(A/N: This is the last one I had on my hard drive. I think this one's my personal favorite. You'll see that I definitely had some fun with this one. There's even some 4th wall breaking. You also get a glimpse at some of my more twisted sense of humor. Anyway, this story is pretty much an alternate reality of sorts. In Breaking Dawn, when Jacob tries to imprint on someone, this is my version of what would have happened if things would have worked out better for poor page and a half Lizzie. What can I say? I'm a sucker for those little side characters. This also brought to my mind how fucked everything would have been without Jacob returning. Hope you enjoy it.

Once again, this is rated M so 18 and up only. And if you're offended by sex, don't read it...blah blah blah..)

Jacob let out a sigh as he turned back to his new 'friend'. "I'd better get this car back to the guy I borrowed it from." He muttered, not making eye contact.

"Glad to hear you're going straight." Lizzie replied with a smile.

In contrast, Jacob's face remained stern. "Yeah, you convinced me." He caught her slightly concerned expression as he got back into the car. Jacob was about to turn the ignition when he looked back at the girl. She really was quite cute, and despite how rude he was being she still tried to cheer him up. A complete stranger. Another long sigh escaped his lips. "You know what? Fuck it. You want a ride?" He offered, forcing a smile. Lizzie's eyes were shot understandably wide open at the offer, her face practically going blank. The look alone got a slight chuckle out of Jacob.

"…really?" Lizzie asked skeptically. Sure she put forth the effort, but in the back of her mind she didn't think anything would come of it. At the very least she'd gotten a good look at the car.

Jacob grinned back, catching the surprise in her eyes. "Yeah, really. If you want to." He said with a shrug, trying to play it off. But in the back of his mind he was slightly worried. He wasn't completely sure he could handle the rejection if she said no. Then again if she did say no, he'd probably take that as a sign that he should just go back to leeches' mansion and just suck it up. When he looked back at Lizzie's face it wasn't one of rejection, it just looked…deep in thought.

"What's wrong?" Jacob asked, curiously.

"…hm? Oh. I was just debating whether the possibility that you're a serial killer would be worth it if I get a chance to ride in that car." Lizzie stated bluntly.

Jacob let out another chuckle. Inwardly he wanted to let out his big barking laugh, but he couldn't just yet. But still, the fact that Lizzie was making him laugh at all made it seem like he was making the right decision. "You decided yet?" Jacob asked, flashing her a smile. Lizzie ran her hands against the sleek, black hood of the car before she got to the passengers side and opened the door.

"Totally worth it…" She muttered as she looked at the black and red interior. Seeing Lizzie's excitement brought a genuine smile to Jacob's face. His depression had left him unable to completely enjoy this glorious beast of a vehicle but he could live vicariously through Lizzie for the time being.

"So where am I taking you?" Jacob offered. Lizzie actually looked at Jacob for the first time since she sat down in the car and caught the way he was looking at her immediately making the blood run to her face.

"Honestly? Anywhere's good. I can't really form coherent thoughts at the moment. Never thought I'd actually get a chance to be in one of these."

Jacob let out another chuckle. "Totally know the feeling." He muttered as he put the car in gear and took off, nowhere in particular.

"Oh my God…" Lizzie moaned loudly, oblivious to the slight twitch from Jacob after she did it. "You weren't kidding when you said how it drove… Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't even know your name yet and I think if you let me behind the wheel of this, I'd have your babies." Lizzie did notice Jacob's wince at her words and shrank back slightly.

"It's…Jacob. And could you do me a favor and not mention babies?" He could start feeling the razors more prominently as she brought back to the surface the pain that he was running away from.

"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Lizzie asked, obviously worried. Though Jacob did wonder if she was worried about him, the car, or herself, hoping he wasn't about to crash the car.

"No. But to be honest, you're making it a little better. Making it easier to take my mind off things." Lizzie gave Jacob a sympathetic expression that she was obviously trying to hide. She could practically feel the pain coming off of him. Though she wasn't sure what to do.

"Holy crap!" Lizzie suddenly exclaimed, catching Jacob off guard as he looked to see what was wrong. Lizzie wasn't looking at him at all, she was staring at the speedometer.

"What's wrong? Am I going too fast?" Jacob asked, warily.

"Apparently not! The Vanquish's top speed's supposed to be 196!" Lizzie's voice got more high pitched and quick as she got more excited which brought a smile back to Jacob's face. Sure it wasn't imprinting, but she was still cute. Then he turned to the meter and saw what was surprising her so much. The top speed on this one was 250, he was pretty sure that wasn't even legal. The smile faded as he rolled his eyes.

