"Inside The Secret Journals of Jessica Stanley"

By Sophia Spring

3rd Entry

It's about 10 p.m. here in Forks. That means I only have one more day before the new school year starts. I'm looking forward to it. I had to write again before going to bed for the night.

After my last entry I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. My mom woke me by knocking on my door. I threw my feather comforter off my shoulder, stretched, and turned towards my bedroom door, "Come in" I said in a raspy voice. Jenna walked in the door holding the phone in her right hand. She looked so tired and worn down. She's become so thin and frail. I know it wouldn't take much to break my mother and it's killing me to see her like this. "Sweet heart, Mike's on the phone for you" she said, as she handed the phone to me, then turned to walk out. "Hey Mike, hold on a minute, ok" as I pulled the phone away from my face and tucked it under the sheets? "Mom, wait I need to talk to you" I said before she had the door almost shut. She walked back towards my bed and sat down beside me. She placed her cool, frail hand on the side of my face then her thin fingers gently tucked a piece of hair back behind my ear. "What is it baby girl" Jenna asked? "Can you and I spend some time together today? I miss you mom and I need to talk to you." My mom's beauty is just exquisite and her good heart shines through the flesh making her all that more beautiful. I've always wished I had her red hair. "Sure honey" she said. "Is everything alright? Your eyes are swollen. Have you been crying?" "Yes and no" I said to both her questions "but, can I talk to you in a minute after I take this call? Please don't go any where yet." Mom told me she didn't have any plans to leave the house and she'd be downstairs in the kitchen when I was done talking on the phone. She leaned in and kissed my cheek then left my room.

"Sorry about that Mike. How are you today?" I asked him. I heard him moan a little before he spoke. "I'm pretty red. I couldn't go work at the store today. Your mom sounds better, how are you holding up?" I stretch my legs out feeling the cool, silkiness of my sheets glide underneath me and yawned in the phone. "Um, well I've been sleeping most of the day. My body is soar but, I'm ok. My skin is more tanned today than I expected" I said. I told Mike that my mom seemed to be having one of her good days and that I'd be spending my day with her. I rolled over onto my side as we talked for a few more minutes. I clung to my favorite feather pillow and had another king size pillow tucked in between my legs. I imagined it was him I was holding as I laid there and listened to his voice resonate through the phone, through my ear, and straight into my heart. My body ached for him and my imagination started to take flight but, I was brought back down to reality pretty quickly. Mike could ramble on about anything. He was quite the talker for a guy. I didn't care just as long as he was talking to me. Then Mike had to get off the phone. We said our goodbyes and my heart sank when I heard the phone go dead on the other end. It was obvious that he wasn't feeling all that well. I guess the sunburn was a lot worse than he had led on. It always looks and feels so much worse the next day and he said he was soar from yesterday's hike, which only compounded the pain he must have been feeling from the sunburn. I wished I could go over to his house and help him out. I wanted to be the one rubbing his back down with a healing ointment. I wanted to comfort him any way I could and lift his spirit. Hopefully he'd be feeling better soon. I bet Eric and Tyler razz him about it on the first day of school. Poor Mike. I felt like this was all my fault. How could I forget the damn sunscreen?

I sat up, swung my feet off the bed and walked to my dresser. I picked out the first pair of pajama pants that my finger tips touched and slid into them. They were my black fleece bottoms with Tinker Bell all over them. I looked up in the mirror at the reflection of myself. "HOLY SHIT JESSICA" I screamed in my head! I looked like a living nightmare! My hair was a huge rat's nest in the back that stood up in all directions. As I ran the brush through my matted hair I was wondering what I had done in my sleep to cause this. My eyes are swollen! Gosh, I had no idea I'd cried that hard yesterday but, it certainly did show. It must be all the sleeping too. Where's the cucumber slices when I needed them? I couldn't stand at my dresser and dwell on my swollen eyes any longer now that I managed to detangle the nest. I had to pee like race horse and brush my funky breath. It tasted like the sandman took a dump in my mouth while he was pouring the sand in my eyes. UUGGG! I wanted my mom right now but, first things first. I couldn't ignore my body so; I took a detour to my bathroom on my way down to the kitchen.

Jenna was standing at the island in the middle of the kitchen chopping veggies. I knew exactly what she was cooking; my favorite, home made chicken noodle soup. I walked up behind her, put my arms around her waist, and hid my face in her hair. Jenna's hair was always my favorite place to hide when I was a shy little girl. When she held me or slept with me I would twirl her soft hair around my fingers and dragged it across my face until I fell asleep. My soul screamed, "I have missed you mom" as I squeezed her tighter. The tears welled up in my eyes. I noticed when she put the knife down and turned around to face me that she was dressed in twilled hemp pants that were creased down the middle and her blouse was a thin, long sleeved, v neck with beautiful bead work around the collar. She bought it on her last trip to India. The color reminded me of Mike's baby blues. Jenna was classy looking even on her days off. "Awe honey what's going on" she asked? How could I possibly tell her everything that was on my mind? It hasn't been any easier for her then it's been for me. I couldn't bring myself to say anything except that I missed her terribly.

