Pairing: Lavi/Kanda, Allen, Lenalee
Disclaimer: DGM belongs to Hoshino Katsura et al (and I do not own AIM or urban dictionary)
A/N: A modern day high school AU, written messenger style; cowritten with cesia on LJ.
[Tuesday, for Tuesday is the start of the war]
kanda_not_yuu is available (4:56 PM)
thebookthief: YO YUU. FINISH YOUR GEOMETRY YET?
kanda_not_yuu: Of course I did. Why do you need to know?
thebookthief: Y-YOU'RE FAST
kanda_not_yuu: I was being sarcastic. I just got home, you idiot.
thebookthief: i still got a whole chapter to memorize. MAN IF I DIDN'T HAVE A BRAIN.
kanda_not_yuu: I keep wondering if you do...
thebookthief: i knew that
kanda_not_yuu: knew what
thebookthief: btw WUT'S UP WITH YOUR SN
kanda_not_yuu: ...there's nothing up with it. What?
thebookthief: OKAY. THEN WUT'S DOWN WITH IT, CUZ FRANKLY MY FRIEND, IT SUCKS BALLS D:
kanda_not_yuu: It does not. It's not your business anyway
thebookthief: well, if i hafta look at it
thebookthief: REALLY, YUU, YOU NEVER LEARN
thebookthief: so anyway, let's talk usernames
kanda_not_yuu: then don't look at it
kanda_not_yuu: do you have to use capslock all the time?
thebookthief: YES. ARE YOU INVITING ME OVER IN THAT VAIR VAIR SECRETIVE WAY YOU DO.
kanda_not_yuu: I'm not inviting you ANYwhere.
thebookthief: WHICH BRINGS US BACK TO THE USERNAME MADE OF FAIL
thebookthief: IT DOESN'T EVEN SPEAK TO ME
thebookthief: IT SHOULD SAY 'LAVI, I WANT YOU'
thebookthief: BUT IT DOESN'T
kanda_not_yuu: why should it. it---------- definitely not the purpose of it
kanda_not_yuu: It's a USERNAME, Lavi, nothing else
thebookthief: must i show you the definition of a username, yuu?
thebookthief: urbandictionary .com / define. php?term =username
kanda_not_yuu: Do you need me to remind you every single day that you're annoying? Bloody annoying by the way.
kanda_not_yuu: I'm not basing my username on something you found on urban dictionary.
thebookthief: WUT. WE LIVE IN AN URBAN AREA. WUT'S THE DIFF, YO.
kanda_not_yuu: ...you're the only one not seeing it
kanda_not_yuu: Stop talking to me, i'm trying to concentrate on working
thebookthief: lemme see~
kanda_not_yuu: what for. you have the same homework, and you HARDLY need any help
thebookthief: i just wanna see if you did it right
thebookthief: OH HOW BOUT 'YUUTEHSUCK'
kanda_not_yuu: ...i'm not showing my homework to yo--------NO
thebookthief: WUT. WUT'S WRONG WITH IT.
thebookthief: or thekankanman?
thebookthief: LAVI APPROVED BB
thebookthief: WAIT. I GOT IT.
thebookthief: THE ULTIMATE.
thebookthief: ask me what it is
kanda_not_yuu is available (5:46 PM)
kanda_not_yuu is offline (5:53 PM)
kanda_not_yuu is available (4:05 PM)
thebookthief: DID YOU DO YOUR FRENCH HW YET
thebookthief: I'M HAVING A SPOT OF TROUBLE WITH THIS ONE FORMAL WORD, FOR YOU
thebookthief: i was thinking YUUDIEHARD
thebookthief: that sounds a lot better, don'tcha think?
kanda_not_yuu: ....that's ridiculous. Stop trying to get me to change it, you moron.
kanda_not_yuu: But what
kanda_not_yuu: ...BUT WHAT
thebookthief: BUT IF YOU DON'T, I WON'T PRACTICE SWORDS WITH YOU ANYMORE
kanda_not_yuu: ....you suck at that.
kanda_not_yuu: It wouldn't be a loss.
kanda_not_yuu is away (4:11 PM)
Auto-response: kanda_not_yuu is away (4:12 PM)
KANDA TELLS YOU TO FUCK OFF.
