"In The Dark" Contest

Pen Name: augustine4

Title: The Pain Is Agony

Summary: Edward just got out of jail and returns back to Forks. What happens when he checks up on his loves? Can he handle what awaits him? All Human

Word Count: 2035

For Rules and Other Submissions, please visit: http://www(DOT)fanfiction(DOT)net/u/2003775/


Quote: "Anything, anything would be better than this agony of mind, this creeping pain that gnaws and fumbles and caresses one and never hurts quite enough." -Jean-Paul Sartre

Masochistic


EPOV

It was twilight. The ending of another day, and the beginning of another day. The best and the worst time.

I was sitting on the prickly cold grass dressed in an old black t-shirt and ripped jeans, no shoes or socks. I had no belongings, just the clothes on my back.

I had my knees bent, arms wrapped loosely around my legs as I rocked gently, back and forth…to and fro. My hair was probably windswept and unkempt. My face and skin were unnaturally pale, almost white. My eyes were likely to be crazed and wild.

To outsiders I would definitely look psychotic and insane. People would pass by and think I escaped from a mental facility.

It felt as if I had.

I could use electrotherapy at this moment. At least I would feel, I wouldn't be numb anymore.

It's drizzling now. Small droplets of rain started to fall from the sky and down to the earth below.

Looking up, I couldn't see the stars anymore. The sky was covered with clouds, ranging from a deep grey to a midnight black. I wondered if she was looking up into the sky as I was.

She loved the rain. She said it always made her happy which was abnormal. Usually people feel sad when it rains, but not her. That's just another thing that made her special, she was different from others and I loved that about her.

I loved everything about her.

I wanted to see her now. It would be masochist if I did though. I would only be hurting myself even more.

But I wanted to see her.

With a heavy sigh, I got up from the ground and started to runaway from the one place that was ours.

--

She was near. I could tell by the electricity that was now flowing through me.

Maybe I don't need that electrical chair at all.

I arrived at the house where she was currently inside of. It looked the same as it did six years ago with the exception of a larger car and some toys left in the front yard.

The pain was already starting.

I walked around to the side of the house, using the dark as a cover not that I needed it anyway, but it was just a natural instinct.

Moving swiftly, I climbed up the tree that was located on the side of the house. It would led me upstairs to a bedroom. The bedroom that was once hers.

I easily opened the window and crawled through it, making sure to close it softly behind me.

The warm temperature of the house, defrosted my frozen feet and hands. I didn't realize that my skin was slowly turning to a sickly shade of blue. I was so numb, emotionally and physically.

The pain was a dull ache.

I looked around the room, taking in the modifications of it. The walls that were once a sky blue, were now a light pink. The books that once littered every surface were no more. Instead dolls and little toys were now in places of the room. The bed that we once shared was now removed--replaced with a small bed.

A sleeping little girl was curled up into a small ball on the bed with the sheets wrapped tight a round her. Her wild bronze curls splayed out on the pillow as her tiny pink lips were open in a soft snore.

I wished for her to open her eyes, so that I could see the same orbs that haunted my every being. The same eyes that became my undoing. The same eyes that drew me in with a single look.

I wanted my chocolate orbs.

The pain was inching in strength.

I moved closer to the bed, quietly. My breathing ceased as I reached out to swipe some hair away from her pale forehead.

I could feel a smile etching its way across my lips. Only two people could make me truly smile. Her and one other.

The sleeping girl shifted on the bed, clutching the sheets in her miniature fists. I leaned down about to place a kiss on her forehead when the sound of a car door slamming, alerted me.

I pulled back from the sleeping beauty as I looked for a place to hide. I couldn't leave yet. I wanted to kiss both of them goodbye.

The pain was clawing at my heart.

I took refuge in the closet, but didn't close the door fully. I wanted to see the sleeping girl still.

Footsteps sounded as someone ascended the stairs. Only a few moments later, the door opened softly. Dim lighting poured into the room from the hallway as a shadowy figure walked in.

My heart beats sped up and my body was well aware of the intruder.

"Nessie…" The voice was only but a soft whisper as my love walked further into the room.

The pain was searing my heart.

My love looked even more beautiful than before. She wasn't the young 19 year old I knew before. She was now a gorgeous young woman.

Her chocolate tresses had more waves in it and it was longer than what I remembered. It now came down to her lower back instead of her mid back.

Her frame changed also. Her body had more womanly curves and I longed to run my hands up and down her small frame.

From here I could still see the outline of her clothed in simple dress pants and a blouse. She must of just come from work.

I wonder what she's become. When we were younger she always told me she wanted to be an book editor of some sorts.

That's another thing I admired about her. She had ambitions, goals. Things I didn't have.

I watched intently as she walked over to the bronze headed angel. Her movements were gentle as she caressed our sleeping girls cheek and as she lightly kissed her forehead.

