SHASSIE THROUGH THE ALPHABET
Summary: Basically what the title says… a one shot of Lassiter and Shawn's relationship, A-Z. Slash, mention of MPREG.
Disclaimer: Do you seriously think that if I owned Psych, the show would have lasted 3 complete seasons without Shawn and Lassiter making out at least once? Clearly, I do not own Psych.
A/N: My first Psych fic, so please: Be Kind, Rewind!!! Erm. Review, I mean. Review O.O
Be… True please review!!! (don't ask…)
"It was an accident I swear!"
Shawn had been running in the halls of the police department again - at least this time not with scissors - and had tripped and landed hard on Lassiter's desk. Now the man leaned over him menacingly. Shawn felt like he should be pleading for his life at this point… but all he could think of was how close Lassiter was… that he could smell his cologne, that he loved the feeling of their breath mingling together and the heat from their bodies…
Their eyes locked together, and both seemed to realize what the other was thinking at the same time. They both recoiled, Lassiter slamming back into his chair and Shawn sliding off the desk.
What was happening to them?
One day, Lassiter just snapped.
"Why are you always here, following us around like a useless puppy dog?"
"If I wanted your help, Spencer, I would ask for it. Why do you insist upon driving me crazy?"
Lassiter learned forward and hissed the last words so no one else could hear. "Why are you always looking at me like you're waiting for something?"
"Because I am."
Shawn watched with pained eyes as Lassiter tossed his things in the back of his car. He'd told Vick that he was going to visit his parents.
"I didn't even know you had parents, Lassie." Said Shawn, struggling to keep his voice light.
"Everyone has parents, Spencer."
"You haven't visited them before."
"Then it's about time I did, isn't it? Now, if you'll excuse me?"
Shawn stood aside to let Lassiter get into his car. But he knew the real reason Lassiter was leaving. As he watched the car zoom out of sight, he knew that Lassiter was running away.
While Lassiter was away, Shawn was obsessed with the man's defenses. Why did he have them? Why did he wide so much of himself, and how on earth was Shawn supposed to break through them? He didn't know if Lassiter would ever consider a relationship with him. But Shawn had come to realize that not much else mattered to him anymore.
Lassiter actually had them. Shawn could hardly believe it. He watched from a distance as Lassiter got out of his car and was greeted warmly by Jules and Chief Vick. He smiled, happy to see them, easily showing how much he had missed them, even if only with his eyes. Then he looked around, scanned the area for Shawn. When he caught Shawn's gaze, there was a brief flash in those eyes of his… Regret? Happiness? Affection? But it was gone in an instant, hidden behind a blank stare.
Jules and Gus knew what was going on. Jules insisted that girls simply knew these things about guys. What did he think the real reason was that she had never dated Lassiter or Shawn? She had known for a long time, and had let Gus in on the secret. Like children in a school yard, they had gossiped, whispered and laughed. But Shawn couldn't fault them for it. They were his friends, and they were there for him now, just when things got tough.
Lassiter had been friendlier towards him since he got back… more cheerful, kinder. Allowing Shawn the honor of occasionally seeing what the other man was really thinking. Filled with an inner happy glow at this new development, Shawn had been floating on clouds for weeks. But now he knew how gullible he had been. Seeing Lassiter, leaning against his desk, deep in conversation with his ex-wife… it hurt. Shawn knew how much Lassiter had loved her. How much it had destroyed him when he left. Why was she even here?
"Spencer. Something's been bothering you." Lassiter was watching Shawn's face carefully…for signs of trouble.
Shawn stared back at him, resisting the urge to sigh. If Lassiter really didn't know what was wrong, perhaps he had been more delusional about their relationship then he had thought. He forced a smile. "Nothing's wrong, Lassie."
Lassiter hesitated, then glanced around the empty parking lot. He faced Shawn again, looked at him intently. "Would you tell me if something was?"
Shawn frowned, but before he could question Lassiter, the other man leaned in and kissed him on the lips.
This was when the truth came. Every hidden emotion and every thought that was never voiced.
