A/N: Haha, I wrote this fic purely for the purpose of seeing just HOW depressing I could possibly be. Didn't really work, now that I'm reading it over again. That, and I wanted to write a fic with Near riding on a train. I love trains. ^_^ But yeah, I was kinda just in a depressing mood, and this is what spewed out. That, and I wanted to write lemon.
Italics are flashbacks/memories.
The rattling and bumping of the train shook Near's small frame, gray eyes locked on to a picture that was clutched tightly in his hands. Slowly, he raised his head and observed the empty train-car, having never felt more alone in his life…now that Mello was gone, there was nobody left for him.
The petite boy was suddenly glad for the solace of the train as a few stray tears began to drip from his eyes, body shaking with withheld sobs. Mello…Mello was gone.
In the fist of a thin-fingered hand, there resided a single white rose. The thorns dug into Near's hand as he clenched on to it like it was the only thing he had left, blood dripping from within the depths of his fist and staining the seat and floor of the train. Mello was gone, and the blonde was the only thing he could think about today.
Today was January 26th, 2011. It had been exactly a year since the fiery runner-up had died.
Near had not grown during that time, and neither his voice nor face had changed at all. It was as if his body was refusing to accept that time was going by. His eyes were as gray as ever, still surrounded by the same thick lashes they always had been. Only one thing had changed about him—his heart. It had hardened further than it ever had, all of his new assistants quickly learning that they should never even speak the word 'mellow' around the small boy. It only tore open old wounds.
Speaking of wounds, Near slowly looked down at the hand that had the rose clutched in it. Hissing in pain, he gently teased his fingers open from the fist they had been clenched in, wincing slightly as the thorns of the rose tore themselves from his flesh. Each one left a small cut, still dripping blood steadily, but for once…Near was not worried about an infection he could get, or any sort of germs. All that was on his mind was Mello, Mello, Mello.
A pitiful sob escaped his throat as he looked at the picture he clutched in the other hand…a picture of a small blonde boy that looked like he held the world in his hand, smug smirk and all. It was Mello's picture from back at Wammy's. When he told the blonde that all other pictures had been disposed of, he was lying of course. This was the only one left…he had made a single copy of it, one that never left his sight.
"Mello…" he whispered, pulling his knees to his chest and holding them there, as tightly as he could. "Mello…Mello…why…d-death is inevitable, b-but why did M-Mello h-have to leave?"
Near sat in silence the rest of the train ride, bloody hand staining his pure white pajama pants as he drew his knees closer to his chest. His tears had stopped, but only because it made his head spin when the weak sobs shook his body, and he was too empty to cry right now. Completely defeated…without Mello, his life had no purpose. He was only an empty shell, nothing more than a ghost without a purpose.
His whole life, he had to strive to be better than Mello, for some reason. The only reason he kept running every day was because he knew that the blonde was chasing him. Without somebody chasing him, there was really no purpose in straining his body by running so fast, now was there?
Near's trail of thoughts was interrupted when the train pulled to a stop, showing him the scene of a cold and desolate street. How appropriate.
Slowly, Near stood up and made his way over to the door of the rickety old train, stepping off onto the deserted platform. A light snow fell around him, but as soon as the flakes hit the ground, they immediately melted into small puddles of water. As the train pulled away, Near only turned his head up towards the gray sky, wondering if the softly falling snowflakes were its way of crying for Mello.
The cold began to shake Near's thin frame to the core, so he gripped the rose in one hand and the picture in the other, beginning to walk towards the graveyard where Mello's ashes had been buried. He had memorized the exact way to get there before he snuck out of headquarters, but then again, it was doubtful that his dense agents had even noticed that he was gone. A depressing thought indeed, one that he did not need to ponder on, especially not on a day like today…all he could allow his thoughts to be filled with was Mello. He would have liked that…to know that he was the only thing on Near's mind.
