Title: "Fever Dreams"
Spoilers: MAJOR Spoilers for everything up to chapter 58 of the manga and episode 25 of the anime. Minor spoilers for one or two small facts from the second half of the series.
Warnings: NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated M for a reason. Swearing, sexual activities, foodplay, light bondage. Contains some discussion about rape but no actual rape (not implied rape, not offscreen rape, not any other kind of rape).
Summary: When L goes into a complete panic about the idea he might die, it unleashes a chain of events for L including sex, illness and then memory loss. And then Kira is forced to come up with a non-lethal new scheme to neutralize L and save himself.
Pairings: LightxL to start with, eventually transitions to both LxLight and LightxL, and also has a minor LxMatsuda, a very minor LightxMisa and a very minor Hideki_RyugaxMisa (the real Hideki Ryuga, not L)
Additional Notes: This starts within the "rooftop rain scene" found in episode 25 of the anime (the one that is absent from the manga) and things diverge from there. All canon events previous to this have happened as normal.
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.
L was standing on the roof, looking up into the rain, wondering what he was doing. The clouds were dark gray and low in the sky, it was cold, though not that cold for November, and the rain was about as heavy as rain ever gets. He was avoiding his death, of course. Testing the 13-day rule... it was the only way to make sense of this case. Yet, if there was any point to testing it, then Light was Kira, and Kira would never allow the test to go through. Kira would attack, and if L couldn't figure out that attack fast enough, he'd die.
If the rest of the team had been behind him, L would have had a chance. He could have tested the rule with Misa still under surveillance and Light safe on the other end of the chain. But, with Misa loose and unfettered, and she had seen L's face... L didn't know how that shinigami eye power worked, whether it had really turned off when Misa lost her memories, whether it was turned on now... but, his name might be known already or easily obtained. And then, there was that shinigami, who seemed suspiciously on Kira's side. If the shinigami really was working for Kira, there was probably no way to survive this.
Testing the 13-day rule... it was really a last-ditch desperate attempt, and L knew it. He would only survive if he were both lucky and smart. Intelligence alone wouldn't help him out of the situation. Thinking that way, he'd wandered out into the rain on a whim, wanting to look at the world, at the landscape of Tokyo spread out before him, to say goodbye to it. And then, he'd found himself staying, lingering, not wanting to let go of the world. The rain was cold, but the pounding of it felt good on his skin. It felt... like being alive. Somehow, it made his skin tingle a bit, and the feeling of his wet clothes clinging to him was also good... that heaviness, a bit of wet friction whenever he slightly shifted his position. It was all oddly comforting. Soon it would get dark, especially since it was November and with such heavy, thick clouds hanging low in the sky. L wondered if he had already seen the sun for the very last time.
Then there was a voice interrupting his thoughts. It was Light, standing at the rooftop entrance, completely dry, asking L what he was doing out there. That bastard had no right to be so dry and comfortable. L feigned not being able to hear until Light came out and stood next to him, repeating the question, "What are you doing out here by yourself?"
L had several urges right then. To start talking about some nonsense just for the pleasure of confusing Light, to start up accusations in hopes that Light would act completely out of character and just confess to being Kira, or to get in a really serious fight with him, not holding himself back this time, and then not stop until he'd managed to throw Light off the roof.
He didn't do any of those things. He just looked at Light, and Light looked back, still waiting for his answer. Finally, L said, "I am preparing to die."
L was at once shocked by his own answer. He'd never expected to be so honest. Everything with Light had always been lies, or if it had been the truth, there was some carefully calculated purpose behind it. He'd never just told the truth to Light for no reason at all, speaking to him like he was a normal person and not... Kira.
L felt a desperate, panicked urge rise up within him then, the urge to not go inside, his heart speeding up. This was it. All those other times he'd used himself as bait for Kira, he'd known he might die at any moment but then there would be proof and Watari would carry on to arrest Light. But those times he hadn't felt like this. Before, it had been not quite real, it had been scary but almost a game, and he had known he would be victorious even in death. But now, this time, it felt so extremely different.
