The First Time
It was new experience kissing Edward in the water, our bodies entwined for the first time with no barriers separating us. Even the warm ocean invited us to touch unhindered making Edward's body temperature was almost the same as mine. The water was up to his neck so my legs, unable to touch bottom had nowhere to go but around his waist, parts of us that were normally clothed rubbing dangerously close to each other. Neither of us seemed to mind this predicament. As we held each other closer than ever before, the usual struggle I could sense in him between passion and restraint seemed absent. It only enhanced the sensations rising through my body.
I pouted when Edward finally pulled his lips from mine. "I thought we were going to swim a bit." He smirked in response to my less than enthusiastic expression.
With a resigned sigh I began to disentangle myself from him. He chuckled, turning me around and pulling my back onto his chest. His feet lifted off the sand and we began to float in the water.
"I didn't say that I was planning to let go of you. There might be sharks nearby." I could hear the grin in his voice.
"Don't worry" I chided. "I'll protect you."
He laughed. I could listen to him laugh forever. I smiled to myself, I was planning to. The gentle waves rock us as I lay on top of him, listening to his breathing. My head nested between his shoulder and jaw, while my arm lay across his chest, the back of my fingers stroking the side of his face. I turned my head kissing that perfect square jaw thinking for the millionth time how could this angel possibly be mine. I felt his exhale of contentment as his hand, slow and feather light caressed my body, anointing me with the ocean. His fingers played, taking their time while they brushed water over my cheek, my throat, and down the middle of my chest. Edward's hand slid to my breast, his fingers started to circle slowly, sensually up the small mound. When he got to the nipple it was already rock hard in anticipation…. I trembled under his touch….
I began to feel a familiar sensation between my legs, a pulsation that seemed to no longer emanate from my heart, but from there. It was less painful but far more intense than at home. At home my body knew nothing would be done to quench its fire. Here, my body ran toward it. Desire was at the center point of my being, radiating throbbing heat out to my fingertips and to my toes. His lips reached for my cheek, kissing their way to my ear lobe. Blood was racing through my veins, my breathing became labored. I noticed that his did as well.
"You can't imagine how good this feels" Edward murmured.
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I can."
He continued to nibble at my ear, letting his fingers hesitantly stray lower, gliding down my stomach, tracing patterns around my navel, lingering longer there than the rest of me could stand. My body squirmed, quiet moans of pleasure and frustration escaping my throat. I sensed the smile on his face as his fingers slowly eased their way further and further down. As he ventured closer to the source of my second heart, I abstractly wondered if fire could burn in the water. My hips began to rock in impatience and expectation.
He was killing me.
The intensity of the throbbing got harder, the need was beginning to overwhelm me. I could feel myself swelling. He reached my hair, ever so lightly brushing his fingers in it. I gasped as soon as he began to stroke the opening to me. A strong tingling sensation swept through my body. My face, neck and chest burned, my legs shook, my toes curled. Ecstasy swept through my entire body. In the aftermath of my internal explosion, I took the Lord's name in vain.
A satisfied sigh and a small chuckle escaped Edward's lips. His mouth already close to my ear whispered, "Have you started without me?"
I couldn't answer him. I didn't think I'd be capable of coherent thought ever again. Kindly, he waited for my panting to subside. When he saw reason returning to my expression he said "Love, why don't we continue this in the house?" I still couldn't speak. The best he was going to get from me was a weak nod. Cradled in his arms I expected Edward to dart up to the house. Surprisingly he took his time, his lips never leaving mine the entire trip.
He carried me into the house. I sighed into his mouth thinking that I might never get to walk across a threshold again, at least in Edward's presence. Our kiss broke as he gently put me on the top of the big bed and climbed on to lay beside me. My body and mouth immediately returned to his. My hands tangled in his wet hair. Again I took a moment to savor the fact that no clothing or blanket separated my breasts from his bare chest, or my leg from his hip as it wrapped around him. My body yearned to melt into him. All too soon….it was always too soon…his hands gently pulled my mouth from his, anxiety was clear in his eyes.
"Bella, you have to promise."
I should have know, but I was disoriented from what was going on inside of me. "Promise what?"
"If anything starts to hurts, you have to tell me."
