Title: The Sweet Torture of Almost
Summary: When you use someone from your own selfish needs it's bad, but when you both do....
Sophie knew that she did this to people, used them. She took from them what made her feel good without giving a care about how much it could end up hurting them. She was the queen of that; lies, selfishness… and it just got worse when she found herself thrown into another relationship, if you could even call it that. It's not like she had anyone else to blame but herself, but it made her feel better if she did. The "Oh well they kissed me first, or touched my hand in a way that suggested…" all the sodding bullshit. It really didn't matter, what mattered is that she could tell these people cared about her, possibly even foolishly loved her, and even if she had no feelings towards them in the long run, it still felt good enough to be loved to take what they were willing to give.
So she blames karma for the fucked up situation she has with Nate. She also blames karma for what she's currently doing with Parker, or to Parker, she wasn't sure which it would be considered.
It all started with crying over Nate for the millionth time, but that tends to be how most of her stories started now a days. Parker was there, awkwardly comforting, trying to make her stop crying with a pat on the back and a "there, there." And then her hand fell from her back to lay on top of hers and Sophie held it, just wanted to feel someone wrapped around her, even in the smallest way. She looked over at her, with her mascara and tear stained face and sniffed, and Parker gave her a small encouraging smile. The poor girl was trying so hard because she cared so much but just didn't know how to show it. Sophie could feel it; she could read it all over Parker's face for the past year anyhow.
It was almost painfully slow the way they came together. Sophie was sure she wasn't the one moving, but she knew she had to be by the look on Parker's face. Confused, not knowing what she was trying to do. Then Sophie's lips met hers, her grip on Parker's hand tightened, and she relished in taking what she needed from the girl.
The softness slowly turned more needy, more desperate. Sophie just needed to make her feeling or sadness go away, and she knew she was taking advantage of her. Parker probably wouldn't understand that she was doing this because of Nate, the girl saw things in black and white most of the time, never peeling away layers to see the shades of grey probably because they either a) confused her or b) scared her. But Sophie used that to her advantage. She didn't want her to see the gray, because then the gray would make her stop.
She tried though, tried to ask, tried to figure out what was going on. "Sophie…?" she asked breathlessly as Sophie pushed her against the couch, climbing on top of her. But Sophie just shushed her, needing her to not think. She needed to feel hands all over her, she needed to hear her name being said in ecstasy and Parker was as good as any to be the one to do it.
"I need this, Parker," Sophie whispered against her lips as her hands grasped at the thief's clothing, needing her to be rid of them. "I want you… I need you… please." Her shirt is gone now, and Sophie grasps at the hem of her own to peel it up over her head and discard it to the ground before her lips met the blonde again.
It was a lie of course. She didn't really want nor need her. It was just convenient. Convenient because Parker cared. Convenient because she knew she wanted it. Convenient because Parker loved her… just a little bit.
* * *
Parker knew what she was doing was wrong. She was taking advantage of Sophie in her distressed state, using her when she was vulnerable. She could try to make it seem like it wasn't her fault because Sophie was the one who kissed her first, but she probably should have stopped it. She knew the difference between right and wrong, even though most of the time she didn't care, or pretended like she didn't. She wasn't stupid and she wasn't naïve, she just always had all these ghosts circling in her head that drove her slightly mad sometimes.
"Oh god," Parker moaned as she closed her eyes, spreading her now bare legs for the grifter before she cups her roughly, pressing against her clit with as much force as she seemed to be attacking her neck. Parker's hand slams against the head of the couch and she holds on, pressing her hips deeper into her as she gasps out Sophie's name once, twice…"Oh god, Sophie…" three times.
A part of her did love Sophie. Sophie made a lot of her demons go away, the voices in her head that made no more sense than a seventy-two letter long anagram. Just whispers, almost like a buzzing, or maybe a radio far off in the distance that you wish you could just shut off but you can never get to it. But when she was around Sophie, it didn't all go away, no, but things made so much more sense. Sophie made so much more sense, she taught her so much, taught her how to adapt and belong with other people that it would insane if she didn't love her even a little bit for that.
