"Inside The Secret Journals of Jessica Stanley" BySophia Spring

First Entry

What a beautiful morning! I love Forks on days that the clouds allow the sun to smile upon the earth and today just happens to be one of those days. I'm nearly coming out of my pajamas just writing about it. The sky is as blue as it gets and all the Evergreens are glistening with dew drops shimmering on the tips of their needles from last nights rain. I can literally see all the majestic trees outside my window reaching up towards the sun; welcoming it, just as a small child would reach for their mother or father to be held. I can smell the cleansed earth as the crisp, cool air blows through my window, swirling my hair around my face. There's not a person on this planet that can keep me inside on a day like today. I'll be out there basking in the scrumptious sun light, letting the warm beams soak into my skin, and filter through my eyes just as soon as I make this entry. I'd give anything to be as golden, caramel brown as the Quileute Indians. They're all so beautiful.

Since my hiking supplies are low I'll stop by the Newton's store and buy a few things before I set out on foot towards my favorite babbling creek just outside of town. There's a very small pentagon shaped clearing that I love to sun bath in right next to the creek. The water is probably going to be cold because it's the end of summer break but, it doesn't matter to me. I'll be in that creek bare foot. If I wait any longer I'd have to wear my boots in the water and I don't want to do that. I love how the water feels running across my skin. I'm hoping to find a precious stone like a piece of pyrite or lump of amethyst today to give to daddy for our crystal collection. That will surely brighten his day. Maybe I'll get lucky while I'm at the store and see Mike there. I think I'll ask if he'd like to join me if he's there. That's if his mother will set him free of all his duties. I'll just keep in mind that I'm making this hiking trip alone. Then if Mike doesn't want to join me or his mother won't set him free, I won't be let down. That's the way my mother Jenna would think. I can always use the alone time to gain some clarity. Being in the forest is the best place for me to clear my head. So many things have happened recently and dealing with them has been beyond difficult for me. Writing this down on paper has really brought it all back to the surface. Enough of that!

I can hardly wait to get to the store and see Mike. He's so dreamy. Looking in his eyes is like looking up to the sky on a sunny day like today. It warms my soul. My heart turns into a little girl skipping down the street and my stomach flutters like the wings on a cluster of a million Monarch butterflies. I don't know what I'd do if Mike wasn't apart of my life. No one at school has ever noticed how close we've gotten yet. He's my best friend now and there isn't anything that I can't talk to him about. I have to admit that I'm head over heals for him. I just wish I knew for sure if he felt the same way about me. I know he definitely likes me; as a friend but, he's never made any serious advances towards me that would give me the notion that he feels the same love for me that I feel for him. How could I not feel this way about him? He was the one that was with me when the tragic accident happened. I wish like hell it never occurred but, had it not, Mike and I wouldn't be where we are today in our friendship. I'm not willing to sacrifice what we have with each other. So I have to accept what happened to my daddy as apart of his life's blueprint. I just can't understand why so much suffering has to be involved in order to love and be loved, by anyone! It really pisses me off and it down right SUCKS! I know it's a question that will never be answered for me either. God would literally have to drop down from the Heavens and tell me in person and I don't see that happening any time soon!

I remember when Joe and I used to take these hikes together through the mountains. It was always just daddy and I. Hiking through the mossy fern covered ground, camping outdoors, getting dirty, and watching the cute little chipmunks scatter here and there, has never been my mother's forte. Jenna is the total opposite of Joe and that's ok. I love my mom just the way she is and that is awesome. She's always had just one rule for us when it came to our trips; that they never interrupted my school days. Joe and I both agree with her 100%. My education is at the top of my priority list.

Getting out in nature has always been welcoming therapy for Joe and I to work on our father/daughter relationship but, at the same time it was so much more than that. Part of it was that he wanted me to know my way around the forest like I knew the back of my own hand. It was always such a deep fear of my parents' that I'd be one of those infamous fatalities. "Just one more child, just one more teenager, just one more adult gone missing in the forest of Forks that they'd never find, no matter how large the search party was."It's a common thing that happens here. With the forest; comes wild life and the wild life doesn't always stay in the forest. Chief Swan and the Rangers have had several occasions where they've had to tranquilize the bears and move them back to the forest to keep them from destroying the town, homes, and killing our people in it. I'm thankful that Joe was able to teach me what to do in case a bear approached me in the woods and even more glad that he taught me how to mark my territory around our camp sites in order to keep the wild life away. My daddy is way cool like that. It's quite a sight to see us urinating all over the place. I worked on peeing on the ground and Joe worked on peeing on all the greenery and trees. The first time my dad showed me how to do this it was very cold outside. I'd pulled my pants and my panties down around my ankles, scrunched up my coat and shirt and squatted; trying to hold my balance as best as I could and not pee on all the clothing that wrapped my body. As soon as the warm urine hit the ground a massive swell of steam evaporated into the air. I laughed so hard I almost fell over and wet myself when I looked up and saw a stream of smoke flying from in front of my dad as he was taking his leak on a tree. All those years of Chief Swan, Joe, and Billy Black hanging out together paid off. The Quileutes' are so full of knowledge about the earth and how to live on it. I'm thrilled that daddy learned so much from Billy and that he handed the knowledge down to me before it all happened. I miss those days with my dad. I know he'd be joining me right now, but he's not! Now I'm on my own when I hike through the forest of Forks, Washington. Best be getting ready. I'll write again once I get to my destination, if I'm alone. As my mom always says; "I wish you luck Jess and don't do anything I wouldn't do!" It's kind of ridiculous for her to say that to me because then I certainly wouldn't be hiking today.