I don't own Twilight as much as I wish I did, I don't. Mrs. Meyer is the luckiest chick on the planet! i do hope you read, review and ENJOY!

thank you! mim a/n at the end.


Alice laid Bella out on the living room couch. I watched as she stroked Bella's hair and whispered comforting things. Esme had sent Rose to her room to spend some quiet time reflecting on her disrespectful attitude, that Bella is a part of the family and we all needed to support her.

"Alice, can you see anything at all?" I could feel Alice as soon as Bella fainted, but Bella herself was still a black hole. Alice took a deep uneeded breath and closed her eyes face scrunched up in consentration. She sat absolutely still, then she let out the breath and looked up at me with a sad smile. "She's still so fuzzy Jazz. I can see the new table Esme wants in the house in Alaska and I can see what Emmet's going to get for Rose to help her calm down, but Bella is still out of focus. Like she's there, but she isn't. I don't know what to make of it!"

I placed my hand on Alice's shoulder and sent her a wave of love and calm. "It'll be ok Darlin'."

Alice didn't look too convinced. "But, you heard Jane, she could be lost! What will we do to help her? I hate being blind!"

"We just love her Ali."

I could feel the lightbulb in her mind light up, "Maybe phyisical contact would help you feel her Jazz? What could it hurt?" I wasn't sure, but I did know nothing good ever happened when anyone said things like that. I knelt down next to Alice in front of Bella. It was odd being so close to her. I don't think that i've ever been this close in all this time; it was nice not wanting to kill her. I put my hand slowly on top of her hand and tried to feel anything from her.

Suddenly, I got a shot of surprise. I grinned, "I surprised her!" Alice's eyes lit up. Esme grabbed Carlisle's hand and they exchanged happy looks. I heard Emmet rush from his fight with Rose and come tumbling down the stairs, grinning like a fool. Then I pushed out a wave of calm and love to her. Perhaps she could feel me? Just as I projected the feelings out to her, Alice squealed and closed up her feelings again.

"I'm so sorry Jazz! I didn't mean to frighten her! Bella, can you hear me? It's Alice, we miss you so much and we want you to come back to us! Can you hear me?" There was a feather light touch on my arm. I looked down and saw that it was Bella's hand. Alice smiled, "Can you open your eyes?" Bella's hand squeezed my arm again as her eyes fluttered open.

Emmet rushed to her side as well as Esme and Carlisle, who smiled tenderly at Bella. She looked very confused. "I think we should back up a little, she looks a little overwhelmed..." The others backed away a couple of steps and sat down in different areas to give her a bit of breathing room. I went to stand up, but Bella pulled on me and looked up with crimson red eyes. She looked so lost, "It's ok Bella, we're all here to help you." She slowly sat, up not removing her hand from my arm and looked slowly around the room. She looked into everyones face and then looked back to me. I could feel her confusion, "What's the matter Bella?" She looked back to me and gave me a timid smile.

"Do you know who you are?" She nodded her head.

"Do you know where you are?" Again she nodded.

"Do you know who we are?" She rolled her eyes and nodded her head again.

"Do you know what you have become?" She looked at me with curious eyes, and slowly lowered her eyes to the hand not on my arm, which she raised to her cheek and gasped. Then she looked at me with shocked eyes, and nodded again. "Vampire..." She whispered it so low I almost couldn't hear her. I nodded my head, and gave her a timid smile, hoping to reassure her, gently patting the hand that was resting on my arm.

She looked at my hand patting hers and I could suddenly feel her leaned forward to look closer at my injured hands, and when she looked at me I just shrugged.

Then it all happened so quickly: Alice gasped, I could tell she was seeing something; I made to move to her but Bella grabbed my injured hand too tightly and I hissed in pain. Alice's eyes were coming back into focus. Carlisle moved Esme behind him and Rose appeared at the top of the stairs. Emmet backed to the stairs to protect Rose. Everyone moved too quickly and spooked her. Then she said the one name no one was ready to voice aloud, "Edward..."

We all looked between each other, and I could feel the heavy weight of sadness, confusion, frusteration and apprehension. What would we tell her?

I shook my head, I didn't know what to tell her. I looked to my Alice, pleading, "Tell her Jazz. She deserves to know." Everyone's eyes suddenly found the floor very interesting. I turned to Bella and took both of her small hands in mine, "Bella, Edward was lost in the battle with Victoria. There was nothing we could do, I'm so sorry."

Bella looked confused for a second. She looked around at the family, and finally down at my hands. She gasped, "Lost? GONE? WHERE?" I cringed as each of her words got louder. Her grip was becoming painful. She started breathing heavily, her chest was heaving, and she shook her head as she crumpled to lay back on the couch. I shot a warning glance at everyone to stay back. Bella started mumbling to herself so low and fast I couldn't understand what she was saying.

"Bella, we're all family. We'll help you. We love you Bella, and we'll all take good care of you. I promise..." I could feel her rage build into a furious thunder head, sparking and rumbling "No, you can't! You should hate me. HE'S GONE! And it's my fault! You saved me? WHY? Why didn't you just let me die? I WANT TO DIE!" I tried to calm her, but it was becoming quickly obvious that there would be no calming her. "no.. no.. no.. no.. NO!"

Suddenly I felt the flames of Edwards death consuming me. The change should be easier to go through than this! I could hear glass shattering all over the house, and the floor rumbling under us as Bella screamed. "Bella... please stop... you've got to stop... you're hurting us!" As suddenly as the pain began, it stopped. I lay panting on the floor, trying to catch my unnecessary breath. I slowly sat up to see the back window wall shattered, glass covering the floor like a shiny carpet. Bella was sitting in the corner of the room as far from us as she could get with her face in her hands.

She kept saying sorry over and over again. I looked to Alice, she was able to calm her the last time. Alice took a couple of hesitant steps toward Bella, looking as undangerous as possible. "It's going to be ok Bella. You just need to calm down, you're only hours old. We understand. We all went through it, too. Please don't be scared..."

Bella's head jerked up at vampire speed, shocking us all . She was crying, tears soaking her shirt as they streamed down her tortured face. "I'm so sorry." Then, as if she were the wind, she blew out the back door and was gone.

real life sucks huge right now! my husband lost his job, and im not working and no one is hiring! its too gay! and so i have limited access to the internet to update. so tell your friends and read and review my story, i do so hope you enjoy it as much as i enjoy writing it. thank you all!