"Huh?" his eyebrows pulled together, his face had an expression that was a combination of anger and apprehension.
"You have only asked me to promise that a thousand times, I refuse to answer again"
"Please Bella, please. I have to hear it again" His golden eyes penetrated me. No power on earth could have made me look away.
The battle was lost before it began. My body still hummed with the lingering effects of his fingers in the water. After what he had just done to me, how could I possibly deny him anything? I was his slave for life. "Yes Edward, I promise."
With that he took a deep breath and rolled me on top of him. With my legs astride his hips, I explored him, my tongue tasting his neck, his throat. As I shifted myself upward, my eyes and hands wandered past his flat stomach, mapping previously uncharted areas. My face flushed, but it wasn't from embarrassment as I touched him. I returned my eyes to his while I stroked the stone shaft, feeling the tension inside of it. My hands caressed it; I rubbed my palm over the tip. My fingers then spilt and slid past his erection, cradling him. I watched as Edward's head roll back and a low moan surged from his throat. A flood of pleasure blossomed out of me. I felt myself getting wet. Nothing in my life had ever made me feel the way his reaction to my touch just did. I leaned back into him and started to kiss him again. His return kiss was deeper than usual, yet still I hungered for more. I crushed my open lips into his and for the first time his mouth parted just wide enough for me to taste his tongue with my own, his cool sweet breath mingling with mine. He told me once that I was his brand of heroin. At this moment I truly understood what he meant. I was an addict in every sense of the word. There would never be enough of Edward. I would always crave more. The same feeling that occurred at the beach started rise in my body. The aching throb inside me had returned in full force, my body yearning for some kind of release. Breaking our kiss, he sat us up, his face between my breasts, my hands in his hair. His lips made their way to my nipple and I began without thought to grind against him. His hands encasing my ribcage began to move with me.
Closer… tighter… I thought.
"Please… please…." I begged.
I needed inside of him, he needed inside of me. Now. Maybe he could read my mind at this moment or at least my facial expression. Rubbing up against him the way I was, I doubt it too tuff to guess my desires. He rolled us over and pressed my back into the soft mattress. His body lay inside my legs. My hand reluctantly left him to pull the pillow out from under my head. As I did, Edward prop himself up on one elbow, his other hand ran down my center coming to rest for a second time between my thighs. They began to tremble and I whimpered as he stroked me. His smoldering eyes never left mine. His stare pierced me, leaving me weak, disoriented. This time he slid his hand deep inside of me, his long cool fingers searching. He found what he was looking and began to rub a notch within me. I thought nothing could be more intense than the rush of pleasure I had in the water.
I was so wrong.
Fluid shot out of me in pulses. My back arched and my legs felt as though they would shake apart. "Yes!" I screamed! "Edward! Edward! Yes!!!!!"
I attacked! I wanted to devour him! My hands flew back to his head locking into his hair; my head rocketed off the bed smacking my mouth hard into his. Oh, the taste! It wasn't enough. I needed more. My teeth grabbed his lower lip and started to pull. The luscious flavor of his mouth made me delirious, my breath coming so quickly and raggedly overwhelmed me. His mouth broke away from mine as his fingers moved from inside me to parting me. His eyes inches from me like fire bore into mine, his sweet breath driving me into frantic euphoria.
"Are you ready?" he whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.
Was he insane?" NOW EDWARD, NOW!!!"
He thrust into me and froze. Another tingling wave hit me. Both of us sucked in a sharp breath at the same time. Pain… Pleasure…. What a fascinating sensation. I knew his pause was to steady himself, to gain control. I gazed back into his topaz eyes relishing that at this moment we were truly fused together as one. I waited and slowly, carefully he started to move inside of me. I welded every part of me I could to him. My legs wrapped themselves high around his waist. My hips rolled with his. It felt like Edward's hands and lips were everywhere, my shoulders, my breasts, my cheekbones. I felt as if I was on some kind of erotic rollercoaster. The waves of pleasure rising falling as he held me tighter and tighter, in…. out…. in…. out…..
"Please…..harder… closer.….." I panted. I was on the verge of hyperventilating.
