Author's Note: So…I got pretty bored and decided to write this! I tried to make it funny, but I'm not so sure if it is. Percy will probably bit a bit OOC, since well….that's the way it went. Yeah. Haha. And this is BEFORE TLO.
Disclaimer: I do not own PJO, or the jokes used, or Batman! Most of the things I got from another website, and the first one wasn't my idea either (xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx)
Percy Jackson found himself alone in his cabin at camp. He was finally able to get some relaxation time in after Chiron made him work his butt off. The prophecy was coming and everyone was freaked and worried. Honestly, Percy thought they should liven up a little.
It wasn't that he wasn't worried, because he was, but he was tired of it. Tired of training every day. Tired of pondering his possible death. And just tired of being tired! But what could he do? There had to be something! He suddenly had an idea.
Taking out a flashlight, Percy glanced underneath his bed. After a coughing fit, he managed to find what he was looking for. He pulled out a small book he had found about a week ago. On the cover was written 'Connor and Travis Stoll'. Well, it was Percy Jackson's now.
How to Annoy Your Best Friends: The Foolproof Guide.
The fool proof guide, huh? Well if a fool could do it, so could a Seaweed Brain.
Continually ask if their hair is natural or dyed.
Nico lay on the beach, hoping to take a quick nap before lunch. He brushed his dark hair out of his eyes and took a deep breath. The day had been very boring so far, and he was debating on what he should do the rest of the day. He turned his head once he heard someone in the bushes behind him.
"Hello?" Nico sat up on his elbows.
"Hi!" Percy jumped out of the bushes.
"Uh, hi. What are you doing here?" Nico narrowed his eyes.
"I came here to hang with my friend! Is that so weird?"
"Well, fine," Percy scoffed. "Can I sit?"
"Actually, I wanted to ask you a question." Percy smiled to himself.
"Well, I'm pretty curious…is your hair natural?"
"Or is it dyed?"
"Percy, what are you talking about?"
"Your hair. Is it natural or do you dye it?"
Nico ran his hand through his hair. "Why do you want to know?"
"So it is dyed!"
"I never said that!"
"But you implied it."
"No, I did not!"
"I knew it wasn't possible for a boy with such pale skin to have such dark hair! Annabeth owes me five bucks."
"You betted on whether or not my hair was natural?"
Percy ignored him and scooted closer. "I think you need a touch up. Your roots are starting to show."
"For the last time, MY HAIR IS NOT DYED!"
"Okay! Jeez, it was just a question," Percy stood up and began to walk away. "Seriously, though, you might want to consider dying it."
Nico gasped as he went to find the Aphrodite cabin and ask for a mirror.
Ask someone mysterious questions, and then record every answer muttering something about 'psychological profiles'.
Travis and Connor Stoll walked away from the Ares cabin, giggling over their latest prank. They had somehow managed to glue all the beds together vertically. After fighting over who would get to sleep on the stack of beds, the cabin had decided to try ripping them apart. Let's just say, none of them would be sleeping on a bed for a while.
"Hey, Travis, Connor." Percy stopped jogging to walk next to them.
"Hi Percy," they both replied in unison.
"Do you guys do that a lot?" Percy asked, opening a notebook.
"Do what?" they asked.
"That! The whole talking at the same time thing," he took a pencil out of his pocket.
"Not really," Travis said.
"All the time," Connor grinned.
"What are you talking about? We never do that!" Travis stared at his brother.
"What are you talking about? We always do that!" Connor stared right back.
While the two argued, Percy took notes in his notebook, nodding at every sentence the two boys said. When the two had finally reached an agreement Percy spoke. "I see. So would you consider yourselves to be similar?"
"Nah," Travis replied. "I got the good looks and the brains, and Connor got everything else."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Connor looked offended.
"I think you know." At Travis' comment Percy scribbled something in his notebook and mentioned something like 'psychological profiles'.
