."
While they were talking Wego stopped at the table and tried to get a loan from Shego.
"I don't even know you, remember?" the green woman warned her brother.
"Please, I got three hot dates tonight. I need the money. Give me a loan and I promise to pretend I don't know you if you ever ask for it back."
"Damn, if Hego ever offers me that deal - I'm taking it," Shego said as she checked her supply of cash.
Drakken and Wade spent much of their time at a table with Jim and Tim, complaining about the injustice of not being able to use the high-tech clubs they had designed for the competition.
"When we get back, I say we try and reserve the Middleton golf course some morning," Drakken suggested. "I know my club will beat yours."
"No way," Wade protested, "mine is way better than yours."
Boasting about what they felt their club would be capable of gradually assumed the dominant place in the conversation at their table.
Duff and Monkey Fist nearly came to blows. The Scot wouldn't admit his real problem if there was any chance of his wife overhearing his words - but blamed his poor showing on having been in prison and a little rusty. The Englishman countered that he was rusty also - but had still shot a better game.
At the close of the meal some small silver trophy cups were given out. Will Du received the trophy for best score of the day. Kim feared she would see the cup every time she visited his office for the rest of her life. Hego received the trophy for longest drive of the day, and much to Duff's chagrin another cup inscribed, 'World's Most Dangerous Golfer'. At least Duff received recognition for the longest putt of the day. And Junior was recognized for winning the most match points for his team.
The meal and conversations continued until after dark. Most of the participants had rooms in a resort near the course and would leave the next day.
As the heroes and villains began to leave two figures met in the shadows.
"I wanted to say thanks," Shego said.
"No, I'm the one who needs to thank you… Thank me for what?"
"For being the most valuable player on my team."
Hego looked puzzled. "I played with the heroes."
"Trust me, you were the most valuable player on the villains' team."
"I know you're just joking," he assured her. "I want to thank you for thinking about our secret identities. A hero has to keep his secret identity."
"I was just thinking of mom and dad. I don't want any problems for them."
"It was very heroic of you."
"It wasn't heroic. It was just… Hey, I told all kinds of lies about that. According to you, heroes don't tell lies."
"I didn't tell any lies."
"You said your sister retired from the life of a hero to settle down with her family."
"I left Team Go to become a criminal!"
"But you've settled down with your family now."
"You said your sister was still a hero at heart."
"No, I'm not."
"Uh, sorry for hurting your hand," Hego apologized as Shego nursed her bruised fingers.
"That's okay… I should have remembered not to hit you with my bare fist. It's why the good Lord gave us aluminum baseball bats."
"Something wrong with your hand?" Kim asked as Shego hurried over to join her while waiting for the shuttle limo ride back to the resort.
"I, uh, hit something stupid."
Kim wisely decided not to ask for more details. "Early flight back to Middleton tomorrow. I sent the twins back with Ron, hope he got them down for the night."
"No way, Princess, they'll want hugs and kisses from us."
"I'm just glad this is over. I appreciate the money for charity but-"
"But can't stand the idea of villains, one. Heroes, zero?"
The shuttle still hadn't arrived, and a GJ vehicle pulled over to the curb, "Going to the resort?" LaTisha called through an open window. Kim nodded. "Want a ride?"
"Sure," Kim answered and opened a door.
"I, uh, think we should wait for the shuttle," Shego said nervously.
"All these years and you're still afraid of Global Justice?" Kim laughed.
"The resort is sending the shuttle back, we should be here."
"There are others waiting who'll take it, hop in," Kim told her.
Shego settled uncomfortably in her seat as Kim asked the black woman, "How'd the mission go?"
"Pretty dull. I could have slept through it if I hadn't had you and Will looking over my shoulder."
"We didn't look over your shoulder. At least I didn't. I can't speak for Will."
"You two are a lot alike, only different," LaTisha grunted.
"That makes no sense," Kim retorted hotly.
"Yes it does," Shego laughed.
"Anyway," the black woman continued, "we'll watch the halls tonight, but I don't think anything is going to happen. It was a good idea not to release the names of the heroes who were playing - probably kept some of Team Go's old villains from showing up."
"Catch any fish in the trap?"
"You didn't hear?"
"So, LaTisha," Shego interrupted, "dump any interesting guys lately?"
"Had a guy I was seeing a couple months ago. He-"
"Didn't hear what?" Kim wanted to know.
"We caught four."
"Anyone I know?"
"First was a woman. A former TV star named Adrena Lynn-"
"Adrena Lynn? Really?" Kim laughed
"You know her?"
"She hates Shego and me." Kim looked over. For some odd reason Shego wasn't laughing.
"She claimed she wanted to the gloves for some kind of exposé. Breaking into a Global Justice vehicle would be a crime even if she had network credentials - which she didn't. We also nabbed Falsetto Jones-"
"Yeah, well he's the big one that got away."
"Too bad. Who else." Kim found it odd how subdued Shego appeared during the discussion. The green woman should have found Adrena Lynn and Falsetto Jones both being captured while trying to steal the fake plasma gloves hilarious.
"Third guy was a nobody. He might have been working for somebody like Hench - or might have just gotten ambitious on his own."
Kim waited a minute, "What about number four?"
"You said you caught four people."
"Oh yeah," LaTisha laughed, "Grabbed an ex-thief whose skills have gotten rusty."
"Who was he? Anyone I've heard of?"
"I think so-"
"You were telling us about the guy you were seeing," Shego interrupted.
"Shego," Kim hissed, "let her finish."
"Wasn't a he. Just some smart-ass who knew the gloves were fake and hoped to pull a fast one on Global Justice."
"Not a man? And how did she know the gloves were..." Kim looked over, "Shego?"
"I could have done it if I had my tools."
"We let her off with a warning," LaTisha explained. "But you might want to keep an eye on her, make sure she stays out of trouble."
"Villains, one. Heroes, zero?" Kim chuckled. "Sounds more like villains, one. Heroes one."
Shego shrugged, "I guess I can live with a tie."
"Yeah, like you have a choice."
- The End -
Author's Note: Well, I am still feeding my OCD here after the end, so I will mention I may take a break from Kim Possible writing (assuming anyone cares). I've started a long non-Kim story and don't plan on writing more Kim Possible stories until it has been posted. (I might, however, do a short KP piece or two if one comes to mind... I hadn't planned on posting this, but had imagined it would be a five thousand word one-shot that somehow grew into this sixteen thousand word monster.) I hope is will start appearing in a few weeks. Give me an author alert if you're curious - or wait until I come crawling back in a few weeks complaining about how ungrateful they are over there.
King in Yellow