He complied. I hoped that his fingers would go through me. I wanted crushed, to be turned into dust. Tears spilled down the sides of my face. Edward's mouth bent to kiss them, my temple burned where his lips made contact. My breathing came in wild rasps.
My mouth was desperate for something, anything. I loosened one of his hands from my body and began to suck on his fingers. A low feral growl deep in his chest broke through his panting. It was primitive, animalistic. The vibrating sound penetrated deeply into me. I cried out again in ecstasy. His pace started to quicken, I could feel that he was about to join me. He ripped his marble hand from my mouth and grabbed at my shoulder sliding off it from the sweat pouring out of me. Thrusting harder and harder, faster and faster, I thought I might break apart. He roared like a lion as his body stiffened. It sent the last explosion from me. I was screaming his name. I couldn't stop. It was pain, it was pleasure. I no longer existed in this plane of reality. Somewhere inside my head I was vaguely aware of something ripping and tearing. Was it me??? It didn't matter. I was far, far to gone to know or care what or who it was.
He collapsed on top of me, both of us thirsting for air. After a moment he began to pull out of me, to roll off my shaking body. I couldn't allow it. With the last of my strength I committed to keeping us still connected, my arms and legs held tight, refusing to allow even an inch of us to be separated. Once on top of him again I relaxed on his chest luxuriating in his scent. Peace and contentment fell over me. Slowly we both came back to earth. As our breathing returned to normal, he kissed my hair and sighed.
"I love you so much." Edward murmured.
Too exhausted to achieve any volume, I whispered "Thank you." and drifted off to sleep.
I collapsed on Bella, both of us covered in feathers trying to absorb what had just happened. The intensity of my climax disoriented me. It took a second to realize that I was physically spent; all my weight was on top of her. I couldn't remember ever feeling physical exhaustion, my time as a human too murky and far into the past. It only lasted for a few seconds but I felt vulnerable. It was as fascinating and unbelievable, as it was frightening. I tried to roll off her, but she seemed unwilling to break us apart, her trembling limbs clutching me, only relaxing after she came to rest on top of my chest, both of us gasping for air. I felt my wife's heart beating into my silent one, assuring me that we both were still alive. I began to regain myself.
Even in the aftermath of what had just nearly occurred, those two words, the only two in the world that could, filled me with unprecedented bliss. As our breathing returned to normal I kissed her damp tangled hair. I was bewildered by the thought of what I could have possibly done in my life to deserve this perfect fragile creature.
"I love you so much." As I said the words I wondered how they could be true. I never deserved her love less. How could I have done this?
"Thank you." was all she replied.
I refused believe that she could be thanking me. I listened as her breathing became slow and even, her heart calmed and steadied as she drifted off to sleep. I began to relive every moment since I took her hand and lead her into the water. Just the memory of our naked bodies, almost the same temperature in the tropical ocean, truly touching for the first time sent current penetrating into my bones, just as it had then. In spite of the inherent risks that never left my mind I hadn't been able to stop thinking about this moment. My weak fantasies were nothing compared to this intense and vibrant reality. I was sheathed inside her limbs, smelling her, tasting her, the fire in my throat pushed far into the back of my head. Her long brown hair swirled around us in the water as we kissed. My body was humming with the sensation of having so much of us touching. I could have stood here like this for an eternity…but I had other plans.
"I thought we were going to swim a bit." The look on her face was priceless. Silly girl, did she really think anything could part me from her? She began to peel herself off of me. I wasn't going to let there be even a centimeter of space separate us. I spun her around wrapping my arm under her bare breasts and kicked off the sand.
"I didn't say that I was planning to let go of you. There might be sharks nearby." I grinned.
"Don't worry, I'll protect you." She replied.
I laughed and we begun to float in the ocean, the waves lapping over the parts of me that weren't covered by her. Her arm curled on my shoulder, her hand brushed my face as her head turned, kissing my jaw. I wallowed in contentment, enchanted by her presence, listening to the only sounds in this wonderfully isolated place; the gentle waves breaking, our breathing, and her heartbeat. I caressed her with the water, worshipping her. My fingers lingered places where I had previously willed them not to go. Her breast, so beautiful and firm…… her stomach so soft and warm.... My other hand was jealous that it was subjugated to keeping us afloat.
