Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: As indicated in the summary, this is just a piece of the puzzle and is not meant to stand on its own. Please read Luminance of Night for the "full" story. This is Edward's point of view during the first chapter of LN.
Bella walked in the house and looked straight through me. This was going to be harder than I thought. I was at her house watching sports with her dad just so I could be near her essence. I would lose it soon enough and I wanted to immerse myself in everything Bella for as long as I could. She deserved a better life. She deserved to be human. Bella was too good to be turned into a monster. If I stayed, her fate was sealed. I would eventually give in to her requests or something would happen that would make turning her a necessity to save her. I could not even think about the most likely possibility. The incident with James had almost been enough to make me see this fact. But I could protect her from outsiders. Alice always knew when others were on their way. We typically had ample warning. She was all that mattered to me. If I let something happen to her I would cease to exist.
Jasper's attack was completely unforeseeable. I could not even keep her safe around my own family. Jasper may have tried to kill her but I was the one who ended up hurting her. I threw her into a table covered in glass because I reacted without thinking. She was so fragile but I had not considered that when Jasper's thoughts showed me what he was about to do to the woman I loved beyond all reason. He imagined killing her the second before he leaped. I should have grabbed him, but, instead I tossed Bella into a freaking table of glass. There was no excuse for my actions. I. Hurt. Her. Me. The man who told her everyday that I loved her and would keep her safe ripped her safety net right out from under her.
Bella, sweet Bella, assured me that she did not blame me or Jasper. She forgave without a second thought. But she could not possibly feel the same way about me after that stupid party Alice insisted on having despite Bella's innate hatred of drawing attention to herself. She was already upset that she was turning another year older while I stayed permanently seventeen. I knew this was the reason for her sorrow but I tried to ignore it because I wanted her to experience life as a human. I did not want her to regret even a moment of the time she allowed me to be a part of her life. I needed her like humans needed air. She was my life. And I had to leave in order to keep her alive. I had to destroy her to save her. Could I? Was I strong enough?
Humans recovered given time. She would move on and live a perfectly normal life. She would fall in love, get married and have children. My obsession with her was keeping her with me. If I were gone, she could live the life she was meant to have. I loved her enough to walk away.
Bella rushed by the living room and up the stairs without saying a word. What was she doing? I glanced at Charlie but he hadn't seemed to notice. Either that or he did not want to get involved. His mind alluded to the latter. After an hour of waiting, I gave up and said goodnight to Charlie. Driving home I wondered how I was going to tell the rest of my family we all had to leave. Bella would need a clean break and it would just be harder for her to forget about me if any of the family remained. Hopefully, they would see the logic in my plan. I parked the car in the garage and immediately ran back to Forks. Usually, I gave her some time alone at night before I returned but I was anxious to find out why she had disappeared to her room.
She was sitting on her bed lost in thought when I arrived. As much as I hated spying on her, I did not move to open the window. There was something about the look on her face that stopped me dead in my tracks. She looked…empty, defeated. I could not understand. She had to be strong to hear the news of our departure. I would give her time to get over whatever was bothering her before I let her go. My desire to protect her was stronger than ever. I longed to comfort her. Her window was locked. Her window was never locked. I tried again just to be sure. She did not even look up and I knew I was making enough noise that she could hear my efforts. Was she upset with me? As I walked back toward home I began to feel an emptiness creeping over me. Maybe she did not want me anymore. That would be easier wouldn't it? We could stick around a little longer and I could continue to guard her. That should have been a good thing but all I could feel was the emptiness. The reality of losing Bella was harder than I ever even imagined.
I turned around once I reached the cover of the trees and watched the light go out in her room. Bella was not even going to lose sleep over my absence. The pain consumed me and I dropped to my knees. Dry sobs ravaged my body. Even though my body did not need oxygen I felt like I was suffocating. Light was filtering through the canopy of the woods when I was finally able to reclaim control of my limbs. I raced home and got ready for school. I needed to see Bella. Her smile would relieve my agony. Maybe I could find a way to stay with her.
Her truck roared into the parking lot and a huge grin spread across my face. Then I saw her face. She was resolute. There was no pain or fear there; her expression was void of all the anxiety and questions it had borne the last few days. What did this change mean? I wiped my expression of any emotion and opened her door.
Bella did not say a word all day. She went through the motions but her mind was anywhere but here with me.
A/N: Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you thought of Edward's take of Bella's actions.