Edward looked so empty the last time I saw him. He was so anguished. So angry. So tired. So heartbroken.
I did that.
My adoptive parents lost their daughter. My beautiful wife lost her best friend. My brother who had been alone for too long lost the love of his life. It was all because of me. Because I couldn't control my bloodlust. In a matter of mere seconds I managed to fuck up everything.
I decided to fix it. I didn't know how. I just had to.
I had thought about doing this for over a week, but it was time. If I didn't act soon, I would never have the strength to do it. I would lose my nerve like the weakling I was. Today. It had to be today.
"I know what you've decided," Alice said softly behind me.
I turned slowly to face her, registering the sadness she was now feeling. Of course she'd know. I was planning to tell her myself, but I guess this saves me the awkward conversation.
"Alice, I'm sorry, but I can't keep true to the promise we made Edward. I have to make things right with her, for them if I can, this is all my fault-" She covered my mouth with her hand to stop me from babbling.
"It wasn't your fault, Jazz, no one blamed you but you. I know you don't believe that, and I know you have to do this. I know you will never rest easy until you try to fix what you think you've done." Her sadness deepened and it confused me.
"I won't be gone long if I don't have to be, a few days, a few weeks… You don't have to be sad Alice, I'm coming back." I tried to reassure her.
Her lips curved up into a smile but her eyes looked like they would tear up if that were possible.
"No, Jasper, I think it will be much longer than that."
It felt like she kicked me in the stomach. "You don't want me to come back?"
Her eyes widened in shock. "Of course, I want you to come back Jasper, I love you."
"You won't want to come back," she whispered.
"Why wouldn't I want to come back?"
She didn't answer for a second and when she answered it was with resolve. "I love you Jasper. There's nothing I want more than for you to be happy."
She was confusing me and avoiding my question.
"Alice, you make me happy!" I felt desperation and realized it was my own. Why did it feel like my wife was breaking up with me? What the hell gave her the idea that I wasn't happy with her?
"If I make you happy, then come back." I felt her hope rise within her and then vanish.
"I will Alice, I will be back before you have time to miss me! I love you, Alice."
She grinned now, and this one was more genuine. "I love you too Jasper." And I could feel that. Her love.
She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck. I knew what she was after. I bent down and pressed my lips to hers. Suddenly her grip tightened and her lips became more urgent on mine. It scared me, Alice's panic. I pulled away to look at her warily.
"I love you Jasper," she repeated then reached up to caress my face. "Find the peace you're looking for."
Now I was scared. This is the second time she's told me goodbye with out saying it. Why was she telling me goodbye?
"Go, Jasper. The sooner you do what you need to the sooner we'll be together again."
"Soon, Alice. I love you!" I grabbed her and gave her another kiss before I spun away from her.
I ran through the Alaskan wilderness. I had to run. If I didn't run I might change my mind and stay. I couldn't do that, I had to do this. If I ran, I could get there faster. The faster I fixed this the faster I could come home to my Alice. I could hold her in my arms and tell her how silly she was for thinking I could find happiness anywhere other than where she was, tell her how much I loved her.
I was running back to the place where I ruined everything.
I was running back to the place where I almost made the biggest mistake of my life.
I was running back to Forks to pay Bella Swan a visit.