A/N: So, this is my first Twilight fanfiction that I'm sharing with everyone. Its kind of a long first chapter because it was originally supposed to be a one shot, but I had a shit-ton of people ask for more. I thought it had come to a good stopping point, but nearly everyone that reviewed wanted me to continue and who am I to deny them anything?
If its a little scattered, I apologize. I write after work and I work at a mindless job where my brain sits unused in its holder for ten hours straight. My co-workers aren't the brightest people either, so the conversation is sort of...lacking.
As for reviews: I don't need them. Its all up to you to tell me what you like and don't like, though I do love to hear from you guys; good or bad.
Anywhozzle, here's my story. Enjoy! :)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own The Whole Nine Yards, Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, Simon Pegg, or Nick Frost, and I nor Emmett had anything against Matthew Perry. I just needed him to not like him for teh time being. I don't own that vampire story line either, or any of the characters, even when they're human, and I didn't create any of the merchandise though I do own a few shirts and posters...oh, and that vampire movie.
"Alice," I groan, "you don't get it, do you? I'm going to fucking die a virgin…"
Alice rolls her eyes at me, looking back at herself in the mirror as she adds a little more mascara. "Bella, I think you're being overly dramatic. You aren't going to die a virgin."
I scoff. "Well, not all of us can have awesome boyfriends that want to fuck us, Alice."
Alice turns in her seat quickly. "Would you keep it down," she hisses at me. She gets up and walks to her door briskly, looking out of it before she shuts it softly. She turns to me. "There are more ears in this house, Bella. Both of my brothers are home and I don't want them finding out about what Jasper and I do. They'd kill him!"
I sit up from where I am laying across her bed. "I'm sorry. I just… I can't seem to keep a boyfriend."
She rolls her eyes again. "Well, Bella, no offense, but your taste in men… sort of… sucks. I mean Mike Newton? Did you really think he would be able to do it?"
I sigh and shake my head. "I was hoping, Alice. Is it too much for me to hope?"
I stand up and make my way to her door. "I'll talk to you later, Alice. Have fun on your date. Tell Jazz I said hi."
She calls my name but I ignore her, walking out of her room with my shoulders sagging. As soon as I open the door, I run into Edward, Alice's second to oldest brother. Both he and Emmett have been in college for the past couple of years. When I moved to Forks, the two of them were starting college. Emmett had taken a year off to have a road trip with his friends while Edward went straight out of high school. I never really got to know them that well after Alice took me in like a lost wet puppy.
I grimace. "Sorry…"
"No problem…Bella, right?"
I smile and nod. "Yeah."
He smiles at me sweetly, causing me to nearly swoon on the spot. There is no denying it. The Cullens obviously dealt in some kind of black magic. All of them are incredibly good looking. If it isn't bad enough with Carlisle walking around here, I'm now going to have to put up with his two sons for the rest of the summer.
Edward has to be a least six feet tall, no less than that. He has this messy, short, wild, amazing, coppery colored hair. His eyes are this amazing green-gray combination that disappears when he smiles brightly; leaving only crinkles at the side in their departure. His voice is deep and smooth like some kind of late night radio announcer for a jazz station. He has these large broad shoulders and defined chest, noticeable even under his t-shirts that fit just right. It all trims down beautifully into a slim waist and long legs. I can only imagine he has one of those amazing 'v' shapes that define his hips and point to exactly what I want.
He brings one of his large hands with their amazingly long fingers up and nips at my chin with his forefinger. "It can't be that bad, whatever it is."
I try not to scoff in his face. The wink he gives me stops me from breathing let alone scoffing. I blink a couple of times and look away, breaking the trance he has on me. "Yeah, maybe you're right."
I quickly move away, waving over my shoulder. "I'll see you around."
"You can count on it," I hear him say as I all but run down the stairs.
After I get in my truck and get the hell away from the Cullen house, I take a deep breath and sigh slowly. If a guy like Edward was my boyfriend, I know my virginity would be long gone. Even without the visible tattoo on his arm and the other's Alice tells me he has, he looks like a bad boy. He looks like one of those guys that would love his girl devotedly and love to fuck his girl senseless at the same time.
I groan as I feel the wetness in my panties just thinking about Edward fucking me. I'm a horny little pervert. I can't help it. I have a hard time concentrating on the road as my mind starts thinking of things those amazing hands could do, and oh God, his mouth: those pouty lips and pink tongue. I can't help the shiver that runs down my spine. Feeling those lips working against my lower lips, feeling that scruff on his chin and jaw rub me raw as his fingers pound into me.
When I pull into the driveway to my house, I see my dad's cruiser sitting happily in the driveway. Looks like the dirty thoughts will have to be put on hold while I make Charlie and me dinner. I mean how hard is it really to put a frozen dinner in the microwave? Really?
Fuck me! Forks is fucking boring as hell. Who in their right mind would want to actually live here? Oh… that's right… my fucking parents and anyone over the age of 45. There is nothing in this town that is worthy of the word entertainment. The closest thing for fun is the movie theater and arcade at the VW hall, where they only show G and PG rated movies and only have Pac Man and Frogger for games. There's a club in Port Angeles, but the club is so dead most of the time and they only serve domestic beer. I mean it's a club for Christ's sake…
I shut the refrigerator with a little too much force and roll my eyes as I hear the bottles shake inside. I turn to the cabinets and sigh dramatically, trying to find something to eat. I have a craving for something and I can't put my finger on it. I'm feeling 20 different kinds of restless and I don't know why. I feel like I could climb the walls.
I give up on the kitchen and make my way upstairs. I plan to grab my keys and jacket, seeing if anyone wants anything from the diner in town before I head down there. Maybe Emmett isn't doing anything. Oh… that's right. He brought his girlfriend home with him. Rosalie Hale. Jesus, she is the vainest bitch in the world! She and Emmett go hand in hand really. He's the only man I know that's straight that spends as much time on his appearance as a girl.
I forgo asking if anyone wants anything and just make my way to my room to grab my things. However, I stop dead in my tracks when I hear a very distressed beautiful voice call to me sister. "Alice, you don't get it, do you? I'm going to fucking die a virgin…"
I frown, knowing who belongs to that voice and totally going brain dead at the fact that she's still a virgin. Little Bella Swan isn't so little anymore. I remember my sister flipping her lid whenever Bella came to Forks. She'd found her maid-of-honor, she'd told my mother. She was certain that she and Bella would be the kinds of best friends that would never lose contact; so far so good, if you ask me. I'd gotten pictures of Alice over the couple of years I'd been away at college. Bella was always in them with her. My parents had taken to her like a second daughter. I'd watch the process of both of them hit puberty and 'blossom'.
Of course, I had no interest in watching my sister grow tits, but Bella, on the other hand, filled out beautifully. She had definitely came into her own and hearing that she couldn't get laid is slightly shocking. I mean what dumb motherfucker wouldn't get them a piece of that if they had the chance.
"Bella, I think you're being overly dramatic. You aren't going to die a virgin," my sister halfheartedly reassures her.
I hear Bella scoff, "Well, not all of us have awesome boyfriends that want to fuck us, Alice."
Do what? Alice and Jasper are… oh… no… I don't think so. Wait until I fucking tell Emmett this shit. Alice owes me now. Emmett has always been this overprotective caveman when it came to Alice. I am there for her if she needs me, but really, Emmett is the brute force of the group while I plot and plan better than the rest of them. Alice just makes sure we look good while we do it.
"Would you keep it down?" I hear Alice jump up and I quickly hide behind the corner. Once I hear the door click shut, I waste no time pressing my ear to it. "There are more ears in this house, Bella. Both of my brothers are home and I don't want them finding out about what Jasper and I do. They'd kill him!"
I hear Bella's sad voice. "I'm sorry. I just…I can't seem to keep a boyfriend."
Oh. My. God. The boys in Forks need to all be beaten about the neck and shoulders with a wet rope and then smeared with honey and made to stand in a pile of fire ants. Who the fuck would dump Bella Swan?
"Well, Bella, no offense, but your taste in men… sort of… suck. I mean Mike Newton? Did you really think he would be able to do it?"
Newton? What the fuck? She must be desperate. It's a sad day when someone as fuckhot as Bella has to date trash like Mike Newton. He would never be able to please her regardless. He is a dimwit that knows nothing about women. I know this because I fucked his girlfriend once. Jamie? Jenny? Jessica! That's what her name was. Jessica Stanley. They were a match made in heaven, both annoying little shits. Only reason I even touched her was because I was bored and about to turn 18. Most of the girls in Forks were going to be off limits after that.
I hear Bella sigh. "I was hoping, Alice. Is it too much for me to hope?" I hear movement. "I'll talk to you later, Ali-"
I quickly make my way around the corner and turn around so that I can act as if I just so happen to be walking by whenever she's walking out. I time it perfectly because she runs into me the second she walks out of Alice's room.
She grimaces. "Sorry…"
She looks down but I can still see the sadness on her face. "No problem…Bella, right?"
I know who she is obviously, but I don't want her to think I am one of these loser boys that will fawn after her every step. Don't get me wrong, I would kiss the ground this amazing creature walked on every day, but she didn't need to know that. Some people think I'm a dick with the way I treat girls, but it's all rewarding to the both of us in the end. By the time I'm done, they know exactly how much I wanted them to start with.
She smiles up at me and nods. "Yeah."
I can't help but smile back at her. She has the sweetest smile that makes me want to make her scream. A random urge, I know, but I can't help what she makes me want to do to her. I can see her breath catch as I do so, which makes it all that much better. She thinks I'm fuckable, which is a major plus for me.
I bring my hand up and nip her chin with my finger. "It can't be that bad, whatever it is."
And if it is that bad, just let Daddy Edward spend a little time with you. I can make it all better…
She looks like she's about to say something smart, but the wink I give her stops her in her tracks. She stares at me for a second before she blinks a couple of times and breaks eyes contact. "Yeah, maybe you're right."
She all but runs from me. "I'll see you around," she says with a wave of her little hand over her shoulders.
I can't help but grin as I watch her beautiful hips sway back and forth. "You can count on it."
Alice's door opens and she looks at me, frowning at the smile on my lips. "What are you doing?"
I move a little closer to her and smile, letting her know she's in trouble. "The question is, who is doing you?"
She gasps, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. "You heard?"
I laugh and shake my head. "Little Alice Cullen: no longer a virtuous maiden."
She glares at me. "What do you want, Edward?"
I smile crookedly at her. "I have my price, but I'm going to make you suffer for a little while before I let you in on what it will take to buy my silence. My price isn't cheap."
She looks at me and then looks at the stairs before looking back at me. Her jaw dropping considerably and her face paling a shade or two. "Edward… no. Not Bella. She's… she's still a… virgin."
I nod. "I know. Shocking, really." I sigh, my plan now ruined. I had hoped to get a slave for a day or two, but oh well, this will have to do, "But that's not the reason I want her, though it is a very nice plus."
Alice sighs. "Edward, we're talking about my best friend's virginity!" She hisses, "That's low!"
I roll my eyes. "I don't fucking want her virginity, Alice. Fuck, I'm not some freak that likes to go around popping girls' cherries. I've always liked sex to be enjoyable by all involved, not just me."
Alice frowns. "Then what do you want with Bella? Isn't she a little young for you?"
I shake my head. "Seventeen is legal. Is she seventeen?"
Alice's face grew disgusted and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "I'm not some child molester either, fuck, Alice. I would like it if she was a legal adult, but I can't have that right now, can I?"
The disgust fades as the confusion comes back. "Then what do you want with her?"
I smile wickedly. "I want to have some fun and since Bella is having a hard time having fun, I think it's time you put her in some capable hands."
Alice sighs. "Her father hates you, Edward. You know that. Charlie isn't going to allow you to date his daughter no matter your intentions."
I roll my eyes. "And that's where you come in, fair sister. Remember the lack of your virginity?"
She glares again. "And I want nothing less for Bella. What Jasper and I shared -"
"Is none of my damn business, little one, so keep it to yourself. I know you want a big romantic thing for her. I get that. But I don't plan on fucking her. Did you not hear me? I don't want to take her virginity for the last fucking time."
Alice sighs. "Fine. I'll see what I can do, but don't rush me. If you want this to work out, then be patient."
I shake my head. "I don't have time for patience. I'm only here for the summer, Alice."
She sighs and nods. "That's what I'm afraid of…"
She closes the door in my face after laying that little cryptic tidbit on me. What the fuck does that mean? Why should she be afraid of me leaving at the end of the summer? I told the truth when I said I didn't want to take her virginity. What I want to do with her would be better if she isn't a virgin, that way she could enjoy me better. After the first time I took a girl's virginity, I swore I wouldn't do it again. Alice and Bella will be coming to UW next year. By then, Bella should be deflowered and I can take her like I fucking want to take her. My cock is throbbing at the thought of it.
It's been a couple of days since I last seen Alice and she wants me to come and stay with her. She'd been hanging out with Jasper too much and didn't notice she'd been neglecting me until five minutes before she calls me. I should've been mad about it, but I can't blame her. If I were dating someone as awesome as Jasper then I would ignore me too.
