Title: Be My Lover Boy
Pairings: Jeff Hardy/CM Punk (JUNK), Codiasi, Centon, Jack Swagger/Miz, Matt/Jericho (MATTICHO), Edge/Christian (E&C), Rey Mysterio/Evan Bourne, Shawn Michaels/Morrison
Summary: Jeff gets seriously bored at a roster meeting, and his fellow wrestlers are far more interesting than the asshole preaching about budgets. Highlights slash couples.
Disclaimer: The WWE is not mine nor are any of it's child branches, it is the 96% property of the McMahon's and God bless the bastards that work for them. I respect the sexual preferences and identities of all the wrestlers on WWE roster, and who they share a bed with is really none of my business.
Warnings: Fun, multiple couples, cuteness and some perviness, bored Jeff, fluff! I also switch between actual names, ring names, and nicknames like a fiend (Ex: Christian, Jason, Jay), forgive me.
Jeff leant back in this chair, completely bored out of his mind. The entire roster had been called to sexual harssassment/budget meeting. The first half hand't been so bad, even getting a few laughs because…hey, this was the WWE after all. They were grown men who rolled around in a ring together with body oil and testosterone going everywhere. Inflated egos and tight spankees were everyday things, but more than half the roster had shown up. Those who hadn't would be getting a nasty surprise in their next paychecks.
Divas didn't have to come, because they were ladies and it was happy hour at the Cockpit.
The only one who bothered to show was Beth.
Jeff put his arms along the back of the chairs, sighing and looking up at the ceiling. Out of a dozen or so rows, some seats empty, he was almost dead in the middle so he could get away with not looking alert. Now it was all about budgets…guh, fuckin' economy and it's problems and shit. Whatever. He hadn't worried about money since he started his career, and he sure as hell wasn't going to start now. The guys had pretty much behaved themselves for the first hour, but it was more than forty guys in a room together.
Soon, no one was listening.
Jeff sighed heavily, pouting as he counted the tiles on the ceiling for the third time. A sharp, crisp sound alerted him to his lover beside him. The Hardy lifted his head, peering at the ravenette. His Punk had cracked open a bottle of Pepsi, sticking a red straw inside once he tossed the cap away. Without taking his eyes from the front, Phil started nursing at the drink.
Olive eyes caught a look at him from the side, his brow creasing, "You ok, Jeff?"
"I'm…bored" Jeff drawled "I can't take this, baby, I'm gonna hang myself from that rafter up there."
Phil glanced at the ceiling, "Jeffy, that's a drop ceiling, there's no way that thing can support your body weight for than a few seconds before collapsing."
"You always ruin my fun" Jeff crinkled his nose, slouching in his seat.
"I'm sorry?" the ravenette raised a brow "Find a way to entertain yourself, it can't last forever."
"Hmph" Jeff snuffled childishly, but gave in. He started running his eyes over the carpet, but found nothing but a bit of debris there.
Oh duh, of course! The realization smacked him upside the head, an affectionate tap really. He had entertainment all around him, his fellow wrestelrs. It wasn't the best option, but it was better than nothing.
Jeff looked around, spotting his first subjects in the third row toward the far left.
Baby Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. were there, sitting side by side as usual. Everyone knew to keep their hands off Cody, for the older man had laid claims to him at the tender age of eighteen and had refused to let another have him the way he did. To be lovers for that long, it was amazing. But Ted was fiercly possessive and incredibly loving, while Cody tended to come off shy sometimes and snippy the next. They were perfect for each other, and both incredibly handsome in their own rights.
Ted had his arm around the younger boy's shoulder, his face buried in his soft neck. He nibbled the skin there lightly, eyes closed as he savored the taste that was his own. Poor Cody was trying to concentrate on what the boreing man in a suit way up on the podium was saying, but it was an uphill battle. He was squirming in his seat, growing more antsy by the second.
Ted paused for a moment, letting his breath wash over the skin and sensitize it before diving in for yet another taste.
Jeff rolled his eyes at them, wondering how long it would be before Cody would have to excuse them both for a quickie in the bathroom.
Jeff's gaze went down the line, for on the opposite end of the row was John and Randy.