"Leave it to the bloodsucker to get a custom made one." He muttered. Lizzie gave him a curious look, seeming like she was about to question what he said but thought better of it.

"Whoever it is must be loaded." Once again, she noted Jacob's wince. "Sorry!" She quickly said, surprised by Jacob's laugh.

"Not your fault. I should be the one apologizing. Not being very friendly am I?" Jacob asked. It was a rhetorical question but Lizzie felt compelled to answer it anyway.

"Jacob…this is by far the sexiest car I've ever been in. You can be as rude as you want." She said honestly.

Once again Jacob laughed, this one a bit louder. It was becoming easier now. "If you had to pick a car to be in besides this one, which would it be?" He asked, trying to keep the subject away from something that'd upset him.

This question seemed to make Lizzie go deep into pondering mode. "The Porshe Carrera GT…2005." She answered as Jacob followed it with a whistle.

"You've got some taste, girl." This time Lizzie was the one who let out a giggle. "I'd personally be tempted for a Ferrari 575M Maranello." Jacob stated, noting Lizzie's thoughtful expression.

"Black or red?" She asked, her face still serious.

"Black." He stated after thinking about it.

"Mmmmm." Lizzie moaned again closing her eyes, picturing it in her head. Once again this made her miss Jacob's subtle reaction to it. "What about the Audi R8?" She asked once she opened them again.

"Hm, rather go for the McLaren F1 '08." He replied. To his surprise she rolled her eyes.

"Why not go for a Ferrari Enzo '02 while you're at it?"

Jacob's eyes narrowed. "The Enzo's not all that bad. Once you get past the funky hood, you gotta admit it's pretty sexy."

Lizzie let out a long sigh and gave Jacob a patronizing look. "The 1967 Chevrolet Impala's better than both of them." Lizzie taunted, sticking out her tongue.

Jacob blinked a few times before he turned to her. "Hey! Now you're talking muscle cars. You go that route and you gotta mention the '69 Z28 Camaro."

Lizzie looked like she was about to reply but had to rethink it. This happened 2 more times before she finally said, "Hemi-Cuba. 1970." Jacob took a sharp right as he went deep into pondering again.

"L88 Corvette…" Both Jacob and Lizzie looked at each other as they said in unison, "1968."

"The blue one." Lizzie finished as she began fanning herself off. "Whew! I think thinking about that one's a bit too much for me." Lizzie let out another moan as she said this cutting Jacob's laughter at her short, causing her to actually notice his twitchy reaction to it this time. A smirk crossed her face as she exaggerated her fanning. Seeing if he was paying any attention, she pulled at her top as she fanned. This time, Jacob's driving was noticeably disrupted by his distraction, though he quickly recovered.

"Easy cowboy. This may be one of the best possible cars to die in but I'd prefer not to either way." While Jacob didn't wince, he did give her a look that let her know she said something wrong. Though she seemed confused at first she soon caught what she said and groaned. "I didn't just call you a cowboy did I?"

Jacob couldn't hold in his chuckle anymore, which only got louder as Lizzie blushed again.

"Damn, and I'd gone a whole 10 minutes without putting my foot in my mouth." She muttered.

Jacob flashed her another smile which she returned. "Don't worry about it. You're cute enough to get away with it." He added with a wink.

"Right back at you Mr. Jacob Rude-Guy." Lizzie couldn't help but smile at Jacob's barking laughter.

"Touché." He replied. There was a moment of silence as Lizzie ran her hand over the dashboard. "So…um…decided where you want to go yet?" Jacob asked with a smile.

Lizzie bit her lip nervously as she answered, "Anywhere you want to take me is cool…" Surprised by the answer, Jacob looked back at her, noticing her naughty smile, it made the blood rush to his cheeks this time. Seeing his reaction, her smile got wider, causing that cute dimple to appear on her chin. She non too subtly scooted over closer to him, her cinnamon colored eyes never leaving his face. "I'm sorry, was that out of line?" She asked, biting her lip again.

Meanwhile Jacob's heart was almost beating of out his chest as a number of different 'scenarios' ran through his mind. "No no, I'm just…um…" He wasn't sure how to finish that sentence. His mind wasn't working right.

"Shy?" Lizzie guessed, her smile returning. Jacob didn't answer as much as letting out a cough.

"I wouldn't have taken you for the shy type…Jacob?" Lizzie asked, her tone seductive.

