OMG. I FINALLY UPDATED. in the spirit of the gay pride parade being tomorrow and the first day of summer yesterday. i apologize this has taken me so long, and thank you thank you thank you to all the lovely reviewers who have read and reread this and reviewed. THANK YOU.


Chapter Thirteen

My Dirty Little Secret


Within the next few months, Fuyumi stopped dead in the middle of a (commoner) adventure to a (commoner) super mall. She froze in the middle of the toys department and, instantly alarmed by the look on her face, Kaoru and Haruhi rushed to her side just before the dignified woman screaming and crying and swearing as she demanded a doctor. Now.

Kaoru knew shit-nothing about what was happening and internally fretted about alien children and horror movie scenes. But Haruhi kept a calm head and called for an ambulance, and the three of them traveled to the closest Ootori hospital establishment where, after four hours of screaming and handholding and tears (mostly Kaoru's because this was gross...!), a tiny pink bundle was places in the exhausted mother's arms, squirming and fussing slighting until Fuyumi hugged her to her chest and soothed the infant.

In turn, Haruhi and Kaoru were invited to hold baby Rue, but he declined, perfectly fine with simply watching the maternal bond form between Fuyumi and Rue. It was...beautiful to say the least, and something he found himself to be slightly envious of after he recognized that it was something he'd never have.

Out in the hallway (he'd scampered from the room when Fuyumi had made to pull down her gown in order to breastfeed the child), the red head dug in his jacket pocket and held his phone, staring at it for a moment before dialing Kyouya and waited while it rang.

Ring.

Riiiiiing.

Riiiiiiiiiing.

Click -!

"Hello?"

"Um... Hey. Your sister - she had her baby."

There was a lengthy pause. "And how are they?"

"Uh - uh, good."

"Good," was the measured response, although if he didn't know any better, Kaoru would say there was a hint of honest relief. How close were Kyouya and Fuyumi anyway? "Thank you."

That threw him for a loop a bit. "Um. You're welcome."

The dial tone marked the end of their conversation and, slightly distracted as Haruhi came out of the room and said it was time for them to leave, Kaoru pocketed his phone and followed the brunette down the hall and to the main entrance of the hospital.


Fuyumi, instead of requesting a baby shower before her baby was born, asked for a party after the birth of her daughter, and thus one was thrown in the back garden of her husbands estate. The party was the first time Kaoru had ever been inside Fuyumi's place, and he marveled at how alike it was to that of the Ootori's. He wondered if, for their girl, the Ootori family had provided the two of them with a house, just as they'd done for their older sons. That thought lead to him counting the remaining days until this year was up and he and Kyouya were gifted with a house of their own. A home to share, but still...!

The garden of Fuyumi's house was big and richly decorated with pink ribbons, pink balloons, white tablecloths with pink trim, pink mini cakes... Basically, it looked as if the designer had eaten a few pink crayons and, tastefully, spit out a party. But it was kinda cute. Rue wasn't even two weeks old, and all she did was bob her head and blink sleepily up at the various people she could see from her mothers arms. Fuyumi's first born, the one who had been the ring bearer at Kaoru's wedding, was around, too, vying for attention his little sister received.

The boy had, originally, approached Kaoru to show off his toy car in hopes of gaining some praise or interest, but - taking pity on the kid and feeling rather ignored himself - the redhead wandered off with the little boy and allowed himself to be pulled hither and thither across the lawn to look at bugs and grass and mud. Eventually, Kaoru found himself under the desert table, hiding from his nephew in a game of hide and seek, and that was when he heard approaching footsteps and voices.

"Oh, she's such a cute baby," spoke an aged voice.

"Yes, yes. Rue-chan looks a great deal like her mother already," agreed another. "Although when Fuyumi-chan was that age, she wasn't nearly as flushed or wrinkly."

"That must come from the father's side."

"Yes, Fuyumi-chan was a fair child."

"Hm. I think Akito-kun and Kyouya-kun were the fairest of them all, don't you think?"

"...Yes. Yes, I agree. I remember when Yourichi brought those two boys home - although it was a good ten years apart."

"Ah... I think more than a few people thought the large gap between pregnancies was because of infidelity, and that Kyouya was the product of an affair. Yoshio-san even speculated on that thought, but when she became sick, he stopped questioning her."