Oh, Centon, they were sweet to watch. Jeff couldn't help but notice how quickly Cena had cooled Randy's temper, leaving him a bit more quiet and laid back. Between them, they had enough money to retire on if they so wished. Rumor had it that they owned a large house together on an island somewhere south, but again it was only a rumor.
John was sitting beside Randy, his arm along the back of Orton's chair. John had his eyes on the front, but the younger man's were closed in quiet bliss. Cena was rubbing circles at the base of his lover's neck with his thumb, tracing the tattoos peeking out from under his shirt collar.
A grumble came from beside him, and he looked down his own row. Matt was dozing in his seat two empty chairs down from him, but his own boyfriend was having none of that. Chris had the end of his brother's dark ponytail between his fingers, using it to poke the younger man in the face.
Jeff remembered when Chris Irvine first started courting his brother, how the two of them had danced and flirted in circles until even Phil was dizzy from it. Jeff had protested venomously to the union, stating that Y2J-ackass wasn't good enough for his brother and never would be. Then, after seeing how perfect they actually were and how they complimented one another, he had to give in.
Matt couldn't have chosen a better husband (check the ring) than Chris, and his big brother adored those sweet children who now bore his name as a hyphen.
Irvine-Hardy…it was nice.
Chris gave a quiet snicker, poking the darker Hardy's cheek again with his own hair.
"Quit it, jackass" Matt swatted at the man's hand half-heartedly, still drozy.
"Haven't you slept enough today, you lazy thing?"
"Lazy?" a sable eyes cracked open, garling at the blonde "I'll show you lazy when we get home."
"You're fiesty when you're sleepy, ya know that?"
"That's my line."
Even Phil had to laugh at that, muffling the sound with his straw.
"Angel, you still look so pretty, even when you cut your hair."
"Back off, Adam, this isn't the time."
Those hushed murmurs…he knew those voices. Jeff looked over his right shoulder, seeing none other than E&C together. Well, that's what they used to be. Now it was the Rated R Superstar and Captain Charisma, but they were in love just the same. Adam was in the row behind Jason, but that hadn't stopped him. He had pulled his chair right up behind him, leaning over his shoulder and nuzzling his neck lovingly. His other hand was threading through short platinum hair, causing poor Jason's breath to stutter.
"Come on, Angel" Adam cooed "Don't be like that."
When Jay left for TNA, E&C had a falling out. Adam had felt abandoned, barely getting through his matches when his depression got so deep. But Jason wasn't a fickle man, he knew what his heart wanted and where it lied, and it was with Adam Copeland and no other. Not even AJ had gotten half as close, but he had tried.
So Jason came back to the WWE, but he was still kind of playing hard to get. Mostly because of all the rumors about Edge's sexcapades floating around, assaulting him even in the TNA locker room.
Adam wasn't being thrown off so easily.
Adam hummed lowly, curling around his sole lover's shoulders, "I know you want me, Angel, don't be bitter. I never laid a hand on anyone else, you know I didn't. You know you're the only one who does it for me, the only one I've ever wanted all for myself."
Edge groaned softly in frustration when he didn't get a reply, resting his forehead against the slighter man's neck, "How long are you going to make me suffer?"
Jason sighed, leaning back and brushing a kiss over the blonde's cheek, "Not as long as you'd think."
Jeff loved those two for the reason that they'd belonged to each other longer than any other couple he knew. Damn near a decade later this year, and that was saying something. They had their ups and downs, but they were the vintage couple. They were fucking each other before it was ok to be gay, and neither had ever really given a fuck what anyone said.
There was a heavy sigh toward his left, a muttered, so bored, and the soft pressing of keys.
Jeff shifted and looked over his left shoulder, not to surprised to find one of the WWE's newest couples. It had shocked them all, and it was still a little strange to see the two of them together.
The Miz sat there, leaning back in his chair with his plain black fedora overshadowing his icy blue eyes. It was strange not to see him in his sparkly ring gear, instead in his signature Chick Magnet shirt and a pair of dark jeans with gaping holes at the knees. His fingers were curled around his Blackberry, probably updating his Twitter or something. He clearly wasn't listening, quietly amusing himself with whoever he was talking to on the other end of his device.
His boyfriend of a few months sat beside him.
