Title: Cody Rhodes: Active Detective
Pairings: Randy Orton/???
Summary: Cody has to find out who Randy's dating, it's driving him insane! So he makes a list and goes through the roster, curtsey of a fanfiction site.
Disclaimer: The WWE is not mine nor are any of it's child branches, it is the 96% property of the McMahon's and God bless the bastards that work for them. I respect the sexual preferences and identities of all the wrestlers on WWE roster, and who they share a bed with is really none of my business.
Warnings: Fluff, multiple potential pairings, cuteness that is Cody Rhodes.
Cody knew Randy was seeing someone.
Randy was always disappearing for nights, for hours, sneaking off when he knew he wouldn't be missed. Usually after intense matches, or deep into the night. But he always seemed to pop back up before people started asking questions. He was walking around with this satisfied look in his eyes, as if he had gotten something he had wanted for a long time.
If Cody thought Randy was just getting laid with another booty call, he wouldn't even want to think about the subject. But those ice blue eyes told more than content, they showed anyone who looked at then that he was in love. And if he was in love? Cody wanted to meet him/her so he could size them up and give them the "Legacy will eat you if you hurt him" speech.
But no matter how much Cody needed him, Randy wouldn't admit anything more than that he was seeing someone. He wouldn't give the gender, not even the initials! The bastard just started ignoring him when he asked about it, either changing the subject or walking away. It was annoying, to say the least. Cody begged Ted to help him, but the Southerner just laughed at him and told him to let it go.
"If Randy wants to tell us, he will."
Well fuck that! Cody Rhodes was not one to sit on his ass and let things flow. He liked to get in there, sift through the pulp of life, and find the answers to the questions that gnawed at him. And this question had pretty damn-sharp teeth.
Sitting with Ted in their shared hotel room, Cody was once more defeated and dejectedly flipping channels. Ted, who was surfing Amazon, didn't even better to ask him if something was wrong.
Randy had shot him down again.
Cody landed on Psyche, just long enough to hear, "Come on, Gus! Let's get in there, get active, get crazy! You now, real detective work. People on the internet will blog about us! We'll have codenames, it'll be awesome!"
Cody perked up at this, mind set in a whirl.
People on the internet will blog about us!
"Real detective work" Cody grinned, the proverbial light bulb going off over head "That's it, Teddy!"
"What's it?" Ted drawled, scrolling through Amazon's watch section.
"I'm going to get active with this" Cody grabbed his laptop, switching it off sleep and clicking around until he brought up Google "Ya know how Bourne told us that one day about how authors all over the world write wrestling stories?"
"Yeah" Ted stated slowly, trying to catch up with his friend's mind set "Seems kinda dumb. Wrestling is made to be watched."
"That's not the point of this stuff, Evan told me more about it later and even let me read some" Cody hurriedly typed in the website, coming up rather quick "And these girls are amazing, some are seriously talented and should be writing romance novels. It's so those authors on there have an outlet. Put us in different situations, hook us up with other wrestlers and divas. It's like a game, one where only those with literature skills can dominate. To win, you need to make it believable."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Ted asked, getting a little antsy.
"All I have to do is select Randy's name…" Cody narrated his actions "Put in the M rating, and click find."
The young man's eyes widened when it loaded, "There's a couple pages involving him"
"What's your plan, Codes? Blackmail him?"
Cody waved his friend off impatiently, grabbing a notebook and pen, "No. I'm going to make a list of the people he's most paired with, girls and guys. I'll start at the top and work my way down."
"If you just stand there and list people, he's just gonna push you on your ass."
"Ted" Cody growled as he began listing people "Listen. I'm going to go around and ask these people myself, inspect them for bite marks, and see if they have a lover. I'll eliminate them accordingly."
Cody blushed suddenly, scribbling out his own name, "Well, I can exclude me."
"They write about you and Randy?" Ted snickered "What are you guys? Rody?"
"I see" Ted leaned back against the headboard, smiling "Leave me outta this, 'kay? I don't want Randy thinkin' I care, or he'll start avoiding me too."
Cody stuck his tongue out, "Shut up."
"Do you need a bodyguard? Some people might not take it well."
