Kenny, Are You Doing Okay?

Kenny's fine. Kenny's always fine. Sure, I mean, he gets sick and hurt a lot and stuff, but he's always okay. He always comes back and smiles because Kenny's always okay.

Am I a bad friend?

When we were kids, he would always hang out with me and Kyle, and sometimes Cartman, too, when we let him come with us. We'd do really stupid shit, like light cow pies on fire or sneak into bad movies. Kenny was a good kid- he didn't deserve to die.

But he did.

When they finally told us what was going to happen, I didn't want to believe it. Because then I would have to admit that it was my fault. And I was just a stuck up kid who thought I was better than that. It couldn't have been my fault. I didn't kill Kenny.

God killed Kenny.

Maybe if we'd listened to him when he said he felt so bad, this wouldn't have happened. The doctors said that if they'd caught it earlier, they could have stopped it. But I didn't say anything.

I'm such a coward.

He'd had that cough for so long. I knew it was hurting him, and I knew he couldn't afford a doctor. I could have at least made him see the nurse. But I didn't think he needed it, because Kenny's always okay. Kenny was only eight years old, and eight year olds don't die. God wouldn't kill my best friend. God wouldn't kill an eight year old.

But he didn't have to die.

Kenny was always hurting, though, I guess. I don't know if he ever went a day without getting bloodied up. He would just laugh and say he really wasn't a people person, and I'd laugh with him. I never asked him if he was okay.

All I had to do was ask if he was okay.

Even when they put Kenny in a hospital, I wasn't worried. Kenny was okay. Kenny was always okay. Kenny couldn't die, because he was Kenny. Kids don't think they can die, because they're- we're kids. It isn't real until it's too late.

It's too late for Kenny.

I didn't think he would die.

Kenny, are you doing okay?

We didn't notice when he started getting thinner. He always wore this huge orange hoodie, and it covered it up. We went swimming in Stark's pond that summer, and then we saw. Kenny's ribs were showing. But we didn't even ask if he was alright. Nobody ever asked if Kenny was okay, because Kenny was always okay.

Kenny isn't okay.

I should have said something. I should have told someone. But I didn't, and now my best friend is dead and he isn't ever coming back. I wish I could tell him how sorry I am that I let him die, but I can't because he's dead.

I let him die.

I didn't even visit him in the hospital. I only came in once, and I didn't even say anything. I just looked at him, all frail and broken and dying in that bed and I couldn't take it. That wasn't Kenny. Because Kenny couldn't die.

But he died anyway.

I went and sat in the cow fields and lit pies on fire and sat on sidewalk curbs in the rain instead, because instead of worrying about Kenny, I was worried for myself. Instead of being a good friend and making sure he knew how important he was to me, I just felt bad for myself because I was going to lose a friend.

But Kenny lost his life.

And then he died. Just like that. He just stopped breathing and I wasn't even there to say goodbye.

Kenny, are you doing okay?

Kyle was better than me. Kyle visited him. Kyle was there when his heart stopped beating. But even Kyle wasn't the best friend. Kyle didn't stay for the full visiting hours, and Kyle didn't even try to get out of school to visit him, even though he could have. I could have too.

But I didn't want to.

I heard that just before he died though, he left the hospital and went looking for me, even though he was just so weak he could barely walk. He went looking for me, his worst friend ever. It was raining, too. But they found him before he found me. Kyle found him and made him go back. He said I was coming.

But I never came.

Kenny left me a picture. My mom had taken it when we went to an amusement park about three months before he died. She'd pulled out her camera, and he'd smiled and grabbed me by the shoulder. We'd had so much fun. He'd written a short message on it. 'To my Best Friend- Dude, I'm gonna miss you.'

I'm a bad friend.

I went looking though all my old pictures and I found a bunch with Kenny in them. We always had so much fun. They needed pictures for the funeral, but I couldn't bear to part with any of them. But Kyle and Cartman could. They went and found lots of pictures of him, and they let them use them.

But I was so selfish I just had to keep mine.

Now when I look at those pictures, though, I don't see Kenny smiling. I just see him lying in the hospital bed, dying. I can't see anything else.

I can't even remember what he looked like anymore.

There were a lot of old pictures we took at school at the funeral, too. And I realized, when I was looking at them, that if you took Kenny out of them they would look exactly the same.

We were all bad friends to Kenny.

Sometimes I think I see him. But that's only because I want to see him because I just want to apologize, because I'm a terrible friend. I'm sorry, Kenny. I'm sorry that I didn't try to say goodbye until after you were already gone.

Kenny, are you doing okay?

I go back and rewind everything that happened in my head and it all seems so clear. I blame myself because now I can see everything I could have done and should have but didn't. And I hate myself for it, because I just can't get over it. I can't get over myself and how much I hurt, even though Kenny died.

I'm so sorry, Kenny.


Draik: Based off of my video, 'Kenny, Are You Doing Okay?' Up on youtube. Just pull a search with the name and it'll come up. I worked so darn hard on that thing, too. It's probably the epitome of my video-making skizz-ills. Ah, well. Anyway, as you can probably tell, yeah, Stan's POV, Kenny died, etc, etc.

Stan: Damn. I thought I was a bad friend in the actual episode.

Kenny: You kinda were. How come I was so nice to him, even though he was being a douche?
Draik: Because your such a good kiddo! *baby voice* *ruffles Kenny's hair* *smacked*

Kyle: Why couldn't I be the good friend?

Draik: Well, technically, you were. It's just, well, this fic wasn't about you. It's about Stan and Kenny.

Kyle: Growl.

Draik: Eep!

Kenny: Screw this. I wanna smoothie. *leaves*