Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
I'm a coward, not a fighter, disguised as a lover. - A Wolf In Sheep's Clothing; This Providence
My mind was going crazy. Thoughts raced through my head as I tried to figure out what I was going to do. I couldn't believe I had caused all this. Everything was my fault no matter what anyone said. It was me who had put my family in danger, me who had put Bella in danger. Bella. My Bella. I never should have let her come to the clearing with us. I knewthose other vampires were coming and yet still, I put my amazing Bella, the love of my life whom I had only just gotten to be with after almost one hundred years of waiting, in danger for my own selfish pleasure. I was an undeserving monster.
I watched as Esme took her upstairs to switch clothes. Although I could hear what Carlisle was telling me, I wasn't listening. All I could think about was that now that tracker was after my Bella, and the only way to stop him was to kill him. I knew I wanted to kill him for coming after Bella, but that was not who I was. I was not a killer.
I was a coward. A terrible, selfish coward. Although I was filled with anger and hatred for that tracker and I did want to kill him, I was afraid. Afraid that he wouldn't follow our false trail, that he would find Bella, that he would get to her before I could. I could not let that happen. I loved her.
I spoke those words as I kissed her goodbye. Although it was true, I felt like it wasn't enough, like I needed to say something more. I didn't say anything more though as I closed the car door. Bella rolled down the window and stuck her head out.
"Everything will be okay." She assured me. Her eyes glistened with tears but they didn't fall.
"I know." I murmured, although I wasn't so sure.
I leaned in to kiss her one last time and for once, it was Bella who pulled away first.
"I love you." She said.
"I love you too."
For just that moment, I felt like maybe I wasn't a coward. Maybe everything was going to be okay. I was just a man in love trying to do the best he could, and that was all I could really do.