"I'll be fine, Teddy, don't worry" Cody smiled to himself as the list got longer "This is gonna be fun, like a game. And at the end, I'll have my prize."
"No, an identity. Then you and I can go threaten them, ok?"
Ted shifted uncomfortably, "Alright."
First on the list, Kelly Kelly.
"What?" she dropped her fork, speared salad skimming across the table.
"Are you dating Randy?"
"Not anymore, not for two years now" Kelly scowled "He likes dick now, from what I hear."
Cody crossed off her name, "Ok."
"Hey John" Cody walked up to the table Miz-and-Morrison were sitting, having breakfast.
The ravenette looked up, full lips quirking, "Hey there, kid."
"Are you fucking Randy?"
Cody sputtered as a soda was thrown in his face, clenching his eyes shut and jerking.
"…is that a 'no' from you too, Miz?"
"That's a hell no, you little shit!" Miz growled "Fuck off!"
How was Cody supposed to know they were lovers?
"Beth?" Cody approached her on the weight machine.
Phoenix glanced over, "Rhodes."
"Uh…" Cody cleared his throat "Are you fucking Randy?"
Beth couldn't stop the little giggle that escaped, "No, brat. And don't let Rosa hear you talking like that, she might just take the initiative to kick you in the balls."
Fearing for his genitals, Cody got out of there fast.
Cody waited until the locker room was nearly empty before he approached Batista, wishing he had worn a umpire uniform just incase the man took the question wrong.
"Uh, Dave?" Cody tapped the meaty shoulder, the other raising an eyebrow and turning toward him "Are you…uh, are you with Randy?"
Dave glanced around, "Well, obviously not."
"I mean" Cody sighed in annoyance "Are you fucking him?"
Dave rolled his eyes, "No! And if one more person asks me that, I'm not only putting you through a table, but all of your goddamn Legacy!"
Cody walked away shaking his head, //Jeez, drama bitch much?//
"Adam!" Cody ran up to the blonde after a match, waving his arms "Adam!"
"What?!" the Rated-R Superstar whipped around, glaring daggers at the youth. Cody stumbled under the icy gaze, nearly tripping over his own feet.
"Rhodes, I swear to God-"
"Are you fucking Randy?!"
Adam got really quiet, staring at him with a blank expression. His lips twitched suddenly, a little sound escaping. Moments ticked off, and those lips turned up in a smile.
Cody winced when the blonde started laughing hysterically, doubling over on himself. He started wheezing, tears streaming down his face, but he couldn't stop. The blonde fell over, having his fit of giggles on the ground now instead.
"Ok" Cody lifted up the notepad, scratching Edge off "I'll take that as a no?"
Somehow Adam managed to cough out, "Me? And Randy? Sex? Oh my God, it hurts, I can't breathe!"
In a huff, the young Rhodes walked away mumbling, "It's not that fucking funny."
Cody knocked hesitantly at the door, face pulled in horror, //This is stupid, I must have a death wish.//
The door creaked open, a blonde mane and piercing eyes were revealed, "Rhodes?"
"Hunter, hey" Cody tried to smile and be charming, but it was hard to do when your hands were shaking "I was just wondering, ya know…quick question for you?"
Hunter grunted, "Quick."
"Are you, by any chance, fucking Randy?"
The door came out so fast Cody couldn't react, getting smashed in the forehead seriously hard. He yelped and stumbled back, hands clamped over his forehead.
"Christ, asshole, you didn't have to slam the door in my face!"
Cody caught up with Jeff and Matt at the vending machine, apparently the younger Hardy was trying to bite at the plastic.
"Give me my Goddamn Skittles!"
"Jeff, it's a machine, it can't hear you" Matt sighed wearily, spotting the young man approaching him "Hey there, kid."
"Matt" Cody smiled politely, looking to the Rainbow Haired Warrior "Jeff."
"Cody" Jeff huffed, turning and putting his back to the machine with his arms crossed over his chest "This demon possessed piece of shit is holding my Skittles for ransom. If I push it over, are you gonna tell on me?"
"Good" Jeff turned back, an evil gleam in his pretty eyes.
"Wait! Before you get to that, I have a question" Cody spoke up, getting the Hardy's attention "Are either one of you fucking Randy? Either one, doesn't matter."