Auto-response: kanda_not_yuu is away (4:13 PM)
KANDA TELLS YOU TO FUCK OFF.
thebookthief: COME BACK
thebookthief: ELSE I WON'T PRATICE BARE HANDS WITH YOU ANYMORE
thebookthief: if ya know what i mean
kanda_not_yuu is available (4:47 PM)
kanda_not_yuu: get your eyes checked, Lavi. That is all.
kanda_not_yuu is offline (4:48 PM)
kanda_not_yuu is available (6:00 PM)
kanda_not_yuu: ...you missed a class today. You never miss a class.
thebookthief: is this really yuu.
kanda_not_yuu: that joke is getting old.
thebookthief: HA. so not fallin for it this time. remember last time, when i thought it was you, but it was -
thebookthief: ah fuck.
kanda_not_yuu: what the hell are you going on about?
thebookthief: hey, did you take one of my pens? i'm missing my favorite one.
kanda_not_yuu: Answer me
kanda_not_yuu: I didn't take any of your pens. you're avoiding the question.
thebookthief: BUT I NEED THAT PEN. I USE IT FOR EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING.
kanda_not_yuu: ...I said I didn't take it. Go ask someone else.
thebookthief: now i will just have to tell miss lilbabycakes that my english draft just can't get done. ah poo.
kanda_not_yuu: Stop avoiding the question!
thebookthief: ooo somebody's cranky today. you looked pretty happy at lunch. didn't they have the soba special today?
thebookthief: I KNOW THEY DID. CUZ IT WAS VAIR VAIR GOOD.
kanda_not_yuu: That has nothing to do with what I want to know.
thebookthief: AND ON THE SUBJECT OF GOOD, IT IS AGAIN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION HOW UNWORLDLY YOUR SN IS.
thebookthief: unsightly, i might add.
kanda_not_yuu: Why did you imply someone else was using my account?
thebookthief: i thought i was talking to YOU, but. yuu. ARE YOU CHEATIN ON ME BRO.
kanda_not_yuu: Would you mind explaining your stupid incoherent babble?
thebookthief: SHE WAS OVER THERE.
thebookthief: she likes ya, ya think~?
kanda_not_yuu: I don't see why this is a problem.
kanda_not_yuu: And she's my childhood acquaintance. You KNOW this.
thebookthief: acquaintance. I LOVE THAT WORD DON'T YOU?
thebookthief: thing is, she also agreed that your username is a bit wonky
thebookthief: SO WE GOT TO DISCUSSING IT
thebookthief: well, one thing led to another...
kanda_not_yuu: ...what did you do?
thebookthief: WELL THIS WAS WHEN I THOUGHT SHE WAS YOU
thebookthief: I MEAN, WHEN I THOUGHT YOU WERE HER
kanda_not_yuu: TELL ME
thebookthief: no way~
kanda_not_yuu: then why flaunting it in the first place? Get lost
thebookthief: yuu, play nice
thebookthief: for someone who's such an acquaintance, she sure can put on a show
thebookthief: JUST SAYIN IS ALL
thebookthief: i think she likes ya~
thebookthief: you should like her back. it'd be good for ya.
kanda_not_yuu: Would you start talking about something relevant before I go do something more productive
thebookthief: so you admit talking to me is productive now, do ya.
thebookthief: because for it to be more productive, it must first be productive.
thebookthief: and thus, you and i could produce a lot of decent babies~
kanda_not_yuu is available (7:01 PM)
kanda_not_yuu: ........................................i'm ending this conversation now
kanda_not_yuu is offline (7:02 PM)
kanda_not_yuu is available (4:00 PM)
thebookthief: anyway, as i was saying yesterday BEFORE YOU SIGNED OFF YOU PRAT
thebookthief: i told lenalee you should be LORDOFTHESWORD
thebookthief: CUZ THAT'S COOL
thebookthief: YA KNOW? LIKE LORD OF THE DANCE?
thebookthief: but OF COURSE you have no idea what i'm talkin about
kanda_not_yuu: ....why should I even?
thebookthief: no. i'm just smart like that~
thebookthief: ARE YOU BEIN SARCASTIC AGAIN YUU
thebookthief: IT'S SCARY
kanda_not_yuu: I was using your stupid ... what is it, chat language against you.
