By Delia Lavender

I do not own LOST, James, Jack, Locke or any other character from

the television series.

An old man shouldn't have a young woman, thought James as he trained

his binoculars on Locke's bedroom window.

Actually, the young woman didn't seem to mind. She panted excitedly

as Locke stripped off her dress and lowered her to his bed...

Disgusting...why didn't Locke turn out the light? Why didn't he lower his


But James realized that, if the old goat actually did those things, there'd

be nothing to watch tonight.

And he, James, might as well climb down this tree, slip through the fence

and make his way back to the jungle.

But the jungle was short on entertainment. Generally Locke's antics were

the only show in town.

Maybe he ought to let Kate catch up to him?

Only problem was...he couldn't stand Kate. Not after Juliet.

Juliet at least had had some pride...she had never run after him screaming:

"James...wait! James...I'm here for you! James...we can make this right!"

James this, James that , James something else.

No. He and Kate could never make it right.

Once he had wanted her - but he didn't anymore. He would never want

her again.

Still - after Locke was finished (which always took a while) - he would

amble past the house Kate shared with three other women. He was

always relieved if he didn't hear her crying. He was always encouraged

if he didn't catch her staring out the window. It would mean she was

finally getting over him...

And James wasn't a monster...not anymore. He sincerely wanted Kate's

recovery - he wanted her to regain her self control. He wanted her to

find someone else.

Were Kate not around, James would consider returning to the group. He

was reasonably sure he could convince Locke to accept him back. It

wasn't as if he had nothing to offer...

Especially to the remaining women. But James wouldn't mention

that part.

There was a sharp, feminine cry from Locke's bedroom: James adjusted

his binoculars, eager for a glimpse of the extravagantly-stacked object

of John's affections. But, as if sensing his presence, the old man chose

that particular moment to turn off the bedside lamp.

James sighed in frustration and swore under his breathe.

Dammit. Just when things were really getting interesting. Locke's

Braless Wonder was blonde enough to glow in the dark...

As, in all fairness, was Locke's blazing white ass.

But, unfortunately, no spectral glow showed through the darkened

bedroom window.

It was going to be a long, long night.

* * * * *

"...Has a caterwaul that reminds me of my mother's old house cat just

before she used to..."

"Shut up, James...just shut up!"

"What's wrong, doc?" He looked into Jack's livid face and smirked.

"You're a corn pone pervert, you know that?"

"Well, there ain't no dirty movies around here." James drawled.

"That girl is under duress!"

"No...she's under John Locke. If Eva Braun were having any more fun,

it would blow her head clean off. Believe me, doc...I know women."

"Don't call her "Eva Braun" - she's not Hitler's girlfriend..."

"No? That's not how I see it."

"It's the Stockholm Syndrome," Doctor Jack said, as he took another

swig of his beer "That girl is a victim. Didn't they drag her into

Locke's camp with a bag over her head?"

"True enough," admitted James "It seems to be customary around

these parts. Maybe the "Others" can't get women any other way.

But, as rumor has it, John's bimbo hooked up with him before

he and Ol' Bug Eyes left the Hydra for the main Island. She must have

been scared as hell, when Richard's group grabbed her. But she sure

made a rapid recovery - once she saw her old boyfriend, all hot and

waiting for her."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Jack took his beer in large gulps. James sipped his.

"What do you want to talk about, doc? If it's Kate, I want no part of

the conversation. You're lucky she leaves you alone. How's the

doctoring trade?"

"What do you think? Lousy. I'm down to herbal remedies supplied by

Richard and that witch-woman, Amelia. I'm going to have to approach

John about..."

Don't bother, doc...he's busy."

"But he's the only one who MIGHT be able to get me supplies!" Jack

almost shouted. His hand clenched, crushing his beer can.

"Don't get excited, doc. Sit still and I'll get you another one." James

rose and headed for the small refrigerator where Jack kept his


"I suppose I shouldn't worry," Jack said, nodding his head in thanks as

James handed him another can "After all...everyone heals here, right?

We're on craphole-miracle Island, right? You don't die unless the damn

Island says you can!"

"Well...not always. Ben would have died if you hadn't operated on him."

"I wish I hadn't! Would we be here now, if..."

"I don't know, doc. They say you only do what you have to..."

"...I'm sick of it!" this time, Jack really did shout. He left his chair and

started pacing anxiously.

"For God's sake, doc...settle down. Do you want John's goons in here?"

"I'm beginning not to care, James. I don't care if they shoot me..."

"Well, I care. I'm getting off this Island..."

Jack froze. He stared at James, his eyes wide.

"...And I want you to come with me. I don't know if it's a real plan...I

don't know if it will work, but..."

"What are you talking about, James?"

"Some of it's observation. Some of it's just tidbits of information.

Stuff I've overheard while prowling around the compound..."

"How do you get into the compound, James? The sonic fence..."

"...Is not on every night. Apparently our fearless leader's made friends

with Smokey. I'm just careful to check it out, first."

"But how did you hear..."

"I was sneaking past the rec. room one night. Superman and Lois..."

"Come on, James!"

"...Locke and his girl were playing billiards. He was telling her about

a wheel..."

"A wheel? What wheel?"

"A wheel that can get you off the Island. Shut up and listen, doc. This

wheel, if you push it, moves the Island and sends you to the mainland."

"What else did you hear? Where is it?"

"I didn't hear nothing else...Superman took Lois over to the karate

mats. They didn't talk much after that - At least I couldn't hear anything

- aside from a lot of grunting and moaning." James grinned wickedly.

"Then you have no idea where this wheel..."

"Oh, I have an idea, doc. Can't swear, but I think I know where it is.

We lowered Locke down into an old well - and then that well disappeared.

I wager you anything that, if we tried to find it again, we could. And,

judging from Adolf's description to Eva, that thing might be big

enough to teleport two people off Island - if they push it together."

Jack was silent for a full minute. James waited patiently.

"Well, appears you've found your true calling. You've become

an accomplished Island spy."

"Got to get my jollies somehow, don't I doc?"

"But I hope to God you're right about this. I'll go with you...even if it

costs us both our necks. But why are you asking me to help you?"

James batted his eyelashes mock flirtatiously and smiled, deliberately

flashing his dimples in Jack's direction "Don't you know why doc?"

"Don't be an idiot's too late to turn over a new leaf. Just

answer me...why are you telling me all this?"

James paused, then looked up at Jack, his expression serious.

"I don't want to go alone," he said somberly "And I don't want to

die alone, if we're caught. Who else could I ask, doc? I don't want

Kate with me...I'd never get shut of her, if I take her along. Hurley

is crazy...and what does he have waiting for him off Island? Just

another looney bin. Miles is living with his father - he wouldn't

want to come." James grinned again, his humor returning "I'd take

Eva with me...Eva's hot...but how far do you think we'd get?"

Jack almost smiled back "Not very far. Even if you could persuade

Eva...Locke would miss his 2 a.m. shagging, wake up and sound the


James chuckled "You bet he would. He'd follow Little Eva right over the

ice. Not that she'd willingly leave him."

"Then it's just you and me James...two guys with nothing to lose. Let's

do it."

They shook hands.