Lassiter pulled back, and for a long moment, they stared at each other in disbelief. But they both knew the truth now - the truth that the other had been hiding for far too long.
A few weeks later, Shawn and Lassiter told Henry they were dating. Jules, Gus and Chief Vick already knew. It was this visit that Shawn had been dreading the most.
At first, Henry only stared. Then he sat back in his chair and pulled his hat down over his eyes. "I suppose I'm not surprised… with you two constantly fighting like quarrelling lovers. Just… don't get too mushy, alright? I don't need those images in my head."
"Shawn… not everybody calls coffee 'java' now. Just the people trying much too hard to be cool."
"Well I think it is cool. I mean… java. 'Would you like some java with that pineapple?' It just sounds right."
"What does a pineapple have to do with it?"
"Carlton, would you like to get some java and pineapple with me?"
" I'm still not sure about this pineapple…"
He should have known it was too good to be true. Hadn't he already gotten angry with himself for this once? He had seen him with her. He had known how much he had cared for her. If Lassiter's ex-wife wanted him back, why wouldn't he snatch up the opportunity? Lassie could have a chance at his old life… and who was he to hold the man he loved back from such happiness?
When Lassiter returned to his desk, Shawn was ready for him. "It's okay, Lassiter. I understand."
"That you need to go back to her. I know she can make you happy. You don't have to worry about me."
"Shawn, what are you talking about?"
"Your ex. She wants you back."
"Yes… but that doesn't mean I want her back. That was my old life, Shawn. I was happy then. I'm happier now." Lassiter pulled Shawn into his arms, in front of the entire police force, and his ex wife. He didn't seem to care.
Shawn leaned into the embrace, pressing his cheek against Lassie's chest. "Do you mean it?"
The grip tightened and gentle hands feathered through his hair. "Of course."
Shawn sent one to Lassiter's parents, asking them if they wanted to meet him.
Then he found out that Lassiter hadn't told them a thing. They did not even recognize his name.
At first, Shawn had been devastated. Was Lassiter that ashamed of him, that his own parents didn't even know? Had he never told them about Psychic detective extraordinaire?
But Lassiter had, somewhat tearfully explained. He hadn't spoken to his parents in ten years. They had a falling out quite a while ago, and Lassiter had never been able to face them. When he had left a couple of months ago, he had only driven as far as the motel just outside of town. He'd needed to get away, but hadn't wanted anyone to know just how alone he truly was.
Shawn had been right. Lassiter had been escaping.
He wasn't trying to escape anymore.
They went to see his parents together.
It was, of course, Juliet's idea to have a Police Department Year Book. It held photos of all the officers and detectives…everyone who worked there from Chief Vick all the way to the lowliest janitor.
Shawn and Lassiter spent a good hour, curled up on Shawn's couch, flipping through the pages. They laughed over in how almost every photo of them. Shawn was hanging off Lassiter's shoulder, or giving him bunny ears, or, in one particular picture, getting a piggy back ride from the unwilling detective. In every one, Lassiter was glaring, but there was the tiniest hint of a smile around his lips.
Then they came to the last page. There was one photo of Lassiter and Shawn, mid-argument, then one below - a recent photo - of them hugging. The one taken when Lassiter had assured Shawn he wasn't going back to his ex. They read what Juliet had written underneath.
To my two favourite men in the department - I hope you two make it. You have the chance to last forever. Never be afraid to take that chance.
Christmas with Shawn was the most fun Lassiter had had in years. He wouldn't remember feeling so happy, so carefree, so… normal. They played together in the snow like children, sledding and building snowmen and having fierce snowball wars behind labouringly made snow forts. Then at night they would curl up together in front of the fire, sipping hot chocolate and roasting marshmallows… and learning all about what other uses marshmallows had…
Lassiter had never had an Oreo before.
At first, Shawn hadn't believed him. Everyone in the world had tried an Oreo at least once. Right? RIGHT???
Apparently not. So Shawn had sat Lassiter down on the couch with a glass of milk and a bag of Oreo's, then settled back to watch.
