Chapter 30: Love, Not Reason
I read once that, "It is love, not reason that is stronger than death". For the life of me, I can't remember where I saw that, but it seems to make sense.
The last thing I remember is the demon evacuating my body, leaving me paralyzed and close to death. The dagger took away the demonic part of me, giving the control back to me. I remember seeing Sam and I remember telling him how much I loved him. And then I closed my eyes.
When I woke up, I was standing in a court room. It was regal and elegant, and I felt so out of place standing there. Windows lined the sides and allowed sunshine to penetrate the glass. There was a large judge's bench with three seats. One large seat was in the center with two slightly smaller chairs flanked either side facing the audience and two tables facing the bench, which I assumed was for trial purposes.
I was in a cream robe with dainty slippers on my feet. There was no one else in the room save myself. I turned in a circle, taking my time to adjust to these new surroundings. I was facing the audience benches when a fake cough interrupted my study.
"Ahem!' I turned to face a group of men, all older and much taller than me. They too wore cream robes but theirs had sashes of gold lying across their chests. All had grey hair and beards, and all looked old and wise. It was the shorter of the men who stood in the middle that spoke to me. 'Are you Jessica Leigh Moore?"
I couldn't speak. A gulp slid down my throat and I could only nod my head with a tab bit of enthusiasm. The men grunted with satisfaction once I verified my name, but this did not make me feel any better about the situation.
"Excuse me,' I was quiet but still audible. 'Can you tell me where I am? The last thing I remem..."
"Miss Moore,' The tallest man cut me off. His beard was the whitest and he had no hair upon his head. His nose looked like a hawk's beak and his narrow black eyes made me feel like his prey. 'You are dead."
"Okay...' I restrained myself from rolling my eyes. Obviously I was dead, or dreaming, but I don't think even my subconscious was this creative. 'But that doesn't answer my question. Where am I, exactly?" I was cut off once again by the tall hawk man. Clearly my speaking was annoying him but I needed answers and I needed them now.
"You, Miss Moore, are here in the Court of Judgement."
"And I am here because...?"
"You are here because of your life and death, Miss Moore,' The shortest middle man spoke. The other two men had suddenly left his sides and walked to the two chairs that were only slightly lower than the main judges seat. From what I could tell, these three were the court officials. The man speaking to me held a large book in his hands and had yet to move it though it looked extraordinarily heavy. 'We are here to judge your fate."
"My fate?' I knew I had a perplexed look of my face but I made no effort to hide my confusion. The man speaking to me went and sat at the high center seat. He looked regal sitting above everyone else, but with them in their seats and me on the floor, it truly felt like I was on trial. 'Aren't I dead? Isn't that my fate?"
I received no answer, no reply of any kind. I was met only with an eery silence that left a bad taste in my mouth and a scary thought in my mind.
"Please be seated Miss Moore." The hawk man peered down at me and when I turned to find a seat, I was surprised to find a red Victorian library chair behind me. I swore it hadn't been there a minute ago, but I made no comment and took my seat anyway.
"Miss Moore, please verify that the following statements are indeed true and accurate according to the best of your knowledge." I nodded and waited for his declaration to begin.
"Jessica Leigh Moore. Born, 1537 in England. Died, 1557 in England. Cause of death is by blade, stabbed by Azazel. He is now residing in Hell and is not able to pay witness to this court."
"Do these statements ring true Miss Moore?"
I nodded, choosing to remain silent . I didn't trust myself to speak. I was too confused as to what was happening.
"Please note that the subject validates the facts to be true.' The middle man shuffled his papers before him, an act I'm sure since he wasn't even using them to begin with. 'Now, Miss Moore, is it true you were killed by the demon Azazel and turned into an immortal without your consent?"
"And is it true that despite your connection to the demon Azazel that you have remained a supporter of good and not of evil?"
"And is it true you have worked with the angel Castile in the war against evil?' I nodded in response this time. 'Noted. But, Miss Moore, is it not also true that you were sentenced as an immortal to carry out the bidding and orders of the demon Azazel?"
