Ok, this is my first fanfic people. I was going to start with a different story, but this one won't get out of my head. It will have a very slow build. Bella has to go through many life changing experiences before she is ready to face the Cullen's(and Jasper) again. Set after twilight. I'm not sure how I will do with updates. I have two kids with special needs ..soo. However I do promise to finish what I have started. It will be lemony! Lot's of citrus later on.
Disclaimer..as much as i like to pretend jasper is mine, he's not! (sniffs)
I'm all alone.
No one wants me. Oh god, Jake. Why .Why. Why won't you talk to me. Am I that bad? Why does everyone leave me?
Please. Please. ...All alone. Nooo. I can't do this without you Jake. I can't. He left me Jake. Now your leaving me too??
Can't breathe! Breathe Bella!
No! I can't fucking breathe.
Where are you Jake?
God, please. I need my sun. He's my light please don't let him do this to me.
I'm barely holding on as it is. Ever since He left me. God, I'm so stupid.
So so stupid. I'm just a dumb girl. Weak useless girl.
Oh no is that how everyone sees me? A zombie? No one comes near me anymore. Freak. Dad who looks at me like I'm crazy. Bad daughter. Friends who won't call her back. Unwanted. Thinks she could possibly be good enough for an Adonis. Pathetic.
Yup, I'm pathetic. I'm just a pathetic girl who doesn't deserve to be loved. So plain, so stupid.
I can't believe I believed him. He told me he loved me, but deep down I knew it wasn't..no it couldn't be true.
Worth it? Ha, if I was worth it why did they leave me? Why did they not care enough to say goodbye? No, I can't think about them. I can't. Sobs. All I can do is sob.
Why won't Jake call me back?
Abandoned. No one wants me.
Worthless. I'm worthless. I'm only hurting those around me. So sorry.
Can't. I just can't anymore.
Focus Bella focus. Must drive to Jake's house, get some answers. Drive to Jake, get some answers. I have to see him.
Drive. Car. Gas. Break. Stop. Get out Bella. Knock. Pray.
Please answer the door Jake. Please. I need you. I need to feel something. I have to find hope.
I have no hope.
Jake is not there. He won't see me. He won't even talk to me. He is there, I can hear him.
"I can hear you Jake" I yell "Why won't you talk to me? Please Jake. I need you." Tears stream down my face, endlessly. Endless. Like Him.
"Just go away Bella. We can't be friends anymore" his voice tells me.
NO NO...please no. "Okay. Bye Jake. I love you." Acceptance.
There are no more tears. I don't have anything left. All gone. It's all gone. Engine rumbling. Feet moving. Nothing. Nothing registers. I have nothing. I am nothing.
The cliffs are so pretty. It's peaceful here. I can be at peace here too. I will give myself peace. My life has been on borrowed time for awhile now.
No more. I will give into fate. Let the winds take me away. I don't belong here. I never did.
So high up. So close to the edge. So easy to fall. Just let go Bella.
In the end it's easy because I have nothing left to let go of.
I am gone. Free. Falling. Thank you. Thank you. I can end this pain. He flashes in my mind and I dream of kissing him one last time. This is the end. Good riddance.
He should have let the truck crush me. My love. Sigh.
I will have another chapter out very soon! I hope I haven't confused anyone..Bella is going through a really hard time. In moments of desperation, you don't think too clearly. It comes out confused, which is why I wanted the first chapter written this way.