To those of you who can't tell, this takes place during pre-war Cybertron. I don't know where the idea for this one came from. I just woke up this morning and thought, "I'm gonna write about Sideways getting mauled by a dog today." Popular opinion seems to think I fell down the stairs one too many times, so I guess maybe that's where this came from? :3

BTW...to all of you voting in my poll, I've fallen down the stairs a total of 7 times in my lifetime, all done when I was young...and my mom accidentally dropped me on my head when I was a baby once...so you're probably not far off.

EDIT: Oh yeah...I don't know if posting this will make a difference, but the dogs are robots too, not organic.


Sideways jumped when he heard his name screamed from all the way in the other room. He would have fallen backwards in his chair if it weren't propped against the wall. A package slid across the table, stopping when it hit his leg. He quickly got his feet off the table when he saw his boss standing there.

"This needs to be delivered within the hour, or it's free…and remember, if it's late…" his boss threatened.

"I know…it comes out of my paycheck," Sideways interrupted. He wasn't especially worried. He had a perfect record in deliveries. Not a single one late thus far.

"Now get to it!"

Sideways checked the address on the packaging and happily headed off on his route. It wasn't too far away, and he managed to make it in about 25 minutes, which was 35 minutes short of his time limit. He reached out to open the gate and paused, noticing that there was a dog trotting across the lawn to him. Oh…but a friendly dog…yeah, she was wagging her tail and looked excited to see him. Sticking his fingers through the fence to test the dog's hostility, he was greatly relieved when she licked them instead of biting them off.

"Oh…your name's Sweetness, huh?" Sideways said with a tone of relief when he saw the name printed on her collar. Entering the yard and shutting the gate behind him to keep the dog in, he felt greatly relieved when Sweetness scampered at his side up to the door. He guessed the Beware of Dog sign he noticed on the fence on the way in was just for show.

Ringing the doorbell, he waited a few moments for someone to come to the door. He looked over to the side when he heard something and saw what he could have sworn looked like a body being dragged to the back of the house. It was pretty dark back there, so it could have been anything though. Still, his naturally fearful side started to kick in and he wanted nothing more than for someone to come get this package from him so he could leave. He rang the doorbell again and continued waiting, starting to get the chills when he felt like someone was watching him. He looked at Sweetness, who looked back at him with total admiration.

"Hello? Is someone home?" Sideways called out, knocking on the door. He heard a dog growl and looked back at Sweetness, who was now standing on the edge of the porch, looking down to the ground. She looked back at him and wagged her tail. The growl hadn't come from her… He started pounding on the door, hoping that whoever was inside would get annoyed and open the door faster so he could get out of there.

He heard something coming up the steps behind him and slowly turned around to find a much larger, male dog standing there staring at him. Sweetness didn't seem all that bothered by his presence, but Sideways couldn't stop thinking, Dear Primus, I am gonna die… It didn't help that he had a clear view of the dog's name on his collar.

"Butcher, huh? That sounds promising…" Sideways said nervously. Butcher started growling at him, unlike Sweetness, obviously not too happy with his presence in the yard. It was at that moment that Sideways realized he was cornered.

With nowhere else to go, he dove over the porch railing as Butcher lunged at him, then took off sprinting towards the fence. Quickly climbing over it before the angry dog could snap at him, he reached the top and accidentally fell off…back into the yard. He quickly beat off Butcher and scrambled for the top of the fence again, accidentally falling off yet again when Butcher jumped against it, but this time landing on the fence's safe side.

"I'm alive!" Sideways cheered, nearly falling over when he jumped up with glee. It was then that he realized with horror that in his frenzy to get to the fence, he'd dropped the package. He wasn't the only one who had this revelation. Butcher slowly turned his attention from Sideways to the package and then looked back at Sideways with a look that he guessed was the canine equivalent of a smile. "No…nice doggie…don't!" Butcher bolted away from the fence and snatched up the package, then began shredding it, much to Sideways' dismay. "I am so gonna get fired…" Sideways said helplessly, watching the dog shaking the box violently like a small prey animal.

Sideways leaned against the fence and slid to the ground, wondering what to do. He was locked out of the yard and his package was in the process of being eaten. Looking at his timer, he realized that he had 20 minutes left to get that package to the door before his perfect record was ruined. He wanted to give up so badly like he usually did when he got scared, but this was his job, and the only one he was even good at. He couldn't get fired now!

He felt something licking him through the fence and looked over his shoulder to see Sweetness there, as if encouraging him to try again. He stood up and watched Butcher lay down on his side with the remains of the shredded package next to him and decided the only thing left for him to do was to face his fears…which would be so much easier if he weren't so afraid of them.

