"Mario! We just got a phone call from the KayArt Television Company! They're getting our new TV to us today!"
Mario got up excitedly, spilling his spaghetti all over his front. He sighed in defeat.
"What time?" he asked as he cleaned himself up.
"In like….an hour!"
"Alright! Couch potato city, here we come!"
"What's this about potatoes?" Princess Peach asked as she walked in. It was a well known fact that Peach was a potato-holic.
"Not CHIPS, Peach! Couch potatoes! We're getting our new TV today!"
"Oh?" she asked with little interest. "And what TV is that?"
"The Soul-Sucker 3000!" Luigi gloated, relishing in the title. "The first of it's kind from the KayArt Television Company! Pretty neat, huh?" Peach rolled her eyes.
"Wouldn't Mushroom cable suffice?"
Mario gawked. "Are you kidding, Peach? This TV is the hottest thing on the market! Its got 1000 channels! Do you even know why they CALL it The Soul-Sucker??"
She shook her head, raising her eye brows. "Nope. Why?"
He opened his mouth to speak, then stopped, closing his mouth.
"I, uh…..don't know. But I'll be sure to ask the manufacturer."
"Whatever." Peach walked from the room, grabbing a bag of chips. "Call me when you're done playing with it. I'd like to watch the Spanish station."
Luigi made a face and asked Mario, falteringly, "The…..Spanish station?"
Mario shrugged in disgust. "She has a thing for one of the guys on a Spanish-soap opera." They both shuddered in revulsion.
The doorbell rang, and the plumbers looked at each other. "It's here!" they screamed at once, racing each other to the door.
"This…… is good." Mario was seated on the left hand side of the couch, with a six pack of Root Beer and two bowls of popcorn. He looked up and snapped his fingers in thought. "No, 'good' isn't the right word. Hmm…"
"This is better than good………….it's sweet." Luigi was seated on the right hand side of the couch, with a six pack of Orange soda, one bowl of popcorn and a bag of Tootsie Rolls.
They both looked at the remote control, then at each other. They jumped for it at the same time, fighting and arguing.
"I ordered it!"
"I was the one who found the advertisement!"
"I paid the delivery man!"
"Why don't you flip for it?" suggested Peach. They looked at her in surprise.
"Why are you here? I thought you didn't want to watch it yet."
"I'm here for the chips, and the entertainment of watching you two. Why don't you flip for it?"
"Ok," they grumbled as Mario found a coin. He called heads, Luigi called tails, and the coin landed on its side.
They watched the coin for ten minutes, waiting for something to happen. Peach shrugged and jumped down from the table she was sitting on. The coin vibrated and fell, revealing Mario as the winner.
The triumphant plumber planted himself back on the couch, flipping channels. There were A LOT of stations here, people! Twenty cooking channels, fifteen nature related ones, seventy HBO's, anything and everything you could think of. Luigi was enjoying himself as well, but kept glancing nervously at the remote, frowning.
"Don't you think your fifteen minutes is up yet?"
Mario checked his watch nonchalantly. "Mmm………Nope. Still got 30 seconds."
Luigi eyed him testily, biting his lip. Then he jumped on his brother.
"I can't take it anymore!! Give it to me!"
"Come on, buddy! Just…21 more seconds….aaggh! No biting!"
They wrestled and fought and fumbled with the control. The remote itself was rather large, it was a foot long and six inches wide. It fell on the floor loudly, and the brothers fell off the couch in pursuit of it. They both had a grip on the immense toy, and buttons were pushed in the process. One of the buttons, an odd black one with no symbol, was pressed by accident. A strange, low, humming noise was heard, and the plumbers disappeared without a trace.
Luigi looked around cautiously, covering his ears. There was a loud, indescribable noise, and he couldn't see past his own hand.
"Mario?" he shouted.
"Yeah?" His brother came into view, squinting his eyes, unable to see.
"Where the heck are we???"
"How should I know?" he yelled back. Luigi walked blindly through the mess, and bumped into something hard.
"What the…" He placed his hands in front of him. It was as if there was a clear wall in front of him, and he could barely make out a room on the other side. The room looked vaguely familiar.
"Uh, Mario?" he shouted. His brother found him.
"What up?" Luigi pointed, and Mario stared.
"Isn't that….no, it couldn't be…" They watched through the invisible wall in horror to see Princess Peach walk into the room, looking around curiously.
"That…that's our living room!" cried Mario. They stared at each other, terrified.