I should be standing with her. We should be checking on our little angel as she slept peacefully.

All this should be happening, but it wasn't and I had me to blame.

"Bella?" A tall blonde male stood at the doorway, leaning against the frame as he gazed inside. "I thought I heard you come in." He was whispering as to not wake the sleeping angel.

"Yeah, I was just saying goodnight to Renesmee." My love said, whispering as well. The male walked into the room, coming to a stop in front of her. "I didn't mean to wake you up, Jasper." She said as the blonde took her in his arms, leaning down to give her a chaste kiss.

I clenched my hands into fists as my teeth gritted. Those arms that were around her should be mine. Those lips on hers should be mine.

You can't blame him Edward. And I couldn't, because he was there for my girls when I couldn't be. He saved my Bella from pain. He gave my little girl some one to look up to.

He was the better man, that was the truth. I hated the truth.

The pain was almost unbearable.

Jaspersimply smiled and said. "Its alright darlin'. I was waitin' for you anyway."

"Okay, well lets go to be then. I'm exhausted." My love untangled herself from his arms before walking over to Nessie and giving her one last kiss on the forehead. Jasper followed her lead and gave the sleeping beauty a kiss as well.

He looked to be in his element. It was like he belonged there with my two loves.

The pain made me want to sob.

Jasper wrapped an arm around her small waist as they exited the room, closing the door behind them.

I left my hiding spot once they left and tried to take deep breaths in order to calm by raging jealousy and hurt. It was eating me alive.

My attention was brought back to the sleeping angel when she whispered something in her sleep. "…daddy…why?…leave…" She was so like her mother, talking in her sleep.

I loved it when Bella did that, because I knew she was dreaming of me. But now as my little angel did so, I knew she was dreaming of me and not in the way I liked.

Tears threatened to fall and I tried my hardest to reign them back in. I tilted my head back and blinked several times. I couldn't cry anymore, not here at least.

Maybe it was a bad idea, coming here, but I had to see them. I needed to know they were okay. I needed to know they were happy.

Now that it appears that they are. I needed to leave.

Get out of town! My mind screamed at me. That would be for the best. The farther away I was from them--the best chance they wouldn't get hurt again.

By me. I added bitterly in my thoughts.

I only seem to hurt them, no matter how much I love them, I always seem to hurt them.

"Goodbye, love." I kissed my angel's forehead, just as her mother did, before backing away from the bed.

If I didn't leave now. I would never leave.

Dragging myself toward the window, I hauled myself out. I needed to put distance between us and fast.

As the window closed behind me, I ran from all I've ever loved. My Bella and our daughter.

The pain is rearing its ugly head.

My feet carried me as fast as they could to the only place where I could release my buried emotions.

--

The meadow was just as I left it.

This used to be a place where my memories thrived, a place only known to my love and I. Now it was a place for me to cower away from the world. To reminisce in my troubled past.

Bella and I were to get married here. The thought was so sudden and caught me off guard. We always said when we were younger that we were going to get married here.

It was true. We were going to build a house here as well in our private little sanctuary.

Now that will never happen. The realization of the thought left me gasping for breath. I need to sit down before I lost it.

The grass was damp from the light rain that passed as I took my spot on the cold, unforgiving ground. The flowers had yet to bloom, due it being winter. The sky was clearing up revealing a starry sky.

I took my normal position. My legs bent, knees pressed up to my chest as my arms wrapped loosely around them.

It was still cold, but I didn't care if I got hypothermia. I was too numb to give a damn.

I looked up at the sky and let out a loud roar of anguish. "Aaaarrrrggggghhh!" My throat was sore by the time I quieted down.

Now that I was alone, I finally let my tears fall as violent sobs shook through my body.

Why did everything change? Why did everything go from good to bad?

Why did I have to be so stubborn? Why didn't I listen to my love? Why did I drink, smoke, and do drugs when my love was home worrying over me? Why didn't I change for my baby? Why can't time just rewind, so that I could do everything over?

It's always 'why' with me and I am sick of it.

I was destined to live the rest of my pathetic life alone. Forever without my love, forever without my bronze haired angel.

That's what I get for leaving my family and being put behind bars. Everything was *poof* gone. Just like that, so sudden.

My lost was someone else's gain. Someone else was rewarded with the kind soul of my Bella. Someone else was rewarded with the beauty of my little girl.

Someone else got my everything while I was left with nothing.

My heart couldn't take it any more, my body couldn't take it any more and I finally blacked out. Drifting off into temporary peace.

The pain was agony.


A/N I was struggling to get 2,000 words for this one-shot, but I did it! Yay!

My first time trying to write something dark themed. I hope it was good enough.

Tell me what you thought. I would love to know.