There is a reason why this update has come so quickly after the last – I'm going on holiday tomorrow for like 10 days, so I can't update. This is to tide y'all over until I get back

Well, anyway, HELLO! Thanks for reviews, thanks for not thinking I'm dead and giving up on me. It's all very much appreciated.

Today we are avec les marauders again, because we haven't been with them for a while. There is a reason for this, in that Steve Irwin wasn't around when they were, and neither was Draco Malfoy from the chapter before.

This time:

Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July...

Disclaimer: I have nothing. Nothing. NOTHING! Just an odd imagination and a set of odd rules.


The exam season at Hogwarts was in full swing, and along with that season came the tell-tale signs of exam pressure. Girls fainted, boys cracked and screamed, and Severus Snape was being pranked more than ever, because James and Sirius were sick of studying and needed to let off some steam. Unfortunately for Snape, he was a very easy target. Easily provoked and easily disarmed, he was a straightforward prank subject that allowed James and Sirius to reap excellent rewards.

Today, they had used Wingardium Leviosa to float him up to the top of the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall in Hogwarts. There he hovered, shouting abuse at the two of them as they guffawed merrily below him. The students filed into the hall for breakfast, and most of them laughed along with the two most popular Marauders, though a few rolled their eyes and continued to eat breakfast as normal.

That was until Sirius stood up on a table and started to shout:


And, sure enough, the students could see slime running down the windows outside, like rain but greener. And more disgusting.

"SIRIUS BLACK!" Another voice yelled. Sirius paled, as did James. They knew that voice. That voice heralded more trouble than any other voice in the world, and they both knew that if they didn't get out of there, sharpish, the person who owned that voice would hex them both into oblivion.

They turned, slowly, wanting to prolong the time between them and the gruesome fate that awaited them. They were faced with a small, sixteen year old red head with emerald, almond shaped eyes and a fiery expression on her face. James and Sirius both gulped, and within half a second James' hand had jumped to his hair.

"Hi Evans" he said meekly; she turned on him with the full extent of her steely glare, and he took an involuntary step back, mussing up his hair a little more. Sirius slashed his wand through the air, causing a large puff of pink smoke to appear and showering those around it with sparkly glitter. One can, after all, never forget the sparkles.

Using this as a distraction, James and Sirius ran for it, up the stairs, and into the first broom closet that they could find, laughing hysterically despite themselves. James stretched his hand out for a high five, and Sirius smacked it, saying

"I think we got away with that one, mate"

Just then, the door opened and they were cast into shadow by a woman with a severe bun and a grim expression on her face.

"Well, Mr Potter and Mr Black. Why, may I ask, are you in a broom cupboard?"

"We wanted some alone time" Sirius winked, and James slapped his hand against his forehead. He loved his best friend, he really did, but he was a complete idiot sometimes.

"Well, perhaps you should come out and join me in my office, and then you can continue your alone time later" she snarled, and they filed out, James' faces flushed with embarrassment, and Sirius looking perfectly relaxed; either he didn't realise the double meaning to the words, or he just didn't care. James didn't bother to work out which.

"Now, I am absolutely sick to death of giving you two detentions. You, combined with Mr Lupin and Mr Pettigrew, have written more lines than every other pupil in this school put together. You two have your own drawer each in the records of detention slips and you have not even reached your NEWT studies yet. You have had at least 20 detentions under every single teacher at this school, and a great deal more under my supervision. I am sick of punishing you!" McGonagall ranted at them, whilst they beamed in pride and pretended to blush and curtsey

"So you're not going to punish us?" Sirius asked cheekily, receiving a glare to make him shut up.

"Oh, yes I am" she held out vials of a familiar looking potion that they were sure they had been given once before "You have to drink this"

They looked at each other nervously, then drank it, shrugging. This was Minnie after all, she wasn't about to poison them.

"Now, Potter. Make Sirius laugh"

"Erm…do you remember that time when we set Minnie's desk on fire and enchanted it to sing heavy metal music, then chase Snivellus round the caste?"

Sirius' brain was sending the signals for laughter, but he couldn't do it. A smile lifted his lips, and he tried as hard as he could, but he just could not laugh.

"YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN!" He screamed, pointing an accusative finger at McGonagall "YOU'VE STOPPED OUR LAUGHTER!"

"Yes, I have. And you two will not be able to laugh until you do something nice for Mr Snape to make up for your appalling behaviour today. Do I make myself clear?"

"Minnie, we don't know how to be nice to Snivellus!" James cried "Sirius is allergic to it!"

"It makes me snuffle" Sirius said quietly, shuffling his toes, and the transfiguration professor and his best friend stared at him for a moment, before James, deciding it was much better for all their sanity to ignore this, continued

"Anyway…this is an impossible task!"

"Then, Mr Potter, you better get used to not being able to laugh anymore" she said, with a tone of finality which signalled to both boys that they were dismissed. They left her office, muttering darkly, and she smirked to herself when the door closed. They might be the marauders, but she had taught them for five long years. She knew some pretty damn good tricks herself.


The best friends were sitting together, miserable, at their table in Charms class. Flitwick had, originally, sat them as far apart as he possibly could, but that was useless because within two weeks they had worked their way across the classroom and were sat together on the furthest table away from the tiny professor. Lily Evans, of course, had noticed, and rolled her eyes derisively at them. Sirius rolled his eyes back, thinking that she was a stuck up, stuffy so-and-so, but James' heart fluttered because Lily had looked at him.

However, James' heart was not fluttering today, even when Lily walked past the table and glanced down at him. It gave a feeble little wiggle, and then went back to being miserable. The boys just could not work out how they were going to be nice to Snape.

"I mean, we can't say something nice because the potion will know we don't mean it" James sighed, ruffling up his hair unconsciously.

"We could try, I suppose" Sirius replied, also in a sigh, "But I don't want to compliment Snape!" he wined "There's nothing to compliment!"

"Wait…Sirius. Think about this"


"Yeah well, think harder. I know it's difficult for you mate, but think. We're not going to do this, right? We can't do something nice for Snape, we just can't!"

"Yeah, well, we have to, don't we, Prongs? Otherwise we'll never laugh again"

"Well, unless…unless we do something to annoy Minnie so much that she makes us see that this won't affect us. Then she'll take it off!"

"That's a stupid idea."

"Do you want to be nice to Snape?"

"…Annoying Minnie it is, then!"


Severus slammed his book shut in the library, where he was studying with Crabbe, Avery and Nott. The book was heavy, and old, so when it was slammed so aggressively it released a cloud of dust, which the other three coughed and waved at in an attempt to make it go away.

"I'm sick of this. Who needs Ancient Runes?" he muttered, more to himself than to the others

"People who want to speak Ancient Runes" Crabbe smirked, clearly pleased with himself for his quip. Severus rolled his eyes, and opened the book again, knowing that he did have to study. But the symbols were all slipping before his eyes; his mind had been rendered incapable of concentration, and he knew full well that he wasn't going to learn anything that afternoon.

"I wish it was Christmas" he murmured crossly, and the other three grunted their agreement.

Little did they know that a boy with messy black hair and hazel eyes was behind the next bookcase; he had come into the library in the hopes of "bumping into" Lily Evans, and had instead found the group of Slytherins. Pausing to listen, he caught Snape's wish for Christmas, and cocked his head on one side thoughtfully.

"What on earth are you doing in here, Potter?" said a voice behind him. He loved that voice, even when it was threatening him "I didn't even think you knew where the library was"

He turned and saw the original reason he came to the library: Lily.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Evans" he said, tipping her a wink as he started to walk out, now needing to find Sirius "Maybe you'll find out some day"

She stared after him as he left the library and, to her surprise, felt a slight smile on her lips. Noticing, she shook herself and concentrated on the books in front of her. James Potter was an arrogant toe rag, and a strange one at that, she decided, as she pondered over Trouble with Trolls and Living the Dream: Divination for Beginners.


I'm having a strange day Severus Snape thought as he wandered down the hall for his next lesson. And he was right; he was having a very strange day indeed. First, it had started snowing at breakfast over him alone; many people thought that this was because of his mood, because the ceiling sometimes snowed oner a particular person when they were angry. However, Severus wasn't angry in the least, he was thinking about how best to extract the maximum amount of juice from a sopophorous bean; cutting it up wasn't producing nearly enough for him. The other students, not knowing this, edged away from him as if he might spring and attack them at any moment.