Jack Swagger (Jake) stretched his long legs out, his arms thrown over the backs of both chairs on either side of him. One of those massive arms were lazily curled around Mike's shoulders, clearly stating that the smaller man was taken. His dark sunglasses were perched on top of his head, dark t-shirt stretched tight across his chest. His jeans were more respectable, a bit faded but complimenting his muscles. Dark azure eyes swiveled around the room half-heartedly, much like Jeff's own had done not ten minutes ago.
No one had expected that relationship, no one. Well, expect Miz of course. As rumors went, The Miz had been the one to corner Jake and make him an offer he couldn't refuse. They had been a power couple in ECW, and somehow had both got put on RAW. Everyone liked to joke backstage (where they couldn't be heard by more than a few people) that Jake was The Miz's puppy, always following him around and obeying him.
Mike was a manipulative person by nature, nearly to the degree of insanity for anyone who'd seen him on The Real World. When he grinned, you could see the cogs turning and the evil intentions surface. At first, Miz had bound the powerful wrestler to his side with sex and pretty promises, but now…Jeff had watched them close carefully, and it seemed Jake had fallen completely in love with the Demon of Desire. Of course, from what he understood and from what Chris reported to him, they nearly had a fallout.
Something about Miz wanting sex in the locker room, right there in the shower cubicle, and Jake refusing on the grounds that he didn't want his lover shown as vulnerable to the entire roster. This had shaken the poor Emperor of Excellence so badly he didn't talk to anyone for two days, coming to terms with the fact that he was indeed loved and in love.
After that, they had been nothing if not on cloud nine. Jake was still his puppy, and they were seen together everywhere (usually with the oversized blonde carrying something of Mike's.)
Jake sighed again, rolling his head toward his lover and looking down at the small screen with disinterest. He craned his neck, nosing at the older man's shoulder.
"What is it, baby?" Miz asked lowly, eyes never leaving the screen.
Jack narrowed his eyes at him, though more in annoyance than any real anger, "I'm bore-d. Why aren't you?"
Jake pouted, dropping a kiss at the patch of exposed shoulder his nuzzling had revealed, "Bored."
"I heard you" Miz cradled his device in his lap, giving the blonde his full attention. He cupped his neck, leaning in so he could whisper into his ear.
"Is my sweet baby restless?" Miz cooed.
Jake nodded, mouth suddenly dry.
"Mmm, I see, I should fix that" Mike grinned, though his lover couldn't see the devilish intentions there "How 'bout this, Jacob. You be good for me now, you be sooo still for me, so quiet…and I'll give you something extra-sweet tonight."
Jake's cheeks flamed, but he suddenly looked extra-eager, "L-Like what?"
"Like you picking the toy tonight" Miz's hand drifted down the blonde's torso, the larger man giving a little gasp as his lover's hand squeezed his thigh "Whatever you want. But only if you're good."
Jake nodded, obviously not wanting to upset his lover but wanting the treat even more. He sat back in his seat, trying to look innocent and obedient. Mike looked him over critically, then gave a little smile and decided that he was being good enough. He settled back in his chair as well, picking back up his phone and resuming his silent conversation.
Jeff clicked his tongue at them, turning back around to the front.
"I think they're cute" Phil whispered in his ear, as if reading his thoughts.
"As your boyfriend, I should get some of those ESP powers too" Jeff stated off-handedly.
Punk shrugged, "What can you do?"
There was the sound of crumpling paper down the row from him, at the very far end.
"What are you doing?"
Jeff turned, brow creased.
Rey Mysterio (Oscar) was sitting beside Evan Bourne (Matt), both taking the last seats. Oscar had a piece of sturdy colored paper in his hands, folding it almost as if it were diamond-encrusted. The ravenette just shrugged at this, turning his young mind back onto the lecture. Oscar glanced at him nervously from behind thick sunglasses, and was that a faint blush? That dark skin made it hard to tell, but the second-gen star did indeed look as if he had swallowed a few butterflies.
Jeff watched him work that piece of paper, amazed when it turned into a very beautiful lotus-like flower. Oscar examined it carefully, smoothing a few corners, before nudging the dark haired man beside him.