I pack a bag with a few sets of clothes. She wants me there all weekend and much to my father's chagrin, I am going and there is no stopping me. Charlie doesn't like Edward. Edward was apparently some kind of bad seed when he was growing up and Charlie was always arresting him for something or another. He was shocked to hear that Edward was in school to be a doctor. He then proceeded to hope that he didn't set up practice around here. I tuned him out after that.
I get in my truck and head over to the Cullen house. Regardless of Edward's past, I can't help but continue to fantasize about him when my mind wonders. My fantasies range from us fucking like two wild animals to just sitting around watching TV together. I'm easy to please, but guys just don't seem to get that. I don't like to be paraded around at parties or make out with them in public. I like the simple things like hanging around the house watching movies or cooking dinner together.
But apparently that is too much for guys to comprehend. I just need an older guy…like Edward. I sigh and shake my head. It's a stupid fantasy to have. What would someone like 21 year old Edward Cullen find in 17 year old Bella Swan? Nothing, that's what.
I pull up and park next to the large garage like usual. I grab my bag from the other side of the truck and make my way towards the house. As I bring my hand up to knock on the door, it opens by itself. And standing there in the door way is a sight that makes me drop my bag. Disheveled hair. Bright green eyes. Wicked grin. Shirtless. Tattooed. Pierced nipples. Waistband of his boxer briefs. Jeans that fit perfectly. Barefoot. The V. Orgasm waiting to happen.
When I hear my bag hit the porch, I notice that I'm gawking at him like he's a large piece of chocolate cake. I snap my jaw closed and look away. I can feel the blush rising on my cheeks as I try and set my breathing back to normal. I can feel my heart hammering away at my chest, trying to get to him, I'm sure.
He bends down and grabs my bag from the front step. "Come on in, Bella."
I gulp and nod, following him inside. I would follow him anywhere. My eyes run over his back… his beautiful defined, muscular back… and take note of the tattoos. He has the stubs of broken off black angel wings on his shoulder blades and some strange tribal design on his side that goes down past his pants. I didn't get a look at the tattoos on his abdomen and chest, because I was too busy trying not to faint as I took in his whole appearance.
He sets my bag behind the couch and turns to me, smiling crookedly. "I hope you don't mind hanging out with me for a little while. Alice ran to the diner to pick up the pizza she ordered for you two."
I shake my head. "N-no, um, that's cool. What are you doing?"
He motions to the TV. "Just frying my brain."
He takes a seat on the couch and motions for me to join him. The only problem is that he took the middle seat, which means I'd have to sit right beside him no matter what. I could always opt for the arm chair or love seat, but he pats the seat beside him. I feel like I have no choice. Darn the luck…
I yank off my jacket and toss it on my bag, toeing off my shoes before I take my seat beside him. I need to stop acting like a total dumbass and start trying to impress this man. He could be the key to the Promised Land. I have every bit of faith that The V would point the way. I just need Edward to let me follow its direction.
I curl my legs up beside me as I press my back against the arm of the couch, effectively facing him, but still comfortable enough to watch TV if conversation doesn't pick up. He leans towards me setting his arm on my knees as he flips through the channels, he smiles over at me. "Perfect," he says as he pauses for a beat. I try and remain calm. "Anything in particular you want to watch?" he asks.
If there happens to be porn in which you've stared in, I'm up for that…
I shrug. "I'm good with whatever."
He nods. "Awesome," he ends with a wink before turning back to the television.
He stops on one of the movie channels and smiles when he sees an old scary movie on. "Do you like scary movies?"
I giggle. "Are you going to ask me which one is my favorite right before you kill me?"
He chuckles and shakes his head. "No, I'm not going to hurt you." He winks at me. "Unless you're into that kind of thing…"
I bite my lower lip and try to suppress the urge to moan. The one time I asked a guy to be a bit rough with me, he ended up hurting me. But something tells me Edward would make it hurt in a good way. Fuck he's hot…
I quickly look away, watching the movie before his voice brings me back to reality. "What have you been doing these past couple of days? Hanging out with your boy toy?"
I frown slightly. "Um, no, I don't have a boy toy. I've been just hanging around the house. Alice has been busy with Jasper… so… I've been kind of bored."
He frowns at me. "You don't have a boyfriend? What the fuck? Bella, you're hot. Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Uh…" Yep, I'm brain dead. You can go ahead and call it. I'm not sure it's coming back to life, but then he smiles at me, which sparks a little something down below and sends it up to my brain. I shake my head slightly. "Um, I'm not sure. I guess I'm just… I don't know, too boring, maybe?"
He looks at me skeptically. "First of all, you live in Forks. Everyone is boring because there isn't a fucking thing to do. Secondly, you're young. You need to be out having fun while you're still capable of doing so without being sent to prison."
I giggle. "And you would be an expert right?"
He glares at me as his lips pull into a small smile. "You better watch it, Bella. Just because I've grown up doesn't mean I can't still have a little fun. The next time Alice leaves you high and dry, call me. We can have some fun together."
He turns back to the TV, leaving me floored. I try not to let it get to me that bad. I don't want to go brain dead again. He is probably just trying to be nice. Regardless, if he wants to have fun, he could see just how much fun the daughter of the Chief of Police can have. I smile and turn to the TV.
I try to pay attention to the movie and find that it's kind of stupid. I've noticed that the movies from my younger years that I used to think were awesome as shit are now really stupid. I reach for the remote in his hand but he pulls it away, looking at me like I was crazy. I grin and reach for it. "It's time to find something better to watch."
He scoffs. "I don't fucking think so. This is a great movie. If you don't like it, you can go find something else to do."
I glare at him and get up, deciding I'll do just that. It would give me a chance to get my head cleared. As I get up, he grabs a hold of the back of my jeans and pulls me back down, effectively pulling me down into his lap. My hand instinctively lands on his chest, bracing myself against the fall. I gasp when my hand lands on the magnificent body part.
Unconsciously, my hand runs up and down it, feeling the way it's hard underneath his soft skin. I bite my lip as my fingers trail over the tattoo of the realistic looking heart in the center of his chest. It has an intricate design of barbed wire wrapped around it with thorns poking out and a bright yellow and deep purple design behind it.
I feel one of his hands run down the length of my thigh as the fingers on his other hand dig into my shoulder blade. His hand comes back up as he grips me tightly under my ass. "Bella… you're messing with fire, little girl."
My eyes snap up to look into his dark green eyes. His eye color changes so much. I bring my hand away from his chest and look down at my hands in my lap. "Sorry… I -"
He cuts me off. "Shut the fuck up, Bella. You didn't do anything wrong." I look back into his eyes. "I pulled you into my lap, which should tell you something."
He pulls me a little closer to him, running his nose up my neck until he reaches my ear. "You just need to be damn positive what you're doing before you do it, understand?"
I can't help but nod my head. His voice is so commanding, yet still respectful. Fuck he's hot…
Edward scoots me off his lap but keeps my legs across his. He hands me the remote, "Find something else."
I try and break myself out of my trance as I flip through the channels. I'm trying to process what he'd just told me. He basically told me he wanted me, I just needed to make sure he was what I wanted before I started teasing him. Understandably so, Edward looks like the kind of guy that could get a girl just by walking in the bar.
An older guy is what I need, but I'm not quite ready for an older guy yet. I'm still too young for him. Experience wise, I mean. The guys I've messed with liked playing video games and staring at fake tits online. Edward might still play video games but I doubt he's writing strategy guides or looking at fake breasts online. He more than likely has a new pair in his hands every night or whenever he wants them.
I could offer Edward nothing more than decent conversations, if I could keep my shit together long enough to talk to him. I mean he has five visible tattoos, one of which I haven't had the chance to get a good look at. The half sleeve on his arm on the other side of the couch. He has his nipples pierced and God only knows what else. Edward's been through college and is about to go through his graduate studies. I mean, honestly, what the fuck do I have to offer him?
Well, there is one thing I could offer him…
Maybe I had come on a little too strong and that's why she sitting straight as a board on the couch next to me, making her second round through the channels. I couldn't help it. She had on this tight little white shirt that I could clearly make out her white bra through. Her jeans were low and left about an inch of tempting skin between the top of her jeans and bottom of her shirt. The jeans? Fuck me… they were tight on that nice piece of ass and set of thick thighs she had. Those luscious tits combined with her ass and thighs are enough to kill me. Thankfully, she's been too busy eye fucking me to notice I was doing the same back to her.
Looking back at the greeting I gave her, I realize I should've put on a shirt. It would've kept her more coherent. She already had a hard enough time talking to me with my clothes on, let alone half-naked. She found a boost of confidence somewhere after I told her to join me on the couch. She seemed okay with me resting my arm on her leg, and still okay when I told her we should hang out sometime but then when I warned her about touching me, she seemed to freeze up.
I can almost hear the cogs in her head turning and I know she is doing the one thing most girls seem to do, doubt herself. There is something about a girl when she gets around me that causes her think she can't please me. I knew they all thought I was some kind of badass because of my sailor mouth, tattoos, and nipple piercing. What they forget is that I drive a Volvo and am also about to be a doctor. I'm not that much of a badass.
I need to do something quickly before Alice comes back and finds Bella still in her freak out induced coma. I take the remote from her hand, turning off the TV and setting it on the coffee table. "If you're just going to channel surf, I'm going to turn it off."
Her eyes grow a little wide as I turn to her and take her hands into mine. "I think I may have came across… too strong earlier. I see the error in my ways and I hope I can rectify this immediately. I think you're a pretty cool chick, Bella. Alice is always talking about you as if the two of you were one person. I know some things about you, but I'd like to get to know the real Bella. I'm here for the next couple of months and something tells me the two of us would get along great. I hate thinking that you're stuck at home waiting for Alice and Jasper to detach themselves. I would really like for us to hang out, even though it may mean lying to your father…" I end with a chuckle since I realize the biggest complication might be a little bigger than I thought.
She frowns at me confused and I know immediately that she still isn't getting it. Before I can say anything, she lets me in on her brain's inner workings. "Why? I mean… what I mean to say is what's so special about me? There are… plenty of other girls that are probably far more interesting for you to hang out with."
I nod. "That's good to know. I'll look them up when you blow me off. Until then, I want to hang out with you."
"As friends?" she asks in a soft voice, avoiding my eye contact.
I wait a beat, unsure how to answer this question. We could be more than friends, but it would only be for the summer. In order for me to get what I want from Bella when she gets to college then I can't be holding her back during her school year. She'll be a senior this time around and there's bound to be someone man enough to fuck her like she wants too.
I would love to be and stay more than friends with Bella, but she's too young. She needs to experience things before she can settle down. I would hate to tie her to me and then her regret it a few years down the road. I would happily wait for this fine specimen, keeping any relationship with the women I meet frivolous at best in order to be with her when she's ready for me.
There's just something about her that makes me think I could end up with her and be happy for rest of my life, just her and no one else. I can only hope that she has that same feeling, too.
I feel the frown on my face and I tentatively say. "Yes," as I look into her eyes to gage her reaction. The first thing I see is disappointment. She thinks I'm rejecting her. Fuck! Can't I tell her anything right? Maybe I should bare my fucking soul to her and tell her what I want to happen between us? Yes, and then she would go running for the hills because some guy is already ready to settle down with her. Call me crazy, but I have every faith that I'll end up with this woman as my wife.
I quickly back track. "And no."
She frowns, hard, confused. "What do you mean yes and no? It's either yes or no. No and."
I sigh and run my hand through my hair, pulling away from her. "It can be, actually. I'm only here for a summer, Bella. We both go back to school in August. I'm back in Seattle and you're here in Forks. I would like for us to just sort of… be."
She scoffs and shakes her head, smiling disbelievingly at me. I frown, unsure of her reaction now that I've said it. She pulls her legs from my lap, but I catch her ankles, stopping her from leaving the couch. She pulls her legs. "Let go of me, Edward."
I shake my head. "Not until you tell me what your reaction meant."
She sighs. "It's just that I knew it was too good to be true. Here you are, fuckhot and wanting me, but then you tell me it's basically a fling and that no matter what happens this summer, it ends when you leave for UW."
I look at her incredulously. "Uh, Bella, you're going to be in your senior year. Why would you want some grad student holding you back? There are going to be so many things for you to experience both your last year of high school and first year of college. You can't very well have that kind of experience with me hanging around." I pause, my thoughts moving a thousand miles a second.
Should I tell that I don't plan on taking her virginity and that she needs to lose it before I'll be with her fully? Would that ruin the rest of my summer? Would she get angry with me? I mean I want to fuck her. Honestly, I do. I can't stop thinking about it most of the time, but I can't be her first. She's already upset about it, thinking she's going to die a virgin. I don't want to upset her anymore.
I resign on keeping that little bit of information to myself. I take her hands back in mine. "Bella, I just want us to have some fun this summer; just the two of us. We've got two and a half months to do nothing or do everything." Almost everything… "Why do we have to burden it with titles or expectations?"
She sighs and shakes her head. "I still don't understand why me?"
I shrug. "Something tells me the two of us have long lives ahead of us and this is just the first of many times we're going to be hanging out."
She nods and lets out a slow breath. "Okay, then will just be for the summer. Just the two of us."