After that, a small choir of house-elves had followed him round the castle, singing all the way through his transfiguration class and earning him a detention. He scowled, and told the house-elves to go away, but they just sang serenely and sang "God Rest Ye, Merry Hippogriffs" with ever more gusto.

During lunch, he had been treated to a full Christmas dinner, but when other people tried to have food from the same dish as him, they were repelled and sent thirty feet across the hall. This gave even more reason for people to think he was a lunatic, and yet more people backed away from him, thinking he would almost certainly spring and attack at any moment.

He was now walking to Defence Against The Dark Arts, alone. He was alone because he liked to get to places early, and his friends saw little point. He heard a faint whisper from above him, and when he looked up, he found himself being summoned by the Accio charm somewhere. Suspecting who it was summoning him, he sighed resignedly and waited for the next prank. He couldn't really expect to go more than one day without a wedgie, could he?

To his surprise, when he reached his destination, it was a deserted corridor with a cave towards the end of it. Walking towards this cave, he suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of thirst, when he spotted a bottle of water perched on a piece of stone that was jutting out. His thirst was so great that he blew caution to the wind and drank from it. Immediately, he began to feel very strange.

Very, very strange.

"IT'S CHRISTMAS!" He yelled, reverting to his childhood self and sprinting towards the cave, barely noticing the sign saying "Santa's Grotto" next to it.

He ran in, and found an old man with a long white beard. It was now clear to him; this was Santa Claus, and all he had to do was sit on his lap and tell him what he wanted for Christmas. This was what he had to do, and then all his Christmas dreams would come true.

He ran, jumped on the man's lap, and began to list:

"Hello Santa! For Christmas this year, I'd like a potions set, a wizards chess board, a book on Defence Against The Dark Arts and a really good broomstick" He swung his legs, wrapping his arms around Santa's neck, who wheezed slightly, but Severus paid no attention, continuing, "And I'd like a pony. I know it's a lot, but I've been really, really good this year!" he weedled, looking up at Santa with big, black eyes, fluttering his eyelashes.

Those same black eyes met with amused blue ones, and Severus immediately snapped out of his reverie. Looking around, he gasped and flushed in sincere embarrassment. He was in a fake Santa's Grotto, sitting on the Headmaster's lap, cuddling him and asking him for various presents. As well as calling him Santa. Oh Merlin.

He jumped off, and Dumbledore chuckled.

"I think that it may not be too difficult for me to procure those particular items" he laughed "though I should suggest that you ask Hagrid about the pony"

Severus flushed even deeper, and ran out of the room and down the deserted corridor. At least, he thought it was deserted. Two boys were hidden behind a corner that Severus didn't notice, desperately wishing that they could laugh to relish in this moment.

"Why, boys?" they heard a voice behind them. They turned round to find Dumbledore, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Well…Minnie gave us a potion so we couldn't laugh" James explained

"And only she can reverse the effects" added Sirius

"But she said we had to do something nice for Snive- I mean, Snape"

"But we couldn't, so we decided to do something to annoy Minnie to show it wouldn't work, so she'd give up and give us our laughter back"

"Then we heard that Snape wished it was Christmas"

"So we annoyed Minnie and were nice to Snape all in one!" They ended together, beaming. The headmaster beamed back at them, and muttered a spell. The boys turned towards each other, thought of what had just happened, and burst out laughing.

"WE CAN LAUGH!" screamed James

"HALLELUJAH!" yelled Sirius "PRAISE DUMBLEDORE!" then, to everyone's great surprise, he dived at Dumbledore and hugged him, overcome with joy and getting his laugh back.

"Now, there is a simple matter which I would like to clear up. Why on earth did you choose to make Mr Snape sit on my knee and ask for presents in May? I understand he wished it was Christmas, but there are many other ways of making a person happy"

The boys grinned, then shrugged, and said in unison;

"There's no rule against it."


There we are, I hope you enjoyed it remember to review on your way out, guys!

Any favourite lines?

Also, which was your favourite chapter so far? I have to say, mine is the Oliver Wood one thanks to Maniac In The Making for all your help on that.

Anyway, 'til later then