Disclaimer: I don't own Les Mis or any of the songs

Previously in What Would Happen if Jean Valjean Became Evil….

"Who am I? Can I conceal myself forever more? Pretend I'm not the man I was before? And must my name until I die be no more than an alibi? Must I lie?" He continued to sing. "Of course I can!" he chuckled. "No way I'm goin' back to the slammer!" He cried joyously.

"Right on, Master V!" Javert exclaimed. They performed one of their signature guy-hugs. The two friends linked arms and padded off into the sunset, ready for their next task and whatever it was to bring.

Chapter 5

"Bye!" The bar men all left the scene and headed toward the Salty Spittoon. It was Happy Hour, and they couldn't bear to miss it. Surprisingly, Sistine Chapel Man stayed with them. "I wanna join yo' gang." He mumbled, looking slightly embarrassed.

Valjean grinned. "Welcome aboard, buckaroo!" he cheered and gave him a playful punch on his hard bicep. Valjean winced in pain as his hand began to throb. It really WAS hard! Javert looked at them with his usual cold expression. "The Law approves." He nodded.

"So, what's your name?" Valjean asked.

"They call me Brutus." He said, flexing his bicep, which made his Sistine Chapel tattoo dance. Javert forced his lips into a smile. That was impressive.

"What are we doing next?" Javert asked, a cold glint in his eyes.

"We're going to sneak into the hospital, and steal Fantine's daughter, then throw her into a pack of carnivorous wolves!" Valjean exclaimed. Javert nodded.

"How will we get there?" Javert inquired, thinking a little too much into this plan.

"We can take my wheels." Brutus said happily. Valjean and Javert nodded.

"Can I get another ice cream first?" Valjean asked.

Ding! The door bell rang as the three men stepped inside the ice cream parlor. There was a jukebox on the right wall playing oldies tunes. Javert hummed softly and tapped his foot to the beat. Valjean strutted up to the counter, his posse following behind him.

"I'll have…. a pistachio sundae, with…. rainbow sprinkles, cookie dough, and…chocolate chips. On a waffle cone." He licked his chops and resisted the urge to start drooling


Javert stood beside Valjean. "The Law permits that I order a…vanilla…with…pecans. And walnuts." Javert ordered, giving the cashier a stern nod. Now, Brutus stood at the counter. "Friends, Romans, countrymen! Lend me your ears!" He began.

"I am SO not getting paid enough to do this." The cashier, a young teenage boy muttered, looking at the dynamic trio.

"I want a chocolate. Wit' sprinkles. Ya' catch my drift? Ya' pickin' up what I'm puttin' down? CAN YOU DIG IT?" Brutus roared enthusiastically into the cashier's face. "I CAN DIG IT!" Valjean and Javert exclaimed behind him.

"Um………that'll be 5.95…." the scared cashier mumbled, pressing some buttons on a cash register. He put his finger on the "Call Security" button and hesitated. He lifted his finger after thinking a while.

"Thank you, my good man!" Valjean exclaimed to the cashier. He gave the cashier a subtle wink and grabbed his frozen treat. They sat down in a leathery booth by the window. They devoured their delights quickly, eating in silence except for the occasional "ooh..," or "mmmm…" they moaned when they tasted something savory.

"BRAIN FREEZE!!!!" Valjean screamed so loud it shook the little parlor. Javert covered his ears. "The Law's ear drums are shattering!" Javert exclaimed angrily to Valjean. "Cold! Cold! Cold!" Valjean pounded his fists on the table. Brutus rolled his eyes and whacked Jean on the back. He stopped crying instantly. "We should get goin'" Brutus said, standing up. Javert nodded. "The Law waits for no one." Javert stood up and brushed the dust off his tidy uniform.

"Farewell, citizens!" Valjean said, waving to the other customers as he stood in the doorway.

"Lemme' go get my wheels." Brutus said, walking out of the parlor.