"Y-yes?" Jacob swallowed hard as he tried to remember to focus on the road.

"How good of a driver are you?"

Jacob's confidence came back to answer the question though Lizzie's tone remained the same. "Pretty damn good if you haven't noticed." He said with a toothy grin.

Lizzie head was slightly cocked to the side as she leaned over closer. "So you'd be fine if I distracted you?" Jacob gave Lizzie a skeptical look.

"Depends on how you distracted me." Using her middle and ring fingers, Lizzie walked her hand over to Jacob's thigh and continued to walk it down his thigh until she reached a telltale bulge. "Oh…." Jacob gasped but continued to drive. Once again his thoughts were becoming incoherent. He heard the snap of her undoing her seatbelt, as her hands moved to his zipper, pulling it down. Just keeping Lizzie from noticing how fast he was breathing and continuing to drive were taking almost all of Jacob's concentration.

As Lizzie's hands reached their way into his pants, pulling out his cock and gently stroking it as she leaned her face closer to his lap giving his dick a playful lick. "Do you mind? Want me to keep going?" She asked, looking up at him with a huge smile.

"Sure, sure." He breathed. Try as he might, he couldn't stifle his moan as her lips wrapped around the head of his cock and began to go up and down on it. 'Focus on the road. Focus on the road.' Jacob mentally chanted to himself as Lizzie began sucking his dick, feeling it going further into her mouth. He was unconsciously adding his own thrusts, pushing against the seat into her. Lizzie let out a moan, sending a vibration through him as she began to speed up.

She stopped sucking, but didn't stop stroking to look up at him. "Geeze! You're so hot. You feeling okay?" Lizzie asked with a giggle.

"Medical condition. Makes me a bit hotter than usual. Don't worry, it's not contagious."

Another giggle escaped her lips, from both her answer and the trembling of his body as her hands waved over the tip of his cock. "Sweet. I could see that being…very interesting…" Was all she said as her mouth was soon full again causing Jacob to let out a loud moan.

"Interesting?" Jacob queried, finding it harder to keep his hands on the steering wheel. Every impulse wanted to touch Lizzie, but crashing would be a bit of a buzz kill. One of his hands did find it's way to the top of her head. Petting her reddish gold hair as it bobbed up and down. Very slowly, her mouth eased up off of him.

"You want me to talk or you want my mouth to be preoccupied?" She taunted him.

"I think you know the answer to that." He said with a grin.

She looked up with an innocent expression. "Well if you reeeeeally want me to stop and talk…" Lizzie began before Jacob used his free hand and pushed her back down causing her to giggle, sending another vibration through him, making him moan again. She quickly came back up and playfully smacked his thigh. "Hands on the wheel, you're distracting me."

Jacob chuckled a little as he followed her instructions and put them back on the wheel, trying to keep his eyes from rolling in the back of his head as she started again. He wanted her so bad, it really was becoming difficult to focus on the road. "Lizzie?" Jacob said in a gasp.

"Mmmmm?" Lizzie replied as she slowed her pace, her tongue rolling over the tip of his dick in circular motions. "I really don't think I'll be able to keep driving like this. But I reeeally don't want you to stop." Jacob's voice was cracking at so many random points through that sentence another giggle escaped Lizzie's lips in no way helping the situation. Once again she eased off of him but continued to keep stroking as she looked up for the first time since she started to see where they were going. A dark grin crossed her features. "I know where we are. Take a right here."

Jacob followed her instructions without thinking, not that he really could have formed solid thoughts considering the way her strokes were teasing him. It was a narrow little dirt road. He'd have probably missed it if she hadn't pointed it out. It led to a fairly large building. "Turn here. There's a parking lot on the other side." Lizzie ordered, smiling at the small moan that escaped Jacob's lips before he could form the words.

"Where are we?"

"An old school. It's supposed to be getting demolished in a few weeks now that they have the new one. Technically we shouldn't be here. It should be very…private…though." Lizzie grinned as she looked up to Jacob, which he returned as he got into the parking lot. Without the lights on, it was a little dark but he stayed near the entrance so there was just enough light they could see each other. "There we go!" Lizzie said, obviously enjoying being somewhere they shouldn't as much as Jacob did. A cute girl, who likes cars and breaking rules? Jackpot. "Now where was I before you interrupted me?"

Jacob rolled his head back into the seat, his hands still on the steering wheel out of habit.

"Mm!" Lizzie exclaimed as Jacob's hip started vibrating. She let out another muffled giggle as she reached into his pocket and gave him his ringing phone, but didn't stop.