I can't help but plaster a big happy grin on my face. "That's it! Just the two of us."
She giggles and shakes her head at my enthusiasm. I grab the remote and settle back against the couch, pulling Bella a little closer to me as I get a little closer to her. I lay my arm across her hips as she leans back against the arm of the couch. I slip my hand under the leg of her jeans and run my fingers over her ankle. She gets the idea and takes the hand attached to the arm lying across her hips and plays with my fingers.
This is what I fucking love about girls. I like a girl who can sit on the couch and channel surf while we just relax together. I wouldn't call this cuddling, but it's the next step down. I save cuddling for after sex or before falling asleep. There's just something about the way a girl feels, so soft and warm, that I can't get enough of. I love having a girlfriend for those reasons.
See… totally not a badass…
Unfortunately, I only get a brief taste of what it's like to chill with Bella because Alice comes rushing through the door with a pizza in hand. "Here's the fucking pizza, fucker. You told me you ordered it already."
I shrug. "They must have misplaced my order."
She tosses the pizza down on the coffee table and looks at the two of us entwined. Alice sighs. "Want to go up to my room?"
Bella raises up, trapping my arm between her stomach and thighs. "I thought the pizza was ours."
Alice glares at me and then softens her gaze when she looks at Bella. "It is. Do you want some? I lost my appetite."
Bella turns to me. "You want a slice?"
I smile and nod as Bella grabs the box and pulls it over to us. She grabs a napkin from the top of the box. She opens the box and grabs a slice of pie, handing it to me with the napkin. "There you go."
I smile, my hand resting below her hip where Alice can't see. I pat her lovingly. "Thanks, babe."
I stand up and smile at Alice. "I'll let you girls have your girly time."
I wink at Bella, who blushes and smiles at me. Alice, on the other hand, looks like she could spit fire. I flutter my eyelashes innocently at her, before making my way up stairs. I let out a relieved sigh, knowing Bella is more comfortable with me now than she was before. She knows where we stand with each other. Well, she thinks she knows where we stand with each other. She knows what she needs to know for now.
I find myself anxiously waiting for the next time I can get her alone. In my eyes, she is mine for the summer to do with as I please. She will be pleased with what I do with her as well. I'm not a selfish person. I give as much as I take.
And I plan on giving Bella plenty…
I can feel the anger rolling off of Alice in waves, but I can't bring myself to care at the moment. Edward just called me 'babe' and he totally smacked my ass. It was my upper ass, but ass none the less. I'm pretty sure if I had been standing his hand would've touched my ass…
Regardless, I still can't care. Edward told me he wants to hang out with me this summer. He wants us to be together… just be, he said. I know that I am just a distraction for the summer for him; something easily accessible and reasonably entertaining. He probably sees that he can make a clean break. Cleaner than what he could make with the other girls around here. They would fawn over him and beg him to not leave them, while I would just accept the inevitable and try to move on after he left.
Alice takes the seat Edward had vacated and sighs softly. "Bella, can you do me a favor?"
I frown and shrug. "Depends, I suppose."
She closes her eyes and nods before opening them and looks me dead in my face. "Just… be careful. Please?"
I look away from her and frown hard. "You don't have anything to worry about, Alice."
Alice nods and moves a little closer to me, turning her body more towards me. "I know but -"
I interrupt her. "But nothing Alice. Just… don't worry about me, okay?"
Alice sighs and nods, poking at the pizza in front of her. "Okay. I won't pry." She grabs the remote and sets back on the couch, fixing the channel on MTV and grabbing a slice of pizza. I don't know why she just won't let me live my life. She's always so motherly. I understand that she's just looking out for me and doesn't want me to get hurt, but that's what life is all about, isn't it? Living? Experiencing emotions and situations so you can learn from and then move forward?
Alice has been holding me back in some fashion since we became friends. Again, I don't fault her for it because she's just trying to help me out. Alice has this way of knowing things. She just can tell things right off the bat about people. When she first saw me, she knew we'd be the best of friends. Two years later, we're nearly like sisters. All that's missing is the matching DNA strands.
Whatever is happening between Edward and me just needs to happen. I don't need Alice stopping me. Edward can very well be the guy that takes my virginity. I would be happy with that. He is 90 kinds of sexy and I would happy let him fuck me until the cows came home. Hopefully, that's a long time.
The best part is whatever happens this summer could maybe be continued when I go UW next year. That put a small smile on face. I'm not sure what this summer had in store for me but I am very anxious even if Alice is being an emo about it. She is lucky. She has Jazz. She and Jasper are going to get married, no doubt. The two of them work so well together that I can't see them not ending up together. They are lucky. They found their other halves. I'm still searching. Maybe I can find something in Edward to tide me over until I find my other half. However, if I'm a really lucky good girl, maybe Edward would be it…
After eating, Alice seems to perk up a bit. We go up to her room and paint our nails and watch stupid things on the internet. Around 8pm, Jasper called Alice's cell phone. I let her know that I don't mind if she answers, and that I'm going to make some snacks for us, figuring that by the time I'm through, she would be as well.
I trot down to the kitchen, humming one of new favorite songs as I make my way. I find Carlisle in the kitchen making himself a cup of tea. He smiles at me, "Hello, Bella. I didn't know you were here."
I smile. "Hey, Mr. C. Alice invited me for the weekend. You don't mind, huh?"
He rolls his eyes. "Please, Bella. As much as you stay here, do you honestly think I would start caring now?"
I smile a little brighter and shrug before reaching for the refrigerator. "I just don't want to wear out my welcome."
I hear someone walk into the kitchen, but don't turn around to see the new inhabitant. Carlisle scoffs, "I think this one will wear out his welcome before you do, Bella."
"Oh, Dad… that's low…"
I nearly drop the jalapeno dip at the sound of his voice. I hold the dip a little more firmly as I turn around and see Edward standing there in a tight white t-shirt and the same low hung jeans from earlier. Carlisle rolls his eyes again. "Behave yourself."
Carlisle makes his way out of the kitchen, leaving Edward and I alone…
"Hey," I tell him.
He smiles crookedly at me. "Whatcha got there?"
I shrug, setting the dip on the counter and turning to grab the chips. "Just some dip."
I open the cabinet and see the chips are on the very top shelf. Of course they would be… I reach as far as I can, but before I can pull away to grab a chair, Edward is there, hand on my hip, pulling the chips down from the shelf and setting them in front of me.
I move back away from the counter slightly and look up into his green-gray eyes. "Thanks."
He winks. "No problem. What are you girls up too?"
Its then I notice that we're about six inches away from one another. I can smell him and he smells amazing. I just want to crush my nose against his chest and take a deep breath. I shake my head slightly to clear it so I can make conversation. "Nothing. Watching stupid things on the internet. Alice is talking to Jasper right now. I figured I'd give her some time…"
He frowns. "I thought this was girl time?"
I shrug and move away from him. I go to the other side of the kitchen and grab two small bowls. I hear him sigh as he continues to stand there and watch me scoop dip into one bowl and pour chips into the other.
The room continues to stay quiet as I put the dip into the fridge and the chips on the shelf they're supposed to be on. Before I can step away from him, Edward wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me against his chest. "Come watch a movie with me. There's a million of them in the den to choose from."
He wraps his other arm around me, setting his chin on my shoulder. I try not to hyperventilate at the position we're in. If I'm going to be around him in whatever capacity he wants me to be, I'm going to have to get used to his touches.
I shake my head. "Alice -"
"Is on the phone with her boyfriend, leaving her best friend to get snacks. I say you spend some time with a boy of your own."
His arms tighten around me and I have to close my eyes to stay calm. "Okay," I whisper.
"Go pick out a movie and I'll get some more chips and dip."
I nod and scurry out of the kitchen and down to the den. I flip on the light and notice my clothes. I cringe at my short hot pink shorts and black camisole. My hair is up in a ponytail, and I wonder if I look presentable enough for him. He didn't complain or say anything about what I'm wearing. It is kind of revealing, so maybe he likes that.
Ugh! I'm so out of my league right now!
A chill runs through me as the air kicks on. I quickly put in Shaun of the Dead and grab one of the throw blankets from beside the entertainment center. Edward walks in with two bigger bowls of chips and dip, a soda, and a beer. He sets everything on the table beside the arm chair and takes a seat. "So what are we watching?"
I try not to frown since I was hoping we'd sit next to one another like in the living room earlier. "Um, Shaun of the Dead. That cool?"
He smiles. "Fuck yes. I love Simon Pegg."
I can't help but smile because he's one of my favorite actors. I walk in front of him to sit on the couch next to the chair, but his tight grip on my hips pulls me into his lap. "And where do you think you're going, little girl?"
"I - I was j-just going to sit on the couch."
He shakes his head. "Nope. You're going to sit with me. That's why I chose the armchair."
He smiles and winks at me, causing me to smile back at him. I hear Carlisle and Esme and panic, trying to get up, but he stops me. "What?"
"Your parents. I don't want them to tell my dad."
He frowns at me and then towards the door. He looks at the couch and then back to me. "You're right. Let's get on the couch. It'll look…more appropriate then us in this chair with you in my lap."
He stands with me in his arms and I can't help but gasp and hold on to him. He chuckles and kisses me lightly on the side of the head. "Calm down, little girl. I won't drop you."
I bite my lower lip, trying to contain my smile as he sets us down on the couch. We take up the same position we had earlier after he grabs the food and drinks, only this time we're underneath a blanket.
Close to the end of the movie, Alice walks into the den. "There you are!"
Edward pauses the movie and looks up at his sister. "Finally get off the phone with Jasper?"
Alice narrows her eyes at him and nods. "Yes, I've been off for about ten minutes now. I decided to come and see what kind of trouble you were getting Bella into."
I frown but Edward stops me from commenting. "As you can see we're watching a movie, which, by the way, you're interrupting. Now sit down and shut the fuck up or get the fuck out."
Alice's jaw drops like he just slapped her. I have to admit that he did speak to her a little rudely, but I couldn't help but agree with him. I hate being interrupted during a movie and I hate that Alice automatically assumed we were doing something wrong.
Alice's hands drop from her hips and she takes a seat, crossing her arms over her chest. Edward and I go back to watching the movie and caressing each other under the blanket. My legs are in his lap and his right hand is holding the back of my leg. His other hand is running his finger tips up and down the side of my thigh. The feeling is nice… really nice. I'm running my little nails up and down the hair on his arm.
This is what I've been wanting for a long time. I tried getting the few boyfriends I've had to do this, but they always try to make out with me. Though I wouldn't be averse to making out with Edward, I still enjoy this very much. It's comforting and relaxing… and slightly arousing. I mean his hands are touching me. How is my body supposed to react?
As soon as the credits start he smiles down at me. "Want to watch another? I think we have Hot Fuzz too."
I smile brightly and nod. "Yeah that sounds great."
Alice yawns, "You aren't tired?"
Hell no! I shake my head. "No, I just drank a Mountain Dew. I'm probably going to be up for awhile."
Alice sighs and nods her head, "Okay. Then I guess I'll see you in the morning."
Alice and Edward look at one another, as though they're silently communicating. I want to scream at them to let me know what's going on, but I know that it's got something to do with Edward wanting to spend time with me. I wish Alice would just butt out. I want this. Why can't she just let me be happy for now?
Alice sighs softly and leaves the room. Before Edward can come back to the couch, Emmett and Rosalie walk in. They've been spending a lot of time with Emmett's old friends and really haven't been home. As a matter of fact, they're just coming in from doing God only knows what. Rosalie frowns down at me and then up at Edward. "What are you two doing?"
"Curing cancer," Edward deadpans as he shuts the glass doors in front of the DVD player.
Emmett chuckles. "What are you watching?"
Edward quickly answers. "The Whole Nine Yards."
Emmett groans. "Ugh, I can't stand Matthew Perry."
Rosalie pulls on his hand. "I don't think we're invited anyways…"
She winks at me and pulls Emmett out of the room with a confused, "What?"
I frown at Edward. "I thought -"
"They weren't invited," he cuts me off. When the DVD menu pops up, I see that we are indeed watching Hot Fuzz. I understand that Edward lied to his brother, knowing he wouldn't want to watch The Whole Nine Yards. I bite my lower lip watching him as he takes his seat back underneath my legs.
He smiles down at me. "What?"
I shrug. "You wanted me all to yourself."
His smile fades slightly as he leans over me, resting his weight on his forearm beside my shoulder. "Obviously, Bella. That's the reason I was rude to Alice. I didn't want her to come and take you away from me."
I can feel the shock register on my face, but I then feel my expression change as my mood does. Edward is leaning over me, inches from my face. His hand is gripping the side of my thigh, gently stroking my skin with his fingers. I reach up and run my hand through his hair, setting my other hand on his shoulder.
He bends down slowly, so very, very slowly and kisses my cheek. He runs his nose over where he kisses. My hand slips into his hair, hoping this will spur him on to do more. His lips hover over mine but don't make contact. I look from his lips up to his bright green eyes.
"Edward?" I whisper.