"Before you guys argue again, which is getting very annoying might I add, I have one question to ask you," Percy coughed while glancing at the words written on his hand. "What activities would you say, uh, deeply nourish you?"
"What does that mean?" Connor had a blank face.
"Who says 'nourish'?" Travis' face looked similar to his brother's.
"You guys are supposed to answer the question, not ask me more!" Percy looked mad for a second before jotting some more notes down.
"Wait a second…" Connor just realized that everything Percy was doing seemed familiar.
"You're not asking us mysterious questions then recording everything we say for our psychological profiles?" Travis asked, narrowing his eyes.
"Uhh…" Percy searched his brain for an answer. Abort! Abort!
"You are!" The brothers took a step towards Percy.
"I don't know what you're talking about! Is that Annabeth calling me? I got to go!" Percy turned around and ran away.
Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
After a spending a long hour with Juniper, Grover decided to find some tin cans and have a nice snack. But what he got wasn't so nice.
As he walked on the pavement, Grover heard someone walking behind him. "Hey, Percy."
Percy gave a strange smile, "Hello Grover."
Grover stared at Percy before walking along, "So what have you been doing today?"
"Oh nothing much…the usual."
You have no idea, Percy gripped the can he was holding. "So where are you headed to?"
"Just going to get a snack. I'm starving!" At that moment, you could hear Grover's stomach growl. "See?"
"I'll follow you."
"Okay then," Grover swatted a fly out of his face. He turned around once he heard a strange sound. "What was that?"
"Nothing!" Percy hid the can behind his back.
"Are you okay? You look a little…evil." Grover glanced at the dead fly out of the corner of his eye.
"Do I?" Percy retorted, a grin etched on his face.
"That's not something to be proud of."
He shrugged his shoulders. "Just keep walking."
"Fine," Grover rubbed his stomach to try and take the aches of hunger away. In a few moments, he found his shirt to be wet. "Percy!"
"You just sprayed my shirt with a can of Lysol!"
"Yes. Yes, I did." Percy smiled in satisfaction.
"Do you mind telling me why?"
He scrambled for an answer. "Because I…I didn't want you to get the Swine Flu!"
Grover's face softened a little. "Oh…well next time warn me."
"Aye aye, captain!" Percy gave a sailor salute.
"I'm so hungry I'm too lazy to walk!" Grover moved some leaves so he could sit on the ground. He looked to the side once Percy sprayed Lysol on the leaves.
"Just making sure…the leaves don't get the flu. You know how dangerous it is!"
Grover sighed. "Yeah, whatever." He closed his eyes for a second before re-opening them. "Hey, is that can made of tin?"
"I'm not sure..." Percy took a step back.
"Let me try it!"
Percy ended up spending the next five minutes running away from Grover who was trying to eat the can of Lysol. In the end, Grover proved to be the fastest.
Lesson of the day: never tease a hungry satyr with a can of Lysol.
'Forget' the punch line to a really long joke but assure your friend it was 'a real hoot'.
Annabeth propped her feet up on a nearby tree as she read Modern Architecture. Once she had reached a very good point in the book she saw Percy standing in front of her. "What is it, Seaweed Brain?"
"Nothing much," Percy squatted next to Annabeth. "What are you reading?"
"Just a book that's too advance for your mind to comprehend. Why?"
"I was just asking. Hey, do you want to hear a joke?"
"That depends…is it funny?"
"It's a joke! All jokes are funny!"
"That's what Connor told me before telling me a knock knock joke from the first grade," Annabeth marked her page before putting it down.
"I see your point," Percy laid down close to Annabeth. "But these are funny jokes! You'll love them!"
"I hope so," Annabeth sighed. "Okay, start."
"Three bulls heard via the grapevine that the rancher was going to bring yet another bull onto the ranch, and the prospect raised a discussion among them.