"Those are your wheels?" Valjean made a disgusted face at Brutus' ride. It definitely wasn't a motorcycle. Valjean and Javert stood in awe at the hot pink tricycle with streamers on the handlebars and a bell. A red metal wagon was attached to the back of it, allowing more than one passenger to ride


"No way. No way I am riding that." Valjean shook his head. "I have a reputation to protect." He protested, crossing his arms.

"The Law does not approve!" Javert cried.

"Well, its the only thing we got." Brutus said. "Hop on."

Ring! Ring! Brutus rang the bell as he sped through the streets of Paris. "OUTTA MY WAY! OUTTA MY WAY!" he called as he raced down the cobblestone pathways.

"Wheeee!" Javert cried as the wind whipped his long, brown ponytail. "I feel like a robin in flight!"

"HOW FAST ARE WE GOING?" Valjean cried against the roaring wind.

"I dunno bro, like seventy-five? WOO!" Brutus cried. "Oh, man it's the fuzz!" He cried, watching a swarm of policemen trailing behind the speeding tricycle.

"ALMOST THERE!" Brutus cried. They actually crashed into the wall of the hospital. "That shall leave a mark." Javert concluded, examining the dent they made in the hospital wall. They parked their tricycle and wagon and opened the doors of the hospital. Their footsteps echoed around the vacant hallways as they strode in-step. They stopped when they found the room they were looking for: Fantine's room.

Valjean stepped inside, followed by Javert and Brutus. Valjean tried to put a soothing expression on his face as he knelt beside her. She jerked upright instantly. "COSETTE, IT'S TURNED SO COLD! COSETTE, IT'S PAST YOUR BEDTIME! YOU'VE PLAYED THE DAY AWAY AND SOON IT WILL BE NIGHT!" Fan tine sang as loud as she possibly could. Valjean had to cover his ears. What was going on?"

COME TO ME, COSETTE, THE LIGHT IS FADING!" She sang to the wall, staring at nothing in particular.

"What is happening? What are you looking at? Hello? What are you looking at? I don't see anything!" Valjean cried, trying to get her attention. "Don't you see, the evening star appearing? Come to me and rest against my shoulder! How fast the minutes fly away and every minute colder!" Valjean looked at her strangely. She had stopped singing


"Well, that was odd…" Valjean muttered to Javert. Javert looked at him and he understood. It was his turn for a solo.

"Oh, Fan tine! Our time is running out! But Fan tine, I swear this on my life!"

"Look, Monsieur, where all the children play!" Fan tine interrupted, staring at the wall again. "Be quiet and let me sing!" Valjean whispered to her. "Oh, um, I mean…be at peace! Be at peace evermore!" he saved himself.

"My Cosette…" She looked pale now, as if her face was sinking into the pillow.

"Will live in my protection." Valjean lied, stroking her short hair to make himself look extra convincing.

"Take her now…" She pleaded, the lights in her eyes dimming.

"Your child will want for nothing." He promised, thinking of how he was going to feed her to a pack of mountain lions.

"Good Monsieur, you come from God in Heaven!" she murmured.

"And none will ever harm Cosette as long as I am living."

"Except some wolves." Brutus snickered to Javert, who smiled coldly.

"Take my hand, the night grows ever colder." Fan tine whispered.

"Um, can't you just die without all this drama?" Valjean asked, getting sick of being nice and promising.

"AND TELL COSETTE I LOVE HER AND I'LL SEE HER WHEN I WAAAAAAAAAKE!" Fan tine cried. "And now…I…die… " She said, adding in extra drama. She made some dramatic gasping noises and began flailing like a fish on a dock. Too bad if she won an Oscar she wouldn't be alive to accept it.

"That was easy." Valjean stood up and exited the room, Brutus and Javert following behind him. They left the hospital and stood outside.

"Now…. how to get a pack of wolves?" Valjean asked. Javert and Brutus looked puzzled. This was going to be much harder than they'd planned.

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