His eyes are fixated on my lips and I feel like I wait forever before he moves. Finally, he moves forward, brushing his lips against mine ever so softly. He rests his forehead against mine, keeping our lips apart. I whimper with need. His lips are so close, yet not close enough. I decide to make the move and try to kiss him. He just pulls back and smiles down at me, deviously.
I run both of my hands into his hair, grabbing two handfuls and pulling him back towards me. "Edward," I beg so softly that if he wasn't this close to me, I doubt he'd have heard me.
His lips attack mine and I can't fight back the moan at the feel of it. His lips are so soft and warm and perfect and mine. They're all mine for right now. His hands slide underneath me, pulling me against his body as he moves to lie beside me. He flicks his tongue against my bottom lip and I can do nothing but open my mouth to him, allowing him access.
Our tongues dance together, sliding against each other. He tastes like dip and beer, which isn't the best taste in the world, but at this moment, I don't give a shit. The feel of his strong arms around me and his tongue and lips against mine outweigh the way he tastes.
He pulls away from me and reaches to the coffee table, starting the movie. "That was getting annoying." He chuckles as he moves back to his previous position, ending the repetitive dialog from the movie's menu.
I smile at him as he smiles back at me. "I've wanted to do that for far too long," he tells me. I can't help but smile a little brighter. "Really?"
He chuckles softly and shakes his head. "Absolutely absurd. That's what you are, do you know that? Bella, you're a beautiful girl. Why wouldn't I want to kiss you?"
I sigh softly and close my eyes. "I don't know," I whisper.
He kisses my forehead, pulling me against him. "Well, it's high time you do know. There isn't a reason not to. Now roll over so you can watch this movie."
I roll over as told. Edward moves closer to me, pulling me back against him in the process. He's effectively spooned against my back. It feels so nice and warm and safe in his arms that I can't help but smile and moan at the feeling. I feel him chuckle. "Comfortable?" he asks, kissing my shoulder.
I nod. "Very much so."
He squeezes me. "Good, so am I."
The last thing I register is Simon Pegg and Nick Frost going into the shop to buy ice cream.
This. Is. The. Best. Feeling. Ever. Bella lying in my arms, sleeping soundly, kick ass movie on the TV, and a beer on the end table. Life couldn't get better. Well, I guess it could. This could be a normal night in our home and my arms could be Bella's favorite place to be.
I know at this point… right here, right now… that I am hooked on Bella Swan. Her bashfulness is both endearing and annoying. I like the effect I have on her, but I hate that it's every time I do something. I wonder what she's going to do when she wakes up.
I wrap my arms a little tighter around her; one around her waist, the other around her shoulders. This way when she wakes up, I'll wake up to and she won't be able to sneak away from me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, inhaling the strawberry shampoo scent in her hair. I turn off the movie and settle in for the best night's sleep, that amazing kiss replaying in my thoughts as I drift into unconsciousness.
I wake up to Bella's little gasp the next morning. She's facing me and my face is pushed against her neck. Her hand is tangled in my hair and her other hand is resting on my bicep. One of my arms is curled under the large throw pillow under our heads and my other is around her hips, my hand splayed across the expanse of her lower back under her shirt. Her leg is hitched up over my thigh and mine are entwined with her other one. We're a heaping tangled mess of arms and legs.
This is the best feeling ever…
I hum happily and pull her a little closer. She gasps again, but her body relaxes against mine.
I brush my lips across her neck, receiving a giggle from her in response. Not what I was wanting, but it's still positive. "That tickles," she whispers.
I do it again and chuckle as she squirms against me, giggling again. Sighing, I rest my head against hers. "This is nice," I tell her truthfully.
"Really?" she asks in a skeptical voice.
I roll my eyes. "Bella, I wish you'd stop doubting yourself…"
She shakes her head. "No, I mean, I just didn't think guys liked to do this. I really enjoyed just… hanging out last night. It's what I've always wanted from my boyfriends but they would rather take me to some party or public place and parade me around."
I smile, pressing a kiss to her collarbone. "I could understand the parading around part. I would show you off too, if you were my girlfriend. As a matter of fact, I think I may show you off anyway so people can be jealous of me."
She sighs, "Please don't…"
I pull away and look up into her big brown eyes. "Why not? Why don't you like it?"
She shrugs. "It just… embarrasses me. I mean, I'm not some super model girlfriend. You parade girls like Rosalie. I'm not like that. I want us to go out and be together. I don't want us to go out so you can show everyone what you have. I belong to you, yes, but that doesn't mean you have to flaunt me."
I can't help but smile at her since she basically just spoke to me like I was her boyfriend she was scolding. "I promise I won't do it anymore, baby."
I wink at her and she rolls her eyes, pushing my shoulder playfully. "You know what I mean."
"What's your ideal date?" I ask, looking her in her eyes.
She gulps, but gathers her courage from somewhere. "Staying in. Cooking dinner together. Watching some new movie on DVD while were curled up together on the couch."
I frown at her. "And no one could ever give you that?"
She shakes her head. "No," she whispers.
God, the boys around here are dense. What was I going to do? If that's all the girl wants and those insipid high school idiots can't give her that, she'll never be ready to settle down with me. Then again, maybe that's all she wants is to be with someone. Forever. One person. But I can't cause her pain like that. If I were the one to take away her virginity, I would beat myself for it. It's such a painful experience… I can't cause her that kind of pain.
I see her frown at me, her hand coming up to rub the furrow between my eyes. "What are you thinking?"
I sigh, shaking my head. "Nothing at all." I kiss her softly on the lips and pull away from her, sitting up and leaning on my hand so I can keep her leg around me a moment longer.
"That look on your face told me you were thinking about something."
I give her my best crooked smile, leaning down and kissing the side of her mouth. "It's nothing you need to worry about, babe," I say with a little smack to her backside. I get off the couch and stretch. She rolls over onto her back and looks up at me as I look down at her. "Hungry? I'm going to go make some French Toast."
She smiles sleepily and nods. "That sounds good. Do you want some help?"
I offer her my hand. "That's very nice of you to offer, but I'd prefer to cook this meal alone."
She takes it and allows me to pull her to her feet. I kiss her forehead. "Go get dressed and come keep me company."
She smiles brightly and nods happily, kissing my cheek before trotting out of the room. So sexy… I pick up our mess from last night and head into the kitchen where I start breakfast. I hear footsteps coming into the kitchen. I turn with an expectant smile, thinking I'm about to set my sights on Bella, when instead I see Dad standing there.
"Good morning, son. Not who you were expecting?"
I clear my throat as I ignore his question. "Want some coffee? It just finished brewing."
"Yes, that would be perfect."
I can hear the cogs in his head turning. I know he's thinking something about Bella and me. I just know it. When he finishes stirring his coffee, he turns to me. "Edward, I want to talk to you about something."
I wait for it. Just in case it isn't about Bella, I don't want to give anything away, so I stay quiet and just look at him expectantly.
"I know you won't graduate for another four years, but I was thinking about opening up my own practice in Seattle."
Well, I wasn't expecting this. At all. I frown slightly. "Seriously? You want me to work for you?"
He shakes his head. "With me."
I can't help but gawk at him. "Seriously?"
He chuckles, "Yes, seriously. You've grown up a great deal, Edward. I'm proud that you've finally gotten your act together."
I nod, flipping the four pieces of toast in the frying pan. "Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I don't really know what got into me."
He sighs. "It's understandable, son. You're the middle child. Emmett was experiencing everything first and Alice was taking attention from you as well."
I shrug. "It doesn't matter. That was then and this is now."
He pauses for a beat, staring at me like he wants to say something else. Okay, here it is. You can work with him as long as you leave Bella Swan alone… wait for it…
"There's something else I want to talk to you about."
I give him the same expectant look as he takes a deep breath. "What are your intentions with Bella, Edward? I came downstairs last night and saw the light on in the den. I went to turn it off but saw the two of you sleeping together."
I sigh. "It's complicated, Dad."
He frowns. "Edward, she's seventeen -"
"I know how old she is. I don't need a reminder."
"If Charlie found out…"
I shake my head. "Charlie won't find out."
He sighs. "Edward… please talk to me, son. Tell me what's going on."
"I'm in love with her, Dad."
I look up as my father starts coughing. I move towards him, but he stops me, holding his hand up. Once he recovers he gives me the crazy look I was expecting. "How could you love her? You don't even know her?"
I shake my head. "I just do. Alice won't shut up about her. She talks about her all the time. You guys send me pictures of Alice but Bella is always right there with her. She's so beautiful, Dad, inside and out. I can't help it. She's wasting away in this town… It's just a feeling I get."
He scoffs. "Like your mother? Edward, those feelings aren't always accurate, you know."
I sigh. "I told you it was complicated. It's hard to explain. It's just the way I feel about her."
"I hate to bring this up again, but she's seventeen. She's too young to tie down."
I nod. "I know this. That's why I'm not going to tie her down. I can wait for her. I will wait for her. She and Alice are planning on going to UW after high school. I'll be doing my graduate courses there. I want her to be happy and live her life before she settles down, but when she settles down I want it to be with me."
I look up at my father and see him look at me incredulously. I sigh, shaking my head. "Just…"
He nods and holds his hands up in defense. "How long have your felt this way, Edward?"
I sigh. "Awhile. I've had this feeling for awhile, but it wasn't until last night that I realized that I loved her. I know I don't know her, so stop looking at me like that. There's just something about her okay? Why can't you just accept that as an answer?"
He nods again. "Okay, so you love her. But what are you doing with her now?"
"Getting to know her better. I told her yesterday I just want to hang out with her. I want the two of us to just be. No expectations. No titles. Just us. At the end of the summer, I'm going back to school. I'm leaving her. She doesn't need me holding her back right now. There are things she needs to experience before me. I want that for her."
He frowns at me. "Edward, I think this is the most mature I've ever seen you, also the most insane and stupid."
I frown back at him. "What the fuck, Dad?"
He shakes his head. "Son, a girl like Bella isn't someone you can just drop at the end of a couple months to come back to a couple of years down the road."
I sigh. "I have no intentions of being anything more to her right now than a good friend. I'm keeping everything physical at an innocent level. As far as she knows, I just want to hang out with her."
He scoffs at me. "That won't last for long, son. This isn't going to go how you want it too, Edward. You should've stayed out of her life."
I chuckle hysterically. "Right, because I'm just supposed to sit back for the next two and half months looking at her but staying away from her? I don't think so. I'm a man of great restraint, but shit, Dad. I'm still a man."
He sighs and shakes his head. "Edward, Bella is different. She's not like normal girls and you know this. Treat her as such."
He walks up the back staircase on the far side of the kitchen. I take a deep breath and let it slowly. "Don't I fucking know it…"
Holy mother of God. I just woke up in Edward's arms. How the hell did that happen? I was certain that if I feel asleep there, he'd leave or take me to Alice's room. I had no idea that I would wake up tangled up with him. Ugh…so good…
His scruffy face was against my neck and his hand was under my shirt. And then he woke up and acted like the best boyfriend ever. Even though he isn't my boyfriend, he treated me like his girlfriend.
Shit! I got soap in my eyes!
Maybe I should pay attention to what the hell I'm doing. I clear my mind so I can finish my shower quickly. Alice is still passed out. She'd more than likely be pissed off if she found out I slept with Edward last night.
Hehe… I wished I would've slept with him…
I dress quickly and hurry downstairs before Alice hears me. I want to spend as much time with Edward as I can. He makes me feel special. There's just something about him. He seems like the type of guy that would give you his full attention if he took you out. He wouldn't be smiling and waving at people, motioning to you as though that meant something to the rest of the world.
I spin in front of the mirror for a second, eyeing my clothing choice. I'd pulled on a pair of jeans that hugged the right spots and an electric blue camisole. I left my feet bare since that's the choice of footwear for everyone in this house. The floors are heated and not to mention its summer. But even summer in Forks, Washington can be a little chilly sometimes.
I make it right outside of the kitchen and stop when I hear Carlisle talking to Edward, "It's understandable, son. You're the middle child. Emmett was experiencing everything first and Alice was taking attention from you as well."
"It doesn't matter. That was then and this is now," Edward says in dismissive voice.
There's silence for a moment and I contemplate taking that second to make my presence known, but Carlisle speaks again, "There's something else I want to talk to you about." Edward doesn't respond, but Carlisle continues. "What are your intentions with Bella, Edward? I came downstairs last night and saw the light on in the den. I went to turn it off but saw the two of you sleeping together."
My hand flies to my mouth to keep my gasp to myself. If Carlisle tells Charlie that he saw Edward and me sleeping together on the couch, Charlie is going to kill me… and most definitely Edward. I want to try and explain everything, but I can't move my feet or use my voice. I'm frozen, listening to the conversation without a choice.
Edward sighs. "It's complicated, Dad."
Carlisle quickly tells him, "Edward, she's seventeen -"
But Edward cuts him off, "I know how old she is. I don't need a reminder."
"If Charlie found out…" There would be a murder at the Swan house.
"Charlie won't find out."
Carlisle sighs. "Edward…please talk to me, son. Tell me what's going on."
"I'm in love with her, Dad."
Gah…wha? Did he just say…what?
My mind is reeling and my body tenses up. There is no way in hell I heard that right. No way. Edward is too… perfect to be in love with me. Right?