There was a much greater chance of his death, almost a certainty, and no more safety net. If L died, Kira would win, and go on to kill thousands. L couldn't even tell the others "If I die soon, Light is Kira" because they had been hearing that for so long it was now meaningless. Besides, Light had been entirely cleared in their minds.
It was such a desperate feeling. L could feel his heart pounding in his ears. He felt ashamed he'd been so open about his feelings in front of Light. To actually admit he knew he was dying in front of his enemy, and then let Light see the fear. That wasn't supposed to happen. L wasn't supposed to let Kira see his feelings.
Light... Kira was still looking at him, looking in his eyes, searching his face. Kira's face showed hurt, and a bit of tenderness. It did not look like the face of a mass murderer. L would have gone inside to escape that face, except that the urge to not go inside was overwhelming. L had a feeling that if at that very moment someone had tried to grasp his arm and drag him from the spot, he would have fought like a madman, clawing and kicking every step of the way.
Then Light was advancing on him, closing the last few feet of distance between them. L wouldn't give up his spot. That spot he stood on, it was his life, all he had left of life. If Kira forced him off it, he would die. L's heart was beating so fast. He could feel the heartbeat in his chest, in his throat, deep within his ears. Light looked sad and a bit excited. Was Light sorry for the murder he was about to commit? Did it make Kira excited to see someone who was frightened and about to die?
Light was only a few inches away, but he was still going, closing the distance. L stood his ground. Then arms - Kira's arms - were wrapping around him. Light was so much warmer, he'd just come out into the rain and hadn't gotten chilled yet. The hug felt good, it felt human. L wasn't going to step back. He shivered slightly within Light's grasp. Then Light's mouth was pressed up to his ear, the breath feeling unnaturally hot, and Light said, "I don't want you to die, L."
He wasn't using the safe name of "Ryuzaki" anymore. Light had gone straight to "L" with no thought. The boundaries were lowering, the barriers breaking. Light was still holding him, pressing against him, and Light was the only warm thing in the cold world. L didn't usually touch people, but now, he needed to cling to something, to something that made him feel alive. Every breath was a countdown to the last one.
Then, L felt Light rubbing against him, rubbing his entire body up and down L's body. Was this what friends did? Was it friction to keep warm in the rain? Yes, if they rubbed like this, they could both stay out here longer. And, L was feeling so alive. Every part of him wanted to wake up, experience life fully. A certain part was already stirring actively, a hot tightness rising and swelling in his groin. But that was natural. Friction tended to have that result. Yes, Light had set himself off in the same way. L could see and feel the bulge in Light's trousers as Light continued to rub the full length of his body over L's body.
Light said, "But, L, I can't stop it. It's already happening."
Was that a reference to the rubbing motions, or a continuation of Light's previous statement about L's death? If it was about L's death, then it was a confession of being Kira, and it meant that either L's name had already been written down or that some plan to kill L had been set in motion so completely that Light could no longer pull the plug. The desperation rose even more inside L. His heart was beating much faster, his entire skin felt hypersensitive, and he clung fiercely to Light. If he let go... if he let go... he didn't know what would happen. He couldn't face it, not yet. His fingers dug into Light's back and knotted in the wet fabric of Light's shirt.
Then, Light was nuzzling L's neck, his breath hot, his lips soft and so very warm, his teeth nibbling gently, starting high on the neck, just under the ear and then descending gradually with little nips and bites to the hollow just above the collarbone. Yes, just there. L could feel the pulse pounding in his neck just under those teeth. He threw his head back and let Light bite and suckle as he pleased. Everything was so slick, the rain a beating pressure against L's skin and clothing.