"You can't imagine how good this feels" I would have to invent a new language to describe this.
"Oh, I'm pretty sure I can." I listened to the irregular drumming of her heart, watched as her cheeks and even her neck began to flush pink. The satisfaction of bringing her pleasure was taking me even higher.
Both of us began to breathe heavily, her pulse accelerated. I search farther, encouraged by the quiet moans of pleasure escaping her lips. I turned my face to her cheek and began to kiss her, working my way to her earlobe as my fingers slid through the hair between her legs, stopping briefly to memorize its soft texture. I roamed father down and began to stoke the opening. She gasped and I felt her body quake, physically heating up as if she had just erupted.
"Oh God!" she wailed.
I tried not to laugh, but the exultation of bringing her to this had to escape somehow and I chuckled quietly. I wanted to laugh, to sing, to cry with joy. She was my goddess and I would gladly spend the rest of time on my knees at her feet.
"Have you started without me?" I teased; I was still giddy from the high.
She hadn't answered so I took the moment to wash myself in both of our pleasure. As her heart and breathing returned somewhat to normal, I decided that it might be safer to continue in the house rather than floating in the ocean. Besides, my other hand needed a turn…
She appeared to agree so I carried her in my arms up to the house. Moving at human speed I tried to prepare my head for what was coming. She didn't exactly make that easy, clinging to me as she kissed me the entire way. Ok, to be honest, I didn't really put up much of a fight. I laid her on the bed and joined her there. She immediately she glued her wet naked body back on to mine.
My head was starting to spin. "Control Edward, Control" that would be my mantra for the rest of the night. I needed help, surely she could give me this much. My hands pushed her face from mine.
"Bella, you have to promise."
"If anything starts to hurts, you have to tell me."
"Huh?" Anger pulsed through me. Fear clouded my expression. Damn it. Can't she do one single thing to keep us both alive?
"You have only asked me to promise that a thousand times, I refuse to answer again"
"Please Bella, please. I have to hear it again." I stared deep into her eyes, trying to will her to do what I asked.
"Yes Edward, I promise."
I steadied myself, confirming my self control then rolled her on top of me. I had thought that maybe relaxed on my back things would be easier. I lay in between her knees and she leaned in kissing, licking, sucking on every bit her mouth could find of me. Every place her lips touch my stone body stung from the intense pleasure. Her long wet hair spilled over her shoulders caressing me as well. She pulled up from me, her eyes turned downward, her checks flamed red. Her hand slid down past my stomach and began to touch me. Her hand wrapped around me, caressing me, rubbing gently up and down, finally sliding to the bottom to fondle my testicles.
What the hell was she doing to me? My body felt like it had been shocked, the current already rippling through me spiked like I had been tasered. My eyes rolled, I groaned. It felt so good, too good. It wasn't fair! How could anyone expect to concentrate through that? I felt myself losing control.
Get a hold of yourself Edward! I commanded internally.
She paused briefly, flushing deeper crimson. What was she thinking? I had to know. But I barely had the chance to compose myself let alone ask her a question as her lips returned to my mouth and her hands to my hair. Jesus, she tasted so good. I opened my mouth for more, not realizing that I was even doing it, tasting her tongue. Her warmth and scent was beginning to overwhelm me. The thirst fire was ebbing into my consciousness. I felt the blood pounding in her veins through my entire body as she lay on top of me. I needed a break. I needed to regain control. My mouth forced itself away from hers and I sat us up. I nestled my nose into her chest, trying to breathe only with my mouth, hoping against hope it would help.
Just as I started to get a grip, she began to grind up and down on me. "God no, not this too…. I need to be in control!" my mind screamed. But my body was in mutiny with my brain. My mouth sought refuge on her nipple while my nose inhaled her. My fingers wrapped around her and moved with her. No, this was definitely not easier. Somehow rational thought broke through. She needed to be stopped. I needed to be in charge.
"Please… please…" she begged
Her desperation unhinged me. I rolled us over and laid her on the bed. She clung to me. She was too close. Gratefully her hand left me to pull the pillow out from under her head. I used the movement to pull us apart, leaning on one elbow, giving me some space to gain composure. But desire was waging a full on assault on responsibility, driving me ever closer to the abyss. I couldn't stop myself. My other hand… the jealous one… grazed down the center of her body, taking its turn to slide between her legs. My eyes never left hers as I began again to stroke the soft damp hair there.