I notice I'm not the only one freaking out over the announcement. Carlisle must've choked on his coffee or something because he's coughing up a storm. Once everything settles down, Carlisle asks in rather exasperated tone, "How could you love her? You don't even know her?"
Thank you, Carlisle! Let's get right down to it, shall we? No need to beat around the bush here!
Edward simply replies, "I just do. Alice won't shut up about her. She talks about her all the time. You guys send me pictures of Alice but Bella is always right there with her. She's so beautiful, Dad, inside and out. I can't help it. She's wasting away in this town… It's just a feeling I get."
Carlisle scoffs. "Like your mother? Edward, those feelings aren't always accurate, you know."
Edward sighs. "I told you it was complicated. It's hard to explain. It's just the way I feel about her."
"I hate to bring this up again, but she's seventeen. She's too young to tie down."
"I know this. That's why I'm not going to tie her down. I can wait for her. I will wait for her. She and Alice are planning on going to UW after high school. I'll be doing my graduate courses there. I want her to be happy and live her life before she settles down, but when she settles down I want it to be with me."
Holy crow. That's… my mind is blank. I have no way of describing how I feel about this. This has got to be a dream, some kind of chemical induced hallucination from getting shampoo in my eyes. There's no way this is happening. I'm on candid camera, aren't I?
"Just…" I hear Edward begin, but he doesn't finish.
"How long have your felt this way, Edward?" Carlisle asks Edward in a soft voice.
Edward sighs, "Awhile. I've had this feeling for awhile, but it wasn't until last night that I realized that I loved her. I know I don't know her, so stop looking at me like that. There's just something about her okay? Why can't you just accept that as an answer?"
"Okay, so you love her. But what are you doing with her now?"
"Getting to know her better. I told her yesterday I just want to hang out with her. I want the two of us to just be. No expectations. No titles. Just us. At the end of the summer, I'm going back to school. I'm leaving her. She doesn't need me holding her back right now. There are things she needs to experience before me. I want that for her."
What? What is he talking about? If he wants me, then he can have me now. I don't want anyone else. What the fuck is he talking about?
"Edward, I think this is the most mature I've ever seen you, also the most insane and stupid."
"What the fuck, Dad?" Edward asks angrily.
"Son, a girl like Bella isn't someone you can just drop at the end of a couple months to come back to a couple of years down the road."
Edward sighs. "I have no intentions of being anything more to her right now that a good friend. I'm keeping everything physical at an innocent level. As far as she knows, I just want to hang out with her."
Ha! So much for that train of thought, buddy! I know a lot more than you think.
Carlisle scoffs. "That won't last for long, son. This isn't going to go how you want it too, Edward. You should've stayed out of her life."
Edward chuckles hysterically. "Right, because I'm just supposed to sit back for the next two and half months looking at her but staying away from her? I don't think so. I'm a man of great restraint, but shit, Dad. I'm still a man."
Carlisle sighs. "Edward, Bella is different. She's not like normal girls and you know this. Treat her as such."
I hear Carlisle's feet on the hardwood floors and panic for a split second before I realize they're going in the opposite direction. I hear Edward sigh. "Don't I fucking know it…"
I can't believe the conversation I just heard. I lean against the wall for support and try my best not to freak out. I need to take the information I was just given and try to piece it together. Edward loves me, but he doesn't want to be with me. Not yet, at least. From what I gather he thinks he's going to be preventing me from experiencing life. He has no idea the things he could show me, and I need those things to experience life.
I've got two ways of getting Edward to stay with me. I could talk to him, let him know I heard everything and then try to make him see reason. Or I could wear him down until he caves, not being able to let me go. I'm a mature person and I know the only way to do this correctly is to go with choice A. I just have to figure out how to go about talking to him about his feelings for me. I need a best friend to bounce the conversation off of, but the only best friend I have is someone that doesn't want me anywhere near her brother.
I decide to just file this information away for right now. Try to stay calm and cool. I shouldn't be so nervous around him now. I mean, he fucking loves me. What is there to do now to impress him? It seems whatever I did worked.
I take a deep, steadying breath and walk into the kitchen with my shoulders squared and head held high, but as soon as his eyes look up from his place in front of the stove, I'm a goner. I don't think I'll ever get used to looking at him.
He gives me a little smirk and motions for me to come to him. I obey without a second thought. He is going to be the death of me, I just know it. He pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head. "Hungry?"
I nod. "Yeah," I say in small voice. I wish I could've kept that courage from 30 seconds ago. I guess knowing that he loves me really doesn't make things easier. If anything, it makes me a little nervous… well, even more so than before.
He pulls his arm from around me and grabs a plate, stacking three pieces of toast on it with a side of eggs and sausage. "Go sit. I'll get you something to drink. What would you like?"
I smile down at the plate, feeling a little special that he's taking care of me like this. "Milk."
He pushes me towards the table, patting my butt as a sign to get in gear and sit down. I can't help the giggle that erupts and his answering chuckle only makes it worse. He sets a glass of milk down in front of me right as I take my first bite. I can't help but moan at the taste. "Oh my God…"
I see Edward's nostrils flare slightly, but I continue with my compliment. "This is amazing, Edward."
He clears his throat and moves away from the table quickly. "Thank you."
His cheeks stay flushed, nostrils stay flared, and frown stays in place on his brow for a few more minutes before he looks normal again. I wonder what I did that caused that reaction. I forget about his reaction as soon as his family starts waking up and coming downstairs. Emmett can't help but let out a loud whoop at the smell of breakfast. Alice frowns at me. "Did you come to bed last night?"
I stop mid chew and ponder for a second whether or not to tell her the truth. I decide to lie and tell her, "I ended up falling asleep on the couch," making sure to keep Edward's name out of it.
She nods and fixes her a plate as she fights Emmett off. Finally, the whole family, including Carlisle and Esme are around the table eating and laughing. Carlisle clears his throat, gaining the attention of everyone. "I'd like for us to do something together. We haven't spent any time together since Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie came home. It's nice and warm so I thought maybe we could go for a hike here in a little while."
The entire table agrees with enthusiasm, save for me. Hiking means walking over rocky terrain. I have a hard enough time walking over a flat, clear surface, but I keep my worries to myself. I can't make a fool out of myself anymore than usual.
Once breakfast is finished, Alice asks permission to invite Jasper, first from me and then from Carlisle when I give her the go ahead. If she has Jasper distracting her, than that will give me a chance with Edward. Is it wrong for me to use my best friend like that in order to get some time alone with her brother? More than likely, even if said friend is only looking out for my well being, but at the moment, I can't bring myself to care.
After Carlisle grants her permission, she sends Jasper a text telling him the plans. He calls to tell her he's on his way once he takes a shower. During that time, Alice picks out something for me to change into that's both attractive and comfortable. I look at the baby blue camisole and then to Alice. She looks like she's decided upon something as she looks down at the top in her hand.
Before I can ask her, she tells me, "I understand that you like him and that he's… infatuated with you. You're grown enough to make your own decisions and I can't stop you from hanging out with him. I just ask that you be careful and when it all ends at the end of the summer, I'll be there for you. I don't want this to come between us."
I frown. "Why do you automatically think this is going to end, Alice?"
She sighs and shakes her head. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be negative." She looks up into my eyes pleadingly. "Just…" she sighs again. "I'll kill him if he hurts you."
I can't help the laugh that escapes at her sudden emission. She laughs a little too and hands me the clothes. To match the camisole, she puts me in a pair of Bermuda shorts that are skin tight but comfortable as a pair of sweatpants. I slip on a pair of old Vans and throw my hair in a ponytail. Alice slips into a white baby tee and cut off denim shorts with an old pair of white Nikes, both of us with our bathing suits on underneath.
I point at her outfit and frown. "How come you get to look all sexy and I get to look like a prep?"
She giggles and rolls her eyes, "First of all, Edward's favorite color is blue. Secondly, you're showing off all your curves while I'm just showing off my legs. Thirdly, don't question me about fashion," she says, ending with an old fashioned raspberry.
I laugh as the two of us make our way downstairs to find Emmett and Jasper laughing about something. Rosalie and Esme walk out of the kitchen with two backpacks full of goodies to take with us. Esme thrusts one of the packs into Emmett's chest. "You and you're father are the mules."
Emmett frowns. "Why not Edward and Jasper?"
Edward and Carlisle came out of the downstairs hallway. Edward smiles. "Because I'm too pretty for manual labor and Jasper's too young."
Everyone laughs, but he must have heard my giggle above all else since he looks at me and winks. I can feel my cheeks flush as I look away from him, willing myself to get used to him and his flirtatious ways. Carlisle takes the other pack from Esme with a kiss to her cheek.
"All right, so we're going to head north for a mile and half and then east for another mile and half. We'll come to a waterfall and that's where will rest for a little while, have some lunch and hang out. Then we'll make it back here before dark where Emmett will cook out."
Emmett cracks his knuckles. "You guys better work up an appetite because I'm cooking to feed." He points his finger at Rosalie. "Which means no salads tonight, young lady."
She rolls her eyes as everyone chuckles. Carlisle looks at me. "Do you need to call Charlie before we head out?"
I gasp, "Oh! Yes, I need to let him know."
Carlisle nods. "Tell him if there's an emergency I have my cell on me."
I nod and head into the kitchen, hopping up on the counter and picking up the phone. I quickly dial the station, knowing Charlie planned on working all weekend.
"Forks Police, Chief Swan speaking."
I giggle. "Chief Swan speaking? What happened to Mary Ann?"
He sighs. "She called in sick. Does the greeting sound stupid?"
I laugh. "Yeah, just a little. Just answer like she does, it can't be too hard. Are you the only one there?"
"Yes," he sighs again. "What are you calling for, anyways? Is everything okay?"
I roll my eyes. "Yes, Dad, everything is fine. I was just calling to let you know we're all going hiking. So if you need anything or there's an emergency call Mr. Carlisle's phone. He says he has it on him."
"Okay, sweetheart. Have fun and, please, be careful."
I sigh. "Yeah, yeah. Bye."
After I hang up the phone, I hop off the counter and turn towards the door, screaming when I see Edward standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, leaning against the door frame. He's wearing a black wife-beater, a pair of dark gray board shorts, and black shoes. The tattoo on his arm stands out nice and bright with all the different colors contrasting against the black of his shirt.
He smiles wickedly. "Thought I'd stay behind and make sure you found your way without getting lost."
I smile back at him, gathering the courage from somewhere. "Or we could get lost on purpose."
He cocks his eyebrow at me. "I don't think we could get away with that. They'd get worried."
I shrug. "Just a suggestion."
I walk past him, grabbing his hand as I go, pulling him behind me and out the back door where everyone else exited. He doesn't let go of my hand once we're on the trail. He brings it up to his lips, kissing my knuckles, keeping his eyes on where he's leading me. I decide to take the time to warn him, "Just so you know, I'm an extreme klutz. So try not to laugh too hard when I fall."
He chuckles. "Alice warned me about that before she walked out. She told me to go slow."
I giggle. "That's my Momma Alice."
We walk in silence for a little while, giving me the opportunity to check out the tattoo on his bicep. I realize that it's not anything in particular, just a design with all kinds of shades. It's some kind of abstract art and looks totally hot on his arm.
"How many tattoos do you have?" I ask, breaking the comfortable silence.
"Six," he answers without hesitation.
"How many piercings?"
"Just the nipples," he replies with a grin.
"Can I see the one on your stomach?"
He looks down at me, frowning slightly. "It just says Cullen."
I nod, pausing for a few minutes. "Where's the sixth one?"
He stops walking and turns to me. "Why the fascination with my tattoos?"
I shrug. "I just like tattoos and like to see them. Sorry."
I pull my hand from his and continue to walk in front of him, upset with his terse behavior. I don't even hear him walk up behind me, wrapping his arms around me, pinning mine to my side. "Don't walk away from me in anger."
"Why are you being mean?"
He sighs, pressing his face against my neck. "I've just got a lot on my mind. It annoys me when people question my tattoos because they normally have a negative response. I apologize."
I keep still, waiting for him to let me go, but he doesn't. Instead he says, "This is the part where you tell me I'm forgiven and I let you go and we walk hand in hand towards our destination."
I shake my head. "No, this is the part where you let me go so I can look you in the eyes so I can explain something to you."
I feel him stiffen, but he releases me from his grip. I turn to him with my hands on my hips. "If there's one thing you need to know about me then it's that I don't judge and if there's another thing you need to know about me then it's that I don't have normal reactions. When I asked you about your tattoos it's because they intrigue me. When I turn eighteen I plan to get one. I like hearing stories about why people mark their bodies with the art they've chosen. My attraction to said tattoos isn't because it makes you look like some hot badass but because you felt passionately enough about something to get it etched into your skin for life."
Before I could register what is happening, he pulls me into his arms, against his body, and presses his lips to mine in a heated kiss. His arms pull me against him tight enough that he can pick me up off the ground so he doesn't have to bend to kiss me. I wrap my arms and legs around him for support so that he doesn't have to hold all my weight.