Lassiter reluctantly dunked the cookie in milk and took a bite.
He looked delighted. "Hey, that's good!"
"No duh. But you're doing it wrong."
Moving to sit next to him on the couch, Shawn pulled out a cookie and opened it up, lifting the icing-half to Lassiter's mouth.
"You're supposed to scrape the inside off with your teeth. Then dip the other part in milk and eat it."
With a mischievous grin, Lassiter met Shawn's gaze and opened his mouth, scraping the icing off while the cookie was still in Shawn's fingers. His lips, then his tongue, grazed his fingers. Shawn shivered in delight.
They decided Oreos were almost as much fun as marshmallows.
It had shocked Shawn. He shouldn't have been surprised… after getting over his initial fear of commitment, it had been Lassiter that had initiated every next step in their relationship. But marriage??? Shawn had never thought Lassiter would even tolerate Shawn's feelings for him, never mind embracing them and asking Shawn to marry him.
After Shawn got over his shock, he whispered, "You know that means this is a forever thing, right?"
Lassiter had only smiled. "Remember what Jules said, Shawn. We have a chance at forever, and I personally don't want to miss that chance. Do you?"
Shawn smiled through his tears and shook his head. "I love you Shawn. I'm asking you to marry me. I'm asking for forever."
Shawn began to cry in earnest and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Lassiter's neck and burying his face in his shoulder. "I love you too. My answer is yes. Yes to marrying you, yes to forever."
Love, like a river, will cut a new path whenever it meets an obstacle. Crystal Middlemas.
Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this. Stephen Packer.
Marriage is not a ritual or an end. It is a long, intricate dance together and nothing matters more then your own sense of balance and your choice of partner. Amy Bloom.
As we grow older together, As we continue to change with age, There is one thing that will never change. . . I will always keep falling in love with you. Karen Clodfelder
Two souls with but a single thought, Two hearts that beat as one. Friedrich Halm
Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye. H. Jackson Brown Jr
It was as if these people knew him, knew Lassiter. Knew everything they were going through and everything that went on in their hearts. And yet at the same time it was as if they were only striving to truly understand. After all, there was no way they could feel, could ever have felt, anything remotely similar. The love between Lassiter and himself was more powerful then could ever be understood, or written down with trite words on a piece of paper.
Shawn was coming in from the office late. He was grumpy and in a generally nasty mood, something unusual for him.
It all went away, though the moment he entered the house.
Lassiter was standing just on the other side of the door, a single rose held in his hand. He looked embarrassed, almost sheepish, but he stood there and looked Shawn straight in the eye.
Past him, Shawn could see a table set for two in the dining room, with candles burning. In the living room, blankets were laid out in front of the fire, rose petals scattered over the blankets and carpets.
When Shawn didn't say anything at first, Lassiter nervously rubbed the back of his neck. "I know it's almost too cheesy to be romantic, but I just wanted to…"
He was cut off by Shawn's mouth on his, and when the younger man finally pulled back, he only whispered,
"I love it Carlton. Thank you."
They always slept curled up together.
Shawn's head on Lassiter's chest, Lassiter's chin resting on top of Shawn's head. Limbs intertwined, hands clasped tightly even in sleep.
When it got too hot, they opened the windows. Took off the blankets. Started a few fans.
But they never slept apart.
That night, their sleep was disturbed.
A cell phone rang, two bleary pairs of eyes opened and glared - first at the phone, then at the clock that read 2:34am. Reluctantly, Lassiter opened his eyes.
"Lassiter here…Shit. Are you serious?…Yes…Right away….Give me five minutes."
Lassiter hung up and instantly swung out of bed, dressing swiftly.
Shawn sat up, bewildered. "Lassie? What's happening?"
"Nothing, Shawn. Police business. Go back to sleep."
Shawn tried to roll his eyes, but he was too afraid to pull it off. "You're not even going to tell me? Is it dangerous? Will you be okay?"
Lassiter smiled and leaned it closer, pressing his lips to Shawn's forehead for a brief instant. "I'll be fine, Shawn."