I offered to help her finish cutting up the veggies for the soup and while we both chopped away I told her about my day with Mike. She smiled off and on while I rambled on about all the little details of yesterday. She expressed that she was relieved that I didn't go hiking into the forest alone again. It was good to see her smiling again. I was beginning to forget what she looked like when she smiled and my eyes welcomed the beauty that radiated from her when there was a smile painted on her face. After we finished making the soup we made our way to the plush sofa and the coffee table in the family room which was on the opposite side of the counter that surrounded our kitchen. We both had a bowl filled to the top of chicken noodle soup. I ran back to the kitchen to grab some crackers and a couple of drinks for us. Mom waited patiently for my return before she began eating. I was starting to notice that she hardly ever ate without me since the depression started.

Jenna talked about work while we ate. This has always been intriguing conversation to me. She is one of the best attorneys in Forks, Washington and all the surrounding cities. The driving force for me to make straight A's all of my school years was sitting right beside me. I want to be just like her. It didn't matter where we went, everyone knew her, and she was respected and loved by many. Countless guilty men and women have been put behind bars because of her great ability to find and put real evidence in front of the judge and jury. She did everything in her power to make our streets safer to walk. Jenna followed in her daddy's footsteps and worked out of his law firm. Herbert; my poppy, was the first attorney that had earned the respect of all the people. I want to be the next family member to carry on what my poppy started long before I was conceived. My family is very wealthy and known not only for putting criminals behind bars but, for donating a lot of money to charities for those in need. Herbert and Jenna just recently started their own charity organization for disabled firemen and policemen that are injured while working. It also covers their families if they don't survive. I know I have what it takes to be just as good as them.

I turned the flat screen on while we were eating which ended up just being back ground noise while we caught up with each others lives and ate our soup. We had empty bowls and full bellies before we knew it. Jenna ended up curled up on the couch with her head in my lap. I ran my fingers through her hair and massaged her head. I could see the stress and worry leaving her face but, noticed the worry lines in between her eyebrows still remained. I started in on her eyebrows next, gently massaging the worry lines away and tracing her hair line of her eyebrows. I love my mom so much and I could see she was so exhausted and tense. "Mom do you want to get on the table" I asked? "Sure, I'd love that but, only if your up for it Jessica" Jenna replied. "I've had plenty of sleep and I'm totally up for giving you a massage today." We put our bowls in the sink and moved into my favorite room.

We had a room in our house dedicated to massage and other forms of therapy. It was the sun room. More that half the room was all windows and on each wall of glass hung different cut crystals so that on sunny days the room was filled with rainbows flickering all over the place. We had every essential oil you could think of so the room always smelled so delightful. Big chunks of clear quartz, rose quartz, citrine quartz, and other crystals filled the room from the floor almost all the way to the ceiling. Everything you laid your eyes on was a pleasing part of the Earths' creation and in the middle of it all was a purple massage table. Usually we had Chrissy out two or three times a week for these sessions but, I felt the need to be there for my mother today. I often worked on Joe since he's been home from the hospital but, any time I offered to give Jenna a massage she always said no. Her excuses were always that Chrissy would be the one to work on her or she'd already had a massage. Chrissy was a medicine woman from the Quileute Tribe and we embraced her as if she was apart of our family. Billy Black; one of Joe's best friends, had referred her to my mother not long after daddy was hospitalized.

I was pleased that I'd gotten a yes from her today. Now I had the chance to lay my hands on her. Five minutes into the session Jenna was in tears. Now I knew why she always chose to have Chrissy work on her. Jenna hated to cry in front of me. I never understood her reasoning behind this. I've always known she's human just like all the rest of us. I could feel the healing current running through my hands and into her body pushing out toxins that lay dormant inside her physical body. As my hands worked, massaging the threads of my mothers' tense muscles, I was getting glimpses of the first few days that changed all of our lives. I saw my mother in her office working. I saw her on the phone. At first she was ok, and then she went into hysterics. I saw her in the car outside of Mike's house and me running through the rain to get in. I saw a blurry picture of the private waiting room that we were in; me crying with my head in between my knees and Mike with his arm around my shoulders as I rocked back n forth, and then Dr Cullen's face up close. My God he was so beautiful and his eyes were hypnotic. I felt a tremendous sadness wash over me in that instant. Then I was looking at my father in the ICU unit wrapped from head to toe in bandages. A halo was screwed into his head in several places and it was braced to the bed making it impossible for him to move. I became nauseated by the sight. I saw myself with a mascara streaked face sleeping on the couch in the room. There were wires, I.V. bags, tubes, needles, blood seeping through bandages, dripping and beeping noises, a hose running from a machine that pumped air into my dad's lungs, nurses running every where, bags of blood hanging on poles, and Dr Cullen talking at me again. The sadness and despair grew stronger with each object or person I saw. Everything started blurring together. Colors began swirling all around me. The emotions I felt were beyond my control. I felt myself slipping away. The light in the room grew dimmer until the darkness swallowed me whole and nothing remained.