But then Sophie looked at her, only for that brief moment before their lips met and Parker could feel something more than just her surroundings. It was like a heat and shot all the way down to her core and almost made her shiver. It was so brief but so powerful that when Sophie kissed her she needed to feel it again. Feel the heat inside her, feel someone touching her, feel someone actually giving half a shit about her, which hasn't happened in years.
Not like this anyway, there wasn't really anything like this. Everyone else she had ever slept with she had only just met them the same day. But to know Sophie, to know what she was like and for Sophie to know what she was like, how incredibly detached, distant, and so much in her own world and for that to not matter, for Sophie to still want to touch her no matter how weird or off or crazy she might be… that was something she couldn't just say no to.
Sophie's fingers found their way inside her, but only for a moment. And then they were up to her lips, and Sophie tongue was teasing them gently. Parker's grip on the couch tightened and she brought her tongue to snake around Sophie's fingers as well before letting them dance with each other, making them both emit a low moan into each other's mouth.
"Parker… I… fuck…" Sophie was cut off by Parkers hand sneaking its way between their bodies to gently fill all of her, making Sophie bite down on Parker's lower lip instinctively as her muscles clenched around her fingers. "Oh god Parker, take me please… yes…" Sophie was breathless against her lips, her hips pushing against her hand and Parker could see her arm that was holding her up above her start to tremble a little bit, threatening to make her fall.
It was all so quick, this encounter. It all started in a blink of an eye and Parker is sure they'll both pretend it never happened when it was all over. She was scared Sophie might realize she used her, used her to feel just a little bit of human contact in her life, but it was a little to late to stop that now. Sophie was naked above her, eyes shut tight and mouth opened in ecstasy as her breathing came out in short bursts, her hips seeming to time with each time she let out a shuddered breath of air. Parker wished it did mean something more than it really did because Sophie looked so beautiful, so damn near perfect in that moment, so vulnerable and needy that it let out the predator in Parker, and she loved how that felt. It was like power, an intoxicating rush on domination and control that she wanted to hold on to it forever, but knew she never would.
* * *
The sadness inside of Sophie was evaporating like mist that fell from her pores, not remembering or caring about anything else besides right then, in that moment. Only caring about how Parker made her feel, how Parker could make her feel, and how she would make her feel when this reaches it's peak. It was getting rougher, it was getting more passionate, and Sophie swears she heard Parker growl just a little bit before she gripped her shoulder and pushed her up to a sitting position with one hand roughly, nails digging into skin as Sophie started bounce her hips up and down against Parker's hand.
She was panting her name over and over, not knowing what else to say or maybe just not able to form any other words. She wanted to say "Harder, faster," but everytime she would think to say them it was like Parker already knew, and Sophie was on the verge of almost screaming, panting so hard she could barely breathe, her bangs sticking to her forehead from the sweat and the heat and all the intense energy that surrounded them.
And then Parker was sitting up, her legs underneath Sophie as the grifter straddled her but still her torso came up to a perfect height, aligned with her chest, and then Sophie felt Parker's tongue snake around the curve of her breast, nipping at them a bit before her lips made her way to her nipple and she wrapped them around it, but not before biting down hard, making Sophie scream a mixture of pain and pleasure and the grip her muscles had around Parker's fingers tightened unbelievably more.
Parker's hand had fallen from her shoulder to grip her at the waist, and her fingers dug in so much Sophie is sure she'll have bruises there in the morning, but is far from caring. She can feel it start to build, the pressure deep in her abdomen and her hands fly around Parker to hold on to her back, knowing she needed to hang on to something or else she might not be able to handle it. Her voice is higher now, bordering on pathetic pleas as she whimpers, "Parker… please… please, please… Oh, Parker…"
There's a small part of her that feels guilty for all of this. Coercing Parker into making her feel like she's needed, wanted, loved. Once again she was destroying the feelings of someone she cared for, all because she selfishly needed to put herself first. Her wants, her needs, her desires… they had to come first. She couldn't stand feeling alone, feeling unloved, maybe even unworthy and when it all came down to it, she put her own self-wellness over others. Even over her friends.
Parker laughed low in her throat next to Sophie's ear as the grifter held on to her for dear life and whispered, "Tell me what you'll do to me after I do…" Sophie moaned and trust herself deeper into Parker's hand at that, not realizing at all how seemingly controlling Parker seemed to be in the bedroom, or in this case, the middle of Sophie's living room, and it turned Sophie on more than words could even begin to describe. But she was having trouble thinking, she was so close already that trying to tell her was almost like torture, but the kind of torture that's so sweet you can't help but steal a taste.