Hmmm…. I wonder….. Her body began to quiver and I slid two fingers deep inside her, searching for something that I had read about once….
Ah, success!!! Her pupils dilated, her body pulsed and clenched around my fingers as my hand became wet and her legs convulsed. She screamed my name in pleasure. I barely had time to process this and her mouth was on mine again. She attacked me with abandon, her hands digging into my hair, her lips smashing into mine. This wasn't enough for her. She grabbed my lip and tried to bite down pulling it away from my teeth. I had to pull away. My hand slid out slightly from inside her and parted her. This was the moment.
I stared at her beautiful face and whispered, "Are you ready?" The question that I was really asking was if I was ready. She was my wife. I was not capable of loving anything more than I loved her. My body ached with desire. The need to have her overtook me, surged stronger than I could endure. I had to be ready.
Her astonished face yelled at me.
" NOW EDWARD, NOW!!!"
Unable to deny either of us I thrust myself into her. We both gasped. Her heat enveloped my body completely. This must be what it feels like to be alive. Her beating heart ran wild throughout me. The ecstasy of being inside Bella rocked me to my core and my body became utterly motionless. I had to stop, I had to think, to be positive I would be ok, that we would be ok. I had been drove mindless by sensation and passion. We stared at each other as I steeled myself to be safe for us. Finally I thawed and began to slowly move inside her. We were one; her legs clamped to my waist, her arms wrapped around me. My mouth clung to her body, anywhere I could find purchase. Our pulse drummed staccato.
"Please…..harder….closer…." she moaned.
Fire rolled off us. My fingers tightened around her. I watched as tears rolled down the sides of her face. My mouth sought them out to taste them. She grabbed at my hand and I gave it to her fearing that I was hurting hurt. She took my fingers, placed them in her mouth and began to suck on them. A spasm of pleasure ripped through us both at the same time. I was deranged, demented as the need to have her in too many ways raged inside me. I began to growl. She was going to kill us. I began to lose control as I penetrated her harder and faster. I yanked my hand from her mouth to save us, shuddering as her teeth grazed my fingertips. I reached for her shoulder and my hand slid off her wet skin. I had lost control, lost my mind. The tempo of my thrusting became wild as our fire consumed us and the scent pushed me farther from sanity. I knew her blood was pulsing through both of us. I could feel it in every crystallized molecule of my body. The monster that I am had to have it, to taste that hot pulsing blood. Her screams at my ferocious roar saved us from the damnation just in time. Unable to stop the need to sink my teeth into something, I bit into the pillows, shaking my head like an animal and ripping them to shreds as my body stiffened and I released into her.
I gasped again as I returned to the present. Her arms tightened around me in response. The ecstasy and the horror were too much to process together. Christ, what have I done? My eyes gazed down at her battered body. I could already see where the bruises were going to bloom. Her lips… her arms… her chest… I couldn't even remember how she got the one on her cheek. We had come to the edge of destruction. Even with seeing what I had done my body couldn't help basking in the pleasure of the experience.
I hated my existence. The fact that I was registering anything positive only added to my self loathing. I was sick. What kind of evil creature wants to kill what they love? There was no doubt in my mind that for a moment that was exactly my only desire. My only solace was in the fact that I did indeed stop my self, but it was so close. As I continued to stare down at Bella, I couldn't bare to think about how she would feel when she came to. I wasn't totally sure if she had passed out or fell asleep. Would she finally be afraid of me? I wanted to weep at the thought. I wasn't afraid, I was terrified.
"Edward…..I love you"
At least in her dreams I knew she still loved me.
How could I have been deluded into thinking this would be ok? Well, this was going to be it. I would not do this to her again, no matter how much I wanted it, and yes I most definitely wanted to do that again. Not that I thought she would want to, how could she possibly want that? I will never put us in that kind of jeopardy again.
The night went on. Bella, my wife, continued to murmur my name. Her voice was a gentle balm, even unconscious she could calm me. Happiness and misery merged together.