A/N: "We" means Sora and Roxas, "his" or "him" means Axel. I don't want anyone complaining that they didn't understand. If you want to complain about something at least have a real reason.
Summary: Sometimes when we can feel, it's best no to.
Disclaimers: Disney bought Marvel. Next KH we'll have Spider Man. Do I like it? No. Just as much as I don't like the fact that Sora, Roxas and Axel don't belong to me. Nah. Forget Sora. I just want the redhead and the blondie. XD *censored thoughts*
Living inside someone else isn't that bad. My somebody's a good person. Sometimes too good for my taste. After some time, I actually got used to it. It's not like I can puke or something. Even though sometimes I want to. But that's not the problem.
The real problem is when I remember about him. When I miss him. And it happens all the time.
When we go to the beach and the smell of the ocean hits our nose. I remember sea-salt ice cream and his thick, coloured laugh following my eyes and the sunset.
When we go to sleep, alone. And I remember the heat of his body by my side. It happened only a few times, but as usual, he'd burnt the memory inside my head. Everything with him was about fire and getting burnt. If only I'd let things happen more often when I had the chance...
When we go out with some random girl, and we kiss her. It's never the same thing. Too soft, too slow. Before it was always fierce and anxious, a battle for control between us. I almost always ended bruised or bleeding. And it was all part of the fun. I didn't feel anything inside. I needed to at least feel it outside.
And intimacy? Dreadful. How can I put it without sounding rude? Well... There's no way. It's simply never tight enough. Never warm enough. Never fast enough. Never hard enough. Never good enough. The strength is lost somewhere between the beginning and the end of it. No rhythm. No connection. They never look in the eyes. He always looked into mine. His green, green emerald eyes. I loved to pull his fiery hair when I wanted to kiss him. The one time I dared my somebody to do it, the girl threw a fit and called the night to an end. Never tried anymore.
But the worst part of all is really simple. He's not here anymore to listen to me. I had to shut myself up. Now that I have feelings, I have no one to share them with. There are no arms to hold me when I cry. No hands to caress my hair and tell me I'm silly and that I worry too much. No lap to lay my head when I'm sleepy or sad. No fingers to kiss when I want to feel needed. No one to kiss me when I'm thinking too much and I'm frowning. Especially because my forehead isn't really mine to frown.
I'm constantly with someone. And I always feel lonely.
He's told me so many times to memorise so many things that the only thing I truly memorised was his face and voice telling me to do so.
I miss him. And I always will.
And now I can say for sure. Because now I have a heart to feel.