Lassie could smile all he liked… Shawn could see the worry in the man's eyes.
"Bull. Lassie, tell me what's going on."
Lassiter's eyes went cold. He pulled back, distancing himself.
"This is police business. For police officers and detectives such as myself. No "psychics" necessary. But thanks anyway. Stay here. Sleep. Be safe."
And with that, Lassiter was gone.
At first, Shawn had only sat there, hurt and bewildered. Lassiter had told him to stay. To be safe. He was only trying to protect him. But it wasn't fair. He should be allowed to protect Lassie as well. Standing, he reached for his clothes. No way was he letting Lassiter suffer this - whatever it was - alone.
Shawn had arrived there just in time.
Just in time to see the man raise his gun, to point it at Lassiter's chest.
He knew Lassiter wasn't wearing a vest. He knew that Lassiter wouldn't move in time. He knew these things, but they did not even have time to pop into his head. He merely leapt out, straight into the path of the bullet.
He writhed on the concrete ground as Lassiter dropped to the ground beside him, and Jules led the other officers after the gunman. Someone was calling an ambulance.
Lassiter was crying. Actually crying.
"Shawn, you idiot. What were you thinking? What were you thinking?"
Shawn only smiled through the pain, glad that Lassiter's face was the last thing he would see.
"I couldn't… let you die, Lassie… I love you. No matter what…unconditionally, completely and forever." he chuckled slightly, though the movement of his chest only caused more pain. "This won't stop us, Lassie."
Lassiter's face grew fierce. "You bet it won't. I'm not going to let you die, either."
Lassiter had never felt so vulnerable, so alone. Even when he had no one, even when his parents had cast him out and his beloved wife had left him for another man, he had never felt this alone. The thought of loosing Shawn… the idea was incomprehensible.
He remembered the quote. It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. It was true, but… barely. He would never prefer to live without Shawn's love, even if he had known the man would be shot only a little over a year after their relationship had become official. Shawn was the most important thing to him, ever.
But he had never thought it was possible for the human heart to feel so much pain and loss. If Shawn didn't survive… no. He couldn't even think about that. Shawn would survive. He had to.
Because he knew that if Shawn died… he would too.
Lassiter had finally been allowed in to see him. He had been sitting by Shawn's bed for hours already, and although Shawn hadn't yet opened his eyes, Lassiter had been talking to him constantly. Whispered promises, words of love. Apologies for the way he treated him, sometimes. Anything that came to mind, he talked to Shawn about. As if he hoped his words would keep the man grounded to this Earth.
There was a knock at the door, and a sympathetic looking nurse popped her head in.
"I'm sorry detective, but visiting hours are over."
Lassiter nodded reluctantly, and the nurse left to continue her rounds. Just before Lassiter left, he clutched Shawn's hand tightly. "I'll be back Shawn." His words were choked, painful. "I love you Shawn. Please, don't leave me. You can't leave me, after showing me what it's like to love someone, and to be totally secure in that love… I know it sounds cheesy as hell, but if I could have just one wish… it would be that you would open your eyes and tell me that you love me."
With a sigh, Lassiter turned and started to walk from the room. He had just opened the door when a hoarse voice whispered,
"I love you, Carlton."
Lassiter swung back around and gasped in joy and relief when he saw Shawn's eyes were open, staring at him sleepily. He began to cry all over again as he fell forward and wrapped Shawn in a tight but gentle hug.
He knew now that Shawn would be okay.
"You're kidding me. This has to be a joke???"
"We're doctors, Mr. Spencer. The only jokes we make are bad puns, futile attempts to make patients feel better. This is no bad pun."
"But that's not possible… is it? Males can't carry children!!!"
"Not as a general rule, no. But this is the interesting thing. See in your x-ray here? It appears as though extra skin and fat created a temporary womb within your stomach. It's quite fascinating really…"
"I need to sit down."
"You are sitting down, Mr. Spencer."
"I need Lassie."