"I… I'll… oh god…" Sophie tried, but Parker was making it difficult for her to think. She closed her eyes and let out a breath as her nails dig into the thief's shoulder as she tries with everything she has to just concentrate and tells her, "I'd… taste every… e-every inch of you… down… d-dow…n…" Sophie could barely get out any more words so she just used one of her hands to run a finger down between their bodies, but barely had a chance to get between Parker's legs before all of a sudden she was filled just a little bit more, Parker slipping another finger inside of her. Sophie cried out and gasped so hard she almost choked on her own breath, and her nails dug into Parker's shoulder so much that the thief cried out.
It was so painful, all of this, but it felt so good at the same time. The sweet torture of almost, Parker hovering her over the edge but not letting her drop. It was horrible and yet wonderful at the same time, a mix of conflicting feelings that all boiled down to her rapidly building orgasm. The feeling of being with Parker was so amazing that she wished she thought of using her before this, because this was so much better than that stupid boyfriend that she used for his body. It wasn't near close to this feeling.
* * *
Parker was enjoying the control she had over Sophie, the little reward system she set up in her head once Sophie said something right. Another finger, a little wider, a little deeper, a little more fulfilling. Sophie was panting so hard in her ear and whimpering so low in her throat that it made Parker let out a little laugh. "And…?" she pressed on, needing to hear more, even though she didn't know if Sophie could speak, let alone form a single thought.
"And… I… god, Parker… I-I can't…" Sophie panted out, whimpering as she holds her tight and rides her fingers. But Parker doesn't want to hear that word, she doesn't like that word because anyone can if they just set their minds to it so she pushes into her with more force, making Sophie cry out as she demands, "Tell me!"
Sophie is making the sexiest sounds that Parker thinks she's ever heard come out of another woman's mouth, all desperate and pathetic, needing Parker to finish her, needing Parker to make her feel everything all at once or nothing at all if she chooses. "I… I-I want to feel every… every part of you… oh god, Parker… I-I want… I want to… to hear you scream m-my name… fuck… to… t-to have you know that… that… that…" But that was good enough to Parker, so she rewarded her with another finger, now filling her with four and Sophie screamed her name, trying to tell her that she can't handle it but Parker knows she can.
"Parker! I…! I c-can't…!" she stuttered between her moans, only before Parker pushed her roughly backwards so she was the one with her back now on the couch. Parker climbed on top of her, positioning herself so she could have the most leverage against Sophie's body as she was going to need to for this and she leaned in close to her ear and whispered:
"Yes you can… and you will."
When Parker started moving her fingers in and out of the grifter's body with such force it was more like a blur than solid movement, and the sound that came out of Sophie's body was an ear shattered decibel as her hands grasped to hold on to something, anything. All the profanities, all the yes's and the please's and the Parker's that fell from her lips were mixed between her sweet sounds of pure unadulterated pleasure as her hips rose off from the couch and she thrust back into her with enough force to possible break Parker's hand if it was just the slightest bit harder.
Sophie was trashing, and then all of a sudden the yes's were replaced by no's as the pleasure became too much for her to handle and she wanted her to stop. But Parker wasn't going to stop. She barreled into her one more time and pressed firmly against her g spot before Sophie froze, her whole body completely tense and still, her mouth opening so slowly but no sound coming out, before all of a sudden she just screams, letting out a gush of fluid and the sound of her intense orgasm as she rode out the wave, panting and cursing and looking like she might pass out.
Parker isn't sure how long they went at it, maybe six or seven hours before they both were exhausted and spent, lying on top of each other on the couch sweaty, satisfied, and infinite. But when they looked at each other, Parker could see the guilt in Sophie's eyes as much as she was sure was reflected in hers, and she realized she wasn't the only one using someone to just… feel a part of something. Maybe if things were different, if the situation was different, they could have almost found happiness within each other. Almost find a sense of belonging with each other. Parker wasn't sure if that made it better or worse, but none of it really mattered anyway. They had taken what they wanted, what they needed from each other… and now it was just over.
Because 'almost' is still never getting there.