thebookthief: / brb TTLY OFF TO HANDLE THIS IN MY OWN WAY BECAUSE HIS BEST FRIEND HAS JUST LOST IT
thebookthief: LOST IT
kanda_not_yuu: I'm not your best friend.
thebookthief: / brb GONNA GO CURE MY UTTERLY BROKEN HEART
kanda_not_yuu: You're pathetic
thebookthief: well, you're a
thebookthief: you're a
thebookthief: ... / brb CONSULTING ALLEN :DDD
kanda_not_yuu: is the moyashi there
thebookthief: oho~ so you care~
thebookthief: YES. AND HE'S EATIN ALL MY FOOD
thebookthief: okay. OKAY. he says that you are a
thebookthief: hey pretty face
kanda_not_yuu: who is talking
thebookthief: certainly not your unbestfriend
thebookthief: he's sobbing over his taco shells
thebookthief: i don't know why *n*
thebookthief: i just ate five of them
thebookthief: with uummm all the toppings in the fridge. it was very yummy
thebookthief: oh! lavi told me to tell you that i had told him to tell you that you are a serious twit who needs a lot of, um, lovies to get by in this world. but! you don't want lovies, do you? and! he says that likes your
kanda_not_yuu is available (4:50 PM)
thebookthief: OH DON'T PAY MIND TO THE BRAT, YUU. HE DIDN'T MEAN A THING OF IT.
kanda_not_yuu: ....I'm not amused
thebookthief: well i am. he won't stop eating my salsa now. HE'S DRINKING IT. WTF.
thebookthief: and he wonders why his stomach hurts all the damn time
kanda_not_yuu: why should I care?
thebookthief: you're around him half the time. admit it, he amuses you too
kanda_not_yuu: No. he's just annoying.
thebookthief: oh, BTW, he says you sh
thebookthief: SHOULD be called yuusagi. THAT would be kewl. plus, it's a taste of your
thebookthief: sorry sorry again. he keeps hijacking the keyboard.
kanda_not_yuu: I could just close the chat and ignore you idiots.
thebookthief: or maybe you should just come over?
thebookthief: WE CAN PLAY TRIVIA OR SOMETHIN
thebookthief: hey, i'll let you win this time~
kanda_not_yuu: .....I'm not interested
thebookthief: not even in a boardgame?
thebookthief: YUU. WHY DO YOU SURPRISE ME LIKE THIS.
thebookthief: oh, allen wants to play poker.
thebookthief: he'll let you win this round~
kanda_not_yuu: I'm not playing anything with that idiot.
thebookthief: he says you did not hesitate to play with him in gym
thebookthief: wait. he says you kicked him. yuu. WHY WOULD YOU KICK POOR PIGGY ALLEN.
thebookthief: oh wait. he says you kicked his ass. nvm then.
kanda_not_yuu: isn't it obvious.
thebookthief: ELABORATE PLS~
kanda_not_yuu: It was a practice session for class, shut up
thebookthief: this makes me wonder what kinda practice
thebookthief: allen says he doesn't wanna talk about it. wait - awwww, his butt is bruised, he says.
kanda_not_yuu: ....it was martial arts. Anything else he says is stupid.
kanda_not_yuu: He sucks at it.
thebookthief: oh, poor child, at least hekasdfjals
kanda_not_yuu: You do.
thebookthief: I CAN'T EVEN SIT ON THE TOILET WITHOUT IT HURTING
thebookthief: aahhh YUU DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. HE CAN SIT ON THE TOILET FINE.
kanda_not_yuu: that's not my problem.
thebookthief: not that i would know.
kanda_not_yuu: .....I don't want to know about that!
thebookthief: wait. gotta get the door~
thebookthief: guess who's here~
thebookthief: oh, allen says i can borrow his *n* face
thebookthief: so i am!
thebookthief: *n* kanda, that's not very nice. it's me, lenalee.
thebookthief: hn to you too. i'm over here to hang out. wanna come over too?
thebookthief: lavi's tried asking you, but you are the same dimwit i've known for ages.
thebookthief: lavi really wants you to come over. i'm not sure why... exactly...
