Sally: So you're telling me that all this time you've been injecting Heero with drugs that affect his behavior?

Dr. J: Yes-more specifically, to dampen his hormones but increase his anger. That would make him a better soldier; less distractions, more motivation.

Sally: As well as wreaking havoc with the poor boy's psyche.

Dr. J: Harrumph. In any case, as the war is over, I am willing to stop the treatment. So the 'poor boy' will become normal. Well, more normal, considering his training...

Sally: You'll stop giving him injections? Good. But...wait...what happens when his hormones start coursing through his veins at normal rate?

Dr. J: Umm...he'll be normal, like everyone else? Like you've been wanting?


Dr. J: Oh.

Sally: (fumes)

Dr. J: Then it's a bad thing that I've already stopped the treatments?

Sally: (pause) Oh my god(rushes to a phone) I've got to warn her!

Dr. J: Who's "her"?


A Gundam Wing fic penned by Cyberwolf. All the characters and the universe contained in this sorry attempt at a comedy do not belong to me. Even if I said they did, would you believe me?

Duo looked up as the door to the boys' apartment opened. A rather harried and exasperated-looking Heero Yuy entered, his face tired. "Hey, Heero, my man! What's up?"

Duo didn't really expect the stoic pilot of Wing Zero to answer. Heero always disappeared for a few days each month, with no explanation, no excuse. No one knew where he went. (Once Duo, curious, tried to shadow him, but lost him in five minutes. And when Heero came back, he really let Duo have it.) And whenever Heero came back, he always seemed more angry, less inclined to treat the other pilots as friends. Duo wondered exactly he did (or what was _done_ to him) in those outings that made him like that, but no answer was forthcoming.

So it was that Duo nearly choked on the iced tea he was sipping when Heero answered, "I feel a bit sick. I'm just going to lie down. Wake me up for dinner, okay?"

"S...s..sure..." stammered Duo, too shocked to do much else. "Thanks, pal," Heero yawned, waving as he disappeared inside his bedroom.

"P...pal?!" Duo fainted. He awoke to Quatre shaking him, Trowa and Wufei watching amusedly. "Duo! Duo! Are you okay?"

Duo shook his head to clear it. "Quatre! Trowa! Wuffie-boy!" With a snarl, Wufei unsheathed his ever-present katana. "Do NOT call me Wuffie-boy!"

Duo ignored Wufei. "Grab a weapon! C'mon, we've got to go!" Duo grabbed Wufei's katana, prompting another enraged outburst, and started to charge for Heero's door. Trowa grabbed Duo's shoulder, jerking him around to face them.

"What are you babbling about, Maxwell?" growled Wufei as he reclaimed his sword. "There's an intruder! He disguised himself as Heero! We've got to get rid of him! Who knows, it might be a Face Dancer (AN: From 'Dune' a paragon of sci-fi writing) or something!"

"Face Dancer?!"

"Aliens who can shapeshift!" Duo explained hurriedly. "Come on, let's go! Someone hand me a gun! We've got to find out where the real Heero is!"

"Aliens? Duo, I think you've been reading too much sci-fi..." Trowa said. "Anyway, what's your proof?"

"He...he called me 'pal'! The real Heero wouldn't call me that! It's unnatural, I tell you!" Duo howled.

The three other pilots sweatdropped. "Duo...don't you think you may be overreacting just a little?" Quatre suggested. "After all, we are Heero's friends, and you are probably his best one."

"Even so, it's downright weird for him to..."

The argument was interrupted by Heero's voice growling, "Will you lot shut the hell up? I'm trying to sleep!" He glared at the now-silent boys before turning and slamming the door.

They held their breath for one moment, waiting to see if Heero would suddenly burst out again, this time with his beloved CZ75 aimed at them. (AN: No official material came out on what kind of gun Heero carried. So I decided that he shall-at least in my universe(s)-carry a CZ75. Just like Rally-sama!)

When he didn't, they breathed a sigh of relief and turned to Duo. "See, Duo? That's definitely the real Heero," Quatre said.

"I don't know...just watch him, you'll see what I mean," grumbled Duo, unconvinced.

The following days proved Duo correct...somewhat. Heero had changed, no doubt about that. It wasn't that he suddenly turned into a sugary version of himself...he was friendlier, but still rather foreboding. He smiled a lot more than he used to, but that didn't mean he walked around with a grin permanently etched onto his face. The biggest change, Quatre decided, was that a lot of the anger that had darkened Heero's face was gone.

There were periods when he was just like the pilot of old, usually when Duo annoyed him, but he'd calm down after a while. Unlike before.