Near made his way down the lonely streets, white shoes gently thudding against the pavement as the cold snowflakes attached themselves to his thick eyelashes, not taking gray eyes off of the roadway of the cracked sidewalk. For no reason at all, the small boy broke out running as fast as his short legs could carry him, stumbling along as his breathing became harsh and jagged. A desolate place seemed to be the thing he wanted most, all he wanted to see was Mello's grave, and to be as close to him as possible.
His ankles suddenly gave way beneath him, leaving him sprawled out awkwardly on his knees, all alone in the middle of the sidewalk. A few more pained sobs escaped his tightly closed lips as the picture fluttered down in front of him, a few snowflakes landing on it, quickly melting into one of many water stains on the glossy picture. Seeing this, Near remembered all of the nights he had spent crying over that same silly picture, the barrier of cold he had used to keep everybody out now worn and weak. If there was nobody to keep out, nobody that wanted to get inside of him, why should he bother to use all his energy to put up the barrier that kept him so isolated?
Near stood up shakily, grabbing the picture and slowly wiping the water droplets off of it, beginning to walk again. Soon enough, he could see the high walls and elegant iron gates of a graveyard looming in his vision, and he began to run again. He did not fall this time; instead he stopped in front of the gates. Weakly, he raised an arm and pulled on one as hard as he could, the rusty metal barely creaking open enough to let him slip through.
Running through the rows of headstones desperately, he wracked his memory to try and remember where the blonde's grave resided.
"Rest in peace, Mihael Keehl," Rester spoke, nodding solemnly as they threw the last of the dirt over Mello's coffin.
Halle, Gevanni, and Rester had all helped Near find a graveyard for Mello, and the four of them were the ones that buried him and held the remembrance as well. Near wouldn't trust anybody but the people that knew him best to see him break down in soft tears as the thuds of dirt hit the mostly-empty coffin, burying the one person he cared most about. He didn't care about their pitying looks as he walked away from the grave completely, not wanting to look at it and be reminded that Mello was dead.
Near could remember that they were in the shade of a large willow tree, and there was only one in the graveyard, so he quickly ran over to it. Sure enough, there it was. Mello's grave. It was covered with ivy and weeds, because during the one-year time period Near hadn't visited, nobody else had either.
Gently, the small boy crouched down in front of it and began to brush the dust and weeds off, not wanting it to seem like Mello had ever been forgotten. However, that gentle brushing quickly turned frantic as he realized how long it had been since somebody had done this, nobody had remembered about Mello, he was fading, he had been dead so long—
"Mello!" he cried, voice weak and shaky. "Please, why did Mello die?!"
Near didn't even care that the other small group of silent mourners that were in the graveyard were now staring at him, seemingly permanent frowns on their faces. Those frowns melted into pitying looks as Near let out another weak cry, tears streaming from his eyes as if he was actual physical pain. Slowly, they dispersed, leaving him completely alone in the graveyard.
"Near…you're so adorable, do you know that?" Mello whispered, voice seductive as he began to unbutton Near's baggy pajama top. "I've wanted to touch you for so long…do you want me to touch you? I can make you feel good, Near…"
"W-what is Mello d-doing?"
"I'm going to make you feel good, I promise…" he whispered, gently pushing Near back on to the bed as his lips captured Near's own. "Just trust me."
Near didn't protest any more as Mello finished unbuttoning his pajama top, slipping it off of his shoulders and tossing it nonchalantly to the floor. Slowly, his hands began to explore Near's sides and chest, every unintentionally seductive shiver and sound the boy made driving him wild. The blonde broke away from the kiss for air, quickly moving his mouth down to Near's neck, licking the soft skin there to try and see which small piece of flesh was most sensitive.
A small gasp escaped Near's lips as Mello's warm tongue ran over the small piece of skin that rested behind his ear, smirk overcoming the blonde's face as a flush covered his own. Slowly, Mello brought his lips down, kissing that spot softly before harshly beginning to suck. Near gasped again, body squirming slightly under Mello's own, the blonde now varying between sucking and nipping. After all of the blood had come to the surface and left a nice mark, Mello seemed to be satisfied.