The full-body rubbing continued, starting to create real friction heat along every body part that faced into Light. This... this was sexual, wasn't it? Friends didn't bite and suckle at the throat like this, did they? It felt so good, though, and L wasn't ready to let go, to face death alone, not just yet. It was pleasurable; it was something to hang on to. The body heat, the cold, the pounding rain, it was all starting to make L's skin prickle and shiver. And, still, his heart was beating so very fast, and he just wanted to feel, and not think, not think about the death that was awaiting him.
The rubbing was really starting to get to L. He could feel his member straining, hard, and Light was equally hard. With each long rubbing motion Light made against his body, those parts pushed over and against each other, two large bumps that crashed together and then had to navigate past each other, only to reverse direction and do it all over again.
Then he felt Light's hands going under his shirt, lifting the lower hem of the heavy wet fabric from his slick skin and slipping inside. One hand came behind to cradle L's back and the other traced circles on L's stomach, gradually moving upward. A kind of shivery tingle followed every movement of those fingers as they worked their lazy way up his stomach and then chest.
At last, the fingers kept circling one nipple, zeroing in on it so very slowly. L was panting now. He wanted those fingers to... yes, there they went. The fingers grasped the nipple tightly, kneading it and hardening it, the slick rain making it all so slippery. The smooth friction of it felt incredibly nice. Light was still nibbling L's neck, ever so gently, and pressing the other hand to the small of L's back underneath his shirt. Yes, this was certainly, certainly sexual. L found himself wondering when Light had developed this attraction, when Light had first thought of having a male partner.
Wait, no, why wonder about Light. The real question, L considered, was himself. Why was he submitting to sexual attention from another man? He'd never thought... Oh my God! Light's hand had left his nipple and plunged completely inside the front of L's baggy jeans. L ground up into that hand instinctively, letting out a low whine. Everything was so slick from the rain inside there, and the sliding motion of Light's fingers made L's penis ache and throb with need.
The fingers were fondling in the wetness, rubbing and exploring everywhere with just the right amount of pressure and skill, grabbing and groping. Every touch was electric, and L pressed against the hand, grinding into it, wanting more. Then, the fingers enclosed him completely, taking a firm hold and stroking up and down. L realized then, he was getting a hand job, an actual hand job. This wasn't just play any more. He was really going to come in Light's hand. He shivered at the thought, leaning into the strokes.
He'd never... he'd never... let anyone do this before. It was so good. He couldn't tell Light to stop. He wanted more of those firm strokes, those enclosing fingers. Light's pumping was so relentless, and he hadn't stopped nibbling at L's neck either. The combination of sensations, the pounding rain, it was all so much. Then L felt Light's hand on his back pressing harder, and he realized Light was partly holding him up. L's knees were weakening, shaking, giving out. Light was lowering him to the ground now, to the tar-and-pebbles surface of the roof. The hand was still stroking, the fingers so warm, squeezing hard with a skilled, sure pressure. Then Light's other hand left L's back and began opening the front of L's jeans.
L looked down and watched. Light was incredibly soaked, his hair plastered to his head tightly, water dripping continuously from the ends of his hairs and even his eyelashes. He was such a pretty boy. Light's hands worked quickly, opening L's jeans and pulling them down, then pulling down the boxers too. For a moment, L ached for the missing hand. But the rain, it was pounding hard, directly on his exposed erection, relentlessly battering it down with soft wetness, stimulating it. Then Light's head was blocking the rain, and suddenly, he was kissing the tip of L's penis.
This isn't happening, this isn't happening... it progressed to oral so quickly?
L felt the head of his penis being engulfed by something incredibly warm and wet, so sloppy and so completely enclosing. He closed his eyes, feeling acutely conscious of the pounding rain on his face as that mouth continued to draw him inside inch by inch, the tongue swirling on the sensitive underside. L gasped as his world narrowed down to nothing but an awareness of that warm friction and pressure, moving up and down, a constant dizzying motion.