He breaks away after a moment, breathing heavy and pressing his forehead against mine. "Fuck, Bella. You're fucking beautiful, do you know that? It's just not fair."
His lips attach themselves to mine again as though he couldn't keep them away. I bury my hands in his hair, pulling on his tresses as I pull away from him. "Edward," I breathe out as I press my forehead against his, "I'm so confused right now…"
He nods. "I know. Me too, Bella. Me too."
I almost let it slip that I heard him confess his feelings to me to his father, but I close my mouth and shake my head. "We need to get back to the group."
He sighs. "I know that, too."
We laugh lightly as he sets me down. He presses a kiss to my lips once more before taking my hand and leading us towards the group. We find them about ten minutes into our silent trek. He never did answer my question, but he also said he has a lot on his mind right now. I'm pretty sure he forgot I even asked it. I don't press it since I just want to be with him in the silence of the forest.
Everyone is resting, waiting for us, taking pictures, and picking flowers. Once we walk up, everyone picks up and hikes on. Carlisle and Esme lead in the conversation. They talk to us about all the things in the forest like the different plants, trees, and flowers. Once they've exhausted that conversation, they move to the subject of college and how Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward are doing at UW.
The whole time, Edward is holding my hand. No one has said a thing, thankfully. Alice did give me a raised eyebrow, but I looked away from her. Esme finally became the typical mother and asks, "So, Edward, are there any girls back at college that we should know about?"
Edward scoffs and shakes his head. "Obviously not."
He squeezes my hand as Esme turns and looks at him. She looks down at our hands and turns back around. I can feel my face redden. I would do anything to know what Esme is thinking at this moment. Carlisle starts asking Rosalie about her Biology classes, asking if she was going into medicine or research.
I fade out of the conversation at that point. The heat is getting to me and holding Edward's hand is making it worse. I pull my hand from his and he frowns. "I'm hot," I tell him.
He nods and looks at Emmett. "Em. Water."
Emmett pulls the pack off his shoulder. "What the… do I look like a damn waiter?"
Edward rolls his eyes. "Just give me some water."
Emmett pulls the bottle from the bag. "Keep your panties on, Edwina. It's coming."
Emmett zips the bag back up and tosses the bottle to Edward, who catches it without a problem. I smile at him as he twists the cap, breaking the seal, and hands it to me. "Thanks."
He winks as I take a long needed drink. He takes the bottle from me and takes his own drink. He places the cap on it and shoves the bottle into one of his deep pockets. He leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "If you need it, just dig for it."
I bite my bottom lip and smile up at him, causing his nostrils to flare slightly and his cheeks to redden a little. He shakes his head and lets out a long, slow breath. After about an hour or so of hiking, taking pictures, and stopping for the occasional flower, we arrive at our destination. I stand in awe of the waterfall for a few minutes as everyone takes pictures and sets out the food and drink.
Carlisle instructs everyone to cool off in the water before they eat so no one gets sick. Emmett gets out of his clothes before Carlisle can even finish the request and runs for the top of the waterfall. We watch as he cannon balls into the deep pool at the bottom and laugh as he comes up with a scream, "Shit! The water is freezing!"
Carlisle and Esme just shake their heads. Edward pulls off his top and shorts, revealing his black swimming trunks. I watch as Edward walks into the shallow end of the large pool. I pull off my camisole and shorts as he goes further into the water until he disappears under it, not complaining once about the temperature. Alice, Jasper, and I follow him once we're all divested of our clothes. Rosalie stays back to help Esme and Carlisle set up camp.
Alice and Jasper float away as I float further into the water. I gasp when I feel hands on my ankles, but keep my cool when I feel those hands ghost up my legs. The water is clear enough for me to see the pale skin that belongs to Edward's chest, the bright heart in the middle of his chest giving him away.
I look up and see that Alice and Jasper are sitting on some rocks near the shallow end, Emmett is sitting with Rosalie and his parents, and no one is paying attention to me. I smirk as I feel his hands on my thighs. I place my hands over them, guiding them closer to where I've dreamed about his fingers being, but before he touches me, he comes up for air.
His hair sticks to his forehead as his head emerges from the water. He doesn't come up any further than what he needs to, leaving him about eye level with my tits, which he doesn't ignore. He moves closer, moving his hands to my hips. I watch as he runs his nose over the top of the cup of my bikini and then as he moves it across my breast over my nipple and along the swell of my breast. His hands move around me and lower until his large hands are splayed across my backside.
I reach up and move his hair out of his face as he moves back away from me slightly. I notice my breath is a little heavier after his little display. I look around and see that no one is paying attention. Thankfully.
"Do you think you can keep quiet?"
My eyes shoot back to his. "What?" I ask in the same quiet voice he used.
He smirks. "Do you think you can keep quiet?" he asks again giving me a pointed look.
He brings his hand from my ass to the front, cupping me in his hand. I gasp, my eyes going wide and my mouth hanging open. I quickly shut both, concentrating on the feel of his hand against me. His hand squeezes my back side and I open my eyes. "Well?"
I shake my head. "I don't know. I'm not sure."
He sighs, looking like I just told him he couldn't have his cake and eat it too. I look around and notice a small alcove behind some bushes. He sees me and I smile at him, pushing him playfully. "Race ya!"
I see his smirk before I swim towards the hideaway. The alcove is half in the water, so I press my back against the cold rock and bring my arms up to rest along the small ledge. I wait patiently for the second place winner to arrive.
That little minx. I'd wanted to bring her to orgasm the second I became attracted to her, and that little speech she gave me about my tattoos only fueled the already burning desire to make her scream. Granted, she wouldn't be screaming right yet, but this is just the beginning. She is getting used to me rather quickly and I'm not about to let the progression slip away.
I look around hastily; making sure no one is the wiser to her intended results. I see Alice look away, continuing her conversation with Jasper and my parents, brother, and Rosalie don't even pay us any mind. Perfect…
I swim over to her and find her waiting for me, her lower lip pulled between her teeth and a slight blush already on her cheeks. I'm not sure if it was from the small exertion, the sun, or the fact that she is about to let me finger her, but regardless of its source, it is fucking hot.
I swim right up to her, pressing myself against her, crushing her between me and wall as I devour her lips. After a minute, I pull back, realizing that I could scratch up her back from the rock. The look on her face tells me she wouldn't have noticed or it would've heightened her pleasure. Regardless, the only thing I want as evidence of our intimacy is the shit-eating grin on her face when she gets out of this water.
I pull her away from the wall and into my arms, kissing her softly and ghosting my hands up and down her body. Sure, the water gives me the lubrication I need, but I want to be able to tell the difference between her natural moisture and the water. I fondle her amazing tits over her bikini top and grip her ass over those sexy little boyshorts. The white of the swimsuit sets her skin off beautifully and if I could, I would get her tattooed on me somewhere.
"Wrap your legs around me, Bella."
She brings her legs up without question as I kiss her neck and jaw. Her hands find themselves in my hair like usual and I'm getting addicted to the feeling of her tugging on it. I slid my hand down her torso until I reach the tops of her boyshorts. I quickly make my way past them and press my fingers against her clit.
Her gasp and tug on my hair cause me to moan, which causes her to moan as well. Thankfully, the cool temperature of the water is staving off my erection or I'd be grinding into her like a fiend. I feel a rush of wetness against my fingers and can tell from the consistency that it's Bella's own personal moisture.
I press a little harder against her as I rub circles around her throbbing little bundle of nerves and relish the sound of her breathing hard against my ear. I slide my hand further into her bottoms, gliding a finger into her entrance, testing the waters, so to speak. Even though she was trying to lose her virginity, I wasn't sure how far she'd gotten to it. I didn't want to plunge more than a finger into her and hurt her. I never want to hurt her.
I slid my finger in and out, going as far as I could before I stretched her hymen too far. I took a second to deliberate if it is wise to breech the subject as I'm pleasuring her or wait for later. Regardless, I would need her to know that I know she is still a virgin. I would gladly do everything Bella wants to do physically as long as sex isn't the question…or answer…
I go a little too deep, stretching her too far. She gasps and pulls herself closer to me.
"Shh, it's okay. I won't go that far again," I tell her, holding her body close to me as I pull my finger out a little. Quickly, I go back to the shallow, rapid thrusts like before so she can forget about the shock of pain she experienced. I feel her hand curl into a fist at the base of my neck, thankfully away from my hair. I know that will hurt like a son of a bitch, but I wouldn't have told her anything just so she could feel instead of break her concentration.
Her body tenses and she sobs my name as she comes on my fingers. The sound is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life, next to the heavy breathing afterwards. I gently remove my fingers and pull back to see her face.
Her eyes are closed tight, cheeks are flushed a beautiful shade of pink, and her lips are parted slightly as she continues to breathe through her mouth. I brush my hand against her cheek and she looks up at me with a lazy smile on her lips. She rests her forehead against mine, bringing her lips to mine and kissing me softly before pulling away. "That was…"
I smile and kiss her a little more forcefully; she's just too damn pretty for her own good. She smiles a little brighter into the kiss before she pulls away. I decide then to wait until later to breach the subject. She's too happy right now to break her out of it.
"We should get back to the group before they start to worry."
She nods her assent. We swim back to shore to find Jasper and Alice just getting out of the water and the rest of our family eating. We sit in the sun with the rest of them as though we weren't just fooling around behind everyone's back. I can't help the smug feeling that fills my chest as I think about what I just did with Bella. I've done things like that before and I've registered a sense of pride, but nothing like what I'm feeling now.
The conversation flutters between everyone's lives, but I can't help but watch Bella. She listens contently to the conversation at my side eating her sandwich and drinking her water. She swats at a mosquito around her foot and notices mine. She moves a little closer and pushes my foot inwards, causing my big toe to move towards the ground. She sees the music notes starting from the back of my foot and stopping on the side of my little toe.
She smiles up at me. "Number six."
I smile at her, moving her bangs from her face as I do so. She bites her bottom lip, blushes, and looks down, causing her bangs to move back in front of her eyes. I can't help but chuckle at her. My mother takes that moment to interrupt our little bubble. "Don't encourage his tattoo habit, Bella. I'd like to be able to continue to see my son without ink all over him," she says with a hint of humor.
I roll my eyes, about to respond, but Bella runs her fingers along the side of my foot. "I like them," she says softly. I look at my mother who looks at Bella like she wants to tell her something to deter her from her feelings for me. She looks at her with pity and that upsets me. My mother looks up at me and shakes her slightly before turning back to her meal.
I know that I'll end up fucking this up one way or another, but dammit, give me a fucking chance to try to get it right. I notice Bella goes back to eating, hiding behind her hair, which I see is a habit of hers. I go back to eating as well when I notice the rest of my family is oblivious to what just took place between the three of us.
I watch Bella out of the corner of my eye, wondering what's going through her mind. She seems lost in her own little world, unaware of the conversation going on around her. I would love to know what she's thinking.
Carlisle breaks me from my reverie as well as Bella and her daydreaming. It's time to pack up and head back before the sun gets too far down. Emmett doesn't complain as much this time since the bags are lighter than before. I hang to the back of the group as Bella walks in front of me with Alice and Jasper. I watch her interact with my sister and see how the two of them act like they really are sisters. I watch Bella laugh and smile at Alice and Jasper's antics. I smile to myself as she stumbles over the roots in the trail every so often and even her own feet when there's nothing else to trip her. Her fingers are constantly fidgeting with one another. I notice she keeps a lot of her thoughts to herself, her mouth setting into a tight line when she wants to say something that would start an argument, but would rather keep the peace. Sometimes whenever Jasper and Alice start talking about something, her brow furrows and I wonder if it's from confusion or she's really contemplating what they're talking about.
I find all her little mannerisms very endearing and I find myself more and more in love with her as we make our way back to the house. About halfway down the trail, Bella turns around and sees me. Alice and Jasper are walking hand in hand, keeping to themselves. Bella has been in a sort of trance, watching where she walks while looking deep in thought.
She smiles sweetly and slows her pace down in order for me to catch up. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her into me. "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours, little girl?"
She wraps her arm around my back, hooking her thumb in my belt loop. She shrugs. "Nothing really. Just wondering."
"About?" I prod.
She looks up at me with a small frown and shakes her head, looking back at the trail in front of her. "Nothing."
I kiss the top of her head and let it drop, letting her know. "If you want to talk about something, I'm here to listen, you know?"
She smiles at me encouragingly. "I know," she whispers, resting her head against my shoulder. We continue to walk like this until Bella trips. I catch her from falling by pulling her against me, causing everyone to turn around and look. My Dad calls to her, "Bella, you okay?"
She smiles, cheeks flushed. "Fine. No blood, no foul."
Dad chuckles and continues the trek, causing everyone to follow suit. She steps away from me. "Maybe it would be better if I didn't walk so close to you," she says with a slight shrug of her shoulder. I take her hand. "Hold my hand, then?"
She smiles and nods, pulling me behind her as she leads the way. I love the way her hand feels in mine. I know I'm crossing all kinds of platonic boundaries and the little moment in the pond hurdled over the keeping physical contact innocent, but I just can't think straight when it comes to this girl. She has my mind all in a fucking tizzy and it both infuriates and intrigues me.