"Speaking of Kyouya-kun... His new bride is here as well, isn't he?"

Kaoru stiffened at the mention of his own person, and peered through the semi translucent table cloth, noting the stubby legs and short heels that must belong to the two old women gossiping.

"She is... I think."

"I haven't seen her since the wedding. Or before, either." That tone dripped with the speculation of being deceived. "Where'd the girl come from again?"

"I'd say Italy."

"...No, no. I think it was France."

"Ooooh, yes." Old ladies shouldn't gush. It didn't sound right; Kaoru made a face. "I forgot that. And she was a Hitachiin, right?"

"Yes. Although I don't think I like the sound of them. The head of the family is the mother and she's rumored to be rather whimsical - always off on her own and galavanting around. Not the mention the father took the children to France with him. Everyone knows that children are better raised by the mother - especially when there's a female child to be considered."

Kaoru found his exasperated expression shift into something more annoyed, and felt his hand fisting the material of his shirt. His father had raised himself and Hikaru just fine. And these ladies didn't know jack sh -!

"Maybe that's why their girl is so boyish...! Yuki-chan and Matsuki-chan said that - Kaoru-chan was it? Yes, Kaoru-chan was raised solely by her father and brother. I bet she's rather weird..."

Okay, that was uncalled for. And jus when Kaoru was prepared to crawl out from under the table, the table cloth was lifted from behind him and he turned to see the happy smile of his seeker.

"I found you, Auntie!"

"Uh... Good, good. Now, let's go play somewhere else, okay?" Kaoru ran a hand over his face, attempting to keep his cool in front of the child. He allowed the little boy to pull him by the hand over to the edge of the festivities, where he proceeded to pull up his skirt, kick off his shoes and play soccer.

Until, that is, he heard raised voices.

"Hey! Hey - don't touch my gift, you rapscallion - you trouble maker!"

"That's mine, Tono. I don't know what you're talking about!"

"No, it's mine! Look at the name tag -!"

"That's my name on the tag. Quit trying to profit off 'a my hard work."

A pause.

"Then - then we must have bought the same gift!"

Kaoru felt Soshi's hand slip from his as the boy made to steal the soccer ball and escape the raised voices. Kaoru was tempted to follow the little boy, hoping to avoid getting involved in the immature fight between two recognizable figures; but his feet carried him toward the gift table.

Hikaru and Tamaki were standing by the pink adorned table, each holding a store bought basket filled with personalized pink baby things; bunnies with 'Rue' personalized bows around their necks, blankets embroidered with her initials, bottles, a few flowers as well, etc. The two adults were glaring daggers at each other over the basket handles, obviously displeased by the double gifting.

Tamaki narrowed his eyes, Hikaru barred his teeth and Kaoru stopped a good five feet away from them as both men growled, "Take yours back."

"...They didn't really get along well as children, did they...?" Haruhi mused aloud, coming up on Kaoru's left and casually observing their two arguing counterparts. She held a small plate piled high with rather odd and assorted foods, balancing it all on her enlarged abdomen. She offered Kaoru a chocolate covered strawberry, which he accepted.

"No... We messed with his mind a bit too much for us to be chummy, I think..."

"Hmmm..."

"Should we stop them?"

"Nah," Haruhi mumbled, but just as she spoke, Tamaki swiveled around to look at them, and his disgruntled facial expression melted into a childish pout, and he engaged the two of them into the confrontation as he called to them;

"Haruhi! Tell him to take his present back - I got mine first! And plus, I've known Fuyumi-san longer than he has!"

To which Hikaru hollered in turn:

"Kaoru! Tell him that my gift is better! I ordered it in advance!"

Both "females" sighed, feeling rather put on the spot by being so loudly called out to. Several people had already turned to look at them with disapproving expressions, or else snicker at the sight behind their hands. Their composure was intact, however, and when the two men flung themselves at their skirts, the two raised their hands and hit them sharply. Haruhi's palm connected with Tamaki's shoulder and Kaoru smacked Hikaru upside the back of his head.

Both men reeled, looking hurt and whimpering at their better halves.

"Don't be stupid," Haruhi reprimanded.

"Stop acting like a baby," Kaoru demanded.