It took a few days before Duo would stop glancing at the Japanese boy suspicously.

They were returning to their apartment after a day spent overseeing the overhaul of their Gundams. Heero had been much like the old, angry Heero that day...he was constantly glaring at the mechanics, and once pointed his gun at a particularly obnoxious technician who announced he was installing a new operating system into Wing's sensor array computer. Heero had countered with "No one installs, modifies, adds, or BREATHES on my Gundam without my permission."

The new OS hadn't been added.

The end result of Heero's distrust was that they'd ended up staying much longer then they'd expected as Heero practically did all the repairs himself. The others hadn't minded very much, as this gave them the chance to 'play' more with their beloved mechs.

As they walked back to their apartment, the chill evening wind whipped by them, ruffling their hair, Heero's teeth began to chatter. "D...dammit...I'm c..c..cold!" he griped to himself, rubbing his arms.

Duo, who'd been nearest to the Japanese pilot, stared at him. He shouldn't have been was cold out, and all Heero was wearing was a green tanktop and black bike short, an outfit enough to inspire shivers in anyone watching, but Heero had never complained about the cold before...

"Let me get this straight. You want us to go...swimming?" Heero repeated Duo's words carefully, as if believing he had heard wrong or something.

"Not just swimming, Heero my man!" Duo said, already dressed in bright red swimming shorts and a black tee-shirt. He grabbed the flyer on the kitchen counter and waved in his teammates' faces. "See? Splashy Isle Water Park! With ten different kinds of slides, five other rides, the biggest wave pool in the world..." Duo sang the praises in a rising voice.

"Fine, fine, shut up already!" Heero interrupted, in a half-amused, half-annoyed voice. "We're going, we're going!"

Duo smiled. This new Heero was slightly alarming, but he had to admit, a lot more fun!

"Aaahh...this is the way to travel in style," groaned Duo in appreciation, reclining in the leather upholestry of Quatre's limo. "Hey, we're here!" he said excitedly, peering out of the tinted windows. He bounced out of the limo.

Quatre, worried as always about his irresponsible American counterpart, hurried after, carrying Duo's beach towel along with his own. Heero, Trowa and Wufei grinned ruefully at each other, then followed. Heero paused to pick up the duffel which held the extra clothes, the sunscreen, and his palmtop (yes, he had one, though he tended to rely on his laptop) just in case he got bored. But the Maganac who'd driven them there took the bag, saying, "Go ahead, Master Heero. Quatre-sama and the others are waiting for you."

Heero shrugged, knowing they wouldn't let him carry the bag himself, and trotted off.

"Well well well..." Duo drawled, grinning crookedly at them. "Look who's here!"

"Miss Relena, Miss Dorothy, Miss Hilde, Miss Catherine, Miss Sally!" exclaimed Quatre. Everyone paused to gape at the Arabian...he'd said that all in one breath!

The two groups of teenagers (hey, Sally's only 19!) paused to eye each other. The girls all wore swimsuits in various cuts and colors (you know that pic of the GW girls in swimsuits) Trowa and Quatre wore swimming trunks in green and blue, bare-chested. Wufei wore a baggy gray shirt and blue Speedos...

Wufei: NANI?!

Cy:'s a reference to...

Wufei: I don't care if it's a reference to the Koran! Why am I wearing this? Change me! Change me!

Cy: Fine.

...and _black_ Speedos...
Wufei: (howling) That's NOT what I meant!

Cy: Live with it, Justice Boy.

"What brings you here?" Duo asked, smiling especially at Hilde. "Same thing as you, I guess. Tallest waterslide in the world, and an abysmally hot day..." Hilde said, smiling back.

"What say we hang around together today?" proposed Quatre. "Why not," shrugged Dorothy. She grinned evilly. "You can spring for lunch at the food court, money-bags."

Before Relena could scold Dorothy or Quatre could wince, Duo spun around and waved. "Hey, there's Heero! Over here, buddy!" he called, waving Heero over.

What happened next was puzzling for all. Heero, who'd been hunting around for his friends, turned his head in the direction of Duo's call. He pushed past a family of chattering little kids, turned to face the other boys and the girls...and promptly fell to the ground with an audible 'thump'.

"Heero!" cried out several worried voices. They hurried over to the unconsious teenager. Heero was comatose, a trickle of blood flowing from his nose.

Well, minna, this spamfic is finally up! I would like to thank peygan for her inquiring email, which prompted me to get my lazy butt in gear and finish this. Arigato! =)