"We're stuck in the TV!!"
"Ok, let's get this straight," began Mario, trying to make himself heard over the noise. "We ordered the TV, we watched the TV, we fought over the TV, and now we're IN the TV??"
"So this is what snow is like," commented Luigi, looking around at the empty space except for the black and white fuzz that surrounded them.
"Do you think Peach can hear us?"
"Let's try," said Luigi. After several grueling minutes of jumping and shouting and hopping and singing and dancing-oh, wait. Never mind.
"She can't hear us," Mario panted. Peach flopped onto the couch, picking up the remote.
"Oh well, my turn." She gave a little shrug and pushed a button. The snow on the TV went away, and Peach eventually figured out how to change channels.
"Ooh, infomercials! I can't resist these," she said. The lady on the TV was smiling, advertising for some glowing light. Peach watched with much interest, memorizing the number on the bottom of the screen. She looked up, and by a split second missed Luigi testing the light.
"She didn't see us!" whined Mario.
"These things are sweet!"
"Luigi! We have to get her to stop changing channels! Do you have any idea where we could end up?"
His younger brother shrugged, not seeming to care. Mario slapped him upside the head.
"Luigi! We could end up on a Spanish soap opera!"
"Eep." Luigi dropped the toy, running with Mario away from the commercial. They ran to the front of the screen, pounding on the glass just as Peach tilted her head back to chug some orange soda.
"Peach! Peach, can you hear us?" She looked down and quickly changed the channel.
"Oh, yeah! This is Croc Week on Animal Planet!" Peach munched on potato chips happily, watching Steve Erwin and his antics. She didn't notice the Mario brothers, looking on with interest behind the umbrage.
"Hey, this doesn't seem that bad," commented Mario.
"Now, this gorgeous specimen," Steve began, hushed, in pure Aussie accent. "Is the great Australian crocodile! It has been known, to pull children off the beach……but I'm gonna wrassle him!!"
Steve advanced on the crocodile, but the reptile didn't advance on him. Instead, he bypassed the nature host and went straight for the bushes-where Mario and Luigi were hiding.
"Aaahhh!!!!" The two ran in view of the screen, screaming at the top of their lungs. Peach laughed with her mouth full.
"Hat's sho funny! He gosh affer the chiviliansh!" The plumbers were running too fast for her to get a good look.
Mario and Luigi were backed into a corner of trees, trying to climb onto each other.
"No more! No more! Make it stop!"
"Poor Steve. The crocs don't love him." Peach shook her head, suddenly growing serious and changed the channel again.
Mario and Luigi looked around them, now aware that they were out of danger. They jumped out each other's arms quickly, brushing themselves off and looking away.
"Where are we, anyway?" They looked to their right and saw three girls, two fighting over some clothing and one of them simply standing.
"This is my sweater, Monica!"
"No, you just borrowed it from me for the last, like, year, Rachel!"
"Guys, guys," another blonde cut in. "Can't you just, like, share it or something?"
Mario and Luigi exchanged terrified glances. They looked at the door as two men walked in. Chandler and Joey?!?
"Not 'Friends'!" The brothers shouted. "Anything but that!"
"Who are you?" asked Rachel, as everyone started to notice the plumbers presence. Peach wasn't in the living room, she left to get more chips.
"What are you doing in our apartment?" demanded Joey.
"And what are you doing tonight?" asked Monica, letting go of the sweater and walking to Luigi, sliding her hands up his chest and around his neck. He smiled broadly, pushing his shoulders back .
"Not much baby. What about you-ow!" Mario grabbed his ear and dragged him to the front of the screen. "Ow, ow, owe….."
"Peach?!?! Are you out there?? Answer me!"
"Get out of here!" yelled Chandler, pushing the two out of the door. Peach flopped back on the couch with a new bag of Utz, and changed the channel again.
"Hmm, I've never seen this show before," Luigi and Mario sat in a darkened theatre, with another man and two robots. There was some weird sci-fi movie they were watching, and the last three kept making fun of it.
"What is this show anyway?" asked Mario.
"Good Lord, don't ever mention 'Whose line is it anyway'!" exclaimed Crow. Mario punched him in the face angrily.
"I never said that!"
"This is MST3K, Mario. Remember? All they do is riff old movies, all the time."
Luigi had spoken too quickly for his older brother. "MS…P, D…….J?"
"Hukd on funikz wurkd fer mee!" said Crow.