The first bull said 'Boys, we all know I've been here 5 years. Once we settled our differences, we agreed on which 100 of the cows would be mine. Now, I don't know where this newcomer is going to get HIS cows, but I ain't givin' him any of mine.'
The second bull said 'That pretty much says it for me, too. I've been here 3 years and have earned my right to the 50 cows we've agreed are mine. I'll fight him till I run him off or kill him, but I'M KEEPIN' ALL MY COWS.'
The third bull said, 'I've only been here a year, and so far you guys have only let me have 10 cows to "take care of". I may not be as big as you fellows (yet) but I am young and virile, so I simply MUST keep all MY cows.'
They had just finished their big talk when an eighteen-wheeler pulls up in the middle of the pasture with only one animal in it: the biggest bull these guys had ever seen! At 4700 pounds, each step he took toward the ground strained the steel ramp to the breaking point.
The first bull said, 'Ahem... You know, it's actually been some time since I really felt I was doing all my cows justice, anyway. I think I can spare a few for our new friend.'
The second bull said, 'I'll have plenty of cows to take care of if I just stay on the opposite end of the pasture from HIM. I'm certainly not looking for an argument.'
They look over at their young friend, the 3rd bull, and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns, and snorting.
The first bull said 'Son, let me give you some advice real quick. Let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.'
Percy took a breath. "Okay, what do you think the third bull said back?"
"I don't know."
"Oh…neither do I," Percy scrunched his face up. "I can't remember!"
"So you can remember that whole joke but not the last line?" Annabeth looked annoyed.
"Let me tell you, it was a real hoot," Percy smiled. "Can I do one more? Please?"
"One more. And it better be funny!"
"A businessman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls-Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is; why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
Percy suddenly stopped and tried to avoid Annabeth's glare, "Let me think! I know what the guy said back!"
"Why do I have a feeling you don't?"
"It was even funnier than the first one, I swear!" Percy waved his arms around.
"I'm sure it was," she stood up, book in hand. "I'm going to go somewhere that I can read. I'll see you later."
She looked at Percy before walking away. "No offense, but you're not exactly that funny. I don't know if your jokes would have been either."
Percy huffed and stared at his shoes. Somehow, Annabeth had managed to come out on top again.
Try to fit the word 'cornucopia' into every sentence you say.
Silena's plan was to lie out in the sun, get a tan and fix her make up. While she was in the process of doing all this, she noticed Percy in the distance. She always thought he was kind of cute (though she would never tell Annabeth that), so she didn't mind when he came to talk to her.
"Hi Percy!" Silena, out of habit, flipped her hair.
"Hey. How has your cornucopia of a day been?" Percy sat on a rock close to her.
"Your cornucopias day. How has it been?"
"Um, fine, I guess. How about you?"
"According to schedule," Percy stumbled with his words. "I mean, uh, great."
"Well, that's great!"
"Yep. Do you like cornucopias?"
"What? Percy, are you feeling alright?"
"I'm fine," he tried to refrain from laughing. "Do you even know what a cornucopia is?"
"I don't think I'm thinking of the same thing as you."
"According to the dictionary there are four definitions. I'm referring to the second one which states 'a painting or other representation of a goat's horn overflowing with fruits, flowers and vegetables, used to symbolize prosperity'."
Her jaw dropped. "Okay, now I'm sure you're sick."
"I'm not! I'm just a very cornucopias person."
"…That doesn't make any sense."
Percy looked like he was about to say something, before opening and closing his mouth like a fish, "You're right. You seem to know a lot about cornucopias today."
"Not really," she gave a half smile. "But apparently you love them."
"You could say that."
"Right. Well, Percy, have an awesome day." Silena stood up, brushed off her designer jeans and walked away.
He had just gone down two points on her hotness scale.
Ask someone to prove everything they say.
Clarisse sharpened her sword before laying it down. She took a step away from the arena for a short break. Once she had walked outside, she spotted Percy. She initially tried to ignore him, but that didn't work out so well.
