Jasper raced through the woods back home after cutting the hunting trip with his brothers short. Though he had only succeeded once in all the years they've been together, he was hoping to surprise Alice and have some alone time with her. Seconds later, he reached the house and pulled the door open. As soon as he set foot in the house, a scantily clad body flung herself into his arms and kissed him. However, it was not the body he was expecting.

"Bella! What are you doing? You can't just go and kiss me like that!" he said, trying to pry her off.

"Psh. If Jacob could get away with it, so could I. I'm Bella Fucking Swan. I can do whatever the hell I want," she said, not relenting.

"Stop! Stop! Why are you doing this?" he said, pushing her face away.

"Because the author likes cowboys, and Alice is not self-insert enough to write about in fanfiction, okay?"

"But I'm not---"

"Listen, no one cares. Just shut up and kiss me, okay? The Embry-lovers are waiting. He's up next."

With one more shove, Jasper was finally able to push her away and run off into the woods again. That was close! Must warn Edward, must warn Edward...