No, no, no, Near didn't want to remember this…not the only night they had ever had together. He had repressed the memory all of this time, he did not want to have to play it over and over again in his mind as the want for times like that drove him to the brink of insanity.
"Did you like that, Near…?" the blonde asked, his hands gently slipping his own vest off as he leaned back up to kiss Near on the lips once again. "You're mine now…all mine."
Near didn't protest as Mello tossed his own vest on to the floor, the small boy surprised at his lack of caution for his garments. Usually Mello took much pride in his appearance, so seeing the blonde dispassionately toss his vest onto the floor was an unusual sight indeed. However, Near didn't have much time to focus on petty details as he usually did, because as soon as his top was removed, Mello brought his lips down to Near's shallowly-rising-and-falling chest.
"God Near, you're just so adorable when you're like this…" he whispered, hot breath caressing the small boy's hardened nipples. "I'm going to make you scream my name…"
Mello began to use the very tip of his tongue to tease around the edge of the pink buds, every small shudder that shook Near's body only increasing the heat in the pit of his own stomach. Slowly, he took the petite boy's nipple completely into his mouth, sucking gently, teasing him, wanting him to have to beg for it.
"M-Mello…!" whimpered Near, his hands slowly entangling themselves in Mello's silky blonde hair.
Near would never forget how the blonde would whisper his name, how even his soft whisper commanded every ounce of his attention. He was so powerful, so beautiful, and Near only wanted him. Mello was the only one who could make him feel like he did on that night, the only one who would touch and treasure his body as if he was made of porcelain.
"Do you want me to keep going? Does it feel good? Tell me, Near…"
"I-It feels…g-good…" Near breathed, face flushing from embarrassment as well as pleasure.
Mello began to roughly suck, free hand going to play with Near's other ignored nipple. Weak mewls and whimpers escaped Near's throat as he continued to shiver under the blonde's every ministration, his back arching only to bring his chest closer to Mello's hot mouth.
"So adorable…" he whispered, pulling back to kiss Near's pink lips once again.
Near was so wrapped up in the kiss, he didn't even notice as the blonde's free hand made its way down his bare chest, only noticing as it slipped itself into his pants. Gray eyes fluttered wide open as the blonde began to rub his erection, not even mentioning anything about the fact that Near wasn't wearing any underwear. What Near didn't know was that it only urged Mello on further, just the simple thought turning him on further.
"M-Mello!" he moaned, his eyes closing again, his body shivering as his hands gripped desperately at Mello's back.
"God…so cute…" he whispered, beginning to nibble at Near's earlobe as the small boy continued to squirm underneath him.
Nobody could make him feel like that again, nobody else could make his heartstrings snap just by touching their bare chests against each other. He could remember how his body was overcome with feelings he had never felt before, and how every time he had tried to touch himself since that night, nothing even came relatively close to how good it felt when Mello touched him.
The blonde removed his hands from Near's pants, the small boy whimpering desperately as his eyes opened again, searching for Mello in the dark of the room. However, the blonde had only pulled away from him to undo the laces on his own pants, quickly sliding them off as he worked Near's off as well. Near fluttered his eyes a few times, gray orbs still hazy and confused, clouded over with lust and want. He didn't even notice as two more articles of clothing hit the floor, both of them now completely naked.
"You have such a cute little body…" smiled Mello, taking in the sight below him as he positioned himself in between Near's spread legs, running his hands up and down his thighs.
The blonde held out three fingers, gently pressing the tips to Near's lips. Despite the fact that he didn't know why Mello wanted him to suck on his fingers, Near opened his mouth and allowed the blonde to put the digits in. The smaller boy began to gently suck, taking the fingers as far as he could into his mouth, wanting nothing more than to please the blonde. He looked up at Mello through a veil of bangs and eyelashes, occasionally letting out a small whimper as the blonde would push his fingers in further, eyes sadistically looking at the sight beneath him.