"Shut up!" Mario punched him again, and Mike started shouting.
"Hey! We're TRYING to smack these stupid movies on our lost-in-space-ship! So sod off and stop beating my dorky robots!"
"Why don't you make me?" growled Mario, short on patience with this entire situation.
"Who's a dork?!" demanded Tom. Luigi cringed and slid down lower in his seat, pulling his short collar around his face.
Peach frowned as the man between the robots rolled up his sleeve and punched a shorter, fatter man. Pretty soon it was pandemonium; Nuts and bolts and bits of cloth were flying everywhere, and litanies were exchanged. "Mama mia!" "Unhand me sir!" "So I'm a dork, now, am I Mike?" "No! not my hat!" The film eventually stopped in a flash of white and black. "Stupid…." said Peach. "And I always thought there were only three of those guys…"
Mario looked up, trying to free himself from Mike's chokehold. "No, no, no, Peach! Wait-" But Mario was too late, and the channel was changed.
"Yeah, now this is my kind of show." Peach licked the salt off her fingers while she watched…. 'Mi Destino Eres Tu'!
"No! Not the Spanish station!" groaned Mario.
"Now she's gone too far!" Luigi stormed past Sergio and Elena just as they were kissing. "Put your shirt back on!" he shrieked, pointing at Elena. "You don't want the kiddies to see that!"
"Rareza," Elena muttered angrily as she buttoned her blouse. Luigi walked to the front of the screen and shouted.
"Peach! If you don't look at the TV right now, I'll take away all your potato chips and,…..and give them all to Bowser!!" Peach glanced up from her soda suddenly, looking around.
"Who said that?"
"Here! Over here! The TV!"
"Oh, cool," she said. "A talking TV…"
"What's in the TV, Peach?? In the TV!" Peach looked and stared with awe.
"Dude…..How'd you guys get in there?"
"How should I know?" asked Mario. "Just please, before we do anything else, change the channel!!"
"Ok, ok, fine. You can have YOUR time with the TV, and Peach can't. Well that's fiiiine with me, buddy." Peach changed the channel to VH1, and the brothers breathed a sigh of relief knowing that they were safe as Dave Matthews was singing.
"Peach, we need you to get us out!" Mario pleaded.
"How? I don't know the first thing about electronics!"
"Go check the instruction book!"
"No wonder they call it the Soul Sucker," mumbled Peach as she left.
"And hurry!" Luigi yelled after he, glancing at Dave warily. "Why does he have to be singing 'I Did It'?" he asked, avoiding Boyd dressed in purple feathers.
"Hey, stuff it, bro. I like this song-agh!" He ran for cover when a band member in red ripped off Dave's leg and beat him with it.
Peach returned with the instruction booklet and checked trouble shooting.
"Ok….ok….oh! Here it is. 'In the unlikely event that someone should push the black button, resulting in their appearance in the television set, call our hotline number and we'll send you a rescue kit in three weeks."
"Three weeks?!?!" screeched Luigi. "I want out NOW!"
"Hey, this song is kind of catchy…….now," mentioned Mario, watching the music video.
"Hey, I got a bright idea," mimicked Peach sing song voice. She picked up the immense remote control and hurled it at the TV with all her might.
"Noooo!" screamed the plumbers as plugs and buttons exploded all around them….
Mario got up from the living room floor, achy all over. He surveyed the damage sadly as Luigi removed himself from the mess. Glass was strewn everywhere, and their TV was in shambles. The remote control stuck out from the screen at an odd angle, and now and then a spark would fly from the tangle of wires.
Peach slowly rose from her hiding place behind the couch.
"What a waste of good television," said Luigi sadly.
"What a waste of money," sighed Mario.
"What a waste of space," shrugged Peach as she picked up the ten empty bags of chips and left.
**Author's Notes : Yes, just another short silly story from the brain of ME! Well, more like a tirade about that newfangled "digital cable." It's all crap! I won't ask you to review, I know you guys hate begging. Just do your duty! ^_^ Hope I didn't offend anyone with the smacking of Infomercials, (which I like) Croc Hunter, (who I like) "Friends", (eh…..no comment) Spanish Soap operas, (which I also like) or Dave Matthews Band (with whom I greatly favor!) It was all in good fun, don't set me afire! By the way, 'rareza' means 'freak' in Spanish. Say it to your friend sometime, heck, call your brother over the phone and tell him what a rareza he is! ^_^ **