kanda_not_yuu: I'm not interested in his schemes
thebookthief: i would hardly call this a scheme, really
thebookthief: it's more like soba. i thought you liked that.
thebookthief: *claps* he's making blueberry muffins too!
thebookthief: what? oh, lavi says to tell you that, oh really, you should change your username again
thebookthief: but i will not repeat what allen said. did you know he knows some colorful language?? it's ghastly. he said something in our european history class the other day that made the teacher send him to the principle. it must have been really embarrassing for him.
thebookthief: oh dear lord, sometimes i feel like such a mother to
thebookthief: HEYYYYY BAKANDAAAAA
thebookthief: come over, pls.
thebookthief: this is allen, just so you don't confuse me with lena.
kanda_not_yuu: I don't want to.
kanda_not_yuu: And I don't doubt your stupid language anywhere
thebookthief: oh really.
thebookthief: so this is what you think of me?
thebookthief: i'm gonna go eat some more then. i'm going to get big and fat! that way, i can sit on you and squash you. ugh!
kanda_not_yuu: .........you're hilarious, Walker.
thebookthief: yuu, it's me again
thebookthief: walk - i mean, allen is really taking it hard
kanda_not_yuu: I doubt it.
thebookthief: he's eating my CINNABONS
thebookthief: MY BUNS
thebookthief: MY BUNS
kanda_not_yuu: if you have nothing more important to talk about, shut up.
thebookthief: lenalee's tryin to keep him from eating the tupperware too. he's a right mess, yeah.
kanda_not_yuu: and stop wasting my time-
thebookthief: great. now he's saying how you've made him into a hog.
thebookthief: which is a lie, but anyway.
thebookthief: SO YEAH. COME OVER.
thebookthief: WE'LL PLAY THAT SAMURAI GAME YOU LIKE TO PLAY IN BED. HOW BOUT IT.
kanda_not_yuu: Do not. Talk. About that.
thebookthief: BEFORE I GOTTA ANSWER THE DOOR AGAIN
thebookthief: will ya let me win this time?
kanda_not_yuu: ...I'm not discussing that with you HERE you IDIOT.
thebookthief: wut. THEY'RE ALL BUSY MAKING MUFFINS N CRAP
thebookthief: wait. hold on.
thebookthief: ASLKDJFAAKDLAGLJK UCX0O09O384793620RJLWRHJ;A
thebookthief: y-yuu-chan just tried humping the keyboard
kanda_not_yuu: I don't CARE.
thebookthief: i think he's going through that humping phase
thebookthief: ... are YOU going through that humping phase, yuu?
kanda_not_yuu: Lavi, I don't want to know
kanda_not_yuu: .............WHAT TH-- NO
kanda_not_yuu: I'll smack you the next time I see you.
kanda_not_yuu: Don't compare me to your moronic CAT
thebookthief: i shoulda asked you not to
thebookthief: oh woe is me
thebookthief: oh silly yuu
thebookthief: so. ARE YA COMIN OVER OR WUT.
kanda_not_yuu: Don't call me that.
kanda_not_yuu: And FINE. Stop nagging.
thebookthief: fyi, tho, daisya's visiting from college
kanda_not_yuu is offline (5:16 PM)
kanda_not_yuu is available (9:30 AM)
kanda_not_yuu: What are you doing up so early?
thebookthief: say wut?
kanda_not_yuu: what I said.
thebookthief: lugluglug hangover. hang on.
kanda_not_yuu: ... wtf is wrong with you.
thebookthief: what I said.
thebookthief: lesgo into the woods. come pick me up in your sexay mustang, o gorgy one.
kanda_not_yuu: I don't drive that fucking mustang. You know that.
thebookthief: then come pick me up in your gorgy junker.
thebookthief: ... yuu? uh
kanda_not_yuu: stfu. I know. I'm coming now.
thebookthief: o RLY.
thebookthief: let's talk names again on the way over there, kay?
kanda_not_yuu: .... SIT TIGHT SO I CAN STAB YOU THROUGH WHEN I GET THERE.
thebookthief: OH WAIT WAIT I KNOW STABYUUTHROUGH :DDDDD?
kanda_not_yuu is offline (9:46 AM)