After a minute or so of playing his little game where he tried to mouth-fuck Near with his fingers, Mello decided that his throbbing cock was a problem that could not wait to be dealt with anymore. He slipped his fingers out of Near's mouth, a small trail of saliva connecting them to his light pink lips, kissing Near once before he slipped a slickened digit into his tight entrance. It took him by surprise, and the gasp that escaped his lips was more from the fact that he was startled, rather than that the intrusion caused him pain.
"Shh," Mello whispered, beginning to slide the single finger in and out before roughly adding another one.
Near arched his back, intrusion slightly more painful this time. However, it did not start to hurt until Mello began to scissor those two fingers, spreading Near's virgin passage to try and prepare it for something larger than two fingers.
"A-aah…!" whimpered Near, adjusting his hips to try and make himself more comfortable.
Mello only smirked as he added another finger, brushing the tips up against a spot that made Near see stars. Near bucked his hips slightly, his eyes closing once again as he let a flush spread itself across his face, Mello beginning to slam his fingers into the same spot.
"M-Mello!" he cried, body shaking with a kind of pleasure he had never felt before.
And would never feel again, Near reminded himself. Mello was dead, he would never get to feel his soft touches, hear his seductive voice, be able to touch that perfectly tanned and muscled body. Never again.
Slowly, Mello pulled his fingers out, placing the tip of his erection against Near's entrance. Near didn't even have time to open his eyes before the blonde completely sheathed himself, Near letting a soft cry tear itself from his lips as his hands clenched the bedsheets tightly. It felt like Mello was ripping him in half, but the blonde managed to force himself to hold still until Near adjusted.
"P-please, M-Mello!" Near begged, his body now fully adjusted and craving more.
Mello began to move, slowly at first, wanting to savor every moment he was able to spend like this, every adorable reaction he could urge out of the small boy bringing him closer to climax. He thrust into him as fast and as hard as he could, making sure to hit Near's sweet spot every time, every choked scream and pleasure-filled moan that hit his ears washing over him like a tidal wave.
The blonde reached in between the two of them, grabbing the boy's small cock and roughly beginning to pump him in time with his thrusts, only wanting to bring him as much pleasure as he possibly could. Suddenly, Near arched his back and came all over the two of them, spurting his hot cum over both of their chests. His tight passage clenched around Mello as every muscle in his body contracted, orgasm washing over his small frame.
"M-Mello!" he cried, his lips parted as he let out his loudest cry yet.
The blonde came seconds later, insisting on thrusting a few more times before he drenched Near's insides with his seed, both of their bodies slowly relaxing. The blonde pulled out of Near as gently as he could, lying down on the bed next to him and pulling the smaller boy into his arms. Near felt so warm, and safe, he could have fallen asleep right then. However, he forced himself to stay awake, just so he could spend more time with Mello.
Near wrapped his arms around himself, each hand gripping on to the opposite shoulder as he tried to reenact the exact feeling he got when Mello held him. He knew that it was stupid, that he wouldn't be able to, and that he should simply move on…but he couldn't. He just couldn't.
"Mello…" he whispered desperately, wishing for some sign of the blonde.
"Mello…?" Near asked softly, looking up at the blonde, still remaining safe in his arms.
"Yes, Near?" he replied softly, kissing his forehead.
"M-Mello?" Near asked, his voice still as desperate as ever. He knew that it couldn't be Mello's voice he heard. Mello was dead and gone. "P-please, Mello?"
"P-please…Mello?" Near whispered, burying his face in the blonde's chest as a few tears dripped from his eyes.
"Near, don't cry…" he heard the voice say again, a pair of arms wrapping themselves around him.
Near was too scared to open his eyes, so he just continued to kneel on the ground, accepting the comforting warmth of the arms that were wrapping themselves around him. Mello…there was only one person in the world who could make him feel so safe with such a simple gesture.
"Near, don't cry…" Mello whispered, rubbing his back comfortingly.
"M-Mello! I-I love you!" he cried, still not opening his eyes in fear that the comfort would then leave.
"M-Mello! I-I love you!" Near said desperately, moving himself closer to the blonde, holding him close and never wanting to let him go.
"I love you too, Near…" whispered Mello, pulling him close and rocking him back and forth.
