Just a one-shot that takes place after Sam and Bobby's conversation in "Sympathy for the Devil." Is spoilerish for those who haven't seen the episode yet, so be warned! I knew how much Sam had to be hurting and this is what came of it.
Disclaimer: Sam ain't mine. Bobby ain't mine. Supernatural isn't mine. They all belong to the great and powerful Kripke and Company!
Losing My Father… Again
Sam walked down the stairs of the cheap motel and then down the sidewalk. His heart felt as though it had been shattered into a million pieces. He fought back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him.
"This kind of thing don't get forgiven… if by some miracle we pull this off… I want you to lose my number…"
Bobby's words had been worse than if the older hunter had hit him. Sam wished that the hunter had said anything else. Done anything else. Had told him that he was a fool. Stupid. Naive. Had just started beating the hell out of him. Anything.
But Bobby had said he would never forgive him. And that he wanted nothing to do with the younger hunter after all of this.
Sam spotted a public restroom which he quickly slipped inside of. As soon as the door was shut and locked he leaned against it and tears began to flow freely down his cheeks. He slid to the floor and buried his face in his hands and sobbed.
Dean hated him. Bobby hated him. The angels hated him, not that really was saying much. And he was quite sure if the rest of the world knew what had happened they would all hate him too. He had brought on the Apocalypse. All because he was blinded by revenge and hurt and anger and power. He turned his back on the one person who had always stuck by him. Christ, he almost had killed Dean back in that one motel. And he had trusted a demon. A demon! He was supposed to be the smart one. He was supposed to be the logical one.
And it all had gotten thrown out the window. Even after Dean was brought back, Sam still couldn't let go of his pain. He couldn't just accept Dean was really back. Couldn't accept the New Dean that had come back. Couldn't accept that Dean's caution was well-founded.
And Bobby. God, how could he have done the things he had done to Bobby? Bobby had always been there for him, no matter what. Even when Sam had gone off to Stanford he knew that all it would take was one phone call to Bobby to find out how things were and if Dad and Dean were OK. Bobby never made him feel bad about choosing to go to Stanford. He always had supported Sam in all his endeavors.
Bobby was another father to him.
And now Sam had lost him too.
Sam knew just how badly he had screwed up. And he knew he didn't deserve any forgiveness. Not for this. This wasn't some little fight over screwing up a hunt or something. This was the end of the world.
And he had brought it on.
Sam sat on the floor for almost an hour, the sobs finally slowly stuttering to a stop. He stared numbly at the grimy blue and green tiled floor, he decision slowly forming.
He couldn't stay around Bobby and Dean. Not now. Dean and Bobby could work on their own. Sam would leave. He didn't want to burden them any longer.
His heart heavy, Sam slowly rose to his feet. Wiping his face with his sleeve he opened the door and walked out into the bright sunlight.
He knew what he had to do.