When she had started questioning about my tattoos, I didn't mean to be mean to her. I had just been thinking about what to do with her when she interrupted my thoughts. I'm not sure if I should just go ahead and tell her what I want from her and what she needs to do before we can be together or if I should just fucking give in.
How many girls would readily accept the guy they are fawning over to tell them to give their virginity up to someone else because they don't want to hurt them? She wouldn't take that as a reason for me not wanting to be her first. She would convince me it didn't matter, that it was going to hurt no matter who does it, and I wouldn't be able to convince her that I couldn't do that to her and not feel disgusted and guilty for doing so. She would think it had something to do with her physically, that she wasn't experienced enough for me. She might think her reactions are different from other girls, but I know Bella well enough to know she would doubt herself before she would accept my honest truth. So really, the only thing I can think to do is either give in to her or try to push her away just so I can try to fix the damage after I find out she'd given it up.
The only thing I'm most scared about is her falling in love with the guy she has sex with. The feeling I get about her being my wife only intensifies every second I'm with her. I see these little jaunts happening when all of us are older, only we'd be carrying children with us, maybe investing in some ATVs in order to get to the waterfall without tiring them out. I see Emmett and Rosalie with a little boy around the age of five, Alice and Jasper with a little girl around two, and Bella and me with a little boy around the same age, maybe with her expecting our second child as well. All of us happily married and doing well for ourselves.
Everything I do with her, I see a future version of it. Even this morning at breakfast, I saw her walking into the kitchen of our own home, belly slightly rounded with our first child, tired from the pregnancy taking its toll on her, and extra hungry since she was eating for two. I fixed her a plate just like I had this morning and made her sit at the table with a pat to the ass to get her moving while I got her something to drink.
It is all so clear.
I sigh and shake my head, wondering why I was having these strong feelings for a girl I hardly knew. Her hand squeezing mine brings me out of my thoughts. She looks up at me with a small frown on her face. "What's wrong?"
I smile and shake my head again. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong."
I kiss her temple and smile at her reassuringly. She just giggles and shrugs. "If you say so. That sigh didn't sound like nothing to me."
I give my own shrug and look at the couples in front of me. "Just planning for the future, I suppose."
She gives me a confused look but nods her head anyway, accepting the fact that I won't give her anymore information. Once we arrive back at the house, everyone takes showers and gets ready for dinner. I lead Bella to Alice's room, dropping her off with Alice and offering Jasper my shower. Alice looks at me nervously, scared I might hurt her precious boyfriend. I roll my eyes and lay my arm on the six foot tall blonde southern. "Don't worry, my little wood sprite. I'll have your boyfriend back in one piece."
Bella pulls on Alice's hand. "Edward isn't going to kill him. Come on."
Jasper smiles at me as I pull him towards my room. "You can go first. I need to try to find something nice to wear."
Once we're in my room, Jasper turns to me. "You know, you don't have to try so hard to impress her. She isn't that kind of girl. She would rather you be yourself than someone you're not."
I frown at him but he just shrugs. "I just pick up… vibes, I guess. She likes you, Edward, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see you like her. You aren't really… shy in your attraction, though your mother didn't seem too happy."
It's like he could sense her or something because a knock rang through the room just as he finished speaking. I look at the door and then narrow my eyes at Jasper. "You're psychic?"
He chuckles with a shake of his head before heading into the bathroom as I move towards my bedroom door and open it. I find my mother on the other side. I know that knock from anywhere. She knocks briskly three times and waits for about ten seconds before doing it again.
She gives me a tight smile. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"
I motion behind me. "Is this private? Jasper's in the shower."
She nods and motions to the room across from mine. This room is my music room of sorts. It's where my parents keep the piano. I let my mother walk in before I follow behind her and close the door. She looks up at me and shakes her head. "I don't know what you think you're doing with Bella but -"
I cut her off. "I've already spoken to Dad about this and I'll tell you the same thing I told him. I love her."
She looks at me with wide shocked eyes. "What? You what? Edward! She's seventeen for God's sake!"
I roll my eyes. "And I'm twenty-one. It's not like I'm that much older than her. You make it sound like I'm a pedophile."
She shakes her head. "Edward, she is much too young for you."
I scoff and shake my head. "I can't help what I feel, Mom. It's so bad… well, good, I guess… that everything I do has a double vision. I see what's happening in front of me but I get glimpses of seeing the future doing the same thing."
She frowns. "What do you mean exactly? You have a feeling about her?"
I nod and her frown turns from anger to worry. Mom knows about these feelings. She gets them all the time. I'm actually surprised she never had one about this before. She brings her fingers to her lips and bites on her nails. "What have you seen?"
I shrug. "Nothing out of the ordinary. I mean it's not like I'm precognitive. It's just, for example, this morning when I was making breakfast. Bella came into the kitchen but in my head I saw her walking into a kitchen that belonged to us and she was pregnant, tired, and hungry and I was making her breakfast, doting on her. Then the hike home I saw the whole lot of us with kids in tow and a newly pregnant Bella. The things I see feel so right, Mom."
She sighs and shakes her head, "I had a feeling when I first met Bella that she would be part of our family, but I didn't think it was in that kind of a degree. I thought her and Alice would become the sisters they are now. I never thought the two of you would be more than… pseudo-siblings."
I start to pace back and forth. "My biggest problem…" I pause before I tell her, "I can't believe I'm about to tell you this… fuck, what's wrong with me?" I mumble to myself. "I can't be with her yet, but I don't know how to stop this."
"What do you mean you can't be with her, Edward? You've been all she's thought about all day. I can see it in her eyes, the dreamy look. She's on the verge of falling for you and you want to stop this?"
I sigh, stopping my pacing and turning my back to her. I place my hands over my face, hoping this will help take the awkwardness away. Talking to Dad about this kind of thing is hella easier than talking to my mother about this kind of thing.
"She's a virgin. I can't take that away from her. When I lost my virginity, the girl was one also. She cried and… it was a really horribly traumatic experience and I can't do that to Bella."
The room is silent for too long. I turn and see my mother looking at me like she could kill me. I take a step back. "What?"
"So you're going to tell her that she can't have her first time with someone she loves? How are you going to do that to her and not break her heart, Edward?" She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. "So help me God, if you break her heart… I'm going to kill you myself."
I frown, getting just as angry. "Do you think I'm going to enjoy saying that to her, if I do? My God, all I want to do is protect her. This is all such a fucked up mess that I never meant to start. When I started this, I wanted Bella and me to just hang out, keep me from getting bored and in the process learn a little about each other before I finally got my chance with her when she gets to college. I never wanted to feel this strongly about her or her for me right now. Things got so messed up last night…"
Mom took a step towards me. "Last night? What happened last night?"
My head fell back and I sigh, talking to the ceiling, "Jasper called Alice and Alice left Bella hanging. She came down to get a snack the same time I did. I talked her into watching a movie with me. We ended up kissing and falling asleep on the couch. When I woke up… no… before I fell asleep, I realized how deep my feelings ran for her."
My mother's sigh brought my head back up right. She shakes her head and starts pacing. "There isn't any way out of this, Edward. You're going to crush her."
I press the ball of my palms into my eyes, wishing the blackness and swirling colors could swallow me whole or somehow use their strange psychedelic coloring to send me back in time to bitch slap myself so I wouldn't fuck this up, but both of those things were impossible.
"I have until the end of the summer to fix this. Maybe I can make her see… Just, let me handle this okay?"
"And what about Charlie?" she asks with her hands on her hips.
"Shit," I say under my breath, "I don't know about Charlie. If he knew I was anywhere near Bella he'd kill me dead."
Mom nods. "As well as he should. You gave him the gray hairs he has now. What do you expect to do whenever it comes time for Bella to introduce the boyfriend? Do you think this is going to just go over smoothly once you've got your doctor's degree?"
I sigh, "That's way in the future, Mom. I have bigger problems than her father to deal with right now."
She nods. "You're damn right you do, and you better get your act together. Bella is too important to this family. She's like our daughter and we treat her and respect her just like she is one of our own."
I nod. She walks past me and out of the piano room. I stand in the middle of the room, wishing that the answer to all my problems would just pop out of thin air. That's when the timid knock on the door broke me of my silent descent into madness.
I spin around to find Bella dressed in a cute little black and white flowered skirt and white sleeveless top and black shoes. Her hair is down, but pulled back off her shoulders. She smiles at me and folds her hands behind her back. "I just saw Mrs. Esme in the hall. She told me I could find you up here."
I smirk at her. "Were you looking for me?"
She shrugs. "I was sort of waiting on you. Jasper and Alice are downstairs on the couch watching TV. You're my distraction from their… get-a-roominess."
I laugh at her choice of words. "Then let me distract you." I hold out my hand for her but she scrunches up her nose in disgust. "You smell like pond water."
I chuckle and nod. "Then come take a tour of my room while I take a tour of the shower."
She smiles and nods, following me across the hall. I tell her to make herself at home as I grab a pair of jeans and boxer briefs before heading into the shower. I take the fastest shower ever; the curiosity of what Bella is doing gets the better of me. I dry off and pull on the clothes, cursing myself for not grabbing a shirt. She seems to get a little befuddled when I'm shirtless. I think I would get the same way if she was shirtless too.
When I walk back into my room, I find her sitting in the middle of my bed with her shoes off looking at a photo album she found. She looks so beautiful sitting there. When she looks up, she smiles, but turns her attention back to the album.
Awesome! She's desensitized!
I panic for a second, hoping she doesn't get too desensitized and finds herself not attracted anymore. I walk over to the bed and sit beside her, leaning over her shoulder. She inhales and smiles. "You smell better."
I press my face into her neck and inhale. "You smell edible."
She bites her bottom lip and looks me in the eyes. "You look it."
I give her my best smirk and kiss her brilliantly flushed cheek. "You look very nice. I didn't realize this was a formal kind of occasion."
She shrugs. "Alice wanted to play dress up, so she did me up and informed everyone else to get pretty as well. So you have to get pretty like the rest of us."
She smiles at my smile and I can't help but kiss her soft lips. She lays her small hand on my chest, over my tattoo and deepens the kiss. She twists her little fingers into my hair and pulls me down on top of her as she lies down in the middle of my bed. She grabs my hand that's on her hip and moves it down her side until it comes to the bottom of her skirt, where she leads my hand underneath it.
I catch her drift and move my hand on its own accord towards where she wants me. Once her hand leaves mine I feel it against my chest, moving slower and slower down until she reaches the top of my jeans. She grips me over the denim and I break the kiss, groaning at the feel of her touching me even if it isn't skin to skin.
I shake my head and move my hand from underneath her skirt. "Bella…"
She pulls me closer. "Please don't tell me you don't want to, Edward…" she tells me in a pleading voice as she presses her lips to my neck. I knew this would happen. Didn't I say this would fucking happen?
I pull her to me and press myself against her thigh. "I think you can tell that I want to do this, Bella. I just… we just need to slow down. We have all summer to do this."
She pulls away from me with a slight frown. Here it comes. I set my lips in a tight line, frown slightly, and brace myself for her shy little emission, "I was actually hoping we could… do… more before the end of summer."
I close my eyes and shake my head, but before I can say anything she stops me. "I know you're going to try to tell me I should wait to be in love with the person or some stupid shit like that, but the truth is… I am. I care for you greatly and I like how you treat me. Last night and today have been the best in my life and you aren't even my boyfriend, even though you act more like one than any I've had. I want you to be my first, Edward."
I sigh and sit up, moving off the bed and move to close the door. I turn to find her sitting up in the bed like she was earlier with her legs tucked in beside her only her hands are in her lap and her back is stalk straight.
"Bella… I… don't know how to say this without you taking it the wrong way. I had hoped that we wouldn't be having this conversation so soon, and that by the time we had this talk you'd know my feelings for you and hopefully understand my position and respect my wishes."
I see the tears in her eyes, but I don't stop.
"When I was fifteen, I had my first girlfriend. We didn't really love one another, but we thought we did and we wanted to have sex. We thought we were grown up enough, I guess. I don't fucking know what we were thinking. When I… when I…" I sigh, "This is about to get graphic," I warn her, but she nods for me to continue. "When I entered her, she cried out in pain when I broke her hymen. She'd told me she knew it hurt for a girl the first time but she didn't want me to stop once I started. So I didn't. She made me promise her to go through with it until I came. Bella, it was horrible. She cried so hard… and there was blood… It was probably the most traumatizing experience in my life and I didn't have sex again until I'd made it into college."
I look at her. She's frowning down at her hands, which are fidgeting with the hem of her skirt. I walk over to the end of the bed, moving the photo album out of the way, and crawling towards her until I'm seated in front of her. "Tell me what you're thinking."
She sighs. "You said you wanted me to know how you felt before we had this conversation. You wanted me to respect your wishes. What exactly are your feelings and wishes?"
Why can't, for once, something go the way I plan it? Just once. That's all I ask. I'm pretty sure if Bella enters my life, it's going to be one fuck up after the next. It will more than likely come a tornado on our wedding day and a monsoon on our honeymoon.
"You have to promise me that you won't freak out when I tell you this okay?"
