Sorry for the delay, but my mind went on holiday to France and forgot to invite me, leaving only just enough thought power to get me through my mountain of homework. I'm using this story as a bit of light relief, so there isn't really much plot at the moment. I hope you enjoy it anyway though. Owl X

Chapter 2

In which the editor discovers that, due to overzealous editing, the previous chapter had little to do with the title. The editor then proceeds to hum guiltily, but say, "Oh heck, lets carry on with the story anyway!" And so that is what we'll do.



Never before have I felt so useless. As if it wasn't bad enough not being able to torture that Bella when she was human, I then find that, now she's a vampire, she shields everyone. It's not fair!




I apologise for the break in transmission. Unfortunately, Jane has gone off on a temper tantrum and has neglected to continue writing for us. We will therefore be playing clips from the popular television series "Vampires do the funniest things" until Jane returns.



I apologise. I truly do. But sometimes my temper can get so out of hand. I have tried to do something about it, I really have. But there aren't any anger management classes for evil vampires who look like practically-eatable seven-year-olds. I did once try to go to one of the normal anger management classes, but, well… um… I got rather angry with the human running the class, and then... Aro got rather angry with me…

Well, he actually told me that if I ever risked exposing us as vampires again he would make me regret it. I'm not sure how he intended to make me regret it, as I really doubt Aro could think of anything that would scare me. He is just far too camp. And I'm his favourite. A position that I fully intend to exploit. Because, you see, I am going to try and convince him to fight the Cullens again. You could say that I'm going to set him on them. Oh, they really do annoy me…


I have to admit it- Jane is good. Almost up to evil genius standard. I am even willing to forget that she called me camp (I may have mentioned that seeing people's personal diaries is yet another amazing thing about being me), in light of her idea. A rematch with the Cullens. I just have to get all of their friends back to help them, and then we can have a proper fight. I can just see the headlines:


Oh yes. I'll be even more popular than I am now. Every vampire will know my name and want my autograph. Caius will be green with envy when I get all the credit (can vampires go green? I may have to test that out on the next person who annoys me). The Cullens will be obliterated. I'll get the mind reader, the psychic and the shield. Marcus will be less bored if there's a decent fight…


I wouldn't bet on it.


…I can put Caius in charge of fighting the werewolves and watch him scream. I can be acknowledged as the coolest vampire I the whole world. I can make Caius the laughing stock of the vampire world when I record him screaming at werewolves on my iPhone.

Yes, truly Jane is a genius. I may have to promote her.


I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I'm just a teeny bit apprehensive. My sister is absolutely overjoyed, and there must be a reason for it. A reason that I'm not sure I really want to know. Because, knowing Jane, it's something that will involve me risking my life. Again. Oh yes, it'll be evil, probably inspired, but I don't like to remember the 97.9982% of her plans that have failed, and the further 43.693% that have resulted in loss of life for a member of the Volturi.

But Aro will let her go ahead. He worships the very ground she walks on. I'm surprised that Sulpicia stands for it. But even she would fail to convince Aro that Jane's plan is a bad idea. Aro has very selective memory where my sister is concerned. Not that I'm at all bitter, of course…