I Want to Understand

I am having a very, very bad day.

Considering the fact that at this moment, I am blind, that's kind of expectable though. Eh. Expectable… Is that a word? It doesn't… It doesn't sound like a word. Ah, whatever. Like I care.

Anyway, as I was saying, today I am blind. Just my luck. I went to my damn science class for once (I skip school a lot, even when I'm alive) and freaking acid got sprayed into my face. Shit.

Well, that hurt. And you know what Kyle did? He was my science partner this time, and that idiot hit me with a bucket of water before it could burn through my skull! So I'm still alive! It sucks! If it had killed me like it should have, I would have come back good as new. And not blind. Not blind is good.

Mm. Well, maybe it's not fair to call Kyle an idiot. He was just trying to help. Argh. Of course, I had to pass out, too, before I could shoot myself or something. Honestly. I would really, really like to be able to see right now. But no such luck, huh? And, also my luck, I woke up with only five minutes to chorus! This is so damn frustrating, because Chorus is the only class I like. It's the only thing I'm good at. So I figure, if I don't want to get left behind in this shit town when Kyle and Stan go off to college (and oh, they will. Kyle's a damn genius and Stan's set up with a football scholarship.) then I got to have something, too. Sure, I should probably go to my classes if I want to go to college, but I probably wouldn't get in anyway. Just sort of hope I get move to wherever they are on a singer's salary. Hey, don't say I can't. I got to Romania on change in a hat once. So shut it.

And of course, I had to be FREAKING blind on the day the talent guy is coming. Christ! I can't not show up to that damn class today.

So here I am, stumbling through this godamn hallway, slapping at the lockers and trying to figure out where the hell I am so I can get to third period. But all these damn lockers feel the same! Agh!

Maybe I can get there by scent? I sniff the air. Mm… French fries… Wait! French fries! Cafeteria! Ahahahaha, take that, fortune. So, let's see, chorus, other direction from cafeteria. And, about face! So I turned around, and start stumbling through this damn hallway, and, of course no one will help. Aw. Poor blind Kenny, let's laugh at him! God damn you guys.

And voila. The bell rings. Shit. So, now I am late. I am blind and I am late and I am lost. God dammit!

I stumble a little bit farther, and somebody grabs my hand off the locker. Whoa! Somebody's gonna help me? In South Park? Well, shit, awesome! So I start to say thanks, and kaboom!

I get pressed up against the lockers, and somebody's kissing me. I've got no idea who. I've kissed a lot of girls before- what did Kyle say when he was feeling nice? 'Undereducated and oversexed?' Ha. When he was mad, which he was a lot (Kyle could really scream when he was pissed) he just called me a whore. A manwhore. Mm. Player is the term, buddy-boy.

Well, it didn't take a player like me to figure that this was not a chick. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. Gay? Straight? Bi? I don't restrict myself with labels. No, I've just got a healthy respect for the human body is all.

But it was too fast for me to figure out who it was. He had really soft lips though… A little like a girl. Which is what threw me off for a second. And when he pulled away and ran off down the hallway (I could tell because he wasn't exactly quiet) I realized I wished he hadn't. Damn, that guy was a good kisser. Shit, maybe I should ask him on a date and see if I could get another one?

But hell, who was it?


So. I'm am officially not blind anymore. Everybody treats it like such a big damn deal. I was blind. So I went home and shot myself. Damn, it's not like it's a big deal when I know I'm just going to come right back the next day. Stupid ass Mackey keeps telling me to stop committing suicide, it 'isn't good for my mental state mmkay' or some shit like that.

Whatever. Like I care.

So I'm off on a hunt for mr. kiss-me-when-I'm-blind-dammit. No luck as of yet. I don't really give a damn what people think about me (Kyle says it's because I grew up with a family who didn't care about me, so I stopped caring about everyone else. Damn, he's so smart.) so I just sort of took the direct route. I went off to school today (for once) and just stormed into class. Garrison (I swear to GOD he's following us) was rambling on about something, and stopped when I slammed the door open and just glared at everybody. Nobody reacted right. All just like 'omg what the hell are you doing' instead of 'oh shit he knows it was me.' So I decided I ought to figure it for myself.

Craig sits next to the door. He's pretty badass, gets in trouble a lot. Not nearly as much as me, since he just has an attitude problem, but he's at least got a good heart. Me? Not so much. I don't even have a heart. I mean that figuratively, of course. I've seen my heart. It's kind of nasty. All throbby and stuff… ew.

Anyway, he was officially the closest, so when I grabbed him by the face and pulled him in for a kiss, I think I must have scared the shit outta the kid. Well, it wasn't him. Damn.

So here I am, kissing Craig Tucker in the middle of class for absolutely no reason, when he punches my lights out. Ow! Crap, you know where this is going, right?

I tripped over a desk and hit my head on a pair of scissors somebody had left out. Of course I feel just right that it went right though my head. Shit. So now I'm dead again.



So far, I know this much:

Craig Tucker – Nope.

Fatass (Cartman) – hell no.

Token - No. Nonononono.

Butters – Uck. No.

Well. I've had a terribly unproductive day filled with kissing random boys who happened to get within twenty feet of me. At the moment, though, I'm kind of being avoided like the freaking plague. (Kyle had to teach me what the plague was for a history project last year. It was like bubonic or something.)

Now I'm gonna have to try to sneak attack people if I wanna get a kiss, now. I could probably ask people, but nobody is really going to say anything. Eh, well, somebody sure as hell had to have one helluva crush on me to sneak-kiss me and bolt though. Maybe. But if they had to do it when I was blind, then they were obviously shy. I hate shy. It sucks. I get nothing from shy people. Nothing! Argh.