The two indignant males massaged the spots where they'd been struck. Tamaki whimpered and edged closer to his wife, who in turn, wrapped a hand around the inside of his elbow and led the blond away - Kaoru assumed, to calm him down, as he could already hear the brunette saying something soothing; something about 'not nice or flattering to act that way', 'the public eye' and 'Fuyumi and Rue's special day'.

He envied her - Tamaki seemed so easy to pacify - as he turned to face his pissed-off, ruddy faced twin. Hikaru appeared to be sucking on his lower lip, ready to explode into a childish tirade. But the calm nature of Fujioka Haruhi was rubbing off on him, and he ignored that look.

"With all yours and mom's talk," Kaoru spoke under his breath, "Of me messing up relations with this family and our reputation, you certainly do seem to have an agenda to disrupt it more than I."

"Fighting with Rene is nothing; he's not related to them!"

"But this is Fuyumi-san's party."

"So?"

"Just be nice."

Hikaru's eyes narrowed, and Kaoru pretended to ignore the whispered: "You talk like him now..."

Kaoru turned around, all prepared too stalk off, apologize to Fuyumi, find Haruhi and then go play with Soshi-kun again - maybe this time, the two of them could go down to the small decorative, creek that ran along the side of the house. However, there was a sudden splashing sound, and the sensation of a child colliding with his knees and rebounding off of his side, and the slightly sticky and cold and wet sensation of fruit punch seeping down his front.

There was a splutter, and a familiar tiny boy started to sob. "I'm s - sorry, Auntie Kaoru! I didn't mean to s - spill!"

HIkaru snorted and began to laugh behind him, as were Yuki, Matsuki, Fuyumi, Tamaki and Haruhi off to the side as the red headed man looked down to see the dark red juice spreading across his midsection. It looked as if the little boy had stabbed him and he bled juice; the white cotton was ruined, but - Kaoru decided - it was a small price to pay for the feel of the little boy hugging him tightly around the midsection and sobbing about how sorry he was for ruining his favorite aunt's nice dress.

He sighed.

Fuyumi - everyone, really, save for Hikaru - aww'ed loudly as Kaoru hugged the child back before striding away to either change or find a shower. And while Soshi attempted to follow him, Kaoru directed the small boy back to his mother, for the bonds of 'favorite aunt' did not quite stretch that far...


There were no proper cloths for him to change into at Fuyumi's house, so Kaoru was forced to barricade himself in a bathroom with a rag and that red stain until Yuki showed up in a jacket and the two ran for the car. Inside the limo, Matsuki and Yuki - both high off of the maternal hormones - cooed over Soshi and Kaoru's budding friendship while Kaoru slumped against the cold window, and thought of nothing but the nice, warm shower that awaited him.

As they pulled up to the Ootori manner, Kaoru opened the door and jumped out before the car had fully come to a stop, stumbling on the gravel. The possible bruises would be worth it for escaping the chatty car. But as the car pulled to a stop and the other two got out, the red-head scampered toward the front door, unwilling to hang around and wait for Yuki and Matsuki to catch up and coo about their nephew.

Kaoru tip-toed after being admitted by the maids, pattering up the stairs and into his and Kyouya's bedroom, carefully closing the door behind himself. He could tell that Kyouya was awake from the light and sound of typing from the loft, yet the red head still took steps to not disturb him. Gently, he removed his shoes and shuffled quietly to the bathroom, Kaoru slipped inside the tiled room, locked the door and then peeling off the sticky cloths and turning on the hot water.

Showers were always a risky endeavor in the Ootori household. Kaoru had been amazingly relieved when he discovered there were locks on the door, although that didn't mean he couldn't be caught when trying to find cloths to dress in after. That, perhaps, was the only reason he was happy that Kyouya left for work so early in the morning, for he was always alone when it came time to change. But even if he always worried about the invasion of his privacy, the feeling of hot water running through his hair, make up melting off his face and warm water rushing along the grooves of his body was amazing. He liked having the false breasts off, and just generally being naked - out of women's underwear and pantyhose. Not to mention the clean and fresh sensation of shampooed hair.

Kaoru couldn't help but hum happily, and louder so when he heard the pleasant way it reverberated against the walls. Soon, he had begun to outright sing, loudly and off tune as he stuck his head under the water stream to rinse. And, of course, it was just then that the door knob clicked and the door slid open.