"I love you too, Near," the voice whispered, as soft and as comforting as Mello's ever was.
"M-Mello, do not leave! Please!" Near begged, the snow beginning to fall harder now.
"M-Mello, do not leave! Please!"
"I'm not going to leave you, Near…" Mello whispered, trying to soothe the sobbing boy that lay in his arms. "I'll always be there for you, even when I die. I swear, I'll watch over you forever…I love you Near. I love you so much…you're so adorable…all I want to do is hold you forever…"
"D-does Mello promise?" hiccupped Near, feeling quite childish. He held out his pinky, expecting Mello to entwine them in what most children considered an unbreakable promise. "I-I love Mello!"
"I told you…I promised…" the voice whispered. "I'll always be there for you, even when I die. I swear, I'll watch over you forever…I love you Near. I love you so much."
"As I love Mello…" Near whispered, finally gathering the courage to open his eyes.
There was nobody there. He was simply kneeling in front of an old, cracked headstone, all alone in a bleak graveyard. There was nobody in sight…he must have imagined the whole thing. His body shook slightly a few more sobs shaking his frame as he looked down at his hand. He had been squeezing the rose in it again, and the thorns were ripping into his skin once more, but he didn't mind. The only thing that he found extremely strange was the flower itself.
He remembered that the flower had become slightly crumpled and withered on the train ride, both from lack of water and Near nervously squeezing at it. However, now, it was a pure white. The petals were no longer browning at the tips, and the blood-stained thorns were back to their normal bright green.
Sniffling a few times, Near gently crawled forward a few feet, setting the rose by the very base of the headstone. He admired the sight before taking the picture of Mello and putting it safely back into his breast pocket, intending to keep that as safe as possible.
"Thank you…for bringing me a rose…Near…" he heard somebody say, the same voice as before.
Near spun his head around, but there was nobody there. The graveyard was still completely empty.
"I love you…" whispered the voice, a pair of arms wrapping themselves around the small boy.
Gray eyes widened as he felt a pair of soft lips gently caress his ear, and he looked down and faintly saw a pair of arms wrapped around his thin torso. The small boy turned his head slightly, blonde hair blowing against his cheeks with the sudden gust of wind. Mello was standing behind him, holding him close, yet he wasn't really there. It was as if he was a hologram, or a mirage…or a ghost.
"Mello!" he said, desperately trying to intertwine his fingers with the blonde own. However, they simply slipped through.
"I love you, Near…I told you that I would never leave you side, didn't I?"
"M-Mello, p-please do not leave!" begged Near, still trying to grab the blonde's hand in his own.
"I've been with you all year…you never noticed, but I've kept my promise…I'm still here…I'll be waiting for you…I'll always keep waiting."
Near closed his eyes for the briefest of moments, trying to understand what Mello was saying. However, as soon as he opened them again, he was gone. There were no longer comforting arms wrapped around him…he was alone once again. However, the small boy did not feel alone anymore. It was as if he had suddenly gained a new sense…he could feel that Mello was with him, and the blonde seemed to take his pain away from him. The small boy dried his tears as he looked around the graveyard, eyes searching for any other sign of Mello's ghost, only to find nothing. That was okay, though. Mello was still there, unable to touch him, but there nonetheless.
"I will try not to keep Mello waiting…for very long…" Near whispered, closing his eyes. "I love Mello…more than anything…"
"I love you too, Near. I'll always stay with you, I promise…" the blonde whispered, entwining their pinkies and holding Near close until he fell asleep.
"I love you too, Near. I'll always stay with you, I promise."
End Note: Hehe, pretty sneaky how I managed to slip lemon in there, ne? But, if you guys were wondering about the title, an Avalerion or Alerion is a mythological bird. It was "rather small, yet larger than an eagle" and lived near the Hydaspes and the Indus according to European medieval geographers and bestiaries, which were possibly based on a description by Pliny. Only two of the birds were said to exist at a time. A pair of eggs was laid every 60 years; after hatching, the parents drowned themselves.