L felt like there wasn't a person attached to that motion, there was just the intense bliss of the sensations, so wet and exactly right in every way, his excitement rising, rising within him. And then his climax hit him with breath-taking intensity, and he'd never felt a release as sweet as this one that he emptied into Light's hungry, waiting mouth, Light lapping at him constantly as the waves of pleasure moved through L, his hips rising, his thighs grasping Light's head as L rode out the spasms and finished, panting and dazed. He tried to think, but his thoughts weren't working.
He looked down to see Light gathering the white liquid from his mouth into his hand, and then Light reached down with that hand, where L couldn't see. L felt himself being penetrated by a slippery finger that moved back and forth, creating odd sensations that sometimes bordered on the uncomfortable, then a second and a third finger were added, rocking and stretching, scissoring within. L was surprised at how easy it was. Everything was well-lubricated and it didn't hurt at all.
During the process, he did not look at Light. He gazed up into the sky, directly into the rain. At this angle, seeing the rain straight on, it seemed to make odd patterns if he unfocused his eyes just a bit. He felt drawn into those patterns, almost dazed by them. In some corner of his mind, he realized that something weird was happening, something was wrong, he was getting confused. He felt very detached from the things occurring, he felt like he was present and yet not present at the same time.
In the next instant, he felt the fingers come out, and then something warmer than fingers, something larger, was being inserted in the same place. L continued to look at the patterns in the rain, the phantom patterns that only appeared when he unfocused his eyes in just the right way. Somehow, it seemed that he was spinning away into those rain-patterns. There was a dizzy, swaying motion inside his body, almost a floating feeling. Part of his mind thought that perhaps he had fallen off the edge of the roof and was falling, spinning through the heavy rain. An intense shivering fit came over him, and his entire body flushed with a burning heat so strong it was almost unbearable, like being inside an oven and desperately wanting to get out.
The heat slowly faded to a tolerable level, and then L's mind began to focus on the stretching, moving sensation within him. Light was thrusting fairly hard with a steady rhythm, seating himself deeply each time. L was confused. Wasn't this supposed to hurt? But, it was just smooth sliding within him, pressure and friction, rubbing him in just the right way. L felt very loose and open, unresisting, his body limp, completely willing to be Light's tool. He groaned in pleasure as he felt his cock inflating once more. L's penis was chafing, chafing against Light's belly, slick with rainwater. Very suddenly, a strong, tense feeling rose within him, and all at once he came. Light didn't stop the rhythm at all, but simply grunted and continued to nibble at L's ear.
In the afterglow, a quick flush moved through L, leaving him burning hot. His entire skin was shivering, but it felt like it was on fire, and every place Light touched, Light's skin felt burning hot as well. L could feel Light continuing to move within him as that feeling of sexual intensity built up again. For how long, L didn't know, it felt like it could have been a few moments or an eternity. Then, there was a sharp rise in the feeling and L climaxed again, this time taking Light with him, holding a shuddering, sobbing Light in his arms as both men twitched and moaned.
L clung to Light, both of them completely naked, though L couldn't remember when the clothing had been removed. The rain was getting a bit colder, but L felt fine, better than fine. His body had so much heat in it now, and Light also felt like he was made of molten heat. L wanted to press himself into that warmth forever.
L had completely lost track of time. It felt like there was something he was supposed to do. He glanced over at the door leading into the building. The rain was so blindingly thick he could barely see the video camera mounted above it. Was he supposed to go inside? No, no, it was too far away. He was much too weak to crawl such a long distance, and everything was already perfect in the spot where he was, deliciously warm, basking in pleasure. If he moved from this spot, he might die. L stared up into the rain again, trying to see those patterns until once again a spinning, drifting sensation overcame him. It seemed like he stayed that way for an eternity, vaguely aware of Light's intensely warm body pressed against his naked form.
Then Light was moving down L's body, taking L's penis into his mouth once again, and L shuddered at the feeling, his cock hardening once more as Light suckled at it, never letting up. L couldn't remember if he came or not, but after a time he was once again aware of Light penetrating him and thrusting inside him. Yes, there was certainly something wrong, but L didn't want to think about it. Soon the nagging thought went away and he was once more lost in a world of pleasure and friction, being stretched and filled, and the spinning, dizzy sensation.