"Yes, but I had no choice in the matter."
"I see.' He took a deep breath, sighing in an agitated matter, as though he weren't really interested in what was happening. 'So, to speak frankly, you worked for a demon and carrying out orders that may have harmed innocent people though you did so because you, and I quote, 'had no choice in the matter'?"
"I was bound to him, sir. I didn't have a choice. He took over me, my free will, my soul.' How could he not understand? How could he act like I had done something wrong? 'I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I stayed as far away from the danger as I could but I was dragged in anyways."
All three men sitting at the judges stand removed the glasses that were wired onto their faces and rubbed their brows. I felt their annoyance with me from where I sat. But, damn them! I was confused. I stood with anger and demanded for my questions to be answered.
"Excuse me.' My tone caught their attention. 'I have answered your questions. I have been patient and polite. But, I don't understand. Where the hell am I? What are you doing? Who are you? and what the hell is going on here?" I was exasperated by the time my rant was done.
"We, Miss Moore, are the elders of life.' The one who spoke was the only man who had not spoken to me yet. His voice was deep, booming in the echoing hall. 'We are angels charged by the Lord himself to deem if lost souls deserve another chance."
"Lost souls? How come I've never heard of you?"
"Lost souls Miss Moore. People such as yourself who have been pulled into the war of good and evil without the knowledge of it. We are here to decide if you should have another chance at life.' Though his voice was loud, he also seemed to be the most patient of the three of them. 'You have never heard of us because we do not make our existence known. Those who do know us are either given new life or sentenced to damnation."
"You may not have wanted to do so but you did participate in actions of evil Miss Moore. And we are here to decide if a second chance should be granted to you.' Hawk nose addressed me without looking at me. He seemed bored, not caring for the situation before him. 'Your case is one of interest Miss Moore, especially with the plea of the angel Castile..."
"Castile? He spoke with you?" I interrupted him but I needed to speak. I felt hope for the first time in a while.
"Yes, Castile has pleaded on your behalf. But we must decide for ourselves whether or not you can be given another shot at life."
The men turned to each other and seemed to have a conversation in their heads. They exchanged no words but were looking so intently back and forth between each other that there must have been some form of a dialogue between them. After a moment they finally nodded their heads in agreement and turned back to where I stood waiting anxiously.
"It is our decision that Miss Jessica Moore be granted a second chance.' I smiled. I was going to live again! I could go back to Sam! I nearly started cheering when hawk nose lifted a hand to silence my glee. 'You will be reincarnated as a daughter to a well off family in Australia. There, you may start again and live a life free of this supernatural war as you were meant to have in your original lifetime." He was about to slam down a gavel when I shouted.
"Wait!' They stopped and all three turned to me with confusion written on their faces. 'Thank you, for your decision sirs. But, can't I just go back to my old life? Can't I just go back and be me, Jessica?"
All three men looked to each other then back at me, then back to each other. I was nervously standing there. I didn't want to start over. I wanted to stay as me and be with Sam. I didn't want a new life, one where I'd never remember this one. I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best as they took their time with their silent conversing yet again.
"Miss Moore, you are a victim to this life and because your case is one of extreme delicacy, we may consider it." I cheered on the inside. While there was a slight chance that I could get back to Sam, I still had hope.
"But,' Of course there was a 'but'. There always was one. 'Because this is not an easy task, you must first convince us that you deserve your old life back."
I swallowed, feeling the stiff and soreness that roared from the back of my throat. I had never been an eloquent speaker, hence why I had chosen art as my major at Stanford. I didn't know what to say to convince them and blabbing seemed like a silly way to go.
"I want my old life back.' Big nose rolled his eyes. Go Jessica for stating the obvious. 'Look, I know you say I was a victim. Yes, I was a victim to Azazel and his ploy but I don't feel sorry for myself. In fact, I thank God that it happened."
All three men looked at me in shock and I knew I had their undivided attention.
"If I had never been Azazel's pawn of choice, I never would have met Sam.' My heart pounded at the sound of his name on my tongue. A smile was sent to my face and I couldn't help but feel a longing for him. 'I have lived a long time, nearly 500 years and I can say with all sincerity that I have never truly been happy until 6 years ago."