Because while the doors locked, there were always keys.

Footsteps were drawn out, and the red head didn't even notice there was another person in the room until that person spoke. "Kaoru?"

He screamed. A perfect, high pitched girly scream, jumping and whirling around to present the outline of his back through the shower curtain to the newcomer - Kyouya, of course - and at the same time crossing his arms protectively across his chest and locking his knees together so no tell-tale shadows gave away his dirty little secret. Stammering and trying to keep his voice from cracking into a manlier tone, Kaoru responded, "Uh - um - yes?"

"I apologize if I've made you uncomfortable. But we need to talk."

"Erm - can it wait? I've got shampoo in my eyes."

"Sorry -" although he didn't really sound sorry "-but I heard there was a small spat at Fuyumi's baby party."

Oh... That. "You should have been there... Uh - it was a really good time. The little fight - it didn't really matter."

"Your twin and Tamaki really don't get along well, do they?"

"They haven't for a long time. He and I didn't like each other either. It's a big mistake to put the two of them in a room together - ever - let alone the three of us together in a garden." He added a small, skittish laugh that was lost in the sound of the shower water hitting the bathtub.

"Perhaps we should keep your brother and my friend separate, then. Neither of them seem mature enough to interact in a grown-up situation."

Kaoru bristled as Kyouya insulted Hikaru. "Do I seem immature?"

There was a rustle of clothing; Kyouya was shrugging. "You seem capable of sucking it up and not talking when you shouldn't."

The red head scoffed. "Don't be so carefree in your compliments, Kyouya."

"Don't read too much into them." There was a hint of laughter edging his voice in a teasing, belittling way that - again - made Kaoru bristle.

"I don't read too much into them, you read too little!" he snapped. "And if you're just going to be rude, you can spit out the reason why you actually came in here and then leave."

Kyouya chuckled, which only pissed Kaoru off, and had it been anyone else, he would have given them what-for. But he bit his tongue as the dark haired man spoke. "I just wanted to tell you that I don't want twins."

"...What?"

"Sine you, yourself, are a twin, it is highly likely that if you and I were to have children, that there could be twins. And seeing as I don't see myself or yourself having enough attention for one child, let alone two, then we shouldn't have twins."

"I - I would be a good fa - mother! I would be an excellent once - ouch!" A large, angry glob of shampoo had fallen into his eyes. Squinting, swearing and rubbing viciously at his eyelids, Kaoru could hear Kyouya chucking. "Ow, ow - ouch! St - stop laughing at me!"

"I'm not laughing at you -"

"Stop chuckling - stop snarking, stop giggling, tittering and laughing." He was crying, but that was because of the stinging, scorching liquid in his eyes that he just couldn't get out.

"I promise I'm not -"

"Would you just leave!"

"Are we done talking -?"

"Yes! YES - we're so done! Just...you - just get out!" He snapped furiously.

Kyouya posed no more intrusion. Kaoru heard the door to the bathroom click shut, and almost immediately felt guilty. Once the shampoo was out of his eyes, he couldn't really remember why he had gotten so mad to begin with... But really, babies weren't that bad, if Soshi were any example. Not - not that he wanted any; he couldn't even have any, so there was no reason to...want...them.

...But if he did - he'd want twins.

Kaoru rinsed the second bought of shampoo out, conditioned his hair, shaved, rinsed the conditioner and shut off the water. Here, he paused and listened for any sound of footsteps, floorboard squeaks or muffled shuffles of carpet muffled footsteps to signal Kyouya was up and about.

He heard nothing, however, and stepped out from behind the shower curtain and snatched a towel. Had he been more aware of outside the door, however, Kaoru may have managed to pick up the sound of quite tip-toeing; may have recognized the sound and not brushed it off as just water dripping from the faucet. But, alas. He didn't, and the door to the bathroom squeaked open before he could even wrap the towel around his dripping torso. His dripping, flat chested, ultimately male torso...

He froze.

"Kaoru, I had something to tell you earlier but I forgot -"

He choked. "I - I am - you have no idea how sorry I am...!"


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Next chapter preview: In which Kaoru is called a lesbian. Again.