L kept forgetting where he was, but then he would become aware of his location on the roof once more every time Light finished and withdrew himself, as L suddenly missed that feeling of being repeatedly impaled and tried to snuggle closer to Light. L could no longer remember how many times they'd been at it, but over time he did become dimly aware that they weren't having sex any more, they just clung to each other, rubbing against and climbing over each other, their sexual needs fully spent as the rain washed all traces of it away.
Now they were hugging for warmth and companionship, pressing their unnaturally hot bodies together to stave off the cold rain as it began to get dark. The door to the inside looked farther away than ever before, an unreachable, impossible distance, and it was getting harder to move. L began feeling and hearing a buzzing sensation inside his head. It was steadily drowning out what little thought that remained.
Then, after another of those intervals that felt truly timeless and eternal, L became dimly aware of figures standing over him, and then voices cut through the buzzing sound.
Aizawa said, "What the hell are they doing?"
Watari said, "We can clear that up later. We need to get them inside."
Then L could feel hands on him. He was being lifted up. He felt weak and brittle. They would break his bones if they weren't careful. Where were his clothes? All of them were long since flung away. L felt vaguely embarrassed but his mind wasn't putting one thought in front of another well enough to really comprehend much shame. There was something important L desperately wanted to remember. Yes, that was it. L fought hard to keep himself from being separated from Light. He said, "No, Light's a suspect again. I need the chain. Don't let him get away."
L was dimly aware of Watari's voice saying, "We can't let him get worked up like this. Let him have what he wants. Put them in the same bed and I'll get a doctor here."
L relaxed. Kira wasn't going to get away. L would watch him, make sure he didn't try anything. Multiple strong arms carried him and Kira into the building. He was so tired. He tried to stay awake, he pinched himself, but it felt like everything was slipping away. His eyes were betraying him, closing. At last, the annoying buzzing sound was fading as well. Yes, he thought just before his consciousness faded, I'm going to sleep.
A/N (Author's Note):
This story was largely inspired by a fan art picture by Horus Goddess called "Secret in the Rain", however it also incorporates plot bunnies that had been circulating in my head for a while.
I understand that a lot of readers don't want to be put through a relationship-focused fic that is long and has a lot of chapters only to get to a sad, angsty ending.
If you want to know what kind of ending I've got for this fic, whether it is happy or sad, read through this author's note, otherwise skip right to chapter 2 now.
I'm just putting this mention in here because I know what it's like to invest a lot of time and emotional energy in reading a long fanfic, only to get to a ending that, if I knew it would end that way from the beginning, I wouldn't have read it.
And, I also know that L and Light pairings tend to be overly angsty and often end sadly.
In case you're wondering, the remainder has a happy ending for both L and Light.
I think of L as a person who is out of touch with his own feelings and emotions, and that Light is the same way. Both of them are so immersed in their respective work that they have almost nothing left over for interpersonal relationships. Even if they were both strongly attracted to each other in a romantic/sexual way, it is entirely possible that neither would notice, or if they did notice that neither would act on it (especially since both of them are smart enough to realize what a bad idea a sexual relationship would probably be).
I think of Light as more impulsive and emotional than L (just think about the hissy fit Light had at home in his room after meeting L at the To-Oh University opening ceremonies) so that Light would be a bit more likely than L to start something.
I think L would be more likely to be completely set against the idea of starting something, unless he were certain he could have sex without any emotional bias and there were some specific advantage for the investigation that outweighed the disadvantages for the investigation.
If L did begin having sex with Light it would be likely to be so unplanned it is practically accidental, as it is here, and since L plans everything, that sex would need to be motivated by an emotional state that removes L from the portion of himself that is concerned with planning, such as going into an extreme panic because he thinks he's going to die.