He crumbled in every angry word I threw at him, taking a step back at every blow I gave him. He spoke again, clearly shaken.
"Forgive me, Miss Brandon, for imposing on you. I cannot tell you how ashamed I am of my actions. I will leave now and never bother you again." He backed to the door, his eyes never leaving my face, trying to memorize every detail.
I am sorry, I am sorry…
When he reached the door, he turned his back to me to open it, and spoke once more, his voice cracking from emotion.
"Goodbye, Miss Brandon. Take care of yourself," and whispering "I love you, my pixie," he closed the door.
Jasper, come back to me…
And, at that moment, black despair swirled around me, bringing more tears.
What have I done!!!
The door closed behind me with a soft click. I rubbed my eyes furiously, trying to keep the tears from falling, and I started walking towards the exit.
I hurried to get out of the hospital, to get away from her. Away from the woman that owned my heart forever, but didn't want me. My poor soul was shattered in a million pieces, bleeding. Is it possible to die from a broken heart?
As I kept walking, my mind was running crazy. How can this be happening? She was my everything, yet she sent me away with silly excuses.
What was she afraid of? Her scars? Did she really think that they would make any difference to me? She was my Alice, my woman, my love. Nothing could keep me away from her.
She was so broken, so confused…I could sense her pain, her loneliness and her fear those last moments in her hospital room. God, it hurts so much, I can't take it anymore….
People were giving me strange looks, but I didn't care. I pushed the exit door hard and, finally, I was out of the hospital. I abruptly stopped and collapsed on a bench.
My tears fell freely and I felt numb. My heart and my soul yearned for the small girl inside the hospital, and yet my mind ached to obey her command. Oh, yes, I am definitely crazy now.
What have I done? What have I done? How could I be so stupid? How could I be so cruel to him? I let my fear and my insecurities rule my mind, and I pushed away the most amazing man in the world. Tall, handsome, gentle, caring, noble…he was everything I was looking for and more; he loved me, he really loved me. And I hurt him…so much.
I could remember it all, so clear. Everything I said were a blow to his face, everything I did were a knife pushed to his heart. I shivered from my own malice. I may be ugly on the outside, but, in reality, I am hideously ugly on the inside.
You didn't mean any of those things you said or did…
But I had to be cruel to him. I had to make him go, I had to set him free and be happy without me.
You wanted to make him leave you, no strings attached. It was the only way so he could be happy.
I felt a stab in my heart at the thought of Jasper with another woman. No, I thought, he is mine! Mine! He loves me, he wants me…
My heart broke again as the atrocities I had committed against Jasper flashed through my mind.
I have hurt him….I have sent him away from me….I lost my only chance to love and happiness…and I am the one to blame….
"Jasper…Jasper," I cried, but he didn't answer. He wasn't here any more…I sent him away…
I lost him……
Out of nowhere, I heard a voice in my head, calling me, a voice I knew too well. "Jasper…Jasper…I am sorry…I love you…Don't leave me, please come back to me…." she was pleading.
I froze on the spot. I looked around, but she was nowhere to be seen. I heard her plea again and again in my mind, calling me, begging me. I was dying to go to her.
But she sent me away, she didn't want me. Her wish was my command and I couldn't disobey her. God, I was hopeless…
"JASPER!" her scream echoed through the hospital. I stood up and darted back inside the hospital. I was running now, in a hurry to be near her. I pushed the door to her room, but she didn't hear me enter. She was rocking herself, crying and calling me just like before.
"Jasper…Jasper…I am sorry…I love you…Don't leave me, please come back to me…." she went on and on. I approached her bed silently and was, once again, hovering over her small body.
"Alice", I whispered. She was immediately very still. "My pretty angel," I breathed on her face and her eyes popped open. She seemed both surprised and pleased to see me.
She stretched to touch my face, still crying, and I couldn't stand it any more. I put my arms around her, pressing her hard against my heart.
"Oh Jasper, Jazzy", she crooned, "I am so sorry. I didn't mean any of those cruel things I said." She was crying harder with every word she said. "I was so afraid you wouldn't want me with all these scars. I just couldn't believe you."
"I tried to push you away first to save myself from the pain of your rejection. I know, I was being silly, but", she paused, "I never knew what love was. And your loving me while in this messy situation was something my poor heart could not understand."
I covered her with kisses, smiling through my tears. "I know, baby, I know. Everything is ok now. Never be afraid again. I love you, always and forever. And if you will have me, I will give you the world." I kissed her passionately and suddenly everything disappeared.
He kissed me and, at that moment, a vision hit me! I was dressed in white, he was in a dark blue tuxedo, surrounded with flowers. We both stared at each other, full of love and adoration. Friends and family stood next to us, smiling to the happy couple. Our lips moved as we both said "I do". Then, I was in his arms, dancing the night away, two people becoming one.
I blinked and the vision was gone. But I was calm. I wasn't afraid anymore, I knew better now. Jasper loved me, and he would always be by my side. He would take my pain away and fill my life with joy and happiness.
I pulled away from his kiss and snuggled in his arms. I looked at my savior's eyes and grinned. "Jasper," I whispered, "I am not afraid anymore." I kissed him. "I love you."
He smiled too, taking my breath away. "Darlin', I love you too. Forever."