Matt turned to him, eyes wide as he was offered the flower, "For me?"
Oscar nodded silently.
"Ah, that's sweet, man" the young high-flyer took the gift, a blush on his pale cheeks "I…I wish I could make stuff like this."
"You've got other talents" Oscar replied simply, lips quirking up in a smile.
Evan flushed deeper, "…thanks."
Jeff made a small sound of confusion, //Never saw that coming.//
"I did" Phil stated confidently.
"Quit readin' my mind!"
"Shhh" olive eyes narrowed at him, they had gotten a few looks "It's almost over."
Jeff sulked for all of two minutes, then went back to studying his colleges. There weren't that many couples left. There was a hissed stop almost directly in front of him, about two rows down.
Oh! So there weren't that many more couples, but there was one trying to be formed. Shawn Michaels, for all his new-born Christianity and his ever-lovely wife, now had his arm around John Morrison's shoulders and trying to coax him into something the younger man just didn't want. John had annoyed look on his face, those pretty features almost twisted in a scowl as the assault from the other kept coming.
Shawn was laying it on pretty thick, even going as far as to play with the obscenely younger man's dark locks. It was just a thing Shawn did. He found a bed-bunny for the road, someone who could warm his bed every night so he didn't have to take a chance with the groupies. Even though he had a gorgeous wife, she couldn't be around all the time. So now that Smackdown and RAW were traveling together, he had been trying to lead the not-so-naïve Morrison into his clutches.
As his tag-team partner Miz was devilish, Morrison was wise. He knew the game Michaels was playing, and obviously wasn't very happy with the fact that…one, Michaels would think he was so easy…or two, that he was going to be used like a whore and tossed out in the morning by a man who could've very well been his father in another life. Not to mention the similarities between the two, some even went as far as to call John
the next Heartbreak Kid.
Once upon a time, from what Jeff heard, Morrison had been madly in love with Shawn.
But Shawn didn't see the talent, just the piece of ass he could have.
What a dick.
"Stop" Morrison stated firmly under his breath.
"Come on, baby, I'll make it good for you-"
"What's stopping you?"
John fucking lost his temper, nearly screaming, "I DON'T FUCK MARRIED MEN!!"
Morrison stood up, slipping his signature shades back on before he strutted out of there. Jeff and quite a few others applauded him, Hunter snickering at Shawn from his seat.
"Shut up, Hunt!"
The man up front paused, but continued droning on and on about…whatever. Everyone groaned at this, hoping the little outburst would break it up, but reluctantly settled back into relative silence.
Jeff shifted in his seat, feeling something give in his many-pocketed Tripp pants. He felt at the pocket near his knee, grinning before he ripped the flap open and dug inside. With a little triumphant laugh, Jeff pulled out a bright red package.
Phil smiled at him in amusement, "See, Jeffy, I knew you had some Skittles on you."
Jeff remembered frantically looking for them when they were at home, and he also recalled throwing a fit when the building the meeting was in didn't have any vending machines. He shook his head at his childish antics, but couldn't give a fuck less as he ripped the top off the package and spilled some of the multi-colored candy into his palm.
Phil poked him in the shoulder, getting his attention. He silently offered his Pepsi, waggling his eyebrow to suggest a barter.
"Three skittles per drink."
Jeff crinkled his nose at his beau, "No way, darlin'. Two."
"One and a half."
"Two, then" Phil sighed in mock-annoyance, offering his bottle and taking the four Skittles he was given.
They each took their treat, unaware of Santino grinning at them. He turned and poked his girlfriend, who looked up curiously.
"Are they not cute, Bethy?"
Beth rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah, so cute…is this fucking meeting over yet?"
This fic was actually inspired while I watched these three boys in my Music Appreciation class get all on each other (apparently it's cool to be gay, and I'm not saying anything since they're actually kinda cute). There was one guy in the middle, and every time the teacher turned around the other two would start touching his hair or his shoulders. There was one time she turned towards the board and one of the guys grabbed his head and pulled him down into his crotch…
Ok, it sounds horrible, doesn't it? But then I started thinking about the wrestlers and…I begged my friend Corey to start poking me when I get lost in a daydream, because it's little crack-bunnies like this that come out.