"When you moved to Stanford on Azazel's orders to watch Mr. Winchester?"
"Yes. He's everything to me. For so long I felt lost, alone, like a slave kept in the dark. But, meeting Sam gave me light and I have never seen more clearly than before. He found me, gave me a reason for being. Those four years we spent together were the happiest of my life. Seeing him again... it's been Heaven while we've been through Hell."
I started to cry a bit, silent tears streaking my face. I wiped them away quickly, but not before they could see. Once clear, I stood tall and sure, knowing that my next words might be my only ticket back.
"It is love not reason that is stronger than death.' I whispered those words to myself, truly believing every power behind them. I gulped and proceeded with all the courage and bravery I could muster. 'Sirs, I can't convince you to give me my old life back. As much as I want to, I know I can't. Because, until you know a love like I feel for Sam, you can't understand what it means to be alive."
"Given a choice, I'd chose to move on now, having the memories from my life with him then start over.' I smiled at the memories I had of Sam. His smile, his heart pounding next to mine, his fingers running over my arm as I snuggled next to his side during the night. The way his eyes captivated mine with just a split second of a glance. The way he melted my soul and made me believe in life again. I couldn't live without Sam. I wouldn't. 'Sirs, If Sam isn't in my life, I don't want to live."
I was done. I turned around and took a seat in the plush chair they had conjured behind me. Here, I would patiently wait until they had made their decision.
I watched as they turned and spoke in hushed tones. It only took them a few minutes to decide but it felt like another 500 years had gone by before they broke apart. Finally finished, I waited on the edge of my seat to hear their decision. I knew my chances weren't good, but there was always hope.
"Face your fate Miss Moore." With that, the middle judge grabbed his gavel and slammed it down twice on the stand before I could ask what he meant. There was a bright flash of golden sunlight that burst into the most blinding white spark I had ever encountered. The light, so blinding, suddenly went out, and once again I was left to pass out in the darkness.
Just as quickly as the flash came, I appeared into the real world. It took me a moment to take in my surroundings. Looking down, I saw the body I had inhabited for nearly 500 years. I could feel the wood beneath my bare feet and with a raise of my head, I saw I was on a familiar porch. Bobby's. I whipped my head around, searching for something, someone, anything. Was I dreaming? Was this Heaven?
Suddenly a noise roared up over the drive and I heard the sound of rocks and gravel flying under the rubber wheels of a car. The engine purred, just as Dean's Impala had when I heard it start. The very same car pulled up and I saw the shocked faces of my past companions. But, there was one face above all that stood out to me.
When he vacated the car, I began a slow walk to him, down the porch steps and onto the brown dirt. He walked toward me with the same caution. Standing before each other, we dropped to our knees. And when I touched him, I felt a glamor of hope that this was reality. The solidity of his lips when I kissed him confirmed my suspicions.
I pulled away from him, and leaned my forehead against his. I was in a state of shock and didn't have the words or the energy to show my glee. Once he pulled away and stared at me in wonder, I said the first thing that came to my lips.
With those words, Sam pulled me in fast and kissed me hard and without mercy. My body surrendered to his and we kissed with a fevered passion. When we broke apart, out of breath, he pulled me up and swung me around in his arms. And as I basked in the warmth of his arms, I finally felt peace and knew that nothing, not even the greatest of all evil or disaster could pulled me out of his life. I am home.
Well, there you have it. I wanted to end the story on a high note and leave some room for the imagination. I have had immense fun writing this story and I look forward to writing one for Dean in the future.
This story and chapter is dedicated to all those who have reviewed, added, and favourited my story. Too many to name, but you know who you are. I hope you've enjoyed it.
Even though it is the final chapter, I would love some feedback. Review Review Review! What do you think? Let me know PLEASE! Look for more Supernatural stories in the future. Thanks to you all and here's some love being sent your way!
PS. I posted photographs of my images of the characters I used while writing the story on my photobucket page. See the link in my profile for the images.