Sideways took a deep breath before reaching for the lock. Listening to the gate slowly creak open, Butcher picked his head up and watched the intruder carefully. Sideways creeped along until finally he was a few feet away from the angry guard dog. Butcher stood up and lowered his head, growling.

Thinking quickly, Sideways pointed off into the other direction and shouted, "Look over there! It's your arch nemesis, the vet!" Butcher looked in the direction he indicated with a frightened squeal, giving him enough time to snatch up the mutilated package. Realizing he'd been tricked, Butcher turned around and snarled at him. "Oh, shit…" Sideways groaned as the dog chased him across the yard. Unable to make it to the fence this time, Sideways bolted to the back of the house, hoping for an escape route there.

Looking around, the only safe place that Sideways could find was a nearby shed. He quickly opened it, jumped in, and slammed it shut behind him, listening as Butcher snarled and clawed at the other side. "Damn, I hate dogs," he sighed, sitting by the door and waiting for the dog to leave.

"Yeah, so do I," someone else in the shed said, causing Sideways to jump.

"Who the hell are you?!" Sideways asked, backing away from the other mech.

"I'm the last courier that came here," the mech said. "I've been stuck in here for several months."

"Why didn't you just run when Butcher wasn't around?" Sideways asked.

"The door doesn't open from the inside," he replied. Sideways froze in panic and slammed his head on the wall in exasperation. "Oh, don't feel so bad. It's not that bad in here once you get used to it."

"All the many years I've been a courier, and this is the first time I can't finish my job because of a stupid mutt!" Sideways said dejectedly.

"Yeah…rumor has it they got a discount on Butcher because he's possessed by a demon," the other courier stated.

"I wouldn't doubt it," he sighed. He picked up the damaged package and pulled what was left of the top off, which was only hanging by a corner anyway. "Well by some miracle it isn't broken, but I might get written up for the damaged packaging."

The other courier got an idea and reached behind him, retrieving an empty box. "Here! You can switch it out for mine! I already ate the contents anyway. I don't recommend glass for your next meal, by the way…"

Sideways took the box from him and looked it over. "Yeah, that'll be perfect! Thank you!" He quickly switched the boxes and tossed the damaged one aside. "But I don't know how that would matter, seeing as we might not even make it out of here." 15 minutes and counting…

"These people have been dodging having to pay for anything for years by having Butcher there to keep them from getting to the door in time…I'm surprised no one's complained about that dog yet," the other sighed.

"Any complainers were probably messily devoured," Sideways pointed out. They both sat in silence for a while, contemplating what to do now. Sideways couldn't stop staring at his timer. 7 minutes…he felt like he was going to cry. They suddenly backed away from the door when they heard the lock click. The door slowly opened to reveal Sweetness standing there, wagging her tail and panting. "Sweetness! Am I glad to see you!" Sideways said excitedly, wrapping his arms around her neck.

"Wait…if the door is open, then that means that Butcher…" They both screamed and scurried to the back of the shed when Butcher jumped over Sweetness and got in.

"Nice dog! Pretty dog! Please don't eat me!" Sideways begged the angry animal.

"Over here! Quickly!" the other courier caught his attention, motioning towards the door. Sideways pushed Butcher off and ran for the door, snatching his package off the ground before leaping out. Sweetness shut the door behind him, causing a large thudding sound as Butcher hit the other side and was trapped inside.

"YES! Finally!" Sideways cheered, falling over and laying on the ground panting. He noticed the other courier running off, cheering. "Hey, what are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to Cyberland!" he replied, jumping the fence.

Sideways looked up when the other dog nudged him and dropped his package at his side. "Thank you, Sweetness. Your name is well earned," he said, patting the dog on the head and getting up to finish delivering his package. Sweetness gave the dog trapped in the shed a look that seemed to say, I'll let you out when you learn to behave.

Sideways knocked on the door and finally received a response. "What do you want?" the femme asked in an irritated tone. She started looking around the yard, probably wondering where the guard dog was and why the courier standing on her porch wasn't dead yet.

"I'm here to deliver your package, and since there are 5 minutes left in the hour, this means that you have to pay!" Sideways said triumphantly.

The femme gave him a less than pleased look before going back into the house to get what she owed him. "Stupid lazy dog, can't do anything right…" she grumbled. Sideways looked quite pleased with himself as he handed the package over and took his pay. He quickly stuck his foot in the doorway when she tried to slam it and held out his hand. "Oh…right…a tip…here."

Accepting his tip, he let her close the door and started walking to the fence, happy that his perfect record was not soiled. Looking at his hand to see what his tip was, he paused when he realized that she'd only given him 1 credit. "Ah, man," he sighed, continuing on his way back.