"Hello?" Jacob forced out quickly to keep the moan from escaping his lips. He didn't even bother to see who was calling, he wouldn't be talking to them long regardless. "Alice?" Jacob asked with a surprised voice. There was a slight pause from Lizzie as he said the name before she started going double time making it that much harder for him to talk. "Y-yyyyeah. W-w-what do you want?...Uh huh…yeah…she's having the baby now…uh huh…Rosalie tried to eat who?…Yeah…sure…on my way…yeah…I'm comin' alright…"

Lizzie almost choked when she was trying not to audibly laugh as Jacob shut his phone letting it fall. "Gotta go?" Lizzie asked with a pout as she finally stopped.

Jacob did seem to be considering it, though he hadn't really heard a word that Alice had said, he'd just been repeating it. She sounded pretty upset though. "Eh, they'll be fine without me. What's the worst that could happen if I'm not there for awhile?"

Back at the Cullen Mansion

Edward held Bella's limp body Pre-Crisis Supergirl style yelling at the sky. "NOOOOOO!"

Back to the Naughtiness

"Jacob?" Lizzie asked, as she grinned, slowly licking Jacob's now bare abs. "Would the owner of this car mind if we…er…used the hood?"

Jacob merely smiled back at Lizzie, running his hands through her hair again. "Girl…anything you want." Lizzie smiled, making the dimple in her chin pop out again. "You're gonna have to stop though, or I'm not gonna move…" Jacob said honestly, letting out another quick breath.

"Well, if you insist…" Lizzie taunted giving Jacob's member one last lick before she sat up straight. Jacob's pout was so humorous that Lizzie could finally burst into a fit of giggles without having to worry about choking herself. Jacob's eyes narrowed but his expression was still partially a pout so it didn't stop her.

Grinning, Jacob leaned over and began crawling closer to Lizzie, cutting her laughter off as she grinned back. She began biting her lower lips as the tension only grew thicker as he crawled closer to her. Playing coy, she started leaning back though she didn't have much room to go and soon found herself against the door. Seeing that she couldn't 'escape', she simply grinned as Jacob's lips attacked her face, his hands roaming all over her body finally. Her waist, her hips, her boobs, her legs, his hands were everywhere, taking in every feeling of her body they could. Hers did the same, though they mostly stayed on his back while her legs wrapped around his waist as she kissed him back just as fiercely. "Hood!" She was able to get out while he was kissing her neck.

So quickly, she barely even registered the movement, the door she was leaning against was thrown open and she was up in the air, with Jacob easily supporting her weight as he put her softly on the car's hood. The only thing that stopped Jacob from kissing Lizzie's skin was to take her clothes off so he could kiss more of it. Her shirt was flung off first while she was undoing her bra, which was thrown off as well. With that done, Jacob's focus shifted to kissing and licking her nipples, causing a low moan to escape Lizzie's lips and she grabbed his head pulling him closer to her. Jacob's hands meanwhile went to Lizzie's jeans to take them off only to find that there was no zipper, just buttons. "Ugh! Why would you even buy these pants?" He growled, causing Lizzie to giggle again as she tried to help him out with the stupidly complicated pants. His impatience caused him to pull down her jeans and her panties at the same time, never actually seeing what kind she was wearing.

Lizzie pushed against Jacob, much to his confusion. When he realized what she was trying to do, he complied leaning back. Her grin returned when she leaned forward, undoing the one button holding Jacob's pants on with her teeth, causing it to fall. "You always go commando?" Lizzie asked with another giggle as she leaned back on the hood again.

"Came in rather convenient this time, didn't it?" He said with a chuckle of his own as he kissed Lizzie's lips again, entering her for the first time. Her moans only got louder as he began thrusting into her, his thrusts matching hers.

"Ooooh Goooooood! You're so warm!" She gasped, holding him closer to her.

Getting a little worried, Jacob began to slow down. "That's not bad is it?"

Lizzie impatiently began thrusting to make up for his lack of motion. "No! It's really not! Don't stop!" She growled at him causing him to chuckle again.

"You're so cute when you're impatient." He teased as he matched her pace again.

Once again, Lizzie gave him a naughty expression. "Oh I'll show you impatient. Turn over."

"Your wish is my command." Jacob said as he complied, flipping over without stopping so that she was on top of him. This turned out to be exactly what she wanted as Lizzie began bouncing up on Jacob so much the car began bounce with them. Try as they might, whenever they tried to quip from this point forth, a moan was all that would come out. They literally lost track of time as they continued to thrust into each other clutching at each other and panting into their sporadic kisses. Jacob's moans begun to get louder causing Lizzie to give him a hungry look as she sped up. Soon her moans were matching his as her legs began to tremble and her movements became less defined and the two of them yelled out together before Lizzie collapsed on Jacob's massive chest, both of them trying to catch their breath.

"Wow…" Jacob finally got out through his breaths.

"You're…telling…me…" Lizzie mumbled back. Or at least that what it sounded like. Her words weren't exactly coherent. Maneuvering herself up feebly, Lizzie gave Jacob a passionate kiss on the lips before resting her head against his neck.

"You really know how to cheer someone up." Jacob mumbled, slowly getting his breath back.

"Glad I could help." Lizzie said with a tired giggle. "Shouldn't you call…er...Alice back?" She said with a slight taunt in her voice.

"Oh damn…I guess I should. And don't get that tone with me, she's married." Jacob said, feebly reaching for where his phone was.

"Well aren't you a playboy? Can't say I blame her though. And your phone's in the car, remember?"

Jacob rolled his eyes as he sat up, keeping Lizzie's body close to his. "It's not like that. I swear. At least not in this story."

Lizzie gave an understanding nod as she let Jacob pick her up again as they went back in the car. Finding his phone, Jacob dialed the number. It picked on the 5th ring.

"Jacob!?" Alice's voice sounded borderline hysterical.

"Um sorry. There was a little…distraction. I'm on my-"

"Um, Jacob now's really not the best ti- EDWARD!" Jacob looked confused as he listened as hard as he could and could hear Edward's voice in the background.

"I'LL KILL YOU ROSALIE! I'LL KILL YOU!"

Followed by what sounded like Rosalie saying something like, "Shhh! You'll wake the baby!" It was a harsh whisper so it was hard to hear. After that there were a couple of loud sounds that resembled thunder then the line went dead.

"Hm." Jacob said, looking at the phone.

"What's wrong?" Lizzie asked, slightly worried. She'd heard yelling from where she was sitting which worried her. She was hoping she hadn't gotten Jacob in trouble.

"Uh. Nothing. Nothing at all. Though I'm getting the sudden urge to go on a road trip to California. Wanna go to So Cal with me?" Jacob said with a little chuckle to himself.

After Lizzie accepted that he was serious about the offer, she was taken back before she quickly composed herself. "Eh, I was only suppoed to be in 2 pages of the book, I don't really have a life. Why the Hell not?" She said with a grin before leaning back on the seat. "You sure the owner of the car won't mind?"

Jacob rolled his eyes. "He'll be a bit too preoccupied to worry about it. Besides he'll just buy another one." The two of them stared at each other before they both laughed.

Lizzie then stuck out her tongue. "You have to get our clothes though."

Jacob groaned has he hit his head on the steering wheel. "Dammit!"

A few hours and a few miles later…

Lizzie was stretching as she woke up to see Jacob smiling back at her. His expression then suddenly turned serious as he saw something in the rear view mirror.

"What's up?" Lizzie asked curiously, a little worried now.

The worry ceased as Jacob let out a big barking laugh, rolling down the window. "Just a friend." He said to Lizzie as he stuck his head out the door and slowing down so Leah could catch up on his motorcycle.

"What the Hell, Jacob!? Where the fuck are you going!?" Leah growled at him, even more surprised when she saw who was riding with him. "Whose she!?" Leah asked, accusation lacing her voice.

"Leah, Lizzie. Lizzie, Leah."

Lizzie could tell just from the body language that Jacob wasn't lying when he said this other girl was a friend, though she didn't seem all that nice. "Nice to meet you. We're going to California." Lizzie said, answering Leah's previous question.

"Cali-? Jacob do you have any idea that World War 3's breaking out back at Forks!? The leeches have turned on each other, and the rest of the pack's taking advantage! All Hell's broken loose!"

Jacob merely looked at Lizzy's slightly confused expression and nodded. "See why we're going to So Cal?" He asked, to which she nodded with a giggle. "Why don't you come with us, Leah? You said you wanted to leave anyway."

Leah blinked a bit in surprise, obviously conflicted considering what she'd have to go back to. "But…Seth…"

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Do you really think that either side would hurt Seth? He'll be fine."

Leah glared at Jacob some more. "California, huh?" She asked with a slight smirk.

"Californiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Lizzie started to sing.

"Californiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Jacob continued as all 3 began to sing in unison.

"HERE WE COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!"