Yes. I failed at naming ANOTHER fic. Honestly, I'm beginning to doubt my effective story-naming skillz.

Not that I had any to begin with.

Anyway, multi-chapter fic! WOO!

Warning: Incompetent writer.

I still hate school. Thank God it's Friday. (Well it was when I wrote this. NOW IT'S SUNDAY 'CUZ MY DOCUMENT UPLOADER WASN'T WORKING. -shakes fist at ceiling-)

Here is my little SasuNaru (slightly NaruSasu, I like for it to be even) multi-chapter. This'll probably be a really short multi-chapter. Nothing huge, really. Maybe. Iuneveno.


Touch my Dobe and Die

Chapter 1: Naruto Uzumaki- MIA?!

So, I know this blonde, right?

And he is completely and utterly annoying to the core of his smiling being.

I absolutely hate him.

Oh yes, hate indeed.

Don't question me! No one does.

Anyway, the kid has this conception that we're 'friends.'

Which of course, no way in HELL are we.

I wish we could be something more.

Wait no.


That is NOT what I meant.

I meant uh, I wish we could be something… roar.


I said don't question me!


…Anywho, this blonde I was talking about, he is so stupid that it makes me want to kiss hi- puke. I meant puke.

Disregarding that… he is in a little trouble.

And when I mean 'a little,' I mean 'shit-deep in consequences of his own stupidity.'

Seriously, I have no idea how it happened. One day we're training, the next he's on a D-Rank mission for an old lady looking for her cat.

The next three days- no one hears from him.

I mean, what an IDIOT! Who gets kidnapped on a D-rank mission?! Has he any idea what he's putting me... no, US through?! I mean who just up and LEAVES for no good-

K. Shutting up now.

But honestly, if his captors touch him or hurt him in any way, I will kill them. But first, I'll castrate them with my kusanagi, stab them repeatedly with kunai, chidori them up the ass, and then I'll torch them so bad that they won't be recognizable.


I mean, I don't care about the dobe. Not one bit.

It's just…


He's a teammate. And it's my responsibility as his comrade is to rescue him and all that.


Back on topic, word came about… two hours ago…? Can't be sure, it feels like forever ago. Anyways, a letter from the god damned people who captured my- I mean- the dobe arrived mysteriously in the Hokage's office while she was napping. Could she at least TRY and run Konoha seriously? Geez.

So these people left a note on her desk, and eventually Shizune came in, snatched it up, and Sakura, Kakashi, Sai, and I were immediately called to her office. That's when we finally found out what happened to usuratonkachi.

To put it plainly, I was livid. They had written about how I was supposed to rendezvous alone at the 'Great Naruto Bridge' with them. And if they detected any hint of ninja chakra, they would kill Naruto on the spot.

So- alone I was. Insisting I was more than capable of doing this on my own anyway, and ignoring Sakura's pleading, I set off for the Mist Village.

Hm, this is where our first serious mission was… The first time Naruto went Kyuubi after he thought I died…

Okay. I do not like this weird feeling in my stomach. And why on Earth are my cheeks warm?

Ugh. Anyway. I've been running non-stop for about two hours straight, and it's nearly sunset. I'm almost there already, and the rendezvous isn't until midnight this night.

Oh well, that just gives me more time to prepare.

I finally cleared the forest and pushed off the last tree branch, landing flush in front of the sign for the bridge. I surveyed the area briefly, recalling my visit here with Suigetsu.

Suigetsu, that cocky dolt.

He's nothing compared to Naruto.

Uh, ignore that.

I began strolling absently across the bridge, it was misty and eerily quiet, so I activated Sharingan just in case.

That stupid dobe… Is this what he felt like when I left? So worried? So angry? Wanting to kill whoever took his best friend away? His crush?

Ignore that, too.

I realized that if I dug my nails any further into my skin, I would begin to bleed.

And quite frankly, I could care less.

In fact, pain would be welcome, maybe it would help me take my mind off of usuratonkachi.

I wonder what his kidnappers look like… Are they strong? Skilled? Smart? How many are there?

And more importantly, had they touched the dobe?

Now I broke the skin.

I stopped mid-bridge, clenching both my jaw and fists.

And right then and there, I swore to God that if something had happened to my dobe, there would be no holding back, there would be no negotiations.

I would kill whoever dared to touch my Naruto.

OoOoh. Sasuke, Sasuke. You's a testy one!

Who on Earth could have Naruto?!?!?

Believe me, this story gets A LOT LESS SERIOUS in the next chapter.

Like omgwtfjusthappened not serious. Probably crack-ish. So if you don't like crack, you can just like, ignore the other chapters and pretend this is a one-shot.

So I wanted to get this off my chest, I came up with the idea randomly and just had to write it down before I forgot it. My first NaruSasu (posted) multi-chapter fic! Holy shit on a stick!

Like? Hate? Suggestions? I lurve reviews!

I'm also beginning to use 'dobe,' 'usuratonkachi,' and 'teme.' I usually hate using them in stories but I see them so often that I guess it's becoming kind of second nature to include them.


P.S. MIA means "Missing in Action" if you didn't know. If you did, I LOVE YOU.