"Sorry, kid" Matt shrugged "Hardycest is exclusive. No guests."
"Orton" Jeff snickered, giving the brunette a once over "Mmmm, maybe you, even that cute little Teddy-bear. Both, maybe. But not Orton."
Cody flushed up to his hairline, hurriedly scribbling off both names on the list, "Ok, thanks, that's just about it. I, uh, should get going now."
Cody lazily knocked at the hotel door, eyelids drooping, //This is exhausting. I swear to God, if he punches me, I'm staying down and taking a nap right here in the hallway.//
The door opened wide, revealing John Cena himself, "Rhodes? Hey man."
"I'm just going to cut to the chase, Cena" Cody stated "Are you or are you not fucking Randy?"
John laughed a bit, then reaching out and patted his head, "Nope, but yer getting close, kid. Try looking a little closer to home, ok?"
With a small goodnight, Cena closed the door.
Cody looked down at his list, pouting, //It's getting shorter.//
John popped his head out the door one last time, "Oh, before I forget. Stop using the word fucking, or you might just get punched in the face."
Now this was a dumb idea, but at least it was the bottom of the barrel now. When he asked for an audience with Stephanie, he didn't know Shane would be there too. Oh well, two birds and a stone and all.
"Stephanie, thanks for seeing me so soon" Cody sat down in front of her desk, trying to be charming.
"Well, you don't ask for much little Rhodes, so I do what I can" Stephanie smiled at him in return "What can I do for you?"
//Remember what Cena said.//
"Are you seeing Randy on the side?" Cody asked, making it all one breath "I won't tell if you are, I don't really care. I just wanted to know."
Stephanie's eye twitched, "Cody, I'm happily married and have three children."
"So…that's a no, right?"
"How dare you?" Shane snapped, standing up "Coming in here and accusing my sister of sleeping with Orton of all people!"
"Are you?" Cody inquired.
He had never seen Shane's face turn so red, "No! And quit going around asking everyone that! I'm not fucking him, Steph's not fucking him, nobody's fucking him!"
Stephanie quirked an eyebrow, "Well obviously somebody's fucking him."
"It's not us!" Shane grabbed the kid by the hair, all but tossing him out of the room "Out!"
Cody rolled his eyes, sitting on the floor and watching yet another door slam, "Great…I was seriously hoping it was Shane. Then at least we could get more matches."
//Note to self, stop talking to yourself out loud…dumbass.//
"Shawn?" Cody plopped down across the breakfast table, eyeing the older man.
"Hey Cody" Shawn stated absently, reading through the paper that was laid out before him "And no, I'm not sleeping with Randy. Sorry."
"Ugh, damn" Cody got up, half-relieved.
"Three days of investigating, wasted" Cody spat in disgust, tossing the scribbled on piece of notebook paper away in the trash can "All those people…all that time…wasted!"
"What did you expect, Cody?" Ted asked curiously "If it's a secret, no one's going to come out and admit it just because you asked."
"I thought…I dunno" Cody plopped down on the bed "No one even looked like they were lying. Either they were angry or amused. No one blushed, no one had any marks that would say it was Randy."
Cody groaned loudly, sitting up and putting the heels of his palms into his eyes, "This sucks!"
"You'll find out eventually, Codes" Ted sat beside him "It's alright. Don't beat yourself up. You're an awesome detective."
"I know, but still…" Cody looked up, trailing off. He watched silently as Ted flexed his neck, rubbing his hand over the column of his throat. There was a bite mark just showing on his collarbone, nearly hidden.
"Shit" Cody pouted "It's you, isn't it?"
"What?" Ted turned toward him, brow creased "What are you talking about?""You're sleeping with Randy" Cody's pout curled into a smile "You're the one he's in love with."
Ted flushed a deep crimson, it was rather cute on him, "We wanted to tell you when we were sure we were gonna work out. I didn't want this to break us all up, but I wanted to tell you! I swear!"
"You love him, don't you?"
"…well, yeah, Codes. To be honest."
"Oh" Cody thought about it for a second "Good, then. I'm happy for you guys.
Then he punched his friend in the arm.
"Hey!" Ted rubbed the abused flesh, glaring "What was that for!"
"For making me waste three days of my life, you jackass!"