"Lassie… oh? Detective Lassiter? Whatever for?"
"Send him in here. Please, send him in here."
"Shawn. Please pick up the phone. This isn't fair Shawn. You just need to let me explain…"
"Shawn. ANSWER THE PHONE. I know you're there. You can't hide from me forever. Please, just pick up the phone and let me know you're okay."
"Shawn, this is the last time I'm calling. This is the last time I CAN call, since your answering machine is full. If you don't call me back in an hour, I'm coming over. You won't be able to keep me out."
Shawn only curled up in a tighter ball on his bed, whimpering slightly as fresh tears fell down his cheeks. He should have known how Lassiter would react. He should have realized that the other man would not feel the same way he felt - stunned but overjoyed at the change they had been given. Instead he had seen… shock. Disbelief. Annoyance. Anger. And finally… the worst of all…repulsion. Repulsion.
As promised, an hour later Lassiter showed up at Shawn's door. He did not move, did not react in any way, even as he heard Lassiter crawling in through the kitchen window.
"SHAWN WHERE ARE YOU?"
Shawn didn't reply.
Finally Lassiter found him. Still curled up. Whimpering. Crying. Pathetic. Broken.
"Oh my God. Shawn. Are you… Are you okay?"
He hurried to Shawn's side. Easily, he lifted the unresisting man into his arms and settled back against the bed board with Shawn cradled in his lap.
"Shawn… I'm so sorry I reacted the way I did. I was stressed, over you being hurt, and I could hardly believe that something like this could happen. I mean, this…baby, it could put you at serious risk!! Growing a womb? Wouldn't that cause internal problems or… look, Shawn, the point is I was just worried, and I never should have reacted that way…"
"You were disgusted." Shawn whispered.
"What? Oh… no, Shawn. Not at you. Never at you. I was disgusted with myself, for doing this to you… for putting a baby inside you when it might well kill you…"
Shawn looked up at Lassiter's face, trying to guage whether the man was telling the truth.
"You mean… you're not mad at me? You don't hate me for this?"
"Hate you??? Of course not! I love you Shawn. Always will. And I'll love the baby too, and do everything in my power to make sure both of you survive this."
"You mean… you want the baby too?"
Lassiter smiled, and leaned down to give Shawn a gentle kiss. "Yes" was all he had to say.
A year later, Shawn and Lassiter lay out on the grass on the top of the hill, under the shade of a tree and the bright blue sky. Their young daughter Juliet Madeleine Carlton lay between them, staring up at the fluffy white clouds and giggling happily.
The birth of Juliet had caused some complications, but nothing too life threatening. Still, several near-heart attacks from Lassiter later and a 30 hour birthing, Juliet was a happy, healthy baby girl. Gus had already insisted they try for a son next, so that it could be named Gus Henry Carlton - Though NOT Burton Henry Carlton. He would insist on Gus.
Even though no one was sure whether Shawn would be able to have another baby, neither Shawn nor Gus had yet been able to convince Lassiter to have another child. Well, they had the rest of their lives…
The rest of their lives. Shawn stared at the wedding ring on his finger. He could hardly believe how much had changed in two years.
Sitting up on one elbow, Lassiter reached over his daughter to kiss his husband.
"What are you thinking, Shawn?"
Shawn smiled. "About how lucky I am to have you."
Lassiter's smile turned tender, and he brushed some flyaway hairs off of Shawn's forehead. "You lucky? I'm the lucky one, Shawn. After three years of being constantly annoyed with you, I can hardly believe I could have been loving you that entire time, if I'd just let myself."
Shawn's smile turned into a smirk. "Think of how many children we would have if we'd been dating 5 years instead of two."
Lassiter grinned and shook his head ruefully. "You're impossible."
Shawn grinned back. "But you love me anyway."
"Yes. In two years, do you know how many times I stopped loving you, even for an instant?"
Suddenly apprehensive, Shawn whispered, "How many?"
A/N: ANYWAY!!! That was written all at once, and no one was in character, but I hope it was enjoyable anyway!! Please let me know.