She nods. "Promise."
I take a deep breath. "I'm in love with you Bella. So very much in love with you. I know I hardly know you, but it's so much more than knowing you. Alice talks about you all the time, I've seen a million pictures of you and Alice together. You're such a beautiful girl and spending this past day with you has been amazing. I never want to let you out of my sight."
"What are you wishes?" she whispers.
I sigh. "I want you to let someone else be your first."
I see the tears fall off her cheeks as she cries silently. I take her hands into mine, but she takes them back. I deserve that.
"How can you ask me to do something like that?" she asks in a harsh whisper.
She looks up at me and I see the rage fill her eyes. This was why I wanted to wait for this conversation. If she knew how much I loved her and just wanted to be with her than this might be a little easier.
"I don't want to hurt you, Bella. I don't want to make you cry. I don't like seeing you cry now. I didn't want this reaction. You have to understand that this is a very touchy subject for me. I know what sort of pain you're going to go through and I can't be the one to cause you that kind of pain. I just can't do it." I pause and look away. "I won't."
She shakes her head. "So you want me to go and fuck someone else just so we can have sex? How can you be okay with that? How can you ask me to do that? How could you love me but want me to be with someone else?"
I sigh. "You aren't seeing it from my point of view, Bella. I know that it must seem crazy for me to say this to you. I know it might sound like I don't love you as much as I'm saying, but baby, please understand what you're asking me to do. You want me to live the rest of my life, looking into your eyes, knowing that your first time with me is going to cause you pain. I want my first time with you to be memorable, in a good way. I don't want there to be any tears."
She shakes her head vehemently. "I can't do it, Edward. You talk like you plan to marry me. You say you love me but you want me to have my first time with someone else. For a long time, I tried to make my first time special, but all the guys were just too scared or did everything wrong. You gave me a sense of hope that I could get back what I had wanted, someone to make love to me instead of just some random fuck. Now, you're telling me that's what you want for me?"
I try to take her hands again but she pulls them away again. "I won't do it," she says angrily.
I shake my head. "Well, neither will I."
She nods and gets off the bed. "Then I guess that settles it."
I frown at her as she pulls on her shoes. She turns to leave, but I hop off the bed and grab her wrist and stop her. "Exactly how does that settle it? It seems were at an impasse."
She pulls her wrist from my hand. "It doesn't matter because whatever we had, whatever your feelings are, and my feelings are don't matter. I can't be with someone else and then go back to you afterwards. Its either you take me now or you never get me."
She walks out of my room, leaving me mind fucked. I sit on the end of my bed and realize that the girl of my dreams just fucking walked out on me because I wouldn't hurt her. I sit for a moment, trying to think of a way to fix this, but I don't know of one. I know Alice is going to see her tears… and probably the rest of the fucking family also. They're all going to scream at me for making her cry, but if they could've been in my shoes six years ago, then maybe they could fucking understand.
The thought of it all makes me shiver with disgust. What if it takes me three more years to recover from doing it to Bella? I didn't even find the idea of sex appealing until I got drunk my first weekend of college. When I realized it wasn't all pain and tears, I started enjoying it. But here I was facing the same thing again, six years later.
Maybe I wasn't in love with her. Maybe she wasn't in love with me. I mean if she really loved me, wouldn't she see what she was asking me to do? She wanted me to relive the most traumatic moment of my life with a woman I plan on looking at for the rest of my life. I don't want to play the 'if you loved me you'd understand' card, because that's just petty, but that's how it feels.
I walk into my closet and pull on a dark blue short sleeved button down shirt. I slip on my black boots and head downstairs, running a hand through my hair to calm both the look of the mop and my nerves. I pass by Alice's room and see her door open. I know Bella isn't in there. I continue walking downstairs and I find Bella sitting with Alice and Rosalie on the back porch. Jasper and Dad are playing video games, a strange sight to be sure, while Mom is helping Emmett outside.
Jasper and Dad turn to me, Dad sets the controller down. "Um, Mr. Cullen, you're going to die."
"Not before my son does."
"Fuck," I say under my breath. He points down the hall and I cringe. Great, another lecture. Before the hike, he brought me to his office like he used to when I was a juvenile diligent and told me that I needed to behave myself on the hike today. As you can see I didn't listen then and I still don't listen now. I flop down in the chair in front of his desk while he sits down on top of the desk.
"What's going on?"
I shake my head. "It all fell apart…" I shrug. "It doesn't matter anyways. These feelings aren't always right, remember? I just got… caught up or something. Whatever."
I get up to leave but my father's words stop me. "That's your fucking problem, Edward." I'd never heard him swear before, not like that anyways. I turn to him as he continues. "So you had sex with a girl and she cried because it hurt. You were fifteen years old. Did you ever think that you weren't doing it right? Maybe there was more to her pain then just a broken piece of skin." He pauses for a second before continuing, "Pardon my bluntness, but was she even aroused? You shouldn't give up on this. It's what you always do. Your mother and I are actually surprised you made it this far in college."
I frown, about to retaliate and defend myself but he cuts me off, "Just shut the fuck up for a moment and listen to me. I know what I'm talking about. That girl out there is your future. You've felt it, you're mother felt it, hell even Alice felt it and she rarely has any inclinations about tomorrow, let alone years down the road. I'm not telling you to do it tomorrow or a week from now or before summer even ends. It could help if you know her a little better, Edward. The pink in her cheeks didn't go unnoticed by me when the two of you came out of the water. If you plan to start a physical relationship with her, you need to finish it until it's complete."
He takes a deep breath and sighs. "Things are going to get difficult, Edward. You can't run every time things become too much. What are you going to do after you're married and something comes up? What if she gets pregnant at the wrong time? Are you going to leave her high and dry with a baby because you can't take a hormonal pregnant woman and finishing your grad work at the same time?"
I shake my head. "Of course not. She won't be getting pregnant, we will."
He shrugs. "Those are nice words, but when it comes down to it, are you going to run?"
I sigh, anger building up deep within and ready to explode. I try to stay calm, not wanting to take this out on him… on anyone at all. I close my eyes. "I've grown up. A lot. I've come a long way and I'm sorry that you and Mom don't see that. The only reason I was giving up is because it didn't seem like she has feelings for me. I didn't think the conversation we had would come so soon, but it did. We weren't ready for a discussion of that magnitude."
I sigh again and open my eyes. "You'll have to see it to believe it, I suppose? You'll have to watch me face something difficult and not run? College isn't enough for you to believe that?" I nod. "It's understandable, I was a rotten kid back in the day, but that was then. I'm a man now. I've grown and matured. I will continue to do so and when it comes down to it, my children will hopefully not repeat my mistakes, but I'll be there for them the way you guys were there for me. However, I don't have time to try to convince you of these things. I need to go and try to repair what I have left with Bella."
He nods at me. "Don't let her get away, son. She's an amazing girl. I know you already know that, but she's more amazing than you think."
I nod and walk out, leaving my father in his office. Some things he said made me reconsider the horrible experience. He's right about how we could've done it all wrong. We were kids and inexperienced. The only thing I knew that I needed to do was wear a condom. If this is what Bella wants, then I'll give it to her. Just not yet. Maybe before I left for college, but I want to get her father's semi-blessing before I go and disrespect him even more.
I walk out in the living room to find Alice and Jasper playing video games. I look out onto the back porch and find Rosalie sipping on a margarita while she watches Mom and Emmett at the grill. I turn from the hall way and head upstairs. I find Alice's door closed and I know Bella is on the other side of it.
I take a moment to clear my head of the anger that flared up when my dad accused me of running. It was a problem when I was a kid. If I didn't like the situation, I'd walk out. School didn't come naturally to me, so instead of asking for help, I skipped. When things became too difficult like piano practice or friends, I just dropped whatever it was.
Even if Bella doesn't love me now, I know she will. I'll fight for her and do what I need to keep her and if taking her virginity is what she wants from me then I'll do that, no matter the damage it did to me. Bella is worth it. I know she is. I can do this.
I am so furious with him. No, I'm furious with myself. It never fails, anytime I proposition my boyfriends about taking our relationship a step further, they freak out and tell me no. I knew they were scared that Charlie would find out and they would live in hell for the rest of their time in Forks. I guess I can't blame them. Charlie doesn't see right or wrong when it comes to me, it's always wrong.
I thought Edward was different though. He defied Charlie in his younger years, so what would make him not want to have sex with me? I cared for him a lot. He is sweet to me, treats me nice and makes me feel special. There is something about him that just clicks in my mind that makes everything feel right, even down to holding his fucking hand on the hike.
I got this strange crazy vision of four happy couples with a kid a piece. Emmett and Rose with a little boy about five years old, Alice and Jasper with a girl of two or so, and then Edward and I with a son the same age and me pregnant with our next child. I pictured all the children being carried by their father's because they were too tired to walk any further.
Like I said, something just clicked and it felt right.
But then he turned me down too. At this rate, I'd never know what sex is like. It's not that I didn't understand Edward's experience was traumatizing, it's just that he should be over it by now. I wasn't sure how bad the girl cried or bled, but maybe it just freaked her out to feel that down there. Maybe she wasn't prepared for it mentally. Knowing there will be pain and knowing how bad it would be were two different things.
Alice had told me all about her first time. She told me it hurt but once the pain subsided, which didn't take long, it was very pleasant and had been each time afterwards. I had wanted that sweet first time like Alice and Jasper had and I knew she didn't like me trying to give it up to all my boyfriends, but really, what was I supposed to do? I am the only virgin in the world, how else am I going to get rid of it?
When I leave his room I go straight downstairs. Alice sees me and I run out the backdoor. I don't get far because Rosalie catches me by the arm, stopping me and demanding to know what happened. Rosalie surprised me with her fierce protection over me all of the sudden, but I don't question it. I tell them everything. Alice looks the most upset and she tells me this is all her fault. She tells me that Edward had heard me say that she'd had sex with Jasper and he blackmailed her into setting up some time with me. That's what this weekend was.
At first I'm just as furious with her, but it only lasts for a split second. I can't be mad at her for trying to protect Jasper. I can't be mad at Edward for blackmailing her. He stuck to his promise that he wasn't after my virginity, just my company, but somewhere along the line things changed and he fell for me. He told me about how Alice talked about me all the time and I knew it was all good things. I knew that when Alice and Esme sent pictures I was always in them because I was always around.
Regardless, he obviously doesn't love me that much or he would've accepted my proposal.
After my conversation with Rose and Alice where I mainly vent while Alice looks sorry and Rosalie seethed, I go to Alice's room to calm down and clear my head. Alice and Rosalie are the only ones that saw my upset and I didn't want to worry Esme or Carlisle with this. I didn't want them knowing anything at all.
About ten minutes after I lay down on Alice's bed, there's a knock on the door. I don't answer since I know its Alice. When the door opens, I tell her, "I don't really want to talk anymore…"
"Then how about you just listen for a minute?" Edward says softly.
I sit up and turn around, watching as he shuts the door behind him. "Edward -"
"Shh, please. Just let me talk."
I don't respond; giving him the silence he needs to further convince me of his idea. He takes a seat on the end of the bed and sighs softly. "My father pointed some things out to me a few minutes ago. He saw you upset and knew it was my doing." He looks down at his hands and scoffs. "I guess I'm good at upsetting people," he mumbles. "I just wanted to take back what I said to you in my room. I… if you still…" he sighs, "I'll be your first if you still want me to be, but only on two conditions."
I can't speak. I have no voice. He's taking everything back… but… why?
He continues, "Well, three conditions. The first one is very simple: I want you to be my girlfriend. Not just some platonic being. Condition number two and I know this is extremely suicidal of me: I want to tell your father that we're together."
"Are you fucking crazy?" There's my voice.
He sighs and nods. "Very likely, yes. But I want to do this the right way. If I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you then I want to start off on a good foot with you and your father."
I stop him. "What? Spend the rest of your life with me? Edward…"
He shakes his head. "Bella, when I said I love you, I didn't mean it lightly. I love you, very much. I know it's crazy, but everything about you just seems right. From the way you kiss to the feel of your hand in mine to holding you in my arms as you sleep. Everything is right. I'm not giving that up because of some stupid horrible experience I had six years ago. I realize things might not have been done correctly and I hurt her more than I needed too. Not that I needed too… ugh… fuck. Anyways, I'd prefer we didn't talk about it anymore and we just focused on us and our experiences, nothing from my past and nothing from yours." I nod in agreement. "Now for the third one and this is partially suicidal as well, but I want us to wait."
My jaw drops and he quickly adds, "Just until you're father is comfortable with us. I really want this to work out and having your father's blessing is the most important thing to me, well, next to your love," he says with a crooked grin on his face.
I launch myself at him. "Are you serious?" I ask as I wrap my arms around his shoulders.
He wraps his arms back around me. "Very much so, Bella. I see my future with you. I've seen it all day at various points. I want us to be happy together, but that's going to take some work between your father and I."
I pull away from him, kissing his lips before pressing my forehead against his. "That's fine. I can wait. I'll wait for as long as you need me to, as long as in the end, I get you."
He smiles, kissing me softly. "There was never a doubt about you getting me, Bella. I'm yours."