"Hey, Clarisse. What are you up to?"
"Training," she brushed some dirt off her arm.
"Do you want me to go get my sword? Because I will."
"Prove that I'll get my sword? No thanks, I'll wait till you annoy me. Oh wait, too late."
Percy blinked. "Wow…that's harsh."
"Whatever. You tend to annoy a lot of people."
"Annabeth Chase. She does call you a Seaweed Brain, right?"
"But that's not because I'm annoying!...Right?"
"You're pretty much always wrong," she glared at him. "If you're trying to gish out a compliment from me, it's not going to work."
"Believe me, I will. Do you want me to insult you some more?"
"Okay, don't prove it," he stared down at the ground, thinking of what to say next. "How has your day been going?"
"It was fine." She stared at him, not blinking.
"Okay, now you're really getting on my nerves."
She grinned, almost happily. "I would love to." She left, only to come back a moment later with her newly sharpened sword.
"I would love to beat you up."
…Percy Jackson will never need to ask anyone to 'prove it' ever again.
Sing the theme to Batman over and over. When that ends, quote Batman.
Percy walked next to Beckendorf on the way back from archery practice. Beckendorf wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead and glanced at Percy. He rolled his eyes and continued walking.
Percy began singing to a tune. "Na na na na na na na nanana."
Beckendorf froze. "That sounds so familiar."
"Na na na nananana na na na na na na…"
"Percy, are you singing-"
"BATMAN!! Batman! BATMAN!!"
"Why are you-?"
"NA NA NA NA NANANANA NA NA NA NA."
"Seriously? You can-"
"BATMAN, BATMAN, BATMAN!"
"PERCY! I think I get it!"
"Okay! Sorry," a moment later Beckendorf could hear Percy whistling.
Beckendorf pinched the bridge of his nose. "Whistling is even worse."
Percy shrugged. "What ever you say. BATMAN! BATMAN! Na na ana ana nan an na na na!"
"Percy….stop. Just stop"
"Alright. I'm done…" Percy grinned. A moment of silence went by.
Beckendorf stared at him. "Whatever you're going to say, say it now."
"To the bat mobile!"
"I'm glad you got that off your chest," Beckendorf rolled his eyes.
"Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?"
"I'm always interested in the way of the criminal mind."
"Oh, I get it. You're-"
"Don't interrupt! I'm trying to fathom the self conscience of a deadly criminal!"
"Correct! However, knowing that, he'd think that we'd think he would not return there, therefore he did and so will we!"
"…Okay. I'm going to go now."
"I always imagined it would end differently, but yet less ignominiously. To drown in my own anniversary cake!"
Needless to say, Beckendorf had the Batman theme song stuck in his head for a week.
When somebody is annoying YOU, grab an army and throw him in the ocean.
Percy lay asleep in his cabin. After a full day of annoying everyone at camp, he managed to fall right asleep. But he should really learn to keep his door locked at night…
Travis, Connor, Annabeth, Nico, Grover, Beckendorf, Silena and Clarisse all quietly sneacked into Percy's cabin. They wore all black (to look like ninja's, said Travis) and grins were shown on all of their faces. As gently as possible, they lifted Percy into the air and carried him out the door where everyone was standing.
They all walked to the beach, checking to make sure Percy was still asleep every five seconds. Connor walked to the side of the ocean and counted, "1…2…3!"
On that count they all let go of Percy, who they were dangling over the ocean. Percy awoke with a scream. He paused for a second, looking at his surroundings. "What did you just do?"
Everone was so caught up in their laughter that they didn't get a chance to reply. But unfortunately for them, they did not plan everything out so well. In a second, they all found themselves to be drenched in sea water, Percy finding himself to have the last laugh.
Throwing the son of the sea god into the ocean isn't exactly the smartest thing.
But it sure as heck is funny.
A/N: I usually don't write stuff like this, but I decided what the heck. It was fun! I hope you liked it!