Disclaimer: Nope, don't own anything!
A/N: This is my first Sons of Anarchy fic that I wrote back when season one just ended. It's obviously a Jax/Tara story so if you don't like them, this is just a warning. The story is told from Tara's POV. That's pretty much all I need to say. Hope you enjoy the story :) R&R
She could think of four reasons why she shouldn't be doing this. She can think of four reasons why she is scared to let Jax in. She thought them up so she would have an excuse for Gemma and everyone else who asks her, why did she give him up and leave?
First of all, the most obvious reason, she does not like crime. Sure she likes the bad boys and lord help her does she love those motorcycles. But neither of those things are important enough to ignore the fact that when you date a son of anarchy, there's a good chance he'll be in prison most of the time. Long mornings in a prison visiting room and long nights in bed alone didn't appeal much to her. Watching Charming's local news with the phone clutched tight in your hand is not what she wants. Constant worrying and fear that the person you love will be sent away for years or even worse life. She couldn't do it.
Secondly, the violence. She has seen time and time again the pain that ripples through a family when one of the members dies. She saw the devastation on the newly single mother's face when she finds out her husband had been murdered. The price of being someone's old lady is sometimes a heavy cross to carry. She can't even imagine Clay showing up at her door with the news. She can't bury him.
Her third reason would definitely be the lifestyle. She does love the bad boys, but she can't be a 'ride and die' chick. Truthfully, she doesn't want to die. She's terrified of dying. One of the reasons she became a doctor was to spare others from living that fear. The chances of her dying were slim. After all, look at Gemma. She's a grandma and still kicking. With her mouth who would have thought that possible. Still, the idea terrifies her. Also, she's not a classy finer things in life kind of girl, but waking up every morning and walking out of their room to see drunken bikers passed out on pool tables... she's a bit classier than that. Her father had been a horrible drunk and since she doesn't want to associate herself with that kind of thing. She wants a nice little house with a white fence. She wants a family, some kids who can run around the front yard and never have to fear that their Daddy is going to leave them. What's so horrible about that?
The fourth reason and most obvious reason is no one here really needs her. The club is already on the fence about whether or not they trust her. Charming doesn't need her. She left once to escape this place and even without her there the town keep moving. People moved on. Life went on in Charming without her and it would again if she leaves. Jax would be upset but he would get over it. Like he did last time.
There are four solid reasons why she should pack up and leave. Get out while she can. But each and every one of those reasons disappear when his lips touch hers. When his hands slide up her bare side, leaving goosebumps in their wake. When he whispers 'I love you' right before looking into her eyes. When he kisses her and holds her and loves her, she can think of one reason to go. She loves him too. And that is more important than anything else. If he gets locked up, she'll be there every day. When the bullets fly, she'll stand beside him. When the guys get drunk, she'll grin and accept it. When she thinks about leaving the town that moved on without her, she'll remember that one person in the town didn't move on without her, and that someone is worth sticking around for. Fear is a devious little bastard, but love will always be there to kick it in the ass. Sons of Anarchy style.