I'm gonna sneak attack Stan. Sure, him and me are like best friends and I'm dead sure it wasn't him, but I just kinda want to freak him out. It's funny as hell.

So here I go. Creep creep creep like a freaking ninja and kabam! I tackle him right out of his seat in the cafeteria. And he screams like a little girl! Ahahaha, it's so funny. But he broke my nose and I had to go find something to staunch the bleeding with. But, yeah, definitely not him. He's got the wrong lips for the mystery kisser. Nope. That's probably good.

I really don't like Stan like that anyway. Not that I'd normally turn down a hit with anybody, but I've known Stan forever and it would be freaking weird.

Not like it isn't weird right now, me rampaging around like some crazy horny zombie kid. Ha. Horny zombies… that's so stupid it's funny as hell.


Crap. Well, it isn't one of the goth kids (thank you god) and it isn't Clyde. Ouch. Again. Goth kid hit me with his cane…

Which basically just leaves Tweek. Crap. Well, Tweek's kinda cute in a weird way, but he sure isn't easy. And he's like completely nuts. I sure hope it isn't Tweek.

So- here I go. He's chatting with Craig, now. I'm over here, hiding behind a dumpster, ready to spring him!

And then Craig leans forward and kisses him before I can. And Tweek kisses him right back. Well. I guess I can mark Tweek off. So off I go, wanderin' away. Now I'm out of leads. I've kissed just about every guy I know but Kyle and nothing.


No way.

Not Kyle!
Kyle's like a little kid, and he's always shy about everything and-

Huh. Now that I think about it, it does seem like him. Shy. Afraid to say stuff like he was gay- his parents would flip. Soft like a girl.

Kyle was the only one who really fits the profile, actually. I guess I should give him a try, huh?


Homework. We're doing it right now. Kyle's been trying to give me a hand ever since I starting failing classes and skipping school. I'm kind of a lazy piece of shit with a poor work ethic, but you know, I just get real depressed some days. I mean, what's the point? Honestly? I got no money to go on to do anything with my life, and I got no where I'm going. And shit keeps killing me. The hell? I mean, come on. Would you hire a kid who was probably gonna die on the job and sue your ass? No. And honestly, I wouldn't hire me either.

I'd like to say some of the days I've had were bad enough that you've never felt that bad. I mean- I die. And no one cares. At all. But I knew this one guy once, and this kid was messed up. He always acted real happy and shit and was totally nice to everyone to the point where it was actually annoying, but still. He had a good heart. But he'd lost his parents, real brutal. And this chick he'd liked had dumped him, and the only dude who'd ever really been his friend had set him on fire. On purpose. Sold him out so he could fit in with the cool kids. I never really thought he was sad since he was always all peppy and happy and shit and so damn nice all the time. I never really figured on just how depressed he was inside until he died.

I probably should have seen it coming. I mean, I've been depressed a bunch of times and I've killed myself before, but I come back. Pip didn't come back. So I can't say that I'm the saddest guy out there, even though it sure as hell feels like that sometimes.

But I guess I'm off-topic. You don't wanna hear about this sad gorey stuff.

So I'm here, doing this really complicated math shit. Something about fractals? What the hell is a fractal? Damn, did he just- did he just divide something? Oh hell, why'd he divide? Why aren't I paying attention? Agghhh!

Oh, right, I'm trying to get a kiss out of him.

So he leans over, pointing at the problem, and he gets really close to me. And then I realize something.

Kyle isn't pretty.

Obviously, that's not a sexual deterrent with me, but still. But now I sort of figure that I like Kyle anyway. Which is weird too. Why am I always thinking about him? I mean, I go back and I remember stuff and I always think about Kyle. I just never noticed it before.

I don't understand. Can you really like someone even though you get nothing in return? That's never happened to me before. I don't get it. But I want to.

I lean over and kiss him full on the lips. Kyle's got really soft lips. A little like a girl. His face flushes but he doesn't really pull away.

I want to understand.

And you know what?

Kyle's really smart, so he can teach me.


Draik: D'awwww. Well, that was honestly meant to be a fluff story. I started wrong and screwed myself over and turned it into a writing exercise instead. I meant to write it in past tense and third person, but I just writing and it was flowing… but obviously flowing away from fluff. XD I fail at fluff, you know. I just can't make people cute. People have got to be people with me. And everybody I know is an asshole. XD (I'm just kiddin' guys, I lurv ya'll.)

Kenny: You're off topic.

Draik: I am indeed! So I decided to work on writing in present tense, because I always find it awkward and only good in short bursts. I've never honestly sat down and written anything in present tense that's more than, oh, I don't know, a paragraph or so long? But this poor story was going to be a wee bit longer, with a lot more put into the searching for 'him.' Which turns out to be Kyle. D'awww. It's kinda funny, K2 isn't even my favorite (it's Style) but Kenny's my favorite little dude and I always end up fleshing out stories about him when I want to write something different. X_x

Kyle: Yeah. This dumb story supposed to be written from my POV.

Stan: With moi as the mystery dude.

Draik: I just sort of… got into Kenny. Eheheh… Kindred soul! I'm not so good with school either, it's really easy to feel like you're going no where when that's all people ever tell you. ^^

Kyle: Wow. That's a really depressing line.

Kenny: Almost about as bad as me.

Draik: No way.

Kenny: Ya wai.

Draik: naw wai.

Kenny: no rly?

Draik